


Loosen Your Grip For I am not Yours

by FluffyPieCake



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fight Club Fusion, Collage, Fanfiction, M/M, Musical References, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-08-23 00:29:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 131,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8306870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyPieCake/pseuds/FluffyPieCake
Summary: "You're jumping so high and expect me to do the same … But I'm not ready"





	1. 00

**Author's Note:**

> Did I say I won't start another fic? Shit.  
> Well, to justify myself, Mistaken is only missing an epilogue that would be posted soon, so it's not like anything has changed, just replacing one with another … ehm.  
> I hope you like this one!

"You're up next, into the ring, Styles!"

Harry nods as he grabs his gloves. There's a loud cheering behind him in the gym and he sighs.

"Payno!"

They're only two, but they're so loud, and Harry notices that 'Payno' guy is a new member. The brunette is literally hopping on his back dragging him down in a sitting position –Payno lost his balance because the other one pushed him from his front as well– and the dark-haired guy sat on his lap.

"What are you two doing here? Catching flies?"

The brunette scoffs, "Can't we hang around our bestie?" Payno rolls his eyes at the wording and the dark-haired guy tries to hold his laughter. "Besides, we're pretty tough, and the gym is our second home" The dark-haired guy nods and his eyes roam around the place.

Harry wouldn't have looked if they weren't loud in the first place, and it's not like they're not attracting other people's attention. But they are, and it took one glance to be hooked. While Payno has obviously the muscles, the two seems not the type at all, having a lean body, and showing no interest in working out.

The dark-haired guy surely has his attention with his big light-brown eyes, and even from a distance, Harry could see his long lashes. Probably make up, because the way his eye is shaped shows a thin line of black around his eyes.

"Well, whatever, do what you please, but leave me be" Payno says, clearly annoyed by their presence, and Harry doesn't blame him.

The dark-haired guy turns in his lap and gasps, in a way Harry could tell it's so fake, but he can't see his eyes widening from this angle, but he can only guess his already big eyes getting bigger, similar to a deer. He stands up grabbing the brunette arms and pulls him towards himself, "Come on, Tommo. We're too good for him anyway" They enter the boxing area and immediately rush to one punching bag, grabbing two pairs of gloves. They look like the irritating type. The 'having fun pissing others' type, but they have the looks that make people watch while they do whatever, and definitely the voice to alarm people of their presence.

Harry shakes his head when his name is called again and turns to get inside the ring. His trainer is standing outside, while his opponent, a fellow boxer, gets in as well. He wins the first round, then the second and the third, watching as his trainer sends him an approving nod and calling for another opponent. Someone shouts, saying that he's Harry's next opponent and Harry turns to find 'Payno' is the one.

The other two is soon by his side with amusing grins on their faces that Harry wonders if they're mocking him or Payno.

"Boxing? You're going to be disqualified by your first move" The brunette, or Tommo as he was called earlier, calls after him as he and the other guy lean on the ring.

Payno rolls his eyes, "I know the rules" he counters as he steps in through the ropes and gets in a starting position.

Harry focuses on his opponent instead of the two standing by the ring. Payno doesn't break any rules, and he's clearly done this before, judging by how he throws his punches and evades Harry's own. But something seems off, he curses sometimes when his eyes dark, like he wants to do an illegal move, but doesn't. And Harry wins the first round.

Payno groans as he hears two familiar voices of laughter near the ring but focuses on Harry again. Harry wins the second and the third round too. Normally, it's just training for Harry, and he doesn't do the full twelve rounds, just follows the amateur rules, but Payno seems pissed and he calls for another round. Harry shrugs and goes for it. He wins again.

Payno curses under his breath again as he leaves the ring, and Harry does as well. They haven't at least shaken hands, and he doesn't want to seem rude. Besides, the Payno guy seems to have something holding him back from using his full strength.

"Aw … It's alright, buddy" the dark-haired guy approaches him, but he sounds anything but genuine. It's a sarcastic tone, as Tommo still keeps his grin.

"You're new. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get better" Harry offers a smile and extends his hand, "I'm Harry" That gets all three to look at him. Payno doesn't accept his hand so he drops it to his side. Payno is glaring at him, while the other two look between him and Harry in silence.

"Sorry, he's a dick sometimes" The dark-haired guy turns to him.

"All the time" Tommo corrects for him and they both share a look with smug smiles.

"Sorry" the dark-haired guy repeats with a much softer tone, "I'm Zayn. This one here is Louis" he points towards Tommo, "and this big guy here is our lovely Liam" he grins at Liam then turns back to Harry and whispers, "He's at that time of the month-" but he doesn't get to complete his sentence before a hand covers his mouth and he's dragged back by Liam.

"It's true!" Louis shouts from behind him and Liam turns to glare at him as well as Zayn slips away. He joins Louis and pushes Liam outside.

"See Ya!" Zayn shouts as they continue to push a grumpy Liam outside.

If they planned to make a scene, they surely succeeded at that.

=====

"There's this tournament coming. It would be a bang! Think about the amount of money you'd win from it!"

"I'm heading for it" Harry nods as he opens the door to the restaurant.

"If you're lucky enough, you might attract some sponsors, and your name will hit the top!"

Harry is about to reply when he hears familiar loud voices filling his ears. His friend, Mike, looking confused and annoyed at the same time.

"Honestly, this restaurant is close to the campus. Can't they consider that there might be people who come here for peace? We can't even hold a proper conversation without being distracted"

Harry turns his head to look at them. Zayn and Louis are sitting in the corner, with six others around the table, all loud like them two. They appear to be having fun, annoying everyone else, like they intend to. But they're not kicked out, and Harry wonders why.

"Harry!" A shout from Louis once he noticed him causes him to freeze, as Louis stumbles on the table instead of passing like normal people and he approaches him with a wide grin. Mike raises his eyebrows at him and Harry mouths 'gym' to him. He told him about the three, and he nods slowly, turning his gaze to land on Louis once he's at their table, sliding on an empty space.

Harry smiles, politely, instead of groaning and asking Louis to quieten down and allow people to enjoy their time at the little restaurant. Or pretend that he doesn't acknowledge his existence at all, but he isn't rude, so he nods at Louis once.

"Haven't seen you here before, mate!" Louis' voice is still loud and annoying, but quieter than before. Might be his nature, Harry doesn't care.

"Would say the same about you" Harry would have noticed. He can't not to.

Louis shrugs and turns his head towards his table, Zayn catches his eyes and gets up, the same way Louis did, but with much ease, landing on the floor after a jump and sliding next to Louis with a smile similar to Louis. Harry can't tell if it's plastered or if it's genuine, and he'd judge normally from the person's eyes, but from a close distance, he can see Zayn's eyes clearly, and he stares. He's not wearing make-up, his eye shape is just pretty natural surrounded by heavy lashes. And the color seems to turn to amber as the sunrays land on them, almost golden yellow. Harry never thought someone's eyes might actually sparkle, but Zayn's do.

"Hey" Zayn says in a quiet voice as he greets both Harry and Mike. Well, at least one of them can be quiet. Mike nods at his direction and opens the menu instead of the awkward silence.

"Well, we normally don't mingle with the bookworms" Louis says making Zayn narrow his eyes at his direction. "This place is often crowded by disgusting fraternity students" he pauses. "You're not one of them, are you?"

"No … But-" Harry replies but Louis cuts him off.

"Good" he smiles widely again turning to Mike who shakes his head and looks up from the menu. Harry is actually applying with Mike this year, they're majoring in different subjects, but at the same university. He's actually annoyed at Louis' behavior.

"You don't seem to be that old" Mike speaks up, they're a few years behind themselves, and he may have regretted it, since not all people can afford going to a collage, but the two sitting with them are annoying as hell, and if he can get them to leave, he will.

"We're too good for this shit" Louis says with a wave of his hand and Zayn turns to him with an amused expression. "Anyway!" he says louder, "It was a pleasure seeing you here!" he turns to Harry.

"Same" Even if he doesn't mean it, Harry still says it.

Louis smiles widely again and gets up with Zayn. Mike sighs as they leave, but soon groans when he finds Zayn walking backwards until he reaches them again. He doesn't sit, just places a hand on Harry's shoulder and leans in.

"There's a party with our friends tonight, if you wanna come" he says quietly. "Liam has been an ass, but he's normally not. And since you're going to be gym buddies, I suggest that you get to know him better?" Zayn's close, and Harry would count his lashes if there weren't too many of them together, his eyes taking a chocolate brown color away from the light and Harry can't not stare. He's too caught up to come with a reply and he's glad when Zayn continues, "And since we're his friends, you'd see us along too, so we can all get to know each other" he leans back, straightening up and waiting for a reply.

"Sure" Harry agrees quickly before he says anything about Zayn's cheekbones or probably sing a whole song about Zayn's eyes alone. Zayn smiles widely pulling a pen out of his pocket and writing an address on a napkin.

"I'll wait for you then" he winks as he walks away, and Harry doesn't miss on how he chose to replace 'we' with 'I'. Zayn was flirting.

"What. Was that. About?" Mike raises an eyebrow at him but Harry shrugs him off.

=====

"Dude, The hell is this place?" Mike frowns as they come across a building near a deserted area. It's the right address, but it feels wrong. Harry continues to move forward until they reach the said building. There's a man outside, a bodyguard obviously, and they both wonder if this is some sort of an underground club.

"Your names?" The man requires.

"Harry styles, and this is Mi-"

"Get in" the man says after Harry introduces himself and they both exchange a glance before walking inside.

"Well … I don't feel easy about this" Mike mumbles as they hear loud noises coming from a specific door and they enter it.

Inside, it looks like an underground fighting arena. Two people are inside the ring, surrounded by a cage.

"See! I told you!" Mike shouts at him over the crowd's loud voice.

Harry spots Zayn, or Zayn spots him first, because he runs towards him with a big smile on his face. "You came!"

Harry's brows are knitted together and Zayn rolls his eyes, reaching to grab Harry's arm to lead him away from the arena and into a quieter room while Mike is following behind.

"Not what you expected, yeah?" Zayn turns to him with an amused grin. "I assure you you'd still have a good time. There's normally a celebration after the fights are over" he walks closer to Harry, breaking any private space boundary, "And the lights are down" he whispers. His eyes trail from Harry's lips to land on his eyes again, and Harry could swear Zayn's eyes are changing colors. The dim lights are making his eyes turn whisky-colored, and he notices a small brown freckle in one of his eyes as well.

Harry doesn't react though, doesn't let his hands roam or even his body shift. He stands still watching Zayn's actions when he steps back and turns his head towards the door.

"If it isn't the famous Harry Styles!" Harry turns as well to find Liam approaching him. "Let's get straight to the subject. I demand a re-match … My rules this time" he says in a deep voice once he is stood in front of him and Harry should say no, go home, and never interact with these people again. "Or are you terrified?" Liam leans back with a smirk, "Afraid that people would call you a chicken if you walked away now?"

Harry huffs a laugh, "I'm not afraid of you" Liam cocks an eyebrows. "Fine. You're on"

Mike's eyes widen, "Are you crazy?" Liam smirks and walks away while Mike approaches him, "This is illegal! And you don't even have to accept that!"

"Do you want me to accompany you to your seat?" Zayn offers from his place next to Harry.

Mike glares at him and turns back to Harry, "Harry. Don't"

"It's not a disadvantage. If you win you can gather a good amount of money" Mike turns to glare at Zayn again when he speaks up. He's sure they got all of this planned. _Very well_. "Stay or leave, your choice" Zayn directs his words towards Mike and then turns to Harry, "Let's go, champ"

"Lead the way" Harry doesn't let Zayn touch him this time and the latter doesn't seem to be bothered by it as he simply walks outside the room, "So this was your intention all along? Getting me back for Liam's sake?"

Zayn stops and turns to him with a smirk. There's something dangerous in the way he walks back to Harry as his eyes flashes with another thing that Harry doesn't like.

"You want to know my intentions?" he whispers as a finger comes up to Harry's chin. It's a light touch, he's not pressing, merely brushing the skin, then actually touches as he trails it down to Harry's shirt. "Let's just say it's yours as well" his eyes snap back to Harry's.

Harry raises an eyebrow, "Oh, please. Don't act innocent" Zayn continues, still in a quiet voice, not a whisper, but a bit louder, "You win, you get the money, and your prize"

"Forever?"

Zayn blinks, "For a night" he drags slowly.

Harry takes a step forward, "Not enough"

Zayn takes a step backward, and inside the small hallway, he's coming close to the wall. "That's all you get from me. And you _will_ fight for it"

"I'm fighting for myself. You're just a bonus"

Zayn pauses for a second, looking up at Harry through his lashes. "Cocky" he mutters making Harry smirk. In the next second he's fisting his hand in Harry's shirt and his lips slam into Harry's, and Harry would lie if he said he didn't like it. And he's had enough of holding back, if Zayn is willing to give, he'd take. One of his thighs goes between Zayn's legs and he backs him against the wall, kissing back just as hard, with both hands gripping at Zayn's sides.

Zayn pushes him back and slips away quickly, smirking and licking his lips slowly, "Well … You get your _bonus_ after you win" he starts walking backwards towards the arena, "But that _if_ you win" Harry straightens up licking his own lips, enjoying the taste of what they just had. He decides he wants more, even if it's a one-time thing, but Zayn is fit and beautiful, and he won't say no. "Which you won't" Zayn's words get him out of his fantasies and he blinks. "You'll lose" his smirk grows and he continues walking towards the cage, where Liam is waiting for him.

Zayn might think that he's only good at boxing, and that won't be enough for a proper fight. But he'll prove to him that he's dead wrong.

Once he approaches the cage he takes his shirt off along with his shoes. Zayn takes them but Mike quickly snatches them away from him. He rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck. Might as well put on a show for what Zayn would have after he wins. Zayn rolls his eyes at him and walks away with Louis until they're far enough from the cage, but still close to watch.

A man opens the cage for them to enter and explain to him that he's allowed to do whatever he wants, it’s only one round, and whoever goes limp or surrenders first is declared the loser. Death isn't an option, but injuries are normal. Harry could still hear Mike's shouting for him to drop it but he feels excited.

The cage close and the fight begins.

They move around each other at first, observing what the other might do, until Liam breaks it and goes for a quick punch. If Harry's allowed to do whatever, he's ready to test his abilities. He ducks and goes for a kick that stumbles Liam backwards, just in time to evade it. But Harry's quick, and he doesn’t waste time as he lands a strong punch towards Liam's face. Another and another punch knocks Liam against the cage until Liam kicks him in his stomach.

Liam spits blood, sporting an obvious broken nose, as he jumps on Harry again. But again, Harry is quick, and he takes a step backward. Liam's eyes are dark and predatory and they probably match Harry's, but Harry could feel the adrenaline rushing through his body. It's something new, all those people that starting to cheer him instead of Liam as they go on, which makes Liam angrier by the second. And really, it's another advantage for Harry, if Liam can't control his emotions, he's done for.

Harry manages to hold Liam on the ground as the latter seems already out of it and he leans in with a smirk, "Who's a weak chicken now?" Liam quickly goes for Harry's face but the latter leans away, holding Liam's hands and pushing him down again. Liam's eyes dart outside the cage and he smirks once he turns back to Harry.

Harry isn't biting the bait, and he continues his assault on Liam until he passes out or begs for surrender. Liam's body go limp under him and he stops, leaning back. He finally allows his gaze to go up and away from Liam, into the crowd cheering for him, and there's a man ready to announce him a winner when his eyes stop at a familiar figure.

Zayn. But he's not alone, he's sitting on Louis' lap, with his head tilted back, and Louis' face in his neck, hands in his pants as Zayn arches his body forward. He is sure he's moaning, but he doesn't hear it, and soon, Louis is flipping him on the bench and taking his pants off. Harry doesn't have to see the rest to know they're having sex, but he also doesn't _get_ to see it as Liam hits him with a surprise punch that startles him backwards.

Liam pushes him off and punches hard at everywhere he desires, making Harry wonder if there are places that shouldn't be allowed to hit, because fuck, Liam is strong, and he caught him unguarded. It's his fault for being distracted so easily, but Zayn is distracting him and he's glad he didn't look up since the fight started because he's sure he'd be long gone by now.

He manages to gather his strength back and pushes Liam off him with a few punches and kicks of his own. They both pant heavily, with blood covering their faces and bruises spread over their bodies. There's a moment when they stare at each other and the crows goes still in anticipation. Far away, there's a tiny voice that makes him dart his eyes for merely a second, but that all what it takes for Liam to launch forward, knocking him down and manages to strangle him, which again, Harry doesn't think is legal.

There's another moment when he can't breathe and he shuts his eyes leaning his head back. And his body is not in a condition to get up anymore.

Another moment of silence then he hears it.

"Ladies and gentlemen! The winner is Payne!"

Fuck. He lost.

He slowly brings an arm up to cover his face until he manages to get up and walk outside the cage. Mike is there with an angry look on his face, but also a sympathetic and a worried one. He grabs his shirt and Mike helps him with his shoes. One thing he's glad of, is that not many people are looking at him, and he makes his way to the exit when Zayn shows up, adjusting his hair back, obviously they're done now.

"Well, Champ. Guess you'd have your _bonus_ next time"

_Next time._

Zayn's face softens when he approaches him, both hands behind his back, "Sorry" it sounds like the first time they met. Zayn looking up at him with a soft face muttering a quiet apology, and he curses himself for not being able to glare down at those beautiful big eyes.

Harry is an idiot. He realizes that much when he allows Zayn to move even closer to him, shutting all those noises around him as he brings his lips softly to Harry's, and Harry closes his eyes.

_He is an idiot._

Because the next thing he knows, Zayn is jumping away and laughing so hard at him as something sticky falls on his head.

"Tommo!" Zayn shouts when he's done laughing, "Take me home!" he lets his weight shift back on Louis as the latter wraps his arms around his waist with a smirk of his own. Zayn doesn't break the eye contact until he's out of the door.

Zayn knew, that Harry would look and lose. He told him that much. They planned this from the very first moment those three got inside the gym.

They're just _catching flies_.


	2. 01

_Tell me something I need to know_  
_Then take my breath and never let it go_  
_If you just let me invade your space_  
_I'll take the pleasure, take it with the pain_

"That was lovely"

Harry watches as the blond –or fake blond, judging from the dark roots– guy looks up, a guitar between his arms and smiles brightly at him.

"Thanks!"

"I don't recognize the song. You wrote that?"

"Actually, my friend did. He's super talented" the blond pauses, "I haven't seen you around the campus before. You must be a freshman!"

"I am. Harry styles" Harry offers a smile with a handshake that the blond accepts almost immediately.

"Niall Horan. It's my third year here … Do you play something? Or do you do vocals?"

"I'm a vocalist, but I can play piano. _Sometimes_ "

Niall nods and offers to give him a tour around the campus, occasionally telling him the names of the professors, their personalities, and some of the students he shares his classes with. Harry had taken a tour before, him and Mike wandered around the place a few times, but Niall's company is fun. He's very cheerful, and Harry is glad he's already making friends that are actually useful around the campus. Niall told him about his friend, the one that writes for him all his songs, saying that he can write but prefers his friend's lyrics, and promised for them to meet soon.

Eventually, Niall leaves Harry for a class and Harry finds himself wandering alone inside the different halls. He doesn't start his classes until tomorrow, but he came with Mike who left earlier before he meets Niall for his own classes. He can hear some instructors explaining history or literature from a room, and some nice melodies from another. He likes it. Music is his passion, along with boxing, and he sort of pushing his limits at both sides, not sure which path is the one he's going to succeed at.

There's an empty room that he passes by, the lights are turned down, but the door is slightly opened, and Harry peeks inside to find only one person sleeping on one of the benches. Harry didn’t want to disturb the guy, but there's an opened notepad next to him, and Harry could guess that he's one of the students that probably got left behind, so he enters.

As Harry gets closer, he sees the person's face, and he doesn't know if he should push him off the bench to wake him up or act like a gentleman and leave him be. And there's no mistake in that face. Not those unrealistic eyelashes.

 _You make me feel like a piece of art_  
_Hanging on your wall, just like my heart_  
_Making shadows even in the dark_  
_I'm see-through but I won't fall apart_

Harry decides to wait as he sits next to him with the notepad in hand until he reaches with the notepad and keeps hitting his head. Just hard enough to make him wince and snaps his eyes open as his body jolts suddenly out of surprise.

"I thought you don't mingle with the low life students?"

Zayn blinks a few times at him. "I thought you're not one of them?" he says slowly narrowing his eyes at Harry but not making an effort in getting up.

"Your friend didn't let me finish my sentence" Harry points out, "It's still my first year … You write love songs? Never in a million years would have thought you doing that!" Zayn blinks again and Harry could see his eyes taking a beautiful mix of brown and green, making it look like it's deep olive colored. It's unfair, really. Harry hates him, but Zayn's eyes are captivating. "So you're attending here as well?"

Zayn gets up, snatches the notepad from him and closes it. "Not of your business"

The door opens and Niall walks in with a grin on his face, "Harry! I see you've already met my friend!" Harry watches as Zayn's eyes become wide and he freezes to his place. Harry on the other side glances between the two for a second before a wide smirk starts forming on his lips. _Interesting_.

Zayn turns to him with nervous smile, "We … did" the he gets up pulling Harry along too, "He asked me in fact to … Show him that … room"

"No I didn't" Harry interrupts and stands still when Zayn tries to push him to go.

"Look, Styles. You get what you want, just not here" Zayn whispers to him, turning his head so Niall won't see him mouthing those words. But Harry doesn't move, keeps his smirk, and doesn't give Zayn what he wants.

"No. I get what I want _exactly here_ " Harry counters, and his voice isn’t a whisper, and he can see the panic in Zayn's big beautiful eyes - _Damn it_ \- as he sends another silent plea with them. One thing Harry is sure of is that Zayn knows he's attractive, and he knows he has the type of eyes that makes you melt right away, and god, why is this happening to him? He sighs and turns his eyes away in annoyance. "Fine" he mumbles under his breath. He'll make him pay another time. He will.

Zayn turns with a smile to Niall once Harry leans back crossing his arms, but not glaring. He'd come to realize that he _can't_ glare at Zayn. Not at his eyes. But he watches as Niall opens the notepad and flips through it, his eyes are wide and his smile is big. And Harry also notices how Zayn's smile turned into something soft and fond while he watches Niall flip through the pages. _Ooh, even more interesting!_

=====

Zayn manages to slip away from Harry, along with Niall, and he doesn't see both for the rest of the week. He doesn't even see Liam or Louis either, not at the gym nor at the restaurant. A part of him is happy not to, but the other part still wants to get back at them.

It's not until he's finished training at the gym that he sees a familiar face next to the ring. Harry didn't notice him standing there during his training, wearing a smug smile on his face. He knows him, been there at that fight club, and he's already glaring at him when the man tries to approach him.

"Allow me to say that you're a star. I know them when I see them" Harry doesn't reply, sitting his gloves away as he pulls on his shirt. "My name is Anthony, you can call me Ant. And you can say that I'm the one who keeps the business going"

"Whatever you're here for, my answer is no" Harry grabs his bag and pushes past him.

"My boy" Ant starts as he walks next to him, "The audience loved you! And they're ready to pay"

Harry stops and turns to him, "I don't need your fucking money"

But Ant keeps his smirk, "Money, fame, sex. What else are you looking for?" Harry is ready to punch him, he really wants to, but decides against it and walks away again. "Come on, boy. I could clearly see the excitement in your face that day when you walked inside the cage. You get what you want, I get what I want, everyone is happy!"

Harry stops again, "You know … What you do is pretty illegal. I could report you"

"But you won't" Ant approaches him again, the smirk never falling from his face. "You already know the place, darling. Visit whenever you want. Just tell the boys that you're there to see me" Harry stares at him with narrowed eyes as Ant walks away.

"How much exactly are you offering?" Ant stops and turns with a wider smirk.

The tournament is still three months away, and he's signed up, he _will_ go. But Ant was also right. He is curious, excited, and willing to try.

=====

Harry thought about Ant's offer for a week. And now he's here, at that underground fight club.

There are the same six who he had seen with Zayn and Louis at the restaurant. Some are glancing his way, but doesn't move. Liam is sitting with his phone in hand so he doesn't even glance his way. Zayn is having his head on Louis' lap with a book in hand, while Louis plays with his hair, the other hand tapping on his phone as he has one ear-bud in, the other in Zayn's.

The place at the morning doesn't look that bad, it's not the arena, and Harry clears his throat to get their attention.

Louis looks up from his phone and stares for a minute as one of the other people around approach Harry.

"I'm here to see Ant"

That gets all head turned to him. Liam looks up with furrowed brows. Zayn moves the book to the side so he can look at whoever is speaking.

It merely takes a minute before Ant is walking inside the room with a wide grin on his face, greeting Harry loudly.

"Well, my boy. Since you're staying here for a while, might as well see the rest of the place" Ant claps his hands and turns to the rest. "Zayn!" he shouts making Zayn stop his hands from flipping the page. Ant doesn't need to say anything more as he pats Harry on the shoulder and leaves the room. Zayn closes his eyes for a second to take a deep breath as he closes the book and putting it aside. Louis slips his hands away from Zayn's hair, taking the ear-bud away as Zayn moves –reluctantly– towards him.

Harry raises an eyebrow with a smirk. "You've been avoiding me" Zayn doesn't reply as he just motions for him to follow. It only gets Harry more on his bad side. He hates Zayn.

Zayn doesn't look at him, only talking when necessary, and Harry doesn't engage in any conversation. He doesn't need to be here, he can be at any place actually, he just needs to be there before his fight. An opponent is not always known, there are times when someone would just show up for the first time and sparks an interest, and as long as he's paying, they don't object.

"That's it" Zayn says once he's back at Ant's office, or room and leaves Harry there.

=====

The second time Harry sees Zayn inside the campus, is when he's laying forward on the grass, his arms are pushing his upper body a bit as they rest nearly crossed on the grass, under a tree, with his notepad opened and a pencil, a few lyrics written there as Niall sits cross legged with his guitar. They seem to practice on something together. Zayn's hair is a bit messy and down, a bit covering his eyes, and he has a soft smile playing on his lips as he talks with Niall.

 _All along, I tried to pretend it didn't matter_  
_If I was alone, But deep down I know_  
_If you were gone_  
_For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn_  
_Cause I'm lost without you_

Niall's eyes are darting across the opened place and they catch Harry's. He stops playing and his face breaks into a wide smile as he shouts for him to come sit with them. Zayn on the other hand, completely loses his soft persona, and it turns to something cold when he spots Harry to the point where Harry could see he's hitting his face with his notepad and groaning into it. If Niall noticed his behavior, he doesn't comment on it, and Zayn tries to plaster his best fake smile as he sits up, still keeping his guard up if Harry tried to say anything. Clearly, from what Harry could see, Niall doesn't know about the fight club or what Zayn's doing.

"How's your first days going?"

"Good, I guess" Harry shrugs, "There is an audition for a musical play I heard?"

Niall nods, "You're allowed to take a part, you know. If you have some good acting skills" Zayn snorts making Niall slap him playfully on the arm, "He's a freshman, it doesn't mean he sucks" then he turns to Harry, "Sorry"

"I didn't say that" Zayn defends himself, "It's just … you need the looks as well"

Harry raises his eyebrows, "You think I don't have the looks to land an acting role?"

"The ones that get you wearing a tree costume or the ones the get you inside an animal's body?"

Harry grits his teeth, "Wouldn't be blabbering about shit if I were you"

"Mate" Zayn shoves his notepad and pencil inside his bag, " _You're_ in the same shit" then he turns to Niall, "Come on, you have a class in ten"

Niall frowns at him then turns to Harry, "Ignore him" he whispers as Zayn gets up, "Just tell me when you're auditioning and we'll pass by. Make his mouth shut with something real" he nods towards Zayn who rolls his eyes. "Which reminds me!" he pulls his phone from his pocket, "Give me your number and I'll text you" he offers with a smile and Harry inserts his number with a smile of his own. He can't believe the good-kind-Niall is with shit-ugly-hearted but undeniable good looking-Zayn. There's a catch, and Harry doesn't know it.

=====

It's his first fight. Well, second to be exact, and Ant is there to tell him about who he's fighting. Zayn and Louis are by his side, taking his things away before he gets inside the cage.

"Don't worry, Liam had beaten him before" Louis assures him. "But he came back, said he improved and shit, and saw that you're new and all. Thinks he can actually win"

"The boys are at your side, Harry" Ant reminds him, "They're here for you if anything goes wrong" Harry knows, they're good at distracting people, it's what they do, and they get paid for it. Ant told him, that since he's one of them, he's treated for free, and still gets his money. Harry knows what he means, but he doesn't look forward to it. Just keeps the money that he's going to win, and from what Ant's told him, if he attracted a huge audience –the right type as Ant calls them– he'd get plenty of money. And judging from how big the arena is, it's going to be worth it.

It's not the only arena in that place, Harry had known, that there's another one, a bigger one, for extreme shows, that if Harry is good enough with a worthy opponent, the match will be held there, with bigger audience and certain rich eyes. Harry is thrilled.

Louis pulls Harry away and Zayn follows so no one outside their little circle is able to hear or watch what they do or say. "If you need us, choose a sign"

"Cheating you mean?" Harry cocks an eyebrow, "I don't need it. I don't like it. You can go and fuck in the back for all I care" Harry turns back and he makes sure not to make eye contact with Zayn on his way as well. Though he wishes they don't. He's learned his lesson, but he'd be grateful if he can focus on the match. Don't get him wrong, he still hates Zayn, but seriously, he should be fully covered if he doesn’t want eyes on him.

Something flickers inside his mind and he turns again to them. Both eyes are on him, and he remembers what Ant said. They're following _his_ orders. "Actually … Go disappear somewhere where I can't hear or see you"

Louis and Zayn frown as they look at each other.

Harry watches before he enters the cage, Zayn and Louis are not sitting among the crowd as he asked, but still in the arena. They're sitting close to each other on the ground, leaning their backs on the wall next to the door, and just watching from there. Good. Once Harry's inside the cage, he can't see them, and he is sure once the crowd is quiet, he won't hear them as well.

Harry keeps it clean. Doesn't do the dirty moves his opponent is trying on but failing miserably, making the crowd go from loud cheering to quiet whispers and continues glances between each other. The crowd is silent once Harry wins, some with wide eyes, others with knowing smirks and some are having angry expressions –clearly lost their bet–

For a second, Harry thinks he's doing it wrong, like being dirty is essential for the fight, but Ant glances around the crowd with a pleased expression before announcing Harry as the winner, making the crowd go wild again.

Zayn and Louis stand up from their position and make their way towards the ring again, ready for the next fight but Harry doesn't exit the cage. He turns to Liam and catches him off-guard. "Hey, Payne!" Liam looks up with a confused expression, "I demand a re-match" he pauses to look towards Zayn and Louis who stopped mid-way, "Without your _whores_ " he turns again to Liam, "A clean fight … Or are you a coward?"

Harry's smirk grows as he walks around the cage glancing towards the crowd who keeps cheering for him. And told him, they don't fight each other, but he wants his dignity back, proving that he can win, without Liam's dirty tricks. But Ant doesn't reply when Liam turns to look at him, just nods towards the cage and motions for Louis and Zayn with a finger. Apparently they get the sign that Harry doesn't know of but can guess it's for holding them from doing anything distracting.

Liam gets in, a bit nervous, but tries to focus nonetheless on the fight. He has an advantage, Harry just had a fight, and he has some bruises forming on his body, and must have lost some stamina there, so he counts on that. Harry on the other side, doesn't feel tired at all. He's got this.

It takes seven minutes for Harry to get Liam down and beaten. This time his eyes glance up willingly to look at Zayn who is still standing on the stairway, looking back at him. Zayn's eyes are uncertain, like he's not sure if he should hold Harry's stare or walk away, but Harry smirks, showing that his effect is gone, and that those pretty eyes of him can't hold him back from winning, can't hold him back form doing anything actually, as he looks down back on Liam, one knee bent forcefully as he taps out.

"See … You're nothing on your own" Harry whispers to Liam as he gets up and leaves the cage.

Harry grabs his things and he can see as Ant motions for the rest of the team to take their positions. He snaps his fingers in Zayn's direction that gets him down and next to Harry in seconds.

Harry turns to him once he's done and he knows why he's here, even if it's forced, and he wants to break him, make him pay, but he doesn't. "I don't want you" he simply says and pushes past him that leaves Zayn confused.

=====

Because Niall is a good friend, and he made sure to call and text Harry from time to time, and even going to help him on some of his subjects when Harry needed but never asked, Harry told him about the audition and he promised to come.

Harry likes Niall, he really does. But his smile drops when he notices Zayn by his side.

"You're going to be great! I'm sure of it" Niall smiles widely at Harry, and Zayn just stands there glancing anywhere but Harry.

"Thanks" Harry replies and hops on the stage once his name is called. He reads the lines assigned to him with his partner and then starts singing his part.

 _Through the wire, through the wire, through the wire_  
_I'm watching you like this, imagining you're mine_  
_It's too late, it's too late, am I too late_  
_Tell me now, am I running out of time_  
  
_With no way out and a long way down_  
_Everybody needs someone around_  
_But I can't hold you, too close now_  
_Through the wire, through the wire_  
  
_What a feeling to be right here beside you now_  
_Holding you in my arms_  
_When the air ran out and we both started running wild_  
_The sky fell down_  
_But you got stars, they're in your eyes_  
_And I've got something missing tonight_  
_What a feeling to be a king beside you, somehow_  
_I wish I could be there now_

Harry smiles and they thank him as he gets down. Zayn is looking, he'd listened and the expression on his face makes Harry's smile turn to a smirk. Zayn didn't know he could excel at that, but he's just going to prove him wrong on every aspect he can think of.

"Wow" both say at the same time and Niall grins widely at him. "Told ya!" he nudges Zayn with his elbow and earns a roll of his eyes.

"So …" Harry starts, and he's talking to Niall, completely ignoring Zayn's existence.

"You wait here. You don't get a call or something after" he chuckles, "They're just going to call the names and what roles they'd be assigned to" Harry nods and they take a seat waiting for the results along with the other groups around.

The professor claps her hands to get their attention and starts calling names. Harry's name is being called as well and he smiles brightly at her when she tells him he got the lead role.

"You were saying?" he turns to Zayn who opens his mouth for a reply but can't and closes it afterwards making Harry smile even wider. Niall pats him on the back and hugs him tightly telling him how proud of him he is and that he's sure Harry would do perfectly fine.

"Well, I should be on my way then!" Niall announces, "I'm already late by fifteen minutes"

"You had a class?" Niall shrugs it away, but Harry appreciates it, that Niall is here for him even though he had an important class to attend.

"I'll catch you around!" he turns to Zayn, "Be nice" he warns before he goes.

"Do you ever attend classes?" Harry narrows his eyes at him.

Zayn looks up with a bored expression, "Not. Your. Business" then he's out of his sight.

=====

Mike had a group project meeting and Niall is having his cousin over, so Harry finds himself alone and bored inside his flat. For some reason, he thinks about going to the fight club and stay there until it's time for his fight. So he does.

There's music playing inside the gathering room and even Ant is there enjoying his time. There's a girl dancing on a table but Harry's eyes move until they land on Louis and Zayn. Zayn is having his eyes closed with his head resting on Louis' shoulder as Louis reads through Zayn's notepad. From what Harry learned, Zayn doesn't allow anyone but Niall to see his works, because apparently he uses them, and it seems like Louis own this privilege as well. Well, they seem close, probably friends with benefits, so it's understandable.

Louis' eyes snap up when Harry approaches them, carefully closing the notepad and setting it in his lap. His eyes aren't friendly but Harry ignores it.

"So, what do you usually do in this place?"

"Whatever you want" Louis replies nonchalantly. "Zee, wanna go home?" he whispers to Zayn more softly.

"We have to be here again in an hour" Zayn mumbles. Louis sighs and taps his fingers on the notepad as he glares at Ant. Harry doesn't know what's the problem, and he doesn't care either, even if Zayn's voice seems to indicate that he's so tired. Harry is _not_ buying his shit.

Ant claps his hands and motions for them to get up and clean their mess. "You can have a quick nap until then. Get up before Ant notices" Louis whispers again and Zayn opens his eyes slowly moving his head back. Harry doesn't miss his red-eyes as Louis helps him to get up and leave. But he doesn't say anything about it either.

=====

The night is starting, and Louis and Zayn are next to the ring as always. Zayn is still looking tired, but his eyes are not red anymore.

"Does he have exams or something?" Harry asks Liam out of curiosity. No, he doesn't care.

Liam follows his gaze and frowns, "Zayn doesn't go to school"

It's Harry's turn to frown, "But he …"

"He's just there with Niall" Liam answers. Okay, Harry wasn't expecting that. Louis wraps his arms around Zayn's waist from behind making Zayn smile and rest some of his weight on Louis. Liam reads his mind and quickly adds, "They're not together. Not in love" Harry turns to him and nods, he doesn't care if they are or aren't, but Liam keeps going anyway, "That night they were just acting. They never do it together" _Oh_. "They're best friends, since the day I've known them, they're inseparable. More like brothers, since they have no families"

Harry nods again as Liam gets ready for his fight. According to Ant, he keeps Harry for the end of the show, saying something about making them anticipate his show.

Ant motions for Louis to do something and he pats Zayn's shoulders before he goes. Zayn stands in his place for a while before someone comes to Ant and offers a big amount of money. Zayn walks towards them and asks Liam who he is but Liam shrugs saying that he doesn't know.

They night goes on, Harry doesn't see Louis for most of it, but Zayn doesn't seem nervous so he guesses it's nothing major.

His fight is approaching when Louis hurries to them with wide eyes. Two men walk to them and Harry realizes it's the same man from earlier, the one who was talking to Ant, and he notices Zayn's wide eyes and Louis' defensive position when the man takes off his hoodie. Ant tells Harry that this is his opponent.

"So, is he that terrifying?" Harry asks Louis. The man –wearing the hoodie earlier– approaches them with a smirk.

"Hope you're prepared for tonight, babe!" but it's not directed at Harry. The man is looking at Zayn with a smirk, but he can't reach him, Louis is standing in his way and he doesn't plan to move. The man sends Harry a nod as he starts warming up.

"Just a prick. An asshole" Louis replies and groans when Ant calls for him. "But he's not that strong. I doubt he can beat you down" he says and Harry notices Zayn's hands falling from Louis' back when he walks away.

"A gangster" Zayn speaks up, "He says nothing on us and we say nothing on him. All is good" The man turns and his eyes trail slowly on Zayn's body making the latter shiver. "And a monster" he mumbles as he turns away from the man and towards Harry.

Harry glances between them and smirks, "To you" Zayn blinks at him, "He's just rough with you?" he clarifies and Zayn rolls his eyes.

"I'm not in the mood or shape to handle him" Zayn mumbles tiredly as his eyes follow Louis around.

Harry hums, "Wonder what would happen if he wins" Zayn blinks again and turns to him.

"You're not going to lose just to get back at me" Zayn says confidently.

"One loss to get back at you … Yeah, I can handle that" Harry nods, "Well, I guess I should stop warming up" he smirks and leans back on the wall.

Harry watches as Zayn stares at him for a minute then his eyes go wide, "You're not going to lose just to get back at me" he repeats.

"Try me" Harry dares him.

Zayn laughs nervously, "You're not …" then his face falls, "You're not serious" Harry raises his brows, completely enjoying the moment. "Harry, that was my job"

"Do I look like I care?" Harry fires back. Ant calls for him as his opponents gets inside the ring. "Well, wish me luck … Or don't. Because I won't be fighting today"

Zayn is quick to block his way, "Harry, please, don't" but Harry pushes past him anyway. If he's having a chance to hurt him he will. Zayn is a prick and he deserves worse. "Harry, please, I beg of you" Zayn tries again as he trails behind him, "Look, I'll do anything you ask!"

Harry turns to him and Zayn stops, some of the panic leaves his body and his eyes close to their normal size as he sees Harry thinking about it. "No" Harry simply answers.

"What?"

"I already told you. I don't want anything from you" Harry spits out and continues his way towards the ring.

He gets in and tries his best not to look like he's not putting an effort. He's putting a show for the people, so he gets a few hits himself, not losing all his strength, and purposely not avoiding the other guy's punches making Ant frown and the crowd cursing loudly. But he doesn't care, they'll be coming back for him, he knows that much. He lost before and they still came for him. Another loss on his record is acceptable, and he knows that Ant would ask later and he can come up with anything to cover himself. He'd say he's sick or stressed and everything would go as smoothly as he wants.

The guy gets him pinned down and he forces Harry's face to the side in that position. Harry can see Ant calling for Zayn to try distracting the other guy but as he also looks at Zayn, he looks like he's about to pass out. His eyes are bigger than ever, and he's already at the edge of the seat, biting at his lips so hard that Harry thinks they'll draw blood. Harry closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. _He hates Zayn_.

He quickly uses his strength to flip the guy over making the crowd go wilder than ever. With the man confused on the floor, it gives Harry the advantage to strike back at him. It takes another couple of punches until the guy is screaming for him to stop. Harry lets him go and stands up as Ants announces him as the winner. His eyes trail upwards again and he sees Zayn releasing a breath of relief as he closes his eyes and leans forward to put his head in his hands to try gain his normal breathing and heartbeat again.

Harry is out of the cage, and he sees the other guy cursing as he walks out as well. Ant assures him that no one goes after their opponent if they lose, it’s not the rules, and they could pay their life for it. He also sees Zayn approaching him with a new expression on his face, something worried, shy, nervous, but relieved at the same time.

"Thank you" he says quietly.

"You owe me" Harry glares at him as he picks his stuff. _Actually glares_. Because he hates him, he really does. But damn his eyes. Harry is sure that Zayn's eyes are going to be the cause of his death someday.

Zayn follows him outside and Harry raises his brows at him. "Um, you said I owe you, so …"

Harry stares at him for a minute. Well … He hates Zayn, but that doesn't mean he'll turn his offer down. He can get some of his stress out.

=====

_Harry hates Zayn._

He needs his brain to function on that so it can transfer it to the rest of his body, but unfortunately, it doesn't.

Harry finds himself inside his apartment, with Zayn, having no will of doing any sexual activity with him. It's not Zayn. Well, partially it is. Because Harry can see that he's clearly tired, and he remembers Zayn's words, not in mood or shape to handle such thing, so he flops on the couch and sighs. Harry is not that person.

"There's a first-aid kit in the bathroom, make yourself useful and go grab it" Zayn gives him a confused look, "Clearly, because of you, I have cuts over my face and body, so move … Or you would rather to fuck?" Zayn blinks at him then moves quickly to do what Harry asked.

Harry doesn’t move from his place when Zayn returns with the kit. "Do you know how to?"

"Yes" Zayn replies. "Um … Do you want me to just take care of your face or …" he points to the rest of Harry's body. "Do you have some icepacks?" Harry nods towards the kitchen and Zayn is gone and back within a few seconds. Harry removes his shirt and Zayn kneels beside the couch.

Zayn doesn't talk from his part and Harry doesn't either. There's a cut above Harry's eyes, a deep scratch of a nail and Zayn carefully cleans it. Harry could've closed his eyes until Zayn's finished, but he finds himself staring at Zayn's eyes. Again. He's close, so close that Harry is able to see them very clearly. The different shades inside his irises, the curve of his lashes, and just how big his eyes are and how they're shaped beautifully.

"Hazel"

Zayn blinks and his eyes shift to meet Harry's. "What?"

"Your eyes … They're hazel. That's why it's changing colors due to different lights"

Zayn stares at him for another second then goes back to what he was doing, clearly doesn't know what to do with that information. He is well aware of his eyes color.

"Are you seriously not putting any mascara on or it's just that you're so professional at doing that sort of thing that it looks natural? Or you're putting some fake ones?"

Zayn sighs and pulls back, "Step up your game, Styles. You're not the first one to talk about my eyes" Harry raises a finger to Zayn's face and he quickly shuts his eyes when Harry's finger touches his lashes. "They're natural you idiot!" Zayn leans back afraid that Harry would try to pull them out.

Harry doesn't know why, but he smiles at Zayn's frown. Zayn looks away and closes the kit, then gets up to put it back in its place.

"Can you cook?" Harry asks when Zayn returns.

Zayn doesn't reply right away, he sighs, "Yes"

Harry smiles, "Good. Go make me something to eat"

=====

Harry finds Niall sitting alone with his headphones on and his eyes closed. He probably has a free period and he decides to join him.

"Harry! Hey!" Niall greets him once Harry is seated next to him. "There's a competition being held in the collage, a singing competition. You should sign in"

Harry nods, "First time I see you here without your guitar … And without Zayn"

Niall laughs, "Yeah, I called him but he was ill so he didn't make it" Oh, so that's why Zayn was so tired and got Louis so worried about him. Well, they live together, and Louis cares so much for him like a little brother so he doesn't need to worry, Louis will take care of him. "Speaking of Zayn!" Niall takes his headphones off and hands them to Harry, "He was working on it, and I recorded it without his knowledge. Don't tell him that, he'll kill me for it" Harry chuckles and waits for Niall to play the song.

 _Don't look around 'cause love is blind_  
_And darling right now, I can't see you_  
_I'm feeling proud so without a doubt, I can feel you_  
  
_Cause we are who we are when no one's watching_  
_And right from the start you know I got you_

 _I won't mind, Even though I know you'll never be mine_  
_We messed around until we found_  
_The one thing we said we could never ever_  
_Live without, I'm not allowed to talk about it But I gotta tell you_

_Cause we are who we are when no one's watching  
And right from the start you know I got you_

"Why doesn't Zayn sing more often? His voice is angelic!" Niall chuckles, "I'm serious!"

"Yeah, I know. But he doesn't … He just doesn't" Niall replies. "He's more into the writing thing, says he likes it whenever someone else sings his lyrics to him"

 _For him_. Harry wants to correct him but he doesn't. It's so obvious but Niall doesn't see it. So he just nods.

=====

"So … What's your rating?"

Zayn doesn't look up from his phone. He's better, and Louis for some reason –that Zayn is very sure of but doesn't speak about– dragged him to the same restaurant they never entered but that one time.

"We didn't" he simply replies and sets his phone aside. Louis raises his brows, he didn't ask until he made sure that Zayn is perfectly fine, because Louis never asks him about anything but his health when he's ill, it's one of many things he's thankful for, and absolutely love about Louis. "He made me clean his wounds and make food then he was like … You can go"

"You know … He seems like a good kid" Louis says seriously.

Zayn gives him an amused smile, "Sure"

"What?" Louis asks with furrowed brows.

"Nothing. I'm on for it if you want" he gives Louis a sincere smile to which Louis returns with a wide one.

"That's my boy" Louis says fondly.

Zayn chuckles as he spots a familiar figure walking inside, "No, _that's_ your boy"

Harry notices him and Zayn can notice his friend is with him as well, who groans once he sees Zayn and Louis and tries to pull Harry out of the restaurant.

Louis and Zayn scoots away to make room for Harry and Mike. Mike slides –reluctantly– next to Louis while Harry sits next to Zayn.

"You're feeling better now?" Harry asks quietly. Zayn gives him a confused look, "Niall told me you're ill"

"Oh! Yes, I am. Thank you" Zayn actually smiles genuinely at Harry.

"So what are you doing here?" Harry turns to Louis, "I thought you hated this place" he raises his eyebrows.

"Well, I just realized it's actually a very calm place to be at"

"When you're not here" Mike mumbles, but they heard and Harry doesn't try to deny it.

"We figured it's time to welcome you to the team properly!" Louis ignores Mike as he continues.

"We're not that bad!" Zayn protests when Mike glares at him.

" _You_ " Mike points at Harry, "I can't believe you're so forgiving!" Harry just shakes his head. He doesn't either.

"I thought I paid?" Zayn says slowly turning to Harry. "Plus, it's in the past. Why are you so old?" he turns again to Mike with a frown. Mike gapes at him. "Oh! And as your new friends" he turns again to Harry with a smile, "We're voting for your entry at the collage contest!"

"I haven't had my turn yet"

"We're attending then!" Louis says with a smile. Mike just groans loudly.

=====

"You wrote him his entry song as well?" Zayn nods as Niall gets on stage. His smile is so bright when he cheers for him and Niall smiles when he spots them. "Do you write for anyone else or it's just Niall?" Zayn's brows furrow but he doesn’t reply. "Are you ever going to tell him then?" Zayn's head snaps towards him with wide eyes. Harry just gives him a knowing look, "I'm not blind"

"Well don't say a word" he turns again as Niall prepares to sing.

 _So I got my boots on. Got the right amount of leather_  
_And I'm doing me up with a black colored liner_  
_And I'm working my strut but I know it don't matter_  
_All we need in this world is some love_

 _There's a thin line between the dark side_  
_And the light side, baby tonight_  
_It's a struggle, gotta rumble, tryin'a find it_

 _But if I had you_  
_That would be the only thing I'd ever need_  
_Yeah if I had you_  
_The money, fame and fortune never could compete_  
_If I had you, Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy_  
_Yeah, if I had you_

 _From New York to LA getting high, rock and rolling_  
_Get a room trash it up 'til it's ten in the morning_  
_Girls in stripper heels, boys rolling in Maserati's_  
_What they need in this world is some love_

 _There's a thin line between the wild time_  
_And a flat-line, baby tonight_  
_It's a struggle gotta rumble, tryin'a find it_

 _The flashing of the lights. It might feel so good_  
_But I got you stuck on my mind, yeah_  
_The fashion and the stage, it might get me high_  
_But it don't mean a thing tonight_

"You're so desperate"

"I know" but Zayn still keeps his smile even if it's a sad one, looking at Niall like he's the only star in the entire galaxy.


	3. 02

"Dude … You have no idea how hard this is" Harry raises his brows at his friend, "Why didn't I major in something easier?"

"You said you love Law?"

"It's still not easy … I mean, I could've joined along with you"

"You think all I do is sing and play? It's more complicated than that. There are plenty of researches to do, and a whole new level of competition … Besides, What else do you have to do? I've got my training, the club, and my family issues"

Mike presses his lips together for a second, "Yeah …" Harry shakes his head and resumes his workout. "How's everything going though? You haven't-"

"Harry!" Mike doesn't suppress his groaning when he hears the familiar voice and turns to a different treadmill away from them. Harry sighs and stops, turning his attention to the duo. "The hell is wrong with him?" Louis mutters as he frowns towards Mike. Zayn smiles and waves at Harry before turning to walk to Mike who seems unhappy by his approach. Harry gives Louis a knowing look but Louis just shrugs. "So …"

"Why are you here?"

"To see you getting sweaty" Harry stares at him for a second before continuing what he was doing, giving Louis the chance to talk about whatever as long as he doesn't have to answer. "But seriously, we were passing by and we thought to greet you on our way" Louis grins.

But Harry's eyes are focusing somewhere else. Zayn is still smiling at Mike, but it's genuine, like they're actually considering a friendship with him and Mike. Mike obviously is trying to avoid him, putting his earbuds in, but with Zayn standing in front of him, it just takes one glance for him to stumble and fall.

"Keep Zayn away from my friend" Because Harry knows, he'd been there first. Zayn's eyes are mesmerizing, and his smile is blinding, and him being close isn't benefiting the other person. He still watches as Zayn's face break into an amused expression and a wider smile showing his teeth, and is probably giggling from the way his shoulders move, laughing as he helps Mike to his feet who is wearing a glare on his face and Harry could swear he's blushing from embarrassment.

"He's not harmful" Louis shrugs but Harry disagrees. Zayn's flirtations _is_ harmful. His heart already belongs to _another_. "Your friend knows what he can and can't offer"

Harry sighs. Mike pushes Zayn away and stops him from following him when he goes away. Zayn finds his way back to Harry and Louis when Mike is out of his sight.

"Never seen a rejection this fast" Louis pinches Zayn's cheek, "You lost your charm, Zee"

Zayn just bats his hand away, "I'm not working" then he turns to Harry and flutters his lashes at him when Harry stares making him roll his eyes but earns a smug look on Zayn's face. "Nope, still works" he turns to Louis and wraps his arms around Louis' shoulders, resting his head there.

They don't stay for long, and Harry finds Mike walking back to him after they're gone, glaring when Harry grins at him.

=====

One thing that Harry learned about Louis and Zayn is that they're not connected to the others. They'll talk, laugh, and mess around with the rest of the team inside the club, but they'll never seek a true connection between them. Harry wonders why the duo are keen on having a friendship with him, or if it's yet another show to put on.

He sees Niall at the campus, but he hasn't seen Zayn with him since that encounter at the gym. It's only now as he enters the club, he sees Zayn at the hallway, leaning back on the wall as his eyes focus on a specific scene. Liam with an angry expression on his face, and possibly wants to beat the hell out of Louis as the latter stand in front of him with a satisfied grin. Zayn on the other hand, looks nervous with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Liam says something that Harry can't hear but he smirks as he walks away leaving Louis with a slightly wide eyes and closed fists, but he does nothing, instead, he walks back to Zayn.

"That prick"

Zayn's body is still tense as he asks, "What did you do?" Louis frowns and looks at him, leaning on the opposite wall, "He wouldn't be so angry at you unless you did something"

Louis stays quiet for a moment, darting his eyes across the opened door. They haven't noticed Harry, probably because he didn’t move from his place. "I might have painted his car" Zayn cocks an eyebrow, "And it might not be possible to sit inside either" he smirks making Zayn chuckle, "He can't even sell it as spare parts … And obviously he found out it was me …" he trails as he glares at the floor.

Zayn pushes himself off the wall to stand beside Louis, his hands are rubbing at Louis' arms soothingly. "You shouldn't" he says it so softly but Louis' demeanor gets angrier.

"You bled!" Louis doesn't move, just turns his head towards Zayn, and the latter doesn't stop his actions either. "You didn't even tell me! And I'm not going to stand by and watch that piece of shit do as he pleases!" he sighs, relaxing into Zayn as he opens his arms for Louis. "He called Madam A"

"Which fight?" Zayn asks carefully.

"Desmond" Zayn's eyes go wide and his mouth falls. "He knows I'm going to actually murder him if you were the prize, so you needn't worry"

Zayn lets go of Louis, "I won't let you do that for me!" he steps back, "I'll talk to Liam" he shakes his head but Louis grabs his arm to stop him.

"So you can throw everything I've done in the trash?"

Zayn stares at him for a while, "I'm not going to step back and watch" he repeats Louis' words as he pulls his arm from Louis and walks away.

"I swear if you went to Liam I'll …" Louis trails then groans loudly. From what Harry could guess, Louis can’t possibly threaten Zayn or vice versa. And even if both seemed to be bothered by the situation, they're not blaming each other. And from what Harry had heard, he has an idea of what happened, and he understands their motives, so he follows Zayn and blocks his way.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I can help" Zayn's brows come together. "Getting Desmond to trade his fight is easy. He'll get his money either way, and I like a challenge"

Zayn stares at him for a moment then speaks up, "What's in it for you?"

"I don't need something in return" Harry replies and waits for Zayn's answer, "You're doing it for Louis" he presses, because he knows he'll do anything for Louis.

"And you?" Harry opens his mouth but closes it afterwards and Zayn smiles, "Alright" making Harry also smile.

=====

It's a chilling night at the club, and Harry finds himself invited to sit by Louis and Zayn. Liam is pissed since Harry took Desmond's fight and won, the three of them don't talk to him –or Liam doesn't talk to Harry since he helped the duo, and he obviously doesn't talk to Louis after what he did, and Zayn being his best friend, doesn't talk to him as well but also because of the whole reason Louis did the deed which didn't happen for the first time as Harry learned from Louis– and Ant doesn't really care as long as it doesn't affect his business. The others are neutral, talking to both parties when needed.

"So why am I inside this little group?" Harry asks once he's settled next to Louis who's having Zayn's head in his lap, playing with his hair –which is another thing Harry learned, is that Louis is allowed to mess Zayn's hair however he wants without a single complain from Zayn– Zayn is tapping on his phone, checking something that Harry doesn't get to see from this angle.

"Well … Because your intentions are sincere" Louis smiles down at Zayn then turns to Harry, "No one does what you do for us and asks for nothing in return which we really appreciate" And it's another thing Harry learned about the duo. It's always a _'we'_. Harry does notice they share everything, except their underwear, Louis told him that much with a laugh. Zayn also diverts his eyes from his phone for a second to smile at Harry as well before turning his gaze back on the phone and sits abruptly. Louis frowns looking over his phone, "What?"

"They fucking raised the price!" Zayn mumbles.

"How much?"

Zayn sighs, "Five"

There's a moment of silence as Louis appears to be thinking, and Zayn glaring at his phone. Harry is about to speak up when Louis beats him. "It's alright. We'll gather it in time" Zayn turns to him, all big eyes and pouty lips. "We will" he assures him with a soft smile as he pushes Zayn's hair out of his face.

"I'm still here you know" Harry speaks up earning their attention.

"Thanks, but we've got this" Louis replies as he pats Zayn's thigh ushering him to get up as he follows suit, saying their goodbyes before they're off.

=====

Harry catches Zayn alone at the restaurant. There aren’t any bags under his eyes, but they seem tired, the usual spark isn't there, and even if he's wearing a turtleneck long-sleeved shirt, Harry doesn't have to guess to know why he's like that.

Zayn's eyes snap up when Harry takes a seat across from him. They're not soft, nor friendly. Alarmed might be the word.

"Hey" Harry still smiles, because he knows why.

"What do you want?" Zayn asks instead of returning his greetings.

"Wow, so much for acting like a friend" Harry counters and Zayn sighs leaning back in his seat.

"Sorry, I'm just …" he clears his throat, "Sorry" he repeats as his gaze shifts down.

"I don't understand why are you taking the hard route … Zayn, I can help you" Zayn presses his lips together and shakes his head so Harry pushes through the only way that can get to Zayn in seconds. "You're not only putting yourself in this situation" Zayn's eyes go back up to him, "Do you really want to sell-"

"Don't" Zayn interrupts him, his eyes are hard as he glares at Harry. "Call me whatever you want, but don't you dare call Louis the same" he hisses and even though Zayn is clearly annoyed, this is exactly the reaction Harry was waiting for. Zayn cares for Louis so much and he will do anything for him.

"Then don't push him through this path" Zayn's eyes shift uncomfortably down again, "Well … If you care enough-"

"I do" Zayn frowns, but he doesn't look up.

"I guess I don't have to repeat myself then" Harry waits for Zayn's eyes to look up at him to continue, "Come on then, I'll get you the money you want" Harry gets up and waits for Zayn to do the same, but Zayn's confused as he blinks up at him a few times.

"How-"

"No questions" Harry cuts him off and pulls him to his feet. "Come on" he repeats with a smile.

=====

"A guitar?"

"An original signed one" Zayn corrects him.

Harry stares at the case. Zayn doesn't play. "For Niall"

Zayn smiles, "It's his birthday, and he really wanted it"

Harry's brows furrow and he turns to Zayn, "You were willing to do literally anything to get the money for this?" Zayn nods as if it's something simple. "You couldn't cover the fees for two"

Zayn shrugs, "I don't really want to"

"If you propose and he didn't say yes, I'm going to kill you"

"Me?" Zayn tilts his head.

"You're an idiot" Zayn smiles widely.

"Since you're here, can you help me wrap this up? I got a box for it" Zayn looks up at him with big hopeful eyes and Harry can't say no.

They're currently at Zayn and Louis' shared apartment. Harry insisted to know what he'd use the money for and that's how they ended here. Harry knows about Niall's birthday, but he was thinking about something much simpler than what Zayn got in his mind, but he understands. He does hope that Zayn actually says it though, it's been so long already. Even Louis couldn't put enough courage in him, and Harry isn't even that close to him to push at his buttons.

"Thanks" Zayn speaks up once they're finished, "For like … everything" Harry smiles at Zayn's shyness.

"Any time"

=====

A tight hug and a big kiss on the cheek along with many 'thank you's is what Zayn gets. Zayn doesn't say it. And Harry had to watch the 'five second' encounter before Niall brings more drinks into the table. Harry reasons that if Niall knew Louis good enough he might be here persuading Zayn into the next move, but he isn’t and Zayn doesn't listen to Harry.

"Is he even gay?" Harry asks once Niall is busy with his other friends.

"Bisexual" Zayn turns to him, "He told me himself"

"Have you seen him with a guy before?" Zayn frowns and Harry is about to continue when Zayn replies.

"He just didn't find the right one" he nods once to himself and Harry isn't sure if he's convincing himself or Harry.

"Do you even believe what you just said?" Zayn frowns again turning his head away. "You need an answer, Zayn. You can't go on like this"

Zayn opens his mouth to reply but his phone rings and he pulls it out to answer. Harry can't hear what the person is saying through the phone, but he can see Zayn's brows furrow before his eyes go wide. At the same moment, Niall approaches him with a wide smile.

"Zayn!" Zayn's gaze shift to land on Niall, his phone is still pressed to his ear, "I need to tell you something important" Niall's expression turns serious and Harry steps back. _This is it_. "I-" but before Niall could even start, Zayn is heading for the door.

A coward. Harry is sure.

"Zayn, wait! I need you to listen to this!" Niall hurries after him but Zayn is faster, and he reaches the door, and in the next second, Niall is standing at the doorway with a frown and Harry isn't sure what to say as he stands next to Niall. "Is he okay?"

"No. Apparently" Harry turns to Niall, "I'll get him" Niall nods.

"Call me!" Niall shouts after him.

Harry finds Zayn on the streets trying to pull a cab. "You honestly couldn't even hear it?"

Zayn frowns at him, "Louis is in the hospital"

Harry blinks. _Oh_. "My car is here, come on" Zayn doesn't protest this time and follows Harry.

=====

"An accident?" Zayn panics once the nurse informs them about what happened to Louis.

"Yes, but no major injuries" the nurse smiles at him, "He nearly broke his leg, but luckily he didn't. He should be out in a minute" Zayn thanks her before she goes and waits for Louis to walk out of the room.

"Oh my … Did I get you worried?" Louis smiles as Zayn engulfs him in a tight hug, "Zee, I'm fine!" he chuckles but doesn't pull back nor push Zayn away. He stands there hugging Zayn back. "Sorry" he ruffles Zayn's hair as they finally pull apart.

Louis sees Harry and smiles brightly, "Oh!" then frowns turning to Zayn, "You left the party! Zee, I'm so sorry!"

Zayn shakes his head, "We should get you home" Louis tries to protest, to make Zayn and Harry return to the party, but Zayn rejects everything he says. And Harry doesn't interfere. He simply drives back to Zayn and Louis' apartment.

Zayn stays with Louis in the backseat, and Harry could see in the rear-view mirror how Zayn restricts Louis' movement, because according to what Zayn said 'It might not be broken but it still hurts and he shouldn't cause more pain to the area or it might get worse'

Once they arrive, Zayn puts Louis on the sofa and heads to the kitchen. Harry follows.

"So you didn't go because Niall was making a big announcement?"

"I can ask him later" Zayn simply replies.

"If you had known that it wasn't major would you have stayed?"

Zayn turns to him, "No. Louis comes first" then exits the kitchen. Harry smiles, he wishes he had a sibling, or someone as close to him as Zayn and Louis are. They're not connected by blood, but they're the closest to family than Harry had ever seen. Yes, he has some friends, good ones, and a family, but it is not the same. Harry returns to the living room to join the duo.

Louis accepts the water glass from Zayn as he sits next to him. He glances at Harry then back at Zayn. "Can I ask for something to eat?"

Zayn smiles, "Of course"

"And don't forget our guest!" Zayn rolls his eyes as he gets up heading back to the kitchen. Louis waits until he's out of sight to motion for Harry to come closer. "So? Did anything happen? Did they kiss?"

Harry chuckles, "No" Louis sighs and crosses his arms over his chest. "Why aren't you telling him?"

"Telling him what?" Louis frowns. Harry gives him a knowing look and Louis takes a deep breath glancing behind Harry for a second before hearing some quiet sounds from the kitchen. "He won't listen" Harry opens his mouth but Louis shakes his head, "Not even to me" Harry stares at him for a couple of seconds before Louis speaks up again with a smile, "You never know … It might be there. I support his decisions and will always wish him the best"

Harry sighs and gets up, "I'll be on my way then" Louis frowns, "Sorry. We'll catch up later"

=====

Harry doesn't see Zayn or Louis for a whole week, but he gets Louis' messages saying that Zayn isn't allowing him to go out until he 'fully recovers'. He sees Niall sometimes at the campus, but he's always busy and he would only stop for a small talk before he's gone.

At the club today though, Harry understands Zayn's grumpy mood. _Louis isn't with him_. Ant approaches him with furrowed brows.

"Where's Louis?"

"He broke his leg" Ant stares at him for a while. "I'll cover for him" Ant doesn't seem to be pleased but nods anyway then walks towards the others. Harry takes a seat next to him.

"Louis didn't break his leg"

"Shut up" Zayn mumbles. "There's about two hours left, wanna get out of here?" Harry shrugs and stands up.

"Where are we going?"

Zayn smirks, "To the place your big show is being held at" Harry raises his eyebrows, "It's not outside this place. I just don't want to be in the same room with … them" Zayn turns around and Harry glances around before following after him.

They take an elevator to the floor below, but it takes more time than necessary that makes Harry wonder just how big the place is to take so many floors to reach. Zayn doesn't tell him anything until the doors open and Harry's eyes go wide.

"Wow"

The arena is much bigger, the ring is there at the center surrounded by a cage as usual, and Zayn hops down the stairs towards it.

"Thought you might want to see it before the show"

"Why?" Zayn stops and turns to him, "Why is it different this time? Who am I facing?"

"Oh" Zayn turns his way downwards, "You get a survival match. Your opponents are experts" he reaches the cage and unlocks it, "There are usually five, but Ant listed eight" Zayn steps to the side to allow Harry in, "I'd have told you earlier, but you wouldn’t back off anyway, so … Here it is"

Harry nods slowly as he spins around once, "So Ant is willing to make a piece of meat out of me … So much for being the champ around here"

Zayn laughs quietly, "Ant cares for his team to win. You're not the only one who's stepping inside" he leans back on the ropes, "Liam is getting in as well"

Harry walks to him and does the same, "How's everything with Niall?"

Zayn shrugs, "He said he'd tell me later. Dunno, something happened and he decided to wait"

"And you?"

Zayn takes a deep breath, "I'm okay" Harry isn't convinced, but he lets it slip. Zayn pushes himself off the ropes, "You might want to warm up before your match. It's not easy"

"I'd have an opponent to train with, but I only have you"

Zayn narrows his eyes at him, "You think I can't fight?"

"Can you?"

Zayn chuckles, "Not really … I thought I might learn something by watching but it's harder than I thought"

Harry pushes himself off as well, "Might train you then" Zayn cocks an eyebrow, "What you got to lose?"

"An arm or a leg?"

Harry laughs, "I'm not going to hurt you"

"Can't promise the same" Zayn smirks.

"Zayn … You can't even scratch me" Zayn tilts his head with that look in his eyes again, "Alright, no. This won't work. Not this time"

"But" Zayn starts, "I can" he grins quickly making Harry laugh again.

Harry tries to adjust Zayn's posture before he starts to give him some instructions on how to throw a punch or a kick. Zayn might have had a chance if he was more patient, but he isn't and Harry finds his short temper amusing. Zayn has agility, and Harry found it amazing how Zayn could avoid his hits at different angles. It might have sparked something inside his mind but he quickly pushes it away. Zayn bites his lip, his eyes are darting quickly over Harry before launching forwards. If it wasn't Harry, Zayn might have knocked him down, he'd give him that, but right now, Harry easily flipped him on the floor. Zayn tries to break free but Harry pins both of his arms on top of his head with one hand, gaining an advantage at both weight and size.

"Just because you're a pro" Zayn huffs in irritation as some hair strand fall on his eyes. Harry smiles at that. His grip is not so tight to bruise, and Zayn already stopped fighting back so he doesn’t need to put much effort in pinning him down.

Someone claps his hands twice from their side and they turn to find Ant.

"Calm Liam down" he directs his words at Zayn who rolls his eyes and turns his head away. "Now" Ant orders and leaves the arena. Harry lets go of Zayn so they can both stand up, and he doesn't need to ask to know what Ant's words mean.

"There are other means to cool him down. Allow me to try one" Harry smirks. Zayn blinks in confusion. "Trust me, he'll still be in shape for the show" Zayn's face breaks into an amused grin.

"Don't care if he isn’t"

=====

"That one will go first" Zayn whispers to him pointing at a man, "He had an injury in his right arm-"

"Stop" Harry interrupts him making Zayn frown and look up at him, "I'm not going to use that to my advantage. It's cheating, and it's low, even from you"

"I'm helping you!"

"I don't want it" Harry says sternly, "I'm up for whatever they bring"

Zayn opens his mouth to speak but Liam passes by, glaring at Harry. Zayn closes his mouth again. "I get what I want. You are _not_ going to stop me"

Harry smirks pulling Zayn towards himself who comes easily, probably not to stand up to Liam. "I think I've already established that you're dead wrong"

Liam steps closer and Harry tightens his grip on Zayn, "I doubt you'll be able to protect your little cute boyfriend after your fight" he turns his gaze to Zayn, "Hope you're prepared" then he's gone.

"Big mouth" Harry shakes his head and letting go of Zayn, "I doubt he can win his" he doesn't comment on Liam's description and neither does Zayn.

The show begins. Ant calls for Zayn by his side, leaving the others, and Harry is glad because Liam can't reach him while he's at Ant's side and hopes he won't after the show.

The fights go on until Liam's turn to go inside. Eight men, like Zayn told him, start entering the cage in a specific time, one by one, and the one that taps out or blacks out is pushed off the ring. Liam surprisingly wins over the first five and struggles considerably with the remaining three. Harry even guesses that one of his arms might be broken, even if the amount of blood he'd lost isn't that much at all, but the weariness that's taken over his body is immense.

One thing that he's glad of is that he was not the first to go. Ant must have wanted to show him what he's up to even if he thinks that Zayn showed him earlier this place on Ant's request. He has some time after Liam gets out wiping the blood off his face and smirking at Harry even in his condition. Zayn told him that his opponents are not like before, and he'd get the tough ones instead, so he can only guess it's getting more bloody than usual.

It turns true when he starts his fight. The first opponent stalls until the next enters and he is facing two already in a brutal fight. He manages to take them out by the time the third gets in and before he does with two seconds, he can see Zayn's face 'I told you so' and he wishes at that moment if he'd listened to Zayn, at least know what his opponents are up to. But he asked for it and by the fifth guy that enters, Harry curses himself for being involved in such thing. Mike was right all along and he'd give him the 'talk' once he hears about this. Not to mention how he'll be so messed up to even show up at his classes. He's thankful he doesn't live with his parents right now.

His last opponent is the one Zayn was talking about. And even though he wanted nothing than to crush his injured arm and to have a quick win, he doesn't. He keeps it clean and professional. Only if his trainer knew what he does. He might kick him out of the tournament. Harry makes a quick decision. He is not coming back to this place … Once the tournament starts.

By a miracle, Harry wins. Ant allows Zayn to go to him once he's out. Despite Harry's condition, Zayn smiles amusingly as he helps Harry outside.

"You're clearly happy that I got beat up"

"Not at all" Zayn's voice still has a hint of amusement in it that makes Harry turn to glare at him.

"I saved your ass. _Literally_ "

"Which I'm thankful for"

Harry wants to scold him but he decides against it once he sees Liam's red face, clearly pissed that he didn't get what he wants. _Again_. Harry smirks as they head outside.

He is thankful he can still drive at his condition, and refused to allow Zayn to drive at his place. They pass Harry's route making Zayn turn to him with narrowed eyes.

"Where the hell are you taking me?"

"It's a secret" Harry smirks.

"If you kidnapped me, Louis is going to chop off your dick and shove it down your throat until you choke and die"

Harry glances at him and nods slowly, "Good to know"

They enter a road near the woods and Harry takes a turn inside. He can see Zayn pulling out his phone to find that it has no signal.

"Honestly, where are we going?" he sighs slumping back in his seat with a frown as his eyes glance outside.

Harry doesn't reply and keeps driving until he reaches the spot he wants. He shuts down the car and exits it, grabbing a first-aid box from the boot handing it to Zayn once he's out as well. Zayn notices they're near the top of a hill, and the only light is coming from Harry's car and the faint light from the moon.

"Where are we?" Zayn asks again as Harry takes a seat on the ground.

"I needed a time out" Harry simply replies, ignoring Zayn's question, and taking his shirt off for Zayn to treat his wounds. Zayn shakes his head and does what Harry asks in silence.

"Running away from someone?" Zayn asks with a smile. "You don't normally come to the club that early, and I wouldn't guess you like the wild life" he spreads his hands around with the same smile. Harry doesn't answer. "Oh, come on. How come you ask whatever you want and I don't?"

Harry shrugs, "You did ask what you want" Zayn gives him an annoyed look. "It's not like you give me an answer when I do" Zayn presses hard on a cut making Harry wince and glare at his direction.

"That's all I can do with what I have" Zayn leans back and closes the box. Harry nods, getting up to put the box back and turning off the lights then grabbing a jacket from the backseat and lying on the grass after wearing it. They're far from the city and the night sky is showing too many stars, along with the calm around him, it's soothing. He closes his eyes.

Zayn's brows furrow as he stares at him. "You're going to sleep here?" Harry doesn’t reply. "At least drive me back home!" Harry doesn't reply again. "Harry!"

"You're too loud. It's not like it's dangerous. There're no bugs, don't worry, and there're no animals here either"

"I'm not sleeping on the grass" Zayn crosses his arms, "Take me back home" he repeats.

"What's the rules again? You're my prize for the night. So keep quiet"

Zayn glares down at him and pulls his phone out. His battery died and he groans inwardly. He waits for a while, Harry isn't planning to move so he moves slowly to pull Harry's phone out of his pocket. It's locked with a password and his tries run out. He pulls Harry's car keys next.

"You don't even know the way out"

"You're still awake" Zayn mumbles putting Harry's phone and keys back in his pockets.

Harry opens his eyes and sighs. "You'll find it relaxing if you just tried" Zayn turns to glare at him again but Harry opens his arms. Zayn stares at him for a minute before turning his head forward again. "My father is visiting me. I can't show up looking like this … He'll ask"

Zayn turns to him with genuine curiosity, "You could've told me earlier. Louis wouldn’t mind having you in our flat" he replies with a quiet voice. Harry tucks his hands behind his head. "Did you at least call him? He'll worry about you"

"Then it's a point for me" Zayn frowns, "My family isn't like you and Louis" Zayn lays back on the grass next to him staring at the sky.

"You seem to know that place"

Harry smiles, "I used to come here when I wanted a time for myself, away from everyone else. There's no signal in this part of the woods, and not too many know how to maneuver their way around"

Zayn frowns again, "Is this like … a restricted area?"

"I haven't been caught before if that's what you're asking"

Zayn sits up and turns his head to look at him, "I would consider you lucky. I'm not planning to go to the jail!" he whisper shouts.

Harry gives him a knowing look, "You already have a cell by your name there. How many illegal activities have you participated in so far?" Zayn presses his lips together. Harry sits up taking his jacket off, "Here" he offers it to Zayn who hesitates at first but accepts it afterwards, putting it on. Harry still offers an extended arm for Zayn again but this time, Zayn actually accept his offer, laying by his side in silence.

"I'm sorry" Zayn whispers after a while, and Harry is surprised when Zayn allows his hands to brush through his hair. "I know how it's like not to have a family supporting you … I knew Louis since we were kids" he smiles at the memory, "But we moved out together when we were sixteen" Harry would admit, he sometimes envies Zayn and Louis' relationship. "You're a good person, Harry. I'm sure someone will treat you right someday"

Harry doesn't reply to that and just closes his eyes and drifts to sleep.

=====

The next day, Harry drives Zayn back to his and Louis' apartment and he's glad when his father called and apologized that he couldn't stay for another day. His face was still messed up after another two days and Louis offered to help by covering it with some make-up products that Harry has no idea why Louis has such things or how he's so professional at doing it, but he doesn't ask, just thanks him for what he did.

He finds Niall at the campus, with a guitar that he'd seen him with before, not the one Zayn got him, inside an empty room, and a paper that Harry identifies as one that was ripped out of Zayn's notepad.

 _There’s nowhere that I wouldn’t follow_  
_There’s nothing that I won’t do for your kiss_  
_I love you like there’s no tomorrow_  
_Cause nothing ever felt like this_  
  
_There’s nothing I won’t steal or borrow_  
_I’ll travel on a boat or aeroplane_  
_I’ll explore a world of sorrow_  
_Cause when I find you I know, I know I'ma be OK_  
  
_See the times are changing_  
_And I’m sure of nothing that I know_  
_Except this is us, and this is love, and this is where I’m home_

Zayn's lyrics are always touching where it hurts the most. But that's not what Harry's attention is focused on.

Niall is singing the lyrics to someone inside the room.

_A girl._

Harry quickly pulls out his phone to dial the one person that has an effect on Zayn. Louis.

"You might want to knock some senses into Zayn's mind"

 _"I actually did!"_ Harry frowns, _"He's finally talking to Niall!"_

Harry closes his eyes, "Sorry to tell you … But he's coming home heartbroken"

Louis is silent for a moment. _"Oh …"_

=====

Harry really tried to keep track on Niall but he failed, and he had to call Louis again to know about Zayn's whereabouts. Although Louis' body was radiating anger mixed with worry, he acted cool.

Harry was the first to arrive, and from his place he can see Niall and Zayn and he can hear as well. But he doesn't move. Because he is not someone that can affect Zayn's decisions and he wishes Louis would hurry the fuck up. And two, Zayn is wearing the brightest smile on his face that he fears is going to be wiped away soon enough.

"I'm here to tell you something!" they both say at the same time and laugh afterwards.

"Okay you go first" Zayn offers.

"I had a record deal in Australia!" Niall says with a wide smile and Zayn's falter. "I wanted to tell you weeks ago but then some conflicts happened and I didn't know if I could make it and I lacked money, but then I managed to have it again. Thanks to you!" Zayn blinks. "The guitar you gave me. I sold it and it gave me the money I wanted!"

"That … was a gift" Zayn manages to get out.

"Well … It was for me. And I don't think you'd mind anyway?" Zayn blinks again. "So, I'm leaving next week with Dalphine-"

"Dalphine?" Zayn frowns.

"Yes. I was going to introduce you two but I was so busy handling the whole record thing and I didn't get much time. But you're going to love her! She's sweet and beautiful and …" Niall keeps rambling about her traits and Zayn stares with wide eyes and furrowed brows.

"Your girlfriend" he says quietly.

Niall grins even wider, "Yes!" Zayn closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as Niall continues, "I just wanted to tell you since you're my friend and I really appreciate what you've done so far" he pauses as Zayn opens his eyes again but not meeting his. "So … What was the thing that you wanted to tell me?"

Zayn looks up again and Niall waits. "When did you exactly meet her?"

Niall thinks for a minute, "A month ago"

"A month, Niall?!" Zayn asks in disbelief. "I can't even … This is too much" he shakes his head. Niall frowns and reaches for him when Zayn tries to walk away. "I gave you everything! And you just … A month?!"

"I don't understand?"

Zayn stops, "I came to tell you that I love you. Have been for three years now. But I obviously lost to a one-month relationship! I even prepared a long speech for all the moments we shared, but no, I still lose to a girl that you barely know!"

"I'm sorry" Niall says after a minute of silence.

"You're sorry?" Zayn asks in a calm tone, but Harry knows he's breaking from the inside, and that instead of crying he chose to shout at Niall. "You're telling me that all these years not even a one time you felt my feelings for you?" his voice breaks confirming Harry's doubts.

"I couldn't lose you as a friend"

"So you knew?" Zayn asks, "Since when?" he requires.

Niall avoids his gaze, "The first time you said you'd do anything for me to enter the collage of my dreams"

Zayn stares at him for another moment. "And you couldn't save us from this moment long time ago? You left me pining?" Niall doesn't reply, "This grew inside of me. You knew it would!" Zayn's eyes turn glossy.

"I'm truly sorry" Niall repeats his apology, but Harry can see how not a single tear or shake would affect his body. All that runs through his mind is that Niall used Zayn and the latter foolishly obeyed. The first time he met Zayn, he thought of him as a heartless bastard with good looks, but it turns out that Zayn does whatever he can for those that he cares for. Contrary to the first time he met Niall, he thought of him as a kind person. But what Harry didn't expect is for this to come out. And it's not a funny change of roles.

"She doesn't know you, and you can’t be sure about her feelings for you … I'm still here Niall!" What Harry didn't also expect is for Zayn to keep fighting after knowing the truth. "You're traveling for a record deal … I can get you that here"

Niall frowns, "I know you can" he mumbles, "But I can't stay here" he lets go of Zayn's arm.

"Niall" Zayn tries again with pleading eyes, but Niall shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, but I love her" he walks away and the last statement hits Zayn the most.

Harry watches as Zayn stares after Niall with wide eyes until he's out of his sight. He walks backwards until his back hits a wall and he slides down slowly, bringing his legs up so he can rest his head between his arms there. He starts breaking silently. And Harry's heart break for him.


	4. 03

Louis only muttered to him that the traffic was heavy before kneeling beside Zayn and brushing his fingers through Zayn's hair to make him look up. Harry still remembers the look on his face, the silent tears, and his big glossy-red eyes looking up at Louis. They don't talk, Louis just smiles softly at him while stroking his cheeks before taking Zayn in his arms and allowing him to let it out. Harry doesn't interfere, it's not his place to say or do anything, and he was about to leave when Louis asked him for a ride home, cradling an already sleeping Zayn. He remembers how Louis' face was cold, and Harry understands, Louis probably wants nothing more than to go after Niall and cut him to tiny pieces until he's satisfied. The drive is silent, and Louis doesn't even smile when he thanks him for the ride. Harry doesn't blame him.

Harry doesn't receive any messages from Louis for a whole week, but then he gets a call the following one asking for a ride to the airport.

"The airport?"

_"Niall's flight is today, and Zayn isn't home. He is not answering his phone either, and it's the only place I can think of"_

Harry sighs, "I'll pick you up"

Louis thanks him again and Harry isn't sure why he is involved but he agreed to it and he drives to Louis' place first before heading to the airport.

They're not late. They find Zayn, and Niall along with his girlfriend, but Louis doesn’t move.

"Didn't you come here to stop this from happening again?"

Harry watches Louis' reaction but Louis is calm, he is still not smiling and probably glaring at Niall but he doesn't move, just watches as Zayn stares at Niall and Dalphine sharing kisses then diverting his eyes and taking a deep breath before approaching the couple.

"No. He needs this" Harry frowns at Louis' statement. If he was at Louis' shoes, he wouldn't. But Louis knows Zayn the best, and Harry finds himself watching another heartbreaking scene.

Niall frowns once he sees Zayn and Dalphine furrows her brows too. Zayn's face is blank, he has bags under his eyes and his hair is messy, and Harry thinks it's unfair for Zayn to still look good in this condition.

"Just listen to me for five minutes before getting on that plane" Zayn's voice is quiet, and he doesn't glance at Dalphine's way, just fixes his gaze on Niall. Niall stares at him for a minute before nodding. "The record deal you're going for is uncertain. I know some people and … You're just auditioning, Niall. You don't know for sure they'll even take you" Zayn pulls a card out of his pocket, "This is a friend of mine, just call him. I told him about you and made him listen to some of your songs and he's more than eager to sign a deal right away" he offers the card to Niall and waits.

"Wait … I know you!" Dalphine breaks the moment, "You're working at that club" Niall frowns and turns to her, "He's a prostitute" she tells Niall, and Zayn doesn't correct her. He isn't, and even if he was doing half of the things he does, it was for a good reason. But Niall turns to Zayn with wide eyes.

"How does she know that?" Harry whispers to Louis.

"Might be a stripper, or lost someone to Zayn. There are so many people that enter the club, I can't tell if she was one of them" Louis shrugs. Wait. _Does she hold a grudge against Zayn? Is that why she's doing this?_

"It's not a night club … But I did gather the money through some … activities. You don't think I paid for your collage fees while working as a waiter or something?" Harry again thinks that Niall should at least appreciate that Zayn resorted to such means for him.

"And this friend of yours is one of your clients?" Dalphine presses in again even after Zayn denying the fact that he isn't what she described him earlier, not exactly. "Niall, you have a chance to show off your skills!" she smiles at Niall, "Through someone who'd look at your talent, not through someone's ass" she sends a dirty look towards Zayn who narrows his eyes at her. _Have she not heard a word he said?_

Niall takes the card from Zayn and stares at it. It's a good opportunity. Zayn's still offering him a job after all that he's done. But Dalphine takes it from him quickly and tears it apart.

"You promised me Niall!" there are tears gathering in her eyes that Zayn doubts it's even real, but Niall still turns to her as she cups his face, "We don't have to be bound to this place! We can be so much together! I'm sure of it! I believe in you!" her tears does fall on her cheeks that Niall wipes away gently. Zayn averts his gaze again.

Niall's flight is called and he turns to Zayn again, "You're not even going to consider my offer, are you?" Niall opens his mouth but closes is again. "Niall, please. Just think about it. When did I ever led you to a wrong way?"

Harry can see Niall's struggling, Dalphine's temper getting shorter and shorter as she pulls on Niall's arm, Zayn's still hopeful eyes, and Louis' tight fists by his side.

"Fuck this!" Louis storms down the stairs, pushing past people. Harry doesn't move, he doesn't know if he should or not, so he just keeps his position as he shifts his gaze back on Zayn and the couple.

"Niall!" Dalphine calls from his side and Niall closes his eyes for a moment.

"I'm sorry" Niall says and allows Dalphine to pull him away.

Harry thinks that Louis is capable of doing so much harm to the couple if he wanted to, but Zayn won't let him, he knows that much, because Louis chose to reach Zayn and pull him in his arms instead of running after the couple and ruin them.

"I'm not good enough, Lou"

"You're the most amazing person I've known in my entire life, so don't you dare to say that about yourself!"

Louis' words are soft even if it holds so many emotions in it, and his glare is so hard that if looks could kill, Niall and Dalphine would be dead by now, but his embrace is tight and gentle at the same time. Harry decides it's time for him to join the duo, offering a ride home, mainly directed to Louis, because Zayn doesn't seem to be aware of anyone else' presence other than Louis.

And for the first time, when Harry drives the duo back home, Louis smiles, and offers him coffee, like he's thankful Niall is no longer a part of Zayn's life even if it’s a lie he's telling himself. Niall might be out of the country but definitely not out of Zayn's life. Not yet. Harry still doesn't understand how Louis can relax while Zayn is probably crying himself to sleep silently in his room.

And it's like Louis is reading Harry's mind judging from the frown on his face. Harry watches as Louis' face change from a smile to something cold, like his façade is falling.

"One of us has to be strong for the other, Harry. I can't be similar. We'll fall apart"

Harry looks down at his cup without a single word. He should've known that.

=====

Another week that Harry doesn't hear from the duo. It's only when he's back at the club that he sees Zayn sitting alone with a deep frown on his face. He looks healthy though, no bags, no red-eyes, his weight is also not changing, so it's a good sign. He spots Louis next with two bags in his hands –food– as he hands Zayn one and sits next to him. Zayn doesn't open it and Louis sighs.

"If you're not going to eat, I'm not going to as well"

"I feel like throwing up, Louis!" Zayn whines.

"We'll starve if you didn't, now come on" Louis presses and waits for Zayn to pick up his sandwich and eats it. Louis smiles proudly and Harry notices a small smile playing on Zayn's lips as well.

"Was that so hard now?" Louis asks once they're finished making Zayn glare at him.

Louis sits cross-legged with his phone in his hands, sharing his earphones with Zayn who is cuddled to Louis' side and closing his eyes. Harry chooses to join in at this moment. Louis greets him but Zayn doesn't open his eyes. Harry sends Louis a nod towards Zayn and he answers with a smile.

Ant bangs the door open making everyone go silent as they stare at him. He walks towards his office but passes by them on his way and calls for Zayn. Louis nudges him but Zayn doesn't move.

"Zayn" Ant calls again as he stops in his tracks, halfway to his office, Zayn opens his eyes lazily, "My office" Ant leaves and Harry watches as Louis sends a look of disgust at his back. Zayn still doesn't move. Harry doesn't need to guess.

Five minutes after, Ant storms out again towards them. Louis goes on defense mode, ready to stand at any moment if Ant dares to do a move, and Harry would admit he might have reacted the same. Zayn looks up with a bored look on his face.

"I called for you"

"Yeah, heard you the first time"

Ant narrows his eyes at him, "I still can't see you moving"

"Fuck off, Ant" Zayn replies and closes his eyes again.

Louis glances at Zayn, Harry does as well, as Ant crosses his arms over his chest. "Excuse me?"

Zayn takes a deep breath opening his eyes and stands up, "I said fuck off. I'm not in the mood for you, and it's not even pleasurable"

Ant huffs a breath, "You obviously forgot who you are"

"I'm the one who keeps your business going. I'm the one who brought you in your best stars. And I'm the one who you ask for each time, so no, I know who I am very well. Fuck. Off" he glares at Ant as he sits back returning to his previous position then shoos Ant with one hand. Louis' eyes are wide as Ant grits his teeth but leaves nonetheless. The rest of the people around have their mouth gaped, and Harry is impressed.

"Who thought you had this in you!" Louis turns to him with a frown and shakes his head then turns back to Zayn.

"He's not going to let it slip away"

Zayn takes another deep breath, "I know"

=====

The club is crowded as usual, Ant doesn't interact with Zayn so far but keeps bothering Louis with his orders and Louis doesn't object, probably paying for Zayn's behavior earlier, but Zayn doesn't seem pleased as his eyes follow Louis around with a frown on his face.

Ant finally moves towards Zayn and whispers in his ear when the third match for the night begins, "Last row, the seat near the exit. Get him to the ring and you're forgiven" then he walks away. Louis approaches him as well with sympathetic eyes but Zayn shakes his head. He doesn't shift his gaze up towards the man Ant mentioned earlier until a long moment later. It's slow and he finds the man staring back, but Zayn can't read his expression.

Harry noticed that the man has been ogling Zayn since the moment he walked in, and Louis even tried to turn his gaze but it didn't work. Zayn stays at his place until the fight is over and Liam is up next then Harry for the final show. Louis senses his unease and tries to calm him down, rubbing his hands at Zayn's arms and keeping his position by his side.

"I can't do it" Zayn shakes his head, "I'll head to the bathroom"

"I'll come with you" Louis fears that Zayn might not be alright but Zayn dismisses him.

Once Zayn is out of the door the man from earlier stands up from his seat and follows him. Louis panics but Harry follows them so he calms down again.

Zayn is not even past the hallway when the man catches up and blocks his way, one hand resting on the wall behind Zayn.

Zayn knows Ant asked him to, but he can handle Ant later. He can't seduce a man right now, not when he feels like throwing up if not fainting.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Zayn brings his gaze up.

"Not sure if you do, kitten. But I do" the man smirks but Zayn just blinks at him. He turns his head to the side, checking the hallway, but he doesn't see anyone. "I'm not going to pull a move on you" Zayn's eyes turn to his again, face blank. "I like to earn my prize"

Zayn inhales sharply, "I'm not a prize to win"

"You're much more than that, kitten. But you're not up for that" The man keeps his smirk and Zayn frowns.

"I have no idea who you are, and I don't care about whatever motive you have" Zayn moves to the side and the man doesn’t stop him.

"You're not going to at least give me a chance, kitten?"

Zayn reaches the door but turns one last time. "Don't call me that" then he's out of the door. Someone pulls him to the side and he relaxes when he finds it's Harry.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks out of concern.

"Do I look like I'm okay?" Zayn replies with a tired expression then pushes his hair back. Harry opens his mouth to talk but he's interrupted by a figure standing next to them.

Harry sees the same man and he steps forward to cover Zayn, "You want something?"

The man smirks trying to glance behind Harry but Zayn isn't looking his way, "You get your way around through a fight, no?" he turns his gaze to Harry. "I'm guessing you're the champ here?" Harry doesn't reply. The man nods, "Alright then" then he walks away, but Harry can see he's heading towards Ant who has an approving look on his face. Zayn didn’t even try, and he wonders if Zayn ever tries at all.

It doesn't take more than a few minutes for Ant to tell him that the guy from earlier is his new opponent. With Zayn being put on the table. Somehow, Harry thinks Ant is doing this to get back at Zayn, but it's what Zayn usually does, so he doesn't know anymore.

Louis takes Zayn and they sit at the front row. Ant closes the cage once both are inside. And the fight starts.

The guy is focused on Harry, and the calm temper he's having like he's shutting down everything around him making Harry's mind alarmed. He moves fast, throwing his first punch that Harry tries to avoid but fails, and the hit is so strong he falls. He isn't sure if the guy has hidden metals inside his fists. The guy doesn't hit him while he's on the ground which is something that Harry doesn't understand but neglects it for now as he goes on. A few more punches and kicks and Harry identifies his style of something very close to a pro wrestler.

Ant sends a look towards Zayn and Louis, when he sees Harry struggling. Louis turns to Zayn but Zayn can't do anything. He knows he has to help Harry, he's a friend which he should do it if not for his job, but he just can't.

"Zayn?" Louis leans closer, his voice is filled with worry. Zayn shakes his head and covers his mouth with one hand and he stands up and hurries away. Louis glances at Ant then at the ring before following Zayn. Zayn doesn't make it to the doors before he's vomiting and falling on his knees. Louis is quickly by his side to keep his balance.

Inside the ring, Harry's opponent shift his gaze towards Zayn and Louis bent on the floor. Harry thinks there's worry in the man's eyes and he might not resort to using Zayn and Louis but for the first time, he's thankful. And again, Zayn doesn't even try for the man's attention to shift towards him.

But Harry doesn't get to have his way, because the man's attentions snaps towards him and in the following minutes, Harry is on the ground with a ringing in his head.

Harry loses the match.

The crowd in silent for a moment. Ant is in deep thought. And Louis pulls Zayn to his feet leading him to the bathroom to clean up.

=====

"We can run" Louis offers as he leans back. Zayn is sat on the floor next to him, "And if Ant asked we can say a relative died and we needed to go"

Zayn shakes his head with a smile, "We don't have relatives"

"Right …" Louis trails, "Well, think about the bright side …"

Zayn takes a deep breath and stands up, "There is no bright side for us, Lou. We're in a middle of a fucked up life" he offers a hand for Louis to stand up.

"He didn't try on a move earlier … Maybe he's someone like Harry?" Zayn thinks for a minute then shrugs. "Keep the same procedures then" Louis grabs his shoulders and waits for Zayn to nod then exit the bathroom together.

Zayn's jacket is ruined along with his pants, he managed to clean the stain on his pants but gave the jacket to Louis. On his way out he finds Ant with the guy from earlier that Zayn doesn't bother to even know his name and leaves with him.

Louis goes to Harry and he drives to his place instead of Harry's to treat his wounds. Harry apologizes for not being able to save Zayn from this one, especially when he needs it the most, but Louis offers a smile and tells him it's okay, and that Zayn is capable of taking care of himself. Probably to convince himself more than Harry.

He gets a text minutes later, and Harry can see its content.

=====

The guy –Zayn got to know his name by now, Erik– leads him to his fancy car making Zayn almost gag. He offered already a huge amount of money to Ant for his fight to cover any losses, and he's sure that Ant would consider making him join the team. He opens the car for Zayn first and Zayn would've probably appreciated the action if it was someone else. He gets in the car next and Zayn chooses to keep his face towards the side window instead.

"I don't know why you keep having the vibes that I'll jump on you, kitten"

One. Zayn hates the nickname. Two, he's learned not to trust the men he leaves with. So he doesn't reply. Erik sighs and starts driving.

Once they arrive to a big house, Zayn doesn't change the bored look on his face. He knows why he's here, and he'd be surprised if he's even able to do it tonight. He still allows Erik to move to his side and open the door for him, because he wants to stall, nothing more.

Zayn doesn't pay attention to the details inside the house, he doesn’t care. Erik leads him to a room and they stop inside.

"I can see your clothes got dirty. You can change" Zayn narrows his eyes at him. _Why waste time if he's going to pull them off anyway?_ Erik walks him to the bed and Zayn has to blink a few times to process what's on the bed. "I think you might want to take a shower first" Erik whispers in his ear as his hands rest on Zayn's sides. "I like a show"

Zayn freezes. On the bed, there's a Victoria Secret bag that Zayn doesn't want to know what's inside along with a make-up box next to it. _A show_. "For how long have you been stalking me?"

Erik smirks, "For long enough, kitten" he then steps back, "I'll get cleaned up as well. Please, take your time. I know perfection needs it" he walks towards the door but turn again to Zayn, "Although that rule doesn't quite apply on you"

Zayn gulps when the door closes behind him. He stares at the bag for a minute before pulling the items out. He stares again at the lingerie pieces then drops it back on the bed. This is too much. Zayn doesn't even want to explore Erik's other kinks.

The first thing Zayn does is sending a text to Louis with the address, because if anything happened to him, Louis should know. He takes his clothes off and keeps his phone in his pants' pocket just in case.

He still follows what Erik asked him to, because he doesn’t have any other option, and he might need a quick shower before he's up to anything. Inside, there's a razor sitting by the bathtub along with a body moisturizer. Zayn doesn't use them normally, but he curses as he picks the items up.

He finishes and holds the lingerie in his hands for a long moment before slipping them on. Zayn gets a weird sensation that every piece fits perfectly, and even the Stilettos are just his size. Zayn's body begins shaking, he's dealing with an obsessive stalker. He can't even hold the eyeliner pen. He should probably consider getting out of this place as fast as he could.

He considers calling Louis, tell him that he loves him and that he's the best thing to ever happen to him. But he might be overreacting, and he doesn't want Louis to be worried about him either.

The color leaves Zayn's skin once the door is opened and he's too scared to even turn. _He reconsiders calling Louis_. He forces himself to take a deep breath, but he can't stand up, so he turns slowly. He stares for a minute, blinks for another. Erik isn't at the door.

_It's Harry._

But Harry is speechless, Zayn is in lingerie, and he can't not stare. Once Louis got a message of Zayn's address he left for it. Something about Erik didn’t feel right, and Zayn isn't in a condition for anything right now, even if he's physically fine, he's still mentally damaged and heartbroken. He needed to get him out, and that's why he's exactly here.

Harry forces his eyes to meet Zayn instead of staring at his body, because it's too much, and he can't get hard in front of Zayn, not right now, it's inappropriate. Zayn's eyes are wide and his mouth is slightly apart so Harry makes the first move. He grabs Zayn's clothes from the floor and pulls Zayn to his feet.

"What are you doing?" Zayn whispers, still wide-eyed.

"Getting you out" Harry replies simply.

"He's filthy rich. He might have cameras all over this place!"

"Do you want to stay?" Harry stops and turns. Zayn's eyes leave his for a moment before huffing and shaking his head. Harry smiles and walks out carefully until they reach his car.

"Text Louis and tell him that you're with me"

Zayn does and pauses for a minute. _Louis asked Harry to get him? Wait_ … "How did you manage to get in?"

"A friend helped me" Harry smiles and Zayn doesn't ask more questions.

He noticed that Harry is taking the route that leads to the woods and he doesn't object. If anything, he needs a time off as well. They reach the same spot from before but Harry doesn't exit the car, he just shuts the lights and raises the heat, because it's a cold night, and Zayn is barely wearing anything. He leans his chair backwards and Zayn does the same. It's a silent moment before Zayn turns to his side to face him.

"Thank you"

"Any time" Harry replies but doesn't turn to him. He can't.

Zayn frowns when Harry doesn't. "I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. I can wear my clothes back" he glances at the backseat but Harry shakes his head.

"They're not in a condition to wear them back. And I'm not uncomfortable. I don't judge you. Whatever you do and wear is up to you" Harry turns his head to prove his point but it's a huge mistake. Zayn is wearing a soft smile, and even if Harry has to focus on his face, Zayn's eyes are enough to make him get lost. "I actually think you're quite sexy in lingerie"

Zayn chuckles, "Not my specialty but … Thanks" Harry thinks it was weird enough to say it so he turns his head back. But Zayn's reply is casual so he guesses it's alright. Zayn turns on his back again, "Do you like men in lingerie?"

Harry nearly chokes. _Is Zayn really asking that?_ He doesn't reply though and Zayn turns his head for a second to catch his expression before turning back and biting his lip to stop his grin.

"I don’t wear them, but Louis does quite frequent" Harry has no idea why Louis is brought up but he's thankful for the turn of speech. "He's not a stripper for your information" Zayn says it like Harry is ready to accuse him of such thing, like he's defending Louis but he still tells Harry, "But he can put on a show" Harry's brows come together and Zayn sees it. "You already saw what he can do with make-up"

"And you?" Harry asks turning his head to look at Zayn.

Zayn tilts his head, "One of the perks of living with Louis" he chuckles, "I can, but I don’t" he brings his legs up, staring at his Stilettos as he moves his leg and Harry isn’t sure if Zayn is pulling a normal conversation anymore. _If_ it was normal to begin with. "I mean … They don’t even wait, why put on a show from the first place? And sometimes they … it …" Harry thinks Zayn is struggling with words, not because he can't describe it but because he doesn’t feel comfortable saying it, or remembering in that case. "Things get out of hand. Let's put it that way"

Zayn glances out of the window with a frown and Harry understands what he means. They get rough. And apparently, Zayn doesn't appreciate it. But how can't they? His hands are already itching, and Zayn isn't putting on a show. He's not dancing, and Harry shouldn't be thinking about Zayn dancing, because it's just wrong. It's enough that Zayn is within his reach range in lingerie.

Instead of thinking about that, he closes his eyes. Zayn turns to him one last time before muttering a quiet 'good night'

=====

Harry wakes up first. The sun hitting his face making it impossible to get back to sleep. He stretches and turns to his side to see Zayn sleeping peacefully. His long lashes is resting upon his cheeks, and the sun shows his tanned skin. Harry didn't concentrate on what Zayn is wearing last night, not this close.

A chiffon robe that doesn't cover anything with how transparent it is, but it's slid backwards showing the lace bra, the panties, and the stockings reaching his mid-thighs, and his heels are long abandoned, all in black. Harry wonders if the skin is as soft as it looks, or how his hair feels like without products. But he cuts his thoughts short and gets out of the car quietly not to wake Zayn up.

Zayn wakes up shortly after Harry and finds a pile of clothes on Harry's seat. He glances outside to find Harry sitting near the edge of the hill. He guesses it's time to get back, and since he can't go home looking like this, he takes the clothes Harry sat for him and leaves the car.

Harry notices how big his clothes are on Zayn, but he looks soft in the morning as he sits next to Harry. Harry smiles and Zayn returns his smile.

"You know … I'm starting to like this place"

"Really?"

Zayn nods, "It's a quiet place. Gives you positive energy" Harry nods as well. "I have to say this though, I'm not sure if Ant would let this pass, and I can't tell what Erik would do. He basically paid to have his night" Harry shrugs. "Can we … stay here for a bit longer?"

Harry thinks for a moment then gets up making Zayn pout and look up with big eyes. Harry laughs and heads for the car. Zayn sighs and follows.

Harry doesn't drive out of the woods though, he takes Zayn down the hill, near the lake.

"Careful though, Down here, you might find some animals"

Zayn grins, "But you were here before and nothing happened!" Harry sighs and they both leave the car. They stay for a while there, spotting some animals but not getting near them then leave.

=====

"You eventually ran away?"

Zayn frowns, "I thought you and Harry …"

"He left but didn't tell me" Louis frowns as well.

Zayn smiles, "Oh, well, he must've wanted to not worry you"

"Your mood is lifted up" Louis notes, "Not that I don't like it, but what exactly happened?"

Zayn shrugs, "I guess the place is just magical … It's so calming, Lou. You should go someday. I mean, there were rabbits, Louis! I love rabbits!"

Louis chuckles, "I'm glad to see that smile again" Zayn sits next to him on the couch.

"Thanks to you" Zayn mumbles, "I wouldn't be anywhere without you, really" he offers a smile. "Which reminds me" he stands up again, "I just found out some useful information about your crush!"

Louis narrows his eyes at him, "You're matchmaking now?"

"Shut up, you like him. I'd say love, but you're too stubborn to admit it" Louis rolls his eyes, "Okay, so obviously, he's kind, gentle, and the second good-hearted person I've ever met" Louis scoffs. "You're the first"

Louis looks up, "Oh! Aww" he smiles, "Good, I thought you were talking about that shit-" he clears his throat, "Carry on"

Zayn cocks an eyebrow than sits back next to Louis, "I know he cares for you"

"How do you know that?"

"I just do" Louis raises his eyebrows, "So many things happened that proves my theory right" Louis gives him an amused smile, "And … your kinks match"

"And how on earth did you know that?"

"Louis, trust me. I have my ways through conversations. I know he does"

Louis nods, "Okay, enough of that. Let me-"

"You're not running away!" Zayn interrupts him pulling him back on the couch when Louis tries to stand up. "You always told me that, why can't you apply this on yourself?"

Louis sighs and looks at him, "I can't do this to you. I can't be joyful while you're not" he says quietly and Zayn looks down.

"Louis, I will never stand in your way of happiness. Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean you have to be" Louis doesn’t answer so he looks up again. "I'm not-"

"It's okay if you are" Louis smiles softly, stroking his cheeks. "You don't get over someone in a matter of a couple of weeks. But I know you will eventually, and I'll always be here for you for as long as you need"

"Fine, but promise me you won't wait just because of me"

"I can't. But I'll try to keep it on the low" Louis whispers the last part making Zayn laugh.

=====

 _When you go_  
_When you go, it's like I put my life on the line_  
_It's over. When you go_  
_When you go, I'm tripping but I'm pretending I'm fine_  
_So dumb_  
  
_Cause nobody feels you like I do_  
_Nobody kills me like you do_  
_Nothing I take can ever cut through. I'm in trouble_  
_I look at myself and I don't know_  
_How I'm stuck to you like Velcro_  
_Can't rip you off and go solo. I'm in trouble_

"Since you need someone else to sing that for you. I can offer myself" Zayn looks up. "I thought you won't be back in the campus"

Zayn shrugs, "I think it's … inspiring"

Harry takes a seat next to him, "And I thought you came for me?"

That earns a laugh out of Zayn, "Yeah, also that"

"But I'm serious. You're welcomed to visit at any time" Zayn nods and writes some more lyrics.

 _I am the diamond you left in the dust_  
_I am the future you lost in the past_  
_Seems like I never compared_  
_Wouldn't notice if I disappeared_

"Stop" Harry closes his notepad, "And calling yourself a diamond? That's a new level of amour proper" Zayn frowns, "It reminds me of the first time I met you. A real bitch"

"I'm flattered" Zayn says sarcastically.

Harry chuckles, "First impression"

"I don't blame you"

"But you're not" Harry opens his notepad again and for the first time, Zayn allows him to flip through the pages, "I admire what you do for the people you care for"

Zayn hums, "You could have it if you want" Harry looks up, "The lyrics"

"Oh" Harry closes the notepad. "So are you free tomorrow night?"

Zayn turns to him, "Why?"

Harry smiles, "Are you?"

Zayn narrows his eyes at him, "No"

"You're lying"

Zayn smiles, "Why?" he repeats.

"Because you need to get out of this black cloud you're living in"

Zayn blinks, "I'm not living in a black could" Harry cocks an eyebrow, "I'm not!" he insists.

"Fine. Call it whatever you want, but you _are_ coming with me tomorrow"

Zayn sighs, "You're not leaving me much choice" he pauses, "Are you also responsible for Erik's sudden disappearance?" Harry frowns at him, "Ant wanted him hired, but he couldn’t find him"

"He moved out" Harry simply replies and gets up, "I might or might not had a hand in it" he winks at Zayn and leaves. Zayn blinks after him.

=====

"The woods?"

"You said it cools you down"

Zayn doesn't deny that, but he still doesn’t understand why they're going at night. It could've been better at day, near the lake, perhaps seeing more animals.

Harry parks in a new spot and shuts the car down. Zayn gets out and waits for Harry who comes with a small box, covered by a cloth. Zayn frowns.

"What's that?" Harry gives him the box and Zayn removes the cloth and gasps. "Is that a bunny?"

"A white miniature lop"

"Oh my god!" Zayn smiles brightly and takes it out carefully from the box. "Did you hunt it down or something?"

Harry chuckles, "There are places to buy that. It's yours"

Zayn looks up at him, "How did you know I like rabbits?"

"You kept staring after them the other day" Zayn thought he learned from Louis, but it doesn't matter really.

"Oh my god, Harry! He's so cute!" Harry smiles and leads him further into the woods.

"This has no animals nearby. But you might want to keep the rabbit inside its cage in case it decided to jump around" Zayn does and sits the cage near him then glances around.

"Candles?"

"You have any better idea for a light source?" Zayn chuckles.

"We could've come in the morning"

"I have classes to attend to" Right. Not everyone is as free.

"This is nice. It's been a while since I've actually felt like this" Zayn whispers as he stares at the sky.

"Why are you whispering?" Harry asks but also in a whisper.

Zayn giggles, "I have no idea, but I feel light, and talking louder than that isn't for the moment"

"There's a moment now?"

Zayn pinches Harry's arm, "I don't know how to repay you for everything. Honestly"

"Never said you need to"

"I also want you to know that I'm not proud of what I did to you in the past. And I'd be grateful if you forgave me … And Louis"

"I don't hate you, or Louis. You had a reason, and I understand. I'd have probably done the same for someone I care of"

Zayn turns to him, "That person would be lucky to have you" he smiles.

Harry doesn't reply to that and sits up instead, "Want to go explore the rest of the woods? You have to keep your rabbit in the car though" Zayn pouts but gets up anyway and doing what Harry said.

"Is there any fairies inside?" Zayn jokes. Harry rolls his eyes and leads the way.

"There are some bioluminescent insects. I think fireflies count"

"Nah, not interested" Harry stops suddenly making Zayn's eyes go wide, "What? What is it?"

Harry turns to him with wide eyes as well and Zayn panics. Then smiles and just continues his way. "Nothing, just wanted to scare you. Think you might scream if I jumped"

"Prick" Zayn mumbles and glares at Harry when he turns with a grin.

"Relax, I'm not going to abandon you if anything happens in that matter … Sorry" Harry's words are genuine and Zayn just sighs and keeps following him.

They wander for a while, and Zayn finds himself not thinking about anything other than observing whatever they find on their way. For the rest of the night, Zayn finds himself happy.

=====

Louis was asleep when he got home last night and he sat the rabbit's cage inside his room carefully who was sleeping as well, so Louis was surprised a bit when he found the rabbit in Zayn's room.

"Harry gave you a rabbit?"

"Yes! Isn't he cute?" Zayn picked the rabbit out of his cage. "I was thinking to call him Mini Tommo"

"Mini me?" Louis raises his brows, "Why would you call a rabbit after me?"

"Because he's cute, warm, a little fur ball of joy, and makes me happy" Louis smiles at that. "He's not loud though" Zayn adds making Louis roll his eyes.

"Oh please, you're not quiet yourself. If only people knew"

Zayn laughs as the rabbit jumps into Louis' lap. "He already likes you" Zayn coos.

"Great! Now I have two kids to take care of!"

"Our little family is still missing a member" Zayn flatter his eyelashes at him, "You know … Since you're the mom, you need a D-"

"Shush!" Louis covers the rabbit with his arms, "He's still too young for this!"

Zayn laughs, "See? A typical mom" Louis uncovers the rabbit, gently ruffling his fur. "Don't worry little one. I'm the cool uncle" Zayn whispers to the rabbit.

=====

Louis is caught in traffic again and he calls Zayn to tell him their dinner would be very late so he can order something if he likes.

Zayn goes through the different menus, "Do you like pizza?" he asks the rabbit. "I can ask for extra vegetables?" The rabbit moves around him on the floor and stands on another menu. "You like Asian?"

His phone starts ringing and Zayn looks at the rabbit. "I should train you to fetch me stuff" The rabbit doesn't move so Zayn picks the rabbit and places it on the couch before grabbing his phone and sliding the answer button.

"Hey" he smiles.

_"What are you doing?"_

"Um, was about to order dinner … Why?"

_"Good, I still didn't have mine too. Wanna come along?"_

Zayn turns to the rabbit, "Well, you can come over if you want. I can't leave the house, I'm alone with mini Tommo"

There's a pause on the line, _"Louis?"_

Zayn chuckles, "No. Mini Tommo, the rabbit"

_"Of all the names you chose this? Anyway, you can bring him along"_

Zayn frowns, "But … Are animals allowed in … Where are we going?"

 _"Just keep him in the cage. I'll be by your building in five"_ the lines goes off and Zayn gives his phone an annoyed look then turns to the rabbit.

"Well, looks like we're heading out!" then he looks down on himself, "Do I look good? A jumper and sweats aren't bad" the rabbit walks to the edge of the couch then back to Zayn. "You're bossy" he sighs picking the rabbit and going to his room to put decent clothes on.

He finds Harry's clothes from the last night, cleaned and put neatly in a bag next to his bed. He makes a mental note to pick it up before he leaves. He opens his closet and puts on his black skinnies and a black button up shirt.

"I think I'm going to have another lecture about the black cloud" he walks to Louis' room and picks a hairband to put his hair back instead of using any products. Once he returns to the room he finds the rabbit still on the bed, he picks it up, puts it in the cage and then picks the cage and the bag sitting them near the apartment door until he puts his high tops converse on. Well, there's white in the combination.

His phone rings again and he picks it up sliding it inside his pocket after sliding the decline button along with his keys and wallet. He picks the cage and the bag again, closing the door behind him and getting in the elevator.

He sees Harry leaning on a different car wearing a black suit, and Zayn might have laughed at the all blackness in this but he's more curious about other things. If Zayn isn't mistaken, it's a black mercedes-benz maybach exelero. _How did Harry get this?_

"Where were you?"

Harry frowns, "Am I late?"

"No, but you're wearing a suit, and showing up with an expensive car" Harry blinks at him once before turning to his side of the car. Zayn learned by now that Harry doesn't share much of his personal life so he presses his lips together, putting the cage and the bag in the backseat before climbing in next to Harry.

"You didn't by any chance steal this, right?"

Harry turns to him with his brows furrowed, "No"

"You're not a member of a gang either, are you?"

Harry taps on the wheel for a few seconds, "No" he answers with a calm deep voice that makes Zayn think he's not in a good mood to start with. _Why is he here again?_

"You look good though" Zayn points out before he comes up with another question to irritate Harry. "And the car, it's nice" Zayn glances around him. "And your clothes are in the bag. I washed them"

Harry leans back and turns to him again, "Thanks, you look good yourself" his tone changed and Zayn smiles in return.

Harry drives to a restaurant that Zayn didn't enter before, and so far, he has too many suspicions, because the place is too fancy from the inside, and there's a man who offered to take the rabbit and feed it. But Harry is Harry, and the good covers the bad.

"Are you even going to tell me anything?" Harry ordered for both of them, names that he didn't even catch, and he thinks he at least has a right to ask.

But Harry just looks at him with something he can't identify, "You don't like the place?"

"I don't usually get to eat in such places, but that's not my point"

Harry looks down on the table and keeps quiet for a minute before speaking up, "I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable"

Zayn frowns, "I'm not … I won't push you to tell me, but you don't usually do this either"

Harry looks up at him, "I don't, that's true" Zayn waits for him to say anything else but Harry doesn't.

Zayn sighs, "Are we hiding from your father again?"

Harry smiles, "Kind of"

"Again, you could've stayed at mine and Louis'. And I sort of wish you told me before. I don't want to think about what you did to get the car and the suit and this … reservation"

"Don't then" Zayn stares at him for a while but Harry still keeps his face composed. "I like what you did to your hair"

"It's for when I'm lazy, actually" Harry smiles, "And you know, I kind of feel like an outsider. If I had known I'd probably wear a suit too" Zayn crosses his arms over his chest, "I can feel people staring" he whispers.

"I doubt it's because you're not in a suit" Harry whispers back. "Anyway, how's everything lately?"

"Can we not talk about my pathetic love life, please?"

"I didn't even say that"

"We can talk about yours then" Zayn smirks and leans on the table. Harry opens his mouth to reply but then sighs instead when the waiter comes back with their food. "Okay, tell me what the hell am I eating"

Harry chuckles, "I'm not poisoning you. Have a taste"

Zayn tries to focus on the food, but the place is nearly full. Even if it's quiet, each table is very far from the other and people are not loud, but each table has a couple sitting at it, and it's frustrating. He doesn't know why Harry chose this place out of so many others.

"Oh great, another old couple celebrating their 40th anniversary" he mumbles.

"Stop judging people. Let them be"

Zayn turns his gaze back at Harry, "Harry, we're the only two that are not a couple here!" he whisper shouts, "This is a place for dates. Not a usual dinner" he mumbles and leans back in his chair and abandons the rest of his plate. Harry doesn't say anything but slowly stops eating as well. He doesn't look up and Zayn narrows his eyes. "Why are we here, Harry?"

"I asked. You agreed"

"To a _date_?"

Harry looks up, "And what if it _is_?"

Zayn stares at him for a long moment then stands up and heads towards the exit. Harry sighs and goes after him. "Wasn't my intention in the first place. I didn't plan any of this" Zayn turns to him, "Okay, half of it. But hear me out?" Zayn knows they're just outside a fancy restaurant, people might be watching, and this is just _wrong_.

"I know you're going through a hard time, but you need someone to help you heal. You may not have realized it, but I do really like you, and I think I've proven myself enough that I care for you"

Zayn takes a deep breath, "Harry … Have you ever had a heartbreak? Because I'm not doing this to my best friend!" Harry frowns, "You don't care for me, you just have a good heart and I was the pathetic bloke you decided to help. You don’t like me for who I am. This is nothing. It's based on a stupid sexual interaction that didn't even go far" he takes a step backwards but Harry isn’t having it.

"Zayn, if I was basing my feelings on a sexual interaction I'd have you in my bed rather in a restaurant right now. I'm not going for that, and you know it" Harry takes the step Zayn retreated, "I don't normally do the things I did for you-"

"Me? Every time you'd tell me to step back because of Louis-"

"Because it's the only way to get inside your head" Harry cuts him off, "You were ready to do anything for him and I saw it as a chance to offer my help" Zayn shakes his head, "I know who you are, what you do and why. I never judged you, and I never will, even if I do believe half of what you do is wrong, but you had a good reason to, and I get it" Zayn frowns. "All of the times we spent together made you better, prove that wrong"

Zayn looks up at that and struggles with a response. Harry is arguing with reasons, but he has his. "Louis is in love with you"

Harry raises his brows, "Well, I'm … sorry, but I don't reciprocate his feelings. I think I made mine clear"

"Well, let me be clear as well. I'm sorry but you have to throw your feelings away, because it's not _reciprocated_ from my side" Zayn gives him a bitter smile and turns to leave. Harry doesn't stop him.

"You know what a heartbreak is, Zayn?" Harry shouts after him, "Knowing that what you said isn't true and still try to act on it. I'm not sure if it's yours or mine" Zayn stops for a moment. There are many thoughts on his mind, but Louis told him about his crush, and he can't break Louis' heart. Harry might've said a truth between his words that Zayn tries so hard to deny it, but what Harry doesn't understand is something Harry said it himself.

Zayn would do anything for the people he cares for. Even if it hurts him.


	5. 04

Zayn feels fingers brushing through his hair and stroking his cheeks before trying to flutter his eyes open. At first the vision is blurry, and he slowly blinks few more times to adjust to the new faint light in the room. The curtains are still closed, or so he guesses because he made sure they are yesterday before going to bed. He thinks it's Louis, he didn't wait up for him and maybe he's just checking on him before going out.

But it's not Louis, and if it wasn't for his sleepy condition he might have pushed that person away.

 _Harry_.

"The hell are you doing here?" He knows his voice is raspy, low, and barely above a whisper. He didn't intend for it to come out like that, but oh well.

Harry is close, he's practically half laying on the bed looking down at him, but Zayn doesn't tilt his head up for a better view nor even try to swat his hands away. There's a faint smile on Harry's face and Zayn now recognizes the light from the opened door. Another question, _how did Harry get in?_

"I met Louis at the building's entry, he gave me the key and might hinted not to wake you up" Harry's voice is also quiet, it's slow and deep and Zayn might be thankful for it at this hour. "Which I didn't" Zayn opens his eyes again to look up at him and tries his best to raise an eyebrow but all that Harry sees is big eyes staring up at him. His smile grows slightly. "I didn't" Harry insists and Zayn decides to drop it. He doesn't want to ask when he got here or for how long had he been watching him sleep because it's creepy, or probably because he doesn't want to hear the answer to it. Harry's fingers are still stroking his cheeks and he slides his thumb across Zayn's lips. In a final attempt, Zayn actually swats his hands away and pulls the covers over his face. He can hear Harry's chuckle and feels him getting off the bed.

He doesn't get out of the room though, and Zayn opens his eyes when he feels the covers being pulled away from his face momentarily before he sees his rabbit snuggling to his face.

"You forgot your … Little Louis"

"Mini Tommo" Zayn corrects him as he reaches with his hands, still under the covers, to gently stroke the rabbit's fur.

"Right" Harry pauses for a minute, still sitting on the bed, and Zayn wishes he'd just go and leave him be. He needs a little time to fully wake up. "Can we talk now?"

Zayn takes a deep breath before pulling the covers off himself and sits up. He waits for Harry to speak up and Harry glances at him before focusing his gaze on his lap.

"About last night …" _Last night_. Something that he tries to erase from his memory. "You were right about … my father. We had a sort of … argument. And I just wanted to go away to clear my mind, and you … you were the first person I thought about. That's why I called. It wasn't planned, but you mentioned it and I wanted to see your reaction and … yeah"

Zayn turns his face to look at him. A _mistake_ then? He can accept that. "And in case you're still thinking about the whole fancy stuff. The car is actually mine. I didn't buy it, my father did, but you know … It's just mine now. And the reservation was for a supposed meeting …" Harry pauses for a second and Zayn watches. He looks troubled, and he is thinking about replying, saying anything for the matter but Harry keeps going.

"I admit I was a bit out of it, and perhaps you noticed. I don't usually …" he sighs, "Yeah, not my best, but" he turns to Zayn, "I still mean what I said to you. I do like you. But I do understand that it wasn't the right time, and for that I'm sorry"

Harry can't just come to his room and talk to him about a serious matter when he just woke up. He just can't. It takes some time for Zayn to process.

"You're filthy rich"

Harry blinks and furrows his brows. It's probably not the best to talk about, but Zayn finds himself saying those words and well, if he can't process his feelings, he might focus on that.

"You didn’t join for money"

It's not a question. But Zayn still frowns. Harry hated him at that time, he barely knew him or Louis, and he is sure it wasn’t for just the 'try a new thing' either.

"Okay, hold on" Zayn raises a finger before Harry replies to him, that if he intended to at all because it's still unfair. His thoughts are not the best when he wakes up. He might have appreciated that he's the first person to come across Harry's mind when he needed to cool down, but he doesn't. He might have appreciated that Harry is giving him time after his heartbreak, but he also doesn't. "What I also said last night was me at my full conscious. I'm sorry, but that doesn’t change anything"

Zayn shifts his gaze back to the rabbit when Harry doesn't give him a reply and he doesn't even need to hear it. But Harry catches him by surprise when he opens his mouth again.

"Why did you name it after Louis?"

"Because …" Zayn smiles, "It's a joyful creature. Cute and warm. He makes me feel better at times" he still strokes the fur and the rabbit seems to enjoy it.

"Not because it reminds you of me?" Zayn stops his actions and stares at the rabbit. _Is it?_ "That you wanted to remember to connect Louis with me?" The rabbit moves from his lap and Zayn merely watches as he jumps into Harry's lap instead. Probably because Zayn wouldn’t give him attention anymore. "It's not going to happen, Zayn" Harry's tone is flat as he strokes the rabbit's fur and Zayn blinks at him slowly.

"You're not even giving him a chance"

"He's a good person, but we just won't be together" Zayn frowns. He's about to repeat his words again because Harry won't see that Louis is a great person and he will be everything Harry needs if he just gave him a chance. _Why isn't Harry giving him a chance?_ He opens his mouth to protest but Harry beats him to it first. "Would you change your mind about Niall if someone simply told you to move to another?"

"It's totally different. I'm …" Zayn pauses and looks away. Harry doesn't need to hear the rest to know what Zayn was going to say. He is not over Niall even if the latter didn’t reciprocate his feelings. "You never know who you're going to meet along the way. It's the most unexpected" his voice is quietening down again and it's hurting to hear these words coming from his own mouth. It's an indirect confession that Harry immediately picks on, but he knows, if he said them out loud, Zayn would just turn the other way again.

And Zayn isn't completely mistaken. It _is_ different. But the concept remains the same, and if Zayn is willing to talk about it, Harry might remind him of the fact that it's not the same because this time it's reciprocated. But Zayn would stick to his standards, and Harry finds himself thinking about ways to get him out of it.

But Instead of staying and replying to what Harry would come up with, Zayn stands up and heads for the bathroom. A nice hot shower would get his thoughts sorted. Or at least wake him up properly.

Once he's out, he sees the rabbit inside his cage, and Harry is not there. A sigh of relief escapes his mouth as he heads outside.

Probably too soon, because he sees Harry inside Louis' room.

Zayn leans on the door frame with his arms crossed. "You have no respect for privacy" Harry turns to him and raises his brows before turning back.

"Basically, Louis told me I'm free to do whatever. And I don't think he would mind me in his room anyway" Zayn furrows his brows and pushes his hair out of his eyes. He should've put a hairband. Louis' closet is opened, and Zayn might have countered Harry if he wasn't so true, so he settles to shake his head and leave.

"You two are the same size, right?" Zayn turns to see Harry holding a mini-jean-shorts.

"That part is solely worn by Louis. We don't share that, and I'm not wearing it for your information" he narrows his eyes at Harry. "And I thought we've closed the subject"

"No harm in imagining" Harry throws a smirk at him but Zayn shoots him an unimpressed look.

"I also thought this wasn't sexual" he raises an eyebrow.

"I thought there was nothing at all?" Harry counters making Zayn huff and leave the room.

Harry drops the item of clothing and joins him in the kitchen. Zayn is checking his phone and Harry walks behind him to sneak a peek. It's a text from Louis asking Zayn to keep Harry 'occupied' until he's back.

"I think I might be staying here forever if you wear those shorts" Zayn doesn't flinch, he simply locks his phone and moves away.

"I think it's your time to leave, actually"

"Louis wouldn't like you to drive his potential boyfriend away" He sees Zayn making coffee, only one cup at hand. "Who's apparently receiving a bad hospitality too"

Zayn turns to him and stares for a minute. "Are you or are you not giving Louis a chance?"

Harry tilts his head slightly to the side. "Well …" he drags the word slowly as Zayn takes a seat across from him. He is awake now, and his eyes are not droopy anymore, which means they're bright and big, just the way Harry knows them. "You do realize you can ask anything with those eyes, don't you?" Zayn blinks and sighs, turning his head away, probably breaking Harry's stare into his eyes.

"Well, I'm asking to give Louis a chance" Zayn's eyes go back to his again and all Harry can do is raise his brows.

"Do you want his heart broken? Because I can show you exactly how a broken heart would be" Zayn frowns. "Dancing on the strings isn't that tough. And you know what? He'll be so willing to go through it"

Zayn blinks. "I won't let you"

"You just asked me to"

"Not if you intend to do that!" Zayn raise his voice.

"Does it satisfy you to do the same then?" Harry also raises his voice. "It's only fair to taste your own medicine"

"Stop"

"Why? Does the truth hurt you so much?"

"Harry-"

"And I can watch-"

"It doesn’t suit you!" Zayn raises his voice again. "Being an asshole doesn't suit you, so please just stop … The person I know is better than that" he says quietly and stands up, dumping his cup of coffee and leaving the kitchen.

Harry sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. "Why are you insisting on that?"

Zayn stops by the door and turns to him. "I already told you. I won’t be the reason in hurting my best friend"

"Zayn" Harry opens his eyes and turns on the stool so he's facing him. "You can't put alternatives in this"

"Then I can't choose" Zayn replies and walks away to his room, closing the door behind him. Harry doesn't go after him, but he stays until Louis gets there after ten minutes and excuses himself for class even if he doesn't have any, but Louis doesn't know, and he doubts Zayn is going to tell him anything.

=====

"It's a Game Night, boys"

Zayn turns to Louis who in turn sighs but doesn't make an effort in moving. They're both half laying on the couch and Zayn's eyes search around the place as Ant keeps talking. Harry is not here, and he tries not to feel guilty about it. Harry is probably having more important things to do, but a part of him wishes he was here.

Louis asks about that night, and he simply tells him that they went out to eat when Louis couldn't make it. The morning consisted of casual conversation and he might have lied about lots of things, the smallest being that he was in the bathroom when Harry left. Zayn doesn't lie to Louis, he never did, and the guilt is eating him alive to do so. He wonders if Louis can read through him just like he always does because Louis doesn't question it further, Zayn tries not to let it slip into his mind, and at the end of the day, they're both fine.

Except they're not. Because Ant tells them they're 'pulling' with Liam, and he can see the smirk that appears on Liam's face as he looks their way. Louis gives him an assuring squeeze on his arm but it doesn't ease the feeling at the pit of his stomach as Liam approaches them.

"Looks like your bodyguard isn't going to be there for you"

"Dare to hurt him again and your new car won't be the only thing you'll be crying on" Louis stands up, hissing on Liam's face.

"Might switch him then" Liam's smirk is still present as he looks down on Louis making Zayn's blood boil.

"You'll still pay, Payne" Zayn raises his voice from his spot on the couch. "Wouldn't go for it if I were you" Louis smirks and lays back down, Zayn fixes Liam with a hard stare before the latter's smirk falls and he walks backwards a few steps then turning to leave. Zayn turns to Louis again with a smile.

=====

"You dropped out?"

Harry looks up to find Zayn sitting on the ground next to him. "I wouldn't be studying if I did" Harry points to the papers spread in front of him.

Zayn glances down on them before looking up again, "I meant the club"

"Why? Because you exist there?" Zayn stays quiet. "I'm having exams" Zayn still keeps quiet so he looks up at him with narrowed eyes and a lopsided smile. "I didn't know you miss me"

Zayn rolls his eyes, "You just weren't there, and I got worried"

"Wow, I'm almost believing that you actually care" Harry says in a sarcastic tone before returning to his studies.

Zayn frowns. "Just because we can't be together doesn't necessarily mean that I wouldn't care as a friend"

"Wouldn't care as a friend?" Harry laughs, "Zayn, you only want me there because you need me to push whoever is going to fuck you away"

Zayn stares at him for a moment before getting up. "You know what? I came to check on you because I thought there might be something serious. But if you're going to look at me that way, then trust me I don't mind. Do whatever you want. I promise you I will be out of your life for good" he turns and leaves quickly and Harry stares after him.

Zayn is always making everything complicated, and Harry is having too much on his plate already for him to be added on the list.

He lets him be.

=====

"Two? Why does Ant want two?"

Zayn shrugs and turns to face the bartender. They don't usually pay for their drinks, but they have a target and they don't have time to mess around. Actually, Zayn doesn't want to mess around with anyone at all. He wants to go home, lay on the couch with his rabbit while watching TV or picking a movie, with Louis preparing a snack and joining him later. But they're at the bar, and he might have been better if he was alone with Louis, but Liam is there and Desmond is also here, and he hates that he's stuck with Liam while Louis goes to pull with Desmond. He wouldn't want Liam to be with Louis either.

Louis downs his drink and glances around until he locks eyes with someone. He turns to Zayn first before he goes. "You'll be alright?"

"Not the first time" Zayn replies and stirs the liquid inside the glass.

"Still" Louis doesn't turn away and Zayn has to assure him that he'll be fine. Louis doesn't have to worry about him all the time, and it's not the first time Zayn had done this. So he turns his head and gives him a smile. "Call me if anything happened" Louis pats his shoulders and leaves.

Zayn turns his head and his gaze follows Louis until he's disappearing among the many bodies dancing. He knows Louis would be fine so he turns his head again towards his glass. His first glass.

"Get your little ass off that stool and let's go"

He blinks slowly and takes a deep breath before downing his glass and jumping off the stool. He ignores Liam by his side, or behind him, he doesn't care, and joins the people on the dancing floor.

He feels the stinging sensation in his right ass-cheek and he turns to actually glare at Liam who's smirking at him because it hurts and he hates it. He doesn't voice his protests though and allows himself to turn into that persona again. Feeling Liam grinding against his back, but his eyes are focusing someplace else. They're not supposed to go far, they never do, it's a show to pull, and it's working, it always does. But Liam's hand suddenly pulls at his hair and his head is tilted backwards exposing his neck to Liam.

"Don't" Liam says in his ear before biting on his neck. His other hand going to his front. "He's watching and he's liking the show"

But this is going too far. He's not alright, and he can pull a show without Liam's hands anywhere on his body. He's disgusted. So he pushes Liam's hand away, turning and leaving, making his way through the crowd. From the corner of his eye, he sees the man watching him and he moves as well to follow him.

"Isn't what you like?"

Zayn turns to see the man and he can clearly see why Ant chose him. He allows himself to be backed against the wall, his eyes half-lidded and his face emotionless. He doesn't say anything as the man leans in, but in a second, he feels like throwing up.

He doesn't know why the encounter with Niall at the airport comes up flashing in his mind right now, but it does, and he finds himself not focusing on the hands that are travelling to squeeze his ass nor the lips that are sucking at his neck. Did Niall know what he does already before Dalphine told him? _Of course he did_. How else would Zayn provide that big amount of money? He must have been disgusted at him, or maybe fearing that something more than friendship would cause him harm. Zayn doesn't blame him at all. He understand his point of view now.

On the other hand, Liam is supposed to be here, but the bastard is enjoying the show and he curses himself for even trusting him for the job. His eyes search for Louis, and thankfully, the scene isn't happening with him.

"Want to get out of here?" The man whispers in his ear and Zayn blinks before pushing him away.

The man doesn't have the time to reply to Zayn's actions before he's turned backwards and a fist collides with his face. Sometimes, Zayn thinks about the real reason Liam is doing this. But right now, he just watches as the man –who wasn't very affected by the punch– turns to Liam and smirks.

"I see … Your property?"

Zayn wants to punch the guy himself for calling him that, but he doesn't, because it's an act and he's not supposed to. Liam's eyes find his before turning to the guy again, "Sort of"

"He doesn't seem to enjoy your company then" The man punches Liam back and wow. Zayn might be cheering for him to beat the hell out of Liam if he wasn't worrying about later. So he steps in between them, close, too close.

"Not here" he whispers to the man, and that feeling at the pit of his stomach comes again as his eyes flutter. He tries to focus again, getting his eyes to look up, still behind his lashes, and he sees the man staring. They always do. And he fined himself thinking about the same interaction with Harry. He doesn't let it stay in his mind though and slowly pulls a card out of his back-pocket and slipping it to the man's, patting the area afterwards, just for the act. "I'll wait for you" his lips are nearly brushing but not there and he walks away, taking Liam with him.

But before Liam gets to do anything, Zayn is quick to slip away and join Louis by the exit.

"You alright?"

"Stop asking me that" Zayn sighs as he walks by his side.

"You know I would never" Louis elbows him gently making Zayn smile and hooks an arm over his shoulder. "By the way, we're stopping by Harry's before we go home" Zayn tenses slightly but Louis notices and he stops in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Stop lying to me"

Zayn sighs and drops his gaze, because he can't keep the eye contact. "Just having too much on my mind"

"And you wouldn't tell me?" Louis turns again to walk and Zayn follows by his side.

Zayn keeps quiet for a couple of minutes and Louis doesn’t open his mouth again until Zayn gives him an answer. "I've been thinking …" he glances at Louis who's nodding at him, still facing forward. "Whenever I'm … working …" he mumbles and Louis turns to him for a second before facing forward again. "If Niall knew about it and didn’t want me for it"

Louis stops and faces him. "You wanna know what _I'm_ thinking?" Zayn looks up. "If he was truly a friend, and I'm not referring to anything more, he'd have cared that his _friend_ is giving up on so many things just for him. He'd have stopped his friend if he _genuinely_ cares about his physical state. He'd have at least talked you out of it if he thought for a second that he might feel something more. But he didn't, and he used you. And I don't want to hear you ever disregarding yourself because you're an amazing person and that son of bitch is going to regret leaving you like that. You hear me?"

Louis is stern but Zayn can't help himself from frowning. "Don't call him that" he mumbles because he knows that Louis hates him already.

"I can't believe you're still defending him" Louis shakes his head and continues walking.

"You know him, Lou. He is not" Zayn protests.

"No. I knew the Niall that you were always talking about" Louis turns to him again. "Did I see his true face? Yes. Do I like him? No. Do I believe that he exploited you until you're drained out? Yes!" Zayn keeps his gaze down so Louis sighs. "You still didn't tell me about why you've tensed when I mentioned Harry"

Louis changes the subject and Zayn does as well. "Why are we going to Harry's anyway?"

"I gave him the rabbit before we leave. The poor creature can't stay all day by its own. And you still haven't answered my question. Have you two had a fight or something?"

Zayn pauses for a second. What should he exactly tell Louis? He swallows before opening his mouth. "He … talked about Niall and I might have snapped at him" He is not completely lying and he hopes that Louis would believe him. "And he has his studies, so I didn't bother to … fix things up"

Louis gives him a long side glance before nodding slowly. "Well, he's a good person, so don't bitch on him"

Zayn doesn't smile and Louis doesn’t notice.

They reach Harry's building and Zayn notices that the black Mercedes isn't parked and his old car is there instead. He probably gave it to his father back or sold it or someone is borrowing it or he has it parked someplace else. Yes, thinking about that is definitely better than thinking about the awkward conversation they're going to have once Harry opens the door.

Louis elbows him before Harry opens the door and he knows the meaning of it. Louis is waiting for him to apologize but he doesn't know what Harry would think he's apologizing for so he keeps quiet and avoids eye contact when Harry opens the door. Louis smiles widely and Harry merely glances his way to see how he's sulking. He still greets them and Louis is about to enter when Zayn stops him and clears his throat.

"I don't think we should disturb him. I'm sure he wants to have some alone time with his … papers" Louis furrows his brows in confusion before Zayn turns to Harry. "Thanks for taking care of the rabbit. We'll be on our way soon" Louis elbows him again and he rolls his eyes. "And I'm sorry … for what happened … earlier"

Harry gives him a confused look but he nods anyway and disappears inside his apartment to get the rabbit.

Zayn just shoves his hands inside his pockets and waits while Louis still gives him that look. He knows that Louis is going to scold him later, but he's up for it. As long as they get to leave now.

Harry returns with the rabbit and Louis takes it from him. Zayn simply utters a 'bye' as he walks in front of Louis.

=====

Zayn shouldn't have eaten before going to the club, but Louis insisted he has something before they go because according to Louis 'he doesn't eat that much lately' and he can't argue with Louis for long so he accepted the food.

But right now, the guy Louis met thankfully lost so Louis is free. The other guy he met is now inside the cage with Liam and Zayn prays that he loses. The guy didn’t seem fazed by the fact that Zayn dragged him to a fight club. And for the second time, he reminds him of Harry and he finds himself glancing towards the entrance to see if he would magically appear.

_He doesn't._

The fight goes on and he can see Ant pleased with it, probably thinking about recruiting the guy since Harry is basically going to be out for a while. He hopes he doesn't. Because unlike Harry, this guy is giving him a bad vibe and he would hate to see what is going to happen once he wins. Again, he prays he doesn't.

On the other hand, whoever wins or loses isn't an advantage to him. He knows what Liam is going to do to him if he wins and the other guy might be worse. And thinking about them both is getting this feeling in his stomach again.

Yeah, he shouldn't have eaten.

Louis notices his discomfort and soothes a hand on his thigh but Zayn feels dizzy and he quickly gets up exiting the arena. Louis follows behind him until Zayn is on his knees in the bathroom throwing up.

Louis stays by his side rubbing at his back until Zayn finishes and he helps him get up to wash his mouth.

"I can sneak you out"

"What about Ant?" Zayn turns to Louis and the latter sighs before looking away. Zayn shakes his head. "It's not worth it"

Louis' head snaps back to him and frowns, "Of course it is! You're in no condition for it!"

"And?" Zayn asks calmly. "It's not like we can quit whenever we like" Louis sighs again and leans his back against the wall. "I'll be fine" he smiles but Louis doesn't believe it. "I promise" they stare at each other for a while before Louis pushes himself off the wall and hugs him tightly.

"I'll see the result. You stay here for a while"

Zayn smiles and nods as Louis pulls away. He does stay, looking at himself in the mirror before splashing some more water into his face and fixing his hair. This is a bad night, a horrible one, and he just wishes tomorrow would be better.

The crows is still wild and he steps in again to see Liam on the floor. It's probably not the worst scenario.

"Doesn't look good for you, does it?"

He quickly turns his head to the side to see the person that had been invading his mind lately.

 _Harry_.

He's leaning back on the wall sipping from a water bottle, wearing casual clothes. He doesn't think he came here for a fight, but he still asks.

"Why are you here?"

"You don't want me here?" Harry doesn't even glance his way.

"I thought you had some important studies to do"

Harry throws the bottle away, "I do"

_Please don't say it._

Another loud cheering from the crowd gets his attention and he looks back at the cage to see Liam not able to get up anymore.

"You should stop dreaming about vanilla fantasies. You're not having that any time soon" Zayn turns back to him and watches as Harry smirks. He furrows his brows and follows Harry's gaze to land on the man standing in the cage staring right back at Harry.

_Please don't say it._

"You know him?" Harry ignores him and quickly gets down the stairs. Zayn stays in his position for a second before following after him. Liam is out of the cage and Louis reluctantly helps him out. The man is still inside the cage and there's no words used as Harry shrugs off his jacket and takes his shirt off.

"Harry, don't"

Harry turns to him, "Would you rather go home with him?"

"I promised to be out of your life. I can't let you do this"

Harry stares at him for a moment, "I don't want you to get out of my life" his voice is quiet. _Please don't say it._ "I care for you. You know I do" _Please don't say it._ "And whether you want me or not, I'm not stepping away" he turns away to enter the cage but stops to look at him one last time before he does. "And yes I have so much in my life but I chose to be here instead … I'm doing it for you"

Zayn closes his eyes for a second. He didn't want this.

Louis is back by his side with a worried expression on his face when he spots Harry and he pulls him to the side.

"What is he doing here?"

"Maybe Ant called him" Zayn's gaze is still focused on Harry and he is worried as much as Louis is.

"I don't believe Liam lost because he was just below his skills" Zayn turns to him with furrowed brows. "His body is so numb, and it's not from beating" Zayn stares at Louis as the latter's gaze return to the cage. "He was poisoned"

Zayn's eyes go wide and he steps back until he reaches Ant.

"You need to stop this!"

Ant doesn't turn to him with a pleased smile on his face, "And why would I do that?"

"He poisoned Liam! It's an unfair fight!" Ant hums which makes Zayn even angrier. "He doesn't deserve to be here! He cheated! Since when do you allow that?!"

"A couple of losses isn't that big when the crowd is thrilled either ways"

Zayn blinks at him. "You knew"

"Relax. It's not harmful" Ant rolls his eyes.

"He fucking paid you for it" he gives Ant a disgusted look.

"You should be proud. It was your pull after all" Ant turns to him with that dirty smirk of his, "It's amazing what people are willing to do for you, Honey" he turns back to the cage and Zayn takes a step back.

He watches the fight. The guy isn't that powerful, and Zayn would give Harry the advantage. But he notices Harry's furrowed brows as he blinks fast many times. He turns back to Ant and swears he's about to snap his neck. _A couple of losses_.

"You knew Harry would be there"

"Honestly? No" Ant replies. "But I couldn't risk the chances of him being inside once I got informed that he's here"

The crowd gets louder and he feels Louis beside him with wide eyes as he winces for Harry. Zayn dares to take another look at the cage. Harry is on the floor, and even if the man is exhausted from Harry's earlier blows, he's still the one standing.

 _He caused this_.

"Grab your jacket, darling. You're going out" Ant turns to him again and Zayn grits his teeth. This should not be happening.

He gets to glance behind him one last time as Louis helps Harry out of the cage before the man pushes him out of the door.

=====

Zayn doesn't want it. He hates it, and he's not in a proper condition for it. But the man is already opening the door and he needs to think quickly. Once the door is closed he pushes the man hard against the wall and falls to his knees.

"Didn't know you were that eager" He knows the man is smirking, but Zayn doesn't reply to that as he unbuckles the belt and quickly undoes his pants pushing them down with his boxers.

Zayn knows what he's doing, and it's never meaningless. He needs to get out of here, and he can think of what less he can give to do so. One hand grabs the man's dick and he pumps it slowly, seeing it harden under his touch and brings his lips closer before looking up behind his lashes as he opens his mouth.

"Fuck! You're so beautiful like this!"

But Zayn will get him to shut up soon enough. And he's been praised for his oral skills by many others. He uses that to his advantage.

He feels the man's legs trembling as he continues to moan and curse. Hands reaching to pull at his hair, but Zayn pulls away quickly.

"Hands off" he watches as the man gulps and returns his hands to the wall. Zayn returns to what he's doing, sucking harder, never gagging as he reaches his throat and he feels the man close so he pulls out again.

The man releases an embarrassing whine from the loss of contact and Zayn drops his hands. "If you come, it'd be the only thing you get from me" he allows a finger to reach the tip and watches as the man moans again trying so hard to block his own orgasm, and as much as he hates it, he licks on the tip, gathering the pre-cum on his tongue and keeping it on display as the man watches him from above.

"Fuck!" The man curses again and Zayn pulls his head back waiting for an answer. The man huffs and nods so Zayn quickly takes him in again and it takes less than a minute for the man to reach his climax. Zayn pulls away turning to the side but keeping a hand on him to jerk him off through his orgasm. Luckily, his hands are the only thing that gets dirty, aside from the taste inside his mouth, but at least he didn't come down his throat. The man collapses on the floor, head tilted back on the wall with his eyes shut trying to gain his normal breathing again, and Zayn quickly wipes his hands on the man's pants before getting up and leaving the flat. He knows that the man is going to take some time to process what he'd given up on, but that's not Zayn's problem.

He sends a text to Louis and he gets a quick reply telling him that Harry isn't physically damaged, but the effect of the drug –whatever that was– made him unstable. He told him that he drove Harry home but didn't stay no matter how much he wanted to, but Harry didn't ask him to, and he declined when Louis offered saying that Mike is going to be here soon and he didn't want to trouble Louis. Zayn doubts that Harry even called Mike, but he knows that he's home and he takes a cab to Harry's building. He might have told Louis that his night didn't start yet, and he might not be completely lying about that.

=====

Harry feels worse by every second goes by and the pain is unbearable in his head. He hears the doorbell going off multiple times before his phone starts vibrating. If it wasn't next to him, Harry wouldn't have picked it up.

_'It's me. Open up'_

It's from Zayn and he wonders how on earth did he manage to slip away that early. But it's too tiring to get up.

_'For your information, I'm not leaving until you do'_

Harry sighs and gets up from the couch –It's the farthest he went inside his house– and makes his way to the door. Zayn doesn't wait for him to say anything before he's slipping an arm over his waist and throwing Harry's arm over his shoulder, closing the door with his foot and helping him to his bed.

Zayn still feels disgusted at himself, so he heads for the bathroom first making sure the taste is completely out of his mouth before returning back to Harry.

"How do you feel?" he asks in a tone slightly above a whisper, not wanting Harry's condition to worsen.

"Like my head is about to explode" Harry opens his eyes, "How did you-"

"I'll make you something to drink. It might help" Zayn interrupts him and leans back. He's out of the bedroom in seconds.

Zayn might have called Ant to bargain with him to give him information about the drug, but he feels guilty for Harry's condition, and he is ready to do anything for him. Harry deserves that. He'd done the same.

He's familiar with Harry's kitchen, which is something he's thankful for, and he goes back to Harry and helps him in a sitting position before trying to help him drink.

"Does it help?"

"Even if it does, I doubt it'd right away" Harry huffs and turns to his side to try to get up.

Zayn frowns and reaches up over the bed to steady him, "What are you doing? You can't properly stand up!"

"I need to go to the bathroom and I doubt you'll help me with that"

Zayn blinks and he is about to reply when Harry loses his balance and falls on top of him. "Are you alright?!"

"I think I might postpone that to later" Zayn sighs and looks down at him. His head is basically on Zayn's chest and he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. Zayn tries to push him gently to the side so he can settle on the bed properly but Harry makes it harder to move with his dead weight. "Stop doing that!" he mumbles and Zayn actually stops.

"I don't think this is the best position to sleep in"

"I'm comfortable"

"You haven't even changed-"

"Stop talking, you're making my headache worse"

Zayn presses his lips together for a moment. His hands reach up to Harry's head and he gently starts messaging his scalp. He feels Harry smile.

"Your fingers are magical"

He chuckles at that, but Harry seems to relax more and he's soon asleep.

=====

Harry doesn't know if the drug's effect is supposed to last shortly a day, or if what Zayn made him drink last night actually helps. Or the fact that Zayn's fingers are still brushing through his hair indicating that he's awake made him feel better, but he's awake now with no headache. He doesn't open his eyes though, doesn't make an effort in moving as well. Because his head is still on Zayn's chest and he can hear the steady beating of his heart and feel his breathing with every rise and fall with his chest.

Zayn shifts slightly under him, one knee bent on the bed and he can hear the faint tapping on his phone. Zayn exhales sharply and spreads his arms, Harry guesses he's bored so he tilts his head up and opens his eyes slightly. And just because Zayn's head is thrown back on the pillows and his neck is there, he plants a kiss.

"You're awake" Zayn doesn't move, and because he can, he plants another kiss to the exposed skin. "And obviously fine too" Zayn pushes him rather harshly off him but Harry is quick to roll on top of him, holding his hips down so he wouldn't move.

"You stayed"

Zayn gives him an impatient look, "I didn't want to wake you up by pushing you off me. I thought you might still be drugged. And now that you're not. Get off me"

Harry sighs, "You could've just said yes"

"I need to go. Get off me" Zayn repeats.

"Just a few minutes ago you were nice" Harry mumbles. "Should've faked being ill then" he flops back on the bed next to Zayn, taking his hands off him. Zayn doesn't get up, he frowns and turns to him instead. "You seemed to care when I was"

"You don't need to be ill for me to care" Zayn sits up, "And I wouldn't want you to be anyway" he gets off the bed but hesitates at the door. "Um … Would you want me to make you anything before I go?"

_A few more minutes with me on the bed that would probably not consist of talking. No, few more hours._

Harry chuckles at his own thoughts. "Nah. I need to get up for my exam anyway" But he does wish that Zayn would just stay doing nothing. "Thank you for doing … All of that for me" he smiles and Zayn smiles as well, a genuine one that lights up his face.

"Any time" he replies and after a few seconds, Harry could hear the front door opening and closing.

=====

The hall is quiet, and he might have used the hours he spent worrying about Zayn and going to the club in studying, but he didn't, and he woke up late thanks to last night's events. And here he is, staring at the piece of paper in front of him and trying to get as many points as he can.

There's another one that arrives late and he takes a seat in front of Harry.

"Hey!"

Harry looks up and he can see the familiar face with a weak smile before he turns his head forward and focuses on his test paper.

"Hey" Harry replies slowly rather late and he keeps staring at the back of the person's head for another minute before forcing his face back on his paper. He might had been already distracted, but this is a lot worse. He can't just be here.

 _Niall can't just be here_.


	6. 05

Louis doesn't notice that Zayn came back until he greets him from the kitchen's door. He looks up, Zayn doesn't look tired and he offers Louis a smile like he always does.

"Smooth?" Louis raises his eyebrows.

Zayn shrugs, "I stopped noticing" Louis chuckles but it actually hurts to hear those words from Zayn, he deserves better, but he doesn't want to ruin Zayn's mood so he nods slowly at him and watches as he disappears from the doorway. He knows he's going for a shower and then changing into something more comfortable so he doesn't start a conversation.

When Zayn is back, he finds Louis at the same spot, his cup of tea is half-filled and he frowns. Louis doesn't notice him this time, probably because he's not wearing shoes to make a tapping sound on the floor. He approaches him slowly, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and leaning his head to Louis'.

"What's on your mind?"

Louis sighs, "Nothing, I'm just …" he sighs again, "I'm worried about Harry" Zayn frowns. Harry was pretty healthy when he left. "Liam still can't get up from his bed" Louis turns his head towards Zayn, "What if it's worse. Zayn?! We dragged him into this and now we've done this to him!"

Correction. Louis doesn’t have a part in it. If Zayn didn't show up that day at the gym then maybe, _just maybe_ , Harry wouldn't have even known he existed and he wouldn't be in any of this. And He's more than happy to know that Liam is fucked up, but Louis doesn't know he called Ant and went to Harry's afterwards. He makes a mental note to ask Harry to call Louis to tell him he's fine.

"We need to fix this" Zayn blinks, and he's about to tell Louis that there's nothing to be fixed, but Louis goes on, "We're going to make Ant pay" Ant. Fuck. He already owes him. Zayn pulls away.

"Look, I'm sure Harry's fine. He just might … be still asleep yet. And you know messing with Ant only gets us a horrible backfire" he sighs and walks around Louis to get to the fridge, "We need to go shopping"

"I'm not accepting this" Louis speaks up again, "Whether you're with me or not" Zayn furrows his brows and turns to him.

"Louis, you're not going to do anything stupid" Louis shakes his head and hops off the stool, "I mean it, Louis!" he shouts after him as he exits the kitchen. Might as well ask Harry to cool him down.

=====

"Could you just … talk to him?"

_"I did send him a text, but obviously he doesn't believe me for some reason. I don't have time for a conversation with Louis. Just tell him I'm fine"_

Zayn sighs. Harry doesn't have time to answer Louis' calls but he has time to answer _his_? It doesn't even make him feel any better. "Please?"

_"Are you going to ask me to take him out to dinner too?"_

"If possible, yes" There's a pause and Zayn is sure that if Harry was in front of him right now he might be having the 'Are you serious' face, or mostly a blank one. Zayn glances over the shelves as he waits for Harry's reply even if he is 90% sure of knowing it already but the remaining 10% is still giving him hope.

_"Goodbye, Zayn"_

The line goes dead and Zayn frowns looking down on his phone for a moment before putting it back in his pocket. Harry isn't going to listen to him anyway so he doesn't bother redialing him. He tries to push the idea that Louis is going to do something he'll regret later away and instead focuses on buying what they need. He might as well buy some beer for tonight.

He hears a sound of two carts crashing and then someone apologizing. It's an instinct to whip his head towards the sound, maybe to check if everything is okay. But perhaps because he knows that voice too. He blinks slowly, twice, and feels his heart sinking to his feet.

Apparently no harm was done and the person lifts his head up and catches his eyes. It's probably not the best reunion ever. He should turn his head away and go, but he's frozen to his spot until the person actually walks towards him after plenty of hesitation.

"Zayn … Hey" Zayn doesn't reply, he is not sure how to. _Hey? That's just it?_ "Look, this might not be the best … place to talk" he glances around, "How about we go to a more private place?" Zayn blinks again, "Please?" _No_. He should turn and leave. Louis would never leave him be if he heard about this.

"Sure"

=====

"My previous flat was sold before I … moved out" Zayn can see that. "I spent the last few days with … um … a friend"

"You don't have to lie" Zayn mumbles from behind him. He's not looking at him as he turns to look at Zayn, anything is better than looking at his face again.

The door is opened and Zayn follows, standing awkwardly in the living room. "I'm living by my own here if that makes you more comfortable. Just make yourself comfortable" he tries for a smile but Zayn turns to him with a blank expression.

"Like the old times?" Zayn asks, "It's not, Ni"

Niall sighs and sits on the couch, Zayn still stands there looking down at him. "I'm sorry. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I'm sorry, and I just want you to hear me out, okay?"

He shouldn't. But he's here and he might as well hear what he has to say. At least he's giving Louis a reason to be mad at him instead of Ant, even if it's not really the best option he wants. So he sits down.

"Remember the day when I got accepted in the University and you told me you got it covered?" Niall smiles softly, mostly to himself because he's not looking at Zayn, rather down at his lap, "I thought you were actually joking, and I didn't put it in my mind until you came to me one day and gave me my schedule" Zayn remembers, of course he does, the big smile on Niall's face and the wide-eyes look he gave him before hugging him tightly. "I didn't think about it then, but when you started to suddenly disappear at nights and be so tired the day after I … I knew you were doing something to gather the money and I didn't want to question it"

Niall's voice go quiet, "You didn't tell me, and I didn't want to know. If I had an idea I didn't want to believe it because …" he looks up at him, "You wouldn't stop, would you?" _Would he?_ Zayn doesn't know. "You were my friend and I couldn't push you away so I thought you'd back away on your own if I didn't … Show an interest" he looks down again, "Guess it didn't work"

"And before you ask" Niall continues, "I didn't try to call you since I got back because I didn't want us to go through this again" Zayn nods, glancing around the room, "I hurt you too much. I wasn't a good friend. And I don't want you to do anything for me again" This was _not_ the apology Zayn was actually waiting for.

"You're done?" Zayn's gaze return to Niall. "I don’t care what you do, why you're here, or how you feel. I'm over it" He's lying, he knows he is, but he needs to gather himself together and get up and leave. So he does.

"You're not" Niall says quietly as Zayn gets up, but he doesn't stop. He _needs_ to get out. "Zayn" he didn't want this. His hands are on the door handle and he should twist it and leave. But he is turned around by Niall. "I know you're not, and believe me I wanted to go away for you not to have to do this anymore!" What Zayn can notice is that Niall's eyes are _glossy_. Is he telling the truth? He doesn't know. "I picked a girlfriend and got a ticket, but you still went on! I couldn't stay and accept your offer! I'd be still counting on you and I couldn't bear to see you suffer for me anymore! I just-" Now, tears are streaming down his face and Zayn wonders if he has matching ones, but his cheeks are dry, his eyes are dry, and he had had enough tears for days.

"Why did you come back?" he asks instead. "Because you couldn't do it on your own? Because you knew you _needed_ me?"

"If you already know the answer, why would you ask?" Niall wipes the tears away, "This is exactly why I didn't want this to happen" he shakes his head, "We shouldn't be doing this. You're supposed to move on while I suffer instead. It's only fair, yeah?" he gives him a tight smile. Maybe because Zayn hoped for another answer. He mentally slaps himself for even thinking he might have one. "You deserve someone better. I really hope you find that someone"

"I didn’t want anyone else … I _don't_ want anyone else" Zayn says quietly because he's an idiot. He's imagining Louis looking at him right now, how pathetic he thinks he looks and how Louis would probably yell at him, no _definitely_ yell at him.

Niall shakes his head, "We can't … _I_ can't do this to you"

"I want you to" Niall looks up at him and stares, just stares, it's nothing that Zayn can tell what it is. It's all a blur and his knuckles are going white from gripping the handle too tight, and he is aware of those blue eyes trailing down.

Zayn knows he shouldn't.

=====

The flat is so quiet and Zayn just hopes Louis is still here unharmed. The lights are off and he makes his way towards Louis' room. He doesn't want to imagine the worst scenario, and Louis wouldn't lie to him. Like he shouldn't be lying to him as well. He really hates himself for doing so.

He slowly makes his way into the bed and rests his arm around Louis waist from behind. "Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid" he whispers and feels Louis' chuckle vibrating through his body as a smile creeps on Zayn's face.

"Not yet, no"

Louis goes quiet after that and Zayn doesn't like it so he sits up, "It's not that late for you to sleep. Are you going to tell me or should I guess?"

Louis smiles and turns so he's laying on his back looking up at Zayn, "Entertain me"

"You …" he trails and his own smile falls along with Louis', "Who's the asshole that put you down?"

Louis nods, "You've known me for too long"

"Louis-"

"It doesn't matter" Louis avoids his eyes and Zayn feels this tightening feeling in his chest. No one is allowed to do this to Louis. Not on his watch. "You know, I sometimes don't blame you" Zayn frowns, "Don't give me that face" Louis reaches up to pinch his cheeks making Zayn's frown deepen as he holds his own hand to cover the area. "What about you? Why are you down?"

"You didn't even answer me" Zayn mumbles as he flops on the bed next to Louis, "It's not fair"

"Life" They turn at the same time and share a look before Louis sighs, "I'm still thinking about what I said this morning" Zayn sits up on his elbows.

"Hit me"

Louis narrows his eyes, "I thought you were against this?"

Zayn takes a deep breath. He already owes Ant, so another thing to add to the list isn't going to be that bad. They just need a cover. And besides, the whole episode with Niall just made him not care anymore. Niall stepped back saying that he doesn't want it to happen despite the fact that he's the one who should be apologizing. Zayn can't believe he said those words to him. It's hitting him in the face every second and he wishes he'd forget about it already. Forget _him_ already. But Niall is here, and he's not leaving Dalphine, and Zayn should stop chasing after him. But he knows that Louis' words are half true, Niall did care, still cares, but they won't be anything more. He needs someone to ink that somewhere on his body.

"I just needed to clear my mind" he shrugs, "And you're right. We owe Harry" _Harry_. Fucking Harry. Another thing to add to his mind. His mind drifts away for a second before noticing Louis' face when he says his name. "I thought we're doing this for him?" he tilts his head to the side and Louis presses his lips together for a moment before speaking up.

"We are. Like you said, we owe him" Louis nods.

"But?" Zayn raises his brows.

Louis sighs and his gaze shifts again towards nothing specific inside the room, "I met him today. Ran across him outside the campus" Zayn frowns, did Harry get sick again? Or … Did Harry say something to Louis that he didn't like? Fuck. He's going to murder Harry if he did such a thing. "You know when you feel like you're just … a burden to someone?"

"You're not a burden" Okay, that's totally it. He swears if Harry hurt Louis he'll hurt him much more in return.

"I don't think Harry has feelings for me" Louis gets to the bottom of the line and Zayn shuts his eyes. He knows exactly why. "Honestly, how did you manage to live three years pining?" Zayn opens his eyes again, "But" Louis starts again, "I'm still willing to get back at Ant for drugging him"

"What's your brilliant plan?"

Louis smirks, "We're going to take away the one thing Ant loves so dearly"

Zayn doesn't like this idea already.

=====

"You done?"

 _"Not yet. Don't rush me in this"_ Zayn furrows his brows as his ears are filled with a loud bang. He removes the ear-buds before putting them on again.

"What was that?"

 _"Nothing, just focus on what you're doing"_ He hears Louis mumbling some names and hears some scratching noises indicating that he's flipping through papers or something of that sort.

He sees Ant's car pulling to the side, "He's here"

 _"Why is he fucking early?"_ Louis mumbles, _"I need more time"_

"Got it" Zayn pulls away the ear-buds and ends the call and walks towards Ant's car. He doesn't wait for him to speak up before opening the door of the backseat and stepping in. Ant raises his brows and looks at him through the rearview mirror. "You're early. Might as well use your favor now" Louis told him not to, but he doesn't know that he already owes Ant, and Louis just asked for more time. He doesn't need to know the ways of achieving it.

Ant hums and opens the door to step out but doesn't join him. Fuck. Zayn thought it would be a fast round, but Ant doesn't seem to be satisfied by just that.

"Not here, not today. I've got business to do, kitten" He motions for Zayn to get out and he does. "I'll send you the date and time" Ant walks ahead of him and Zayn picks his phone again leaning back on the car.

"I failed"

 _"No. You didn't even put an effort. Honestly, who denies you when you do?"_ Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Are you finished?"

_"No. But I don’t have much of a choice now, do I?"_

"You want me to jump on him?" Zayn whisper shouts. Louis doesn't reply but Zayn can hear the sound of the door opening and closing. "Are we going?"

_"Have you forgotten that we work here? Where's your brain today?"_

"I'll wait for you outside" Zayn replies instead and hangs up. Louis doesn't take so long before he's out and joins him. "So?"

"I've gotten a contact" Louis opens the gallery on his phone and shows him the photo, "Ant should be in his transactions' history"

Zayn blinks, "How much are you exactly going to take?"

"Let's say that Ant has grown a big heart to donate his fortune to kids in need" Louis grins but Zayn doesn't feel the exact same happiness as Louis.

"Did you think about this? We can go to jail for this! And if we didn't. Ant will kill us instead!"

"Relax" Louis rolls his eyes, "I've already got this covered" he dials a number and Zayn sighs waiting for him to finish. "Hey man! … Yeah … Got it. Be there in a few. Bye!" he ends the call and turns to Zayn raising a fist. "I'm not going to do it if you say so"

Zayn takes a deep breath before fist bumping him, "We're in this together, bro"

=====

"Okay, I take it back. I don't like this, Louis"

Louis rolls his eyes and steps aside to let Zayn in, "It's all settled. The dude had his fun and we get ours"

"Do you trust him?" Zayn whispers as they enter the room the guy Louis' talked about is in, sitting with a laptop in his lap.

"We've done business before" Zayn gives him a blank expression.

"Oh! So this is your brother?" The guy speaks up and Zayn would admit he's louder than Louis. "I'm Andy! Nice to meet ya!"

Louis elbows him so he fakes a smile, "Nice to meet you too" They sit next to the guy and Zayn feels so nervous. He doesn't know how Louis can stay so calm about this. Everything they're doing is illegal and karma is going to come their way sooner or later. He reminds himself that they're actually helping other people with this. Good.

The guy, Andy, keeps typing stuff for a while. Louis watches him and Zayn glances between them and the room. He's actually bored.

"Ah … Fuck" Andy mumbles as he presses more buttons.

"What?" Zayn asks quickly.

"This dude has five million in his account!" he turns to Louis, "My share is one?"

 _Take them all_. Zayn wants to say, but Louis is the one who talks, "Two and we have a deal" Andy hums then nods and starts typing again. Zayn keeps his brows furrowed and his bottom lip caught between his teeth for another minute or two until Andy speaks up again.

"He's going to receive an e-mail afterwards" Louis nods, "No destination" Louis nods again. "But" he turns to Louis and Zayn panics. _How is Louis so calm about this?_ "He can retrieve it in a matter of three days"

"So all of this is for nothing?" Zayn asks.

"Not exactly. We can keep pushing and say it's a technical problem. The site will eventually accept it. But he can cancel the whole process by showing up himself" he shrugs. "Even then we can push at the last minute" he suggests, "But the thing that I can't guarantee is that if he would know who is responsible"

"Well, we're in this together. We get busted, you get busted" Louis replies.

"You would rat me out?" he raises an eyebrow, "Cool. I'd do the same" he smirks and Zayn gapes slightly. This is so wrong. He pulls Louis outside the room.

"Okay, listen. The chances of us getting caught is really high. Ant knows we've been there, he knows I don't normally offer myself, and he would know it's us. Forget about the whole thing and let's just go" he whispers.

"We've gotten this far! We can blame someone else! Mess his mind a bit" Louis whispers back.

"Louis, listen to me" Zayn says quietly, "Harry is fine. We don't need to do this"

"This is for us too. Think about it, Zayn"

"And this would change anything for us?" Louis opens his mouth but closes it again. "It won't. You and I both know it won't … Louis please" he pleads again.

"I can't let it slip away, Zayn. He could've been worse than Liam. If it's luck this time then the next won't" he shakes his head.

"He can quit" he reminds Louis. "Don't let it blind you" Louis presses his lips together. "Don't make my mistakes" Louis's gaze return to his and he stares at him for a moment before his shoulders slump and he nods.

"Alright" Zayn smiles, "Alright" Louis smiles as well, "We won't" he opens his arms and Zayn happily hugs him. "We won’t" he repeats.

=====

The club is crowded as usual and Zayn isn't sure why Ant keeps calling for Louis but he doesn't say a word now. If Louis had done anything behind his back then surely it'll fall on both of them. He just needs to stay hopeful and trust Louis on this.

He steps into the arena and was about to lean back on the wall next to the entry when he notices someone already leaning there.

"What are you doing here? I thought you still had exams?"

Harry doesn't turn to him as he nods, "I do, but I can't concentrate so I thought I might pay a visit"

Zayn sighs and walks until he's standing in front of him, "Go home. I don't want you here"

Harry's gaze falls on him, "But you need me here" Zayn shakes his head and turns around before cursing and pulling Harry out of the door.

"Listen, Louis is in a bad mood and you're the last person he wants to see. So just leave" Harry cocks an eyebrow, "Don't pretend you don't know. He told me, and honestly, I should be beating you up for what you did" Zayn takes a step back, "You have no idea the extents he is willing to go for you"

"Funny" Zayn furrows his brows, "This seems familiar" He knows what Harry means, but he can't use this against him.

"Stop mentioning my pathetic love life, please"

"I wasn't. But all of it centers around you, so you're a part of it, yeah" Zayn blinks. _Oh_. _That_.

"Harry, please, I never wanted you to"

"Tough luck. You're not getting rid of me that easily. I'm sticking around for a while" They're never going past this subject, so Zayn decides to change it.

"Ant drugged you last time" he speaks up, "For his own gains. It's not worth it. You can quit"

"Who's gonna save your ass then?" Harry raises his brows.

"I'm used to it" Zayn replies instead, "You being here or not is not going to change that fact"

"Reducing it then" Zayn shakes his head, "You don't want to, and _I_ don't want you to" Harry cups his face to make him look up at him again, "It _is_ worth it. I still care"

"And I do as well!" Zayn protests, "I don't want to cause you more damage that I already did!" Harry leans in and Zayn freezes, but he just kisses his forehead quickly and softly. And probably Harry wanted him to stop talking because it worked for a minute as he slipped away into the arena.

He sees Louis' shocked, confused and worried face inside when he spots Harry and he might be glaring at Ant too when Harry steps in the cage. He understands, and he wishes if he can push Harry away from this place, away from him, without hurting him. At this moment, Niall's words come crashing down on him. It's an ironic circle they're at, and he utterly hates it.

Ant pushes Harry to his limits, with Liam still out, he's his big star of the show. And although Harry wins, there are injuries scattered across his body and Zayn winces for him. He probably wouldn't have extra time to study for his test and he might use Louis' make-up skills to cover the bruises.

Harry doesn't protest when Louis drives them back to their apartment to take care of his injuries. Zayn receives a text and excuses himself. He sees the worried look on Harry's face and the questions in Louis' eyes but none spoken out loud and he manages to slip away.

=====

"You're shit drunk" Zayn sighs as Niall grins at him. He glances around the bar before sitting on a stool next to him. "Why did you text me saying that it's an 'emergency'? Last time I remember you have a girlfriend, and we are done"

Niall gives him a pout, "You were the first on my speed-dial" Zayn shakes his head, "And I didn't want her … I wanted my best friend" he frowns.

"We're not …" Zayn trails as he watches Niall swinging in his seat, "I should get you home" he catches him before he falls and Niall grins at him again.

"Like the old times?" he asks hopefully.

"It's never going to be like the old times, Ni" Zayn replies and holds him as they walk outside. They find a cab thankfully, and Zayn helps him in the backseat before climbing in next to him. They arrive at Niall's new apartment and he still leans on Zayn until they're inside the apartment.

"Zayn?"

"Yes?" he replies before setting Niall on the bed.

"I have something to tell you" Zayn waits. Niall is drunk and anything he says won't be true anyway, but he waits, because it's Niall and he knows when he's drunk he gets a little whiny. And cute, but Zayn pushes that thought away. "I never … When I told you I was bi … I've never been with a boy actually" Okay, that might be true, and it hurts. "But you were … different" he tilts his head and Zayn blinks at him. "I always wanted to know how's it like … But I didn't want us to change. Our friendship"

"So I was going to be your experiment? _Great_ " Zayn shakes his head and turns to leave.

"I wasn't going to" Niall frowns but Zayn rolls his eyes and turns back to him, "But you said you wanted it … I thought you should know" _How drunk is Niall exactly?_

"Go to sleep, Ni" Zayn replies and starts to walk away.

"So you don't anymore?" Niall speaks up again making Zayn stop to take a deep breath. The answer is pretty simple, but he can't tell Niall that, he can't ignore the rational voice inside his mind again. "Zayn?" he didn't realize that Niall stood up from the bed and he's a few steps away now. "Do you?"

For the second time. Zayn should leave.

=====

Harry sighs as he picks up his phone. Louis has been calling him non-stop for the past few minutes and there's a small part of him telling him that this might be important. He doesn't get to even say 'hello' before Louis is speaking.

 _"Is Zayn with you?"_ He frowns.

"No …"

 _"Ok, cool. If you see him just give me a ring"_ he speaks so fast and his tone sounds worried making Harry worry as well.

"Wait. What happened?"

Louis sighs, _"He didn't come back from last night and he's not answering the phone and I'm worried. So just, if you did, just call me"_ Louis hangs up before Harry gets to reply to him and … Okay, he's definitely worried now. It's all related to the text Zayn received yesterday and he has a bad feeling about it. He dials Zayn's number to find it out of service. There's one place he thinks about and he quickly gets in his car and drives away.

The forest isn't far and he wonders if Zayn is actually there. They haven't been here many times and Zayn couldn't have taken a cab here either, if he remembers the way at all.

Maybe he took over an hour to search for him, but once he reaches the hill he finds a figure hunched there and the sound of the car doesn’t startle him at all. He doesn't need to guess to know that black hair belongs to Zayn and he approaches him slowly.

"Louis is going mad over your disappearance" he frowns when he sees Zayn wiping his eyes quickly before turning to him and it doesn't help him at all. His face is red, he's sniffing and Harry could guess he's been crying for a while now with how his eyes, nose and lips are all puffy.

"Sorry" his voice is a little broken too as he tries to stand up and winces. Harry is determined already on killing someone. He sighs instead and kneels next to him stopping Zayn from getting up. Zayn looks down avoiding his gaze as he sits back.

"I'll drive to somewhere where there is a signal and call Louis. I don't think you're willing to move much" Zayn covers his face with his hands and takes a deep breath before looking up at him and shaking his head.

"No, I'll come with you. I should go anyway"

"Do you want to go?" Harry asks quietly and Zayn's gaze falls again. "I'll be back soon" he assures him and Zayn nods.

There are many question going around his mind and he doubts he can get answers out of Zayn at all. And there's a part of him telling him that even Louis won’t be able to, because Zayn is here instead of his home and it gives him a bad vibe that he's bubbling up inside of himself instead. He drives away and another thought hits his mind. Niall has been back for a week or so and maybe this has something to do with him as well. But Zayn winced while trying to get up and if Niall hurt him emotionally, who hurt him physically?

He picks his phone and sends a text to Louis telling him that he found Zayn but he just needs some time and space. There's a sign indicating that Louis' read the message but his reply comes late and he might have an idea why but this is the last thing he can worry about right now. It's a simple 'Alright' but at least he knows he's alive and Harry drives back to where Zayn is, still in his same position and sits next to him. Zayn doesn't say a word and keeps sniffing, his breath is still shaky and there are tears falling on his cheeks every now and then until Harry had had enough and he pulls him into his lap. Zayn doesn't push him away.

"You're going to tell me anything?" he all but whispers into Zayn's hair, one hand is going around Zayn's waist, the other stroking his leg gently, and Zayn doesn’t push him away then either.

But Zayn can't tell him, and he can't tell Louis, and he found himself here after feeling his body going numb along with his feelings. For some reason, Harry's presence calms him down. But it's wrong and he should get up.

He doesn't though.

"Is it about the text you received yesterday?" Zayn doesn't answer, "Is it about Niall?" Again, Zayn doesn't answer. "Is it about some asshole using your body?" No reply. "Is it about Louis?" he feels Zayn's head shifting up slightly, "Is it about me?"

"Are you going to keep asking these stupid questions all day?" Harry smiles and looks down at him.

"Until you give me an answer" Zayn smiles a little before dipping his head down again.

"I can't" he whispers, but his body isn’t shaking anymore, there are no more tears streaming down his face and Harry would accept that.

"Why not?" Harry whispers back.

"I'd hurt you" Zayn replies making Harry frown. It takes a couple of minutes for Harry to register what Zayn means and he might be wrong but it's something similar.

"Did it mean anything to you?" Zayn picks his head up again.

"Are you going to tell Louis?"

"Are you going to tell me first?" Harry asks instead.

"Both of you are stubborn, I swear"

"Did it?" Harry asks again and Zayn sighs resting his head back on Harry's shoulder.

"I wanted it" he replies quietly. "Not what I had in mind but … I messed up. And I shouldn’t be crying on your shoulder right now. You don't deserve this"

"I don't mind you crying on my shoulder" Zayn shifts a little so he's facing him.

"I know how much it hurts, Harry. It's not something that I've wanted to feel or go through but I just do" Harry frowns as Zayn stands up, "I don't want this to happen to you, you're a great person and I can't give you anything you want so please … Stop wasting your time on me"

Harry sighs as he stands up as well, "For the millionth time, Zayn. It's not the same"

"I still can't give you anything" _When did this turn from Zayn to him anyway?_ Zayn is avoiding the subject again and again and Harry is honestly starting to get tired from all of this, "Can we now go home, please?" Harry sighs but returns to the car eventually, Zayn follows him and he tries to ignore the feelings he gets every time Zayn's expression crumbles from pain.

"Can I ask one more thing?"

"What?" He knows his tone might not be friendly but Zayn just can't be nice in one moment and pushing him away the next. He was right, Harry shouldn't hold on because Zayn would do that all the time, but he's mainly confused. Everyone is confused, and nothing is being solved. He doesn't know who to blame actually.

"Would you please not do anything reckless? Or anything that would harm anyone?" Harry presses his lips together for a moment. He is aware of Zayn's gaze on him and he's waiting patiently for an answer, and Harry can't tell him no. So he just shrugs.

"Not my problem to begin with"

Zayn tries not to open another conversation and Harry doesn't either, and he thanks Harry before he gets out of the car.

It's still daylight, and Harry takes a turn into the gym. Might as well take all of his anger and frustration on the punching bag.

His trainer reminds him of the upcoming tournament which tells Harry that he needs to quit the fight club soon. He wonders why Zayn and Louis are still even working there. Zayn doesn't have to pay for Niall's studies anymore and they would be better off with a normal job. It'll save them the trouble of worrying everyday. He makes a mental reminder to talk to them about it but he doubts if either would listen to him.

He finishes his training –with extra time because he needed to get some stuff off his mind– and heads out. He's tired and decides to chill with Mike. It's been a while since they've hanged out together –Mike would blame him on that but he too has been so busy– so he picks up his phone and dials his number. He is focusing down on his phone when he bumps into someone and he quickly grabs their arm to stop them from falling back.

"Sorry!" It appears to be a girl and Harry's eyes widen when he sees her face.

"It's alright. Thanks" he helps her stand up and even though he dropped his hand, she's still close. She stares for a while and Harry raises his brows when her gaze return to his eyes. "Sorry, how rude of me" she chuckles, "I'm Dalphine" she smiles, the kind of a not-exactly-friendly smile and Harry knows those type of looks. Zayn asked him not to do anything reckless or hurt anyone but he didn't exactly give him a clear answer, and he hates to admit it but Zayn is right. You don’t get to choose to go through it, _you just do_.

So he smiles back "Harry"

=====

Zayn returns home with a heavy feeling in his chest. Among everything he'd done to Louis, he might have caused him a real hard time with him being gone like this, because he knows, if it was Louis who did this, Zayn would go insane. So he expects Louis to lash out on him, slap him on the face perhaps. But as he closes the door behind him, he sees Louis sitting on the kitchen stool tapping quietly on the island.

He sits across Louis and takes a deep breath before talking.

"I'm sorry" Louis still doesn’t look up at him, "I've-"

"Was it Ant?" Louis cuts him off and he frowns. "Did he do this to you?" his eyes snap up to him and Zayn shakes his head. "Who?"

"Louis-"

"Niall?" Zayn closes his eyes.

"No" he lies. Again. "I got drunk and I don't remember his face" Louis doesn't believe a word he says but he nods slowly.

"And that's why you've been avoiding me? For some guy you don't remember his face?"

Zayn sighs, "I wasn't … I just needed some time alone"

"For?" Louis' tone is still sharp and he feels like a teenager again, being scolded from his parents.

"Drop it, Louis" he says sternly and looks into Louis' eyes.

"Fine. Let's talk about you lying to me and doing things behind my back" Zayn furrows his brows. "Harry"

"Alright, no" Zayn replies quickly, "There's nothing between me and Harry"

Louis sighs, "Zayn" he leans on the island, "I'm not blind. It might have taken me some time to realize it, but Harry cares for you. He had done so from the first day, and he's obviously attracted to you" Zayn furrows his brows. No. He doesn’t want to hear this. He knows, but they will never be. "I'm not going to be the barrier that stops you from having a happy life. God knows you deserve it. And I'll be more than happy to see you with Harry than to see you with that ugly piece of shit"

"Lou-"

"Don't defend him" Louis rolls his eyes, "But I'm serious. I've done a mistake before by pushing you towards that ass-" Zayn gives him a look, "Towards Niall" he corrects himself even though he doesn't want to, "But Harry is different. He cares, he's not an asshole and you like him" Zayn opens his mouth but Louis holds a finger up, "You'll be an idiot if you didn't"

"And you?" Zayn asks instead. Louis furrows his brows in confusion, "I won't be the barrier that stands in your way to happiness either"

"Why does this have anything to do with me?"

"Because you love him" Louis avoids his gaze. "I'm not doing this to you"

"Harry doesn't love me back. His feelings are directed towards you"

"It'll still hurt you. I'm not doing it" Louis' gaze return back to his, "And besides, I'm not … I don't think I'm ready to move on, Lou"

"Why?" Louis asks quietly and smiles softly at him, "He managed to lift your mood when I couldn't. And if you opened your heart you might find the missing piece"

"Then tell me it won't affect you" Louis sighs.

"I'll get over it. It's just a crush" he waves a dismissive hand.

"I've known you for far too long to tell that you're lying" Zayn points out.

"So?" Louis asks after a moment of silence, "None of us is getting a happy ending?"

Zayn chuckles, "I'm not picking him over you" he puts an arm on the island and leans his head on it, reaching with the other arm to grab Louis' hand. "You're my family, and I'm not letting anyone tear us apart" he smiles at Louis who wraps his fingers around Zayn's.

"What's next? Living in sorrow?" he chuckles as well. Zayn shrugs. "You know … I've been thinking for a while" Zayn hums, "Maybe … Maybe we can just start over … Someplace new"

"Outside the country?"

Louis nods and reaches with his other hand to stroke Zayn's hair, "We have some savings … and we can afford a flat somewhere nice. Get decent jobs. Away from all of this crap" Zayn hums again. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy but …"

"I have you. You have me. We'll be good" he smiles again, "We always manage together, yeah?"

Louis's face breaks into a wide fond smile, "Yeah … We always manage together"

Zayn is a sleep by the next hour and Louis knows it's because he's tired. His phone flashes and he picks it up when he sees Ant's name on it. It's a text containing a place and a time and Louis knows the place very well and he feels shivers running down his spine of the memories he has there. It's soon replaced by anger, and the first thought he gets is that Ant is responsible for Zayn's condition.

He swears on payback.

=====

Louis deleted the text, so Zayn doesn't know Ant sent him anything. And instead of going to their appointment, Zayn finds himself bathing his rabbit while Louis is out for 'some stuff' according to the note he left on the fridge.

"You're so spoiled" Zayn mumbles as he dries the rabbit. "No life problems, you get everything you want … Can’t we switch bodies for a day?" The rabbit jumps away and Zayn follows him inside the bedroom. "Come on, we're having breakfast" he informs the rabbit even though he doesn't understand him and goes to pick him up. "Pancakes" he whispers and the rabbit simply looks up at him.

He sets the rabbit on the floor before heading off to the kitchen. The rabbit doesn't follow him though and tries to get to Zayn's phone instead. Did he put it on silent mode? He doesn't remember but he moves the rabbit away to pick his phone. There's a message from Harry.

"Yeah, that’s the person who bought you" he turns to the rabbit. Did he actually name him after Louis to remind him of the fact that he can't have Harry to himself? Wait. _When did he even start thinking about having Harry to himself?_ The thought makes him frown deeply but he opens the text anyway. The rabbit covers his view again and he sighs. _Why did Harry buy him that?_ It's a constant reminder of how guilty he feels. He slides his phone away to read the text and of course Harry would be still checking on him.

"Are you allowed inside the campus?" Zayn turns to the rabbit once more, "Or I can hide you inside my backpack, or sweatshirt" he smiles as the rabbit snuggles closer to him. "Is this a yes?" he chuckles. "I won't get over the fact that you love Harry and Louis more than me even though I'm practically your owner" he locks his phone and picks the rabbit, "Funny. You should be with them instead"

=====

Zayn decides to hold the rabbit in his arms instead of being kept in a cage. It's fluffy and warm and it seems to enjoy its moment of freedom outside the flat while having fresh air and he temporarily hides it inside his sweatshirt and manages to slip it inside the campus.

"Don't jump around now" He whispers and chuckles when the rabbit tries to move while still being in his arms, "I'm not running around the campus"

"Zayn?" he looks up to find a confused Niall. "Is that a rabbit?"

"Um … Yes" he looks down on the rabbit as it seems to still for a moment, staring at Niall. It doesn't try to jump to Niall and Zayn figures the rabbit doesn’t like him that much. He could swear it exactly resembles Louis and Harry.

"A rabbit would be the last pet I'd think for you to have" Zayn frowns. But Niall knows he likes them. "I didn't think you're the type to have a pet at all" he looks up at him with a frown. "You just … never said you wanted to" Niall explains once he notices Zayn's expression. Well, yeah but it doesn't mean he never _wanted_ to. He didn't see himself to be the one taking care of a little fur-ball either but apparently Harry did and he even noticed his desire to obtain one after one encounter. Wait, why did Harry cross his mind again? And why is Niall talking to him so casually?

"I mean … If you wanted to now then I really uh …" And what happened to his hangover? "Well, it's in good hands" he smiles but Zayn doesn't change his expression.

"That's it?" he raises his brows, "You can't just come to me and talk like nothing happened, Ni" he scoffs.

Niall hesitates before his reply and his words come out quickly, "I was drunk" One thing that Zayn is starting to realize is that Niall was a friend, but he lived in an illusion in the 'best' part and definitely the 'more' part as well. He knows he willingly did it and he had no problem with giving but it hurts to put the parts together after all this time. He doesn’t want to, and deep down … He'd probably do it again. Niall has no problem in giving as well, but the taking part overshadowed it. Again, _why does his mind wander to Harry?_

Zayn waits. Probably for an apology. But if he's being honest, he would owe Niall one as well.

"Can't we just … Forget about that night? I swear if I'm being sober I wouldn’t-" he cuts himself off. "I'm sorry. I've driven you towards me again and I'm sorry. You shouldn’t have replied to my text. We shouldn't be talking anymore. I respect your decision" Niall holds his hands out. His decision? _Did Niall hear the words he just said?_ Zayn _never_ wanted that.

"It was a lot easier when you didn't speak your feelings" Zayn finally replies. "I'm sorry for giving such impression then" he walks backwards and turns around to leave. He didn't mean for his eyes to water again, he didn’t mean for his voice to break during his last sentence, he didn't mean for his heart to break all over again, and he surely didn't mean for the thought of hope that Niall might actually go after him and maybe say that he didn't mean the words he just spoken.

Perhaps it's the first time he's the one walking away and he doesn't know why it doesn't feel any better than the times before but a small part of him tries to see the situation with his mind for once instead of his heart. He's not some material for people to use, Louis told him that before. He just needs to process those words into his body.

He moves to a quieter place and calms himself down when he sees another person in the same spot, around the corner … The voice is so _familiar_.

"No … Look, I promise I'll get it to you, just let me see my son, please!" there's a pause and a sniff, "Yeah. Sure. I know but-" the caller ends the call and Zayn watches as she sighs and stands there for another moment before taking a deep breath, opening her purse, and taking out her make-up kit.

Zayn thinks he has an idea on what that was about, and it's even a more fucked up situation, because the girl standing there is none other than _Dalphine_.

=====

"Come on!" She whines.

"We're inside a lecture hall" He raises his brows.

"So what? It's not like anyone comes here anyway. It's not occupied for the rest of the day and we can use it for fun" She smirks and starts undoing his shirt. "I thought we're on the same page" she pouts. He just watches.

She trails her hands down his chest while kissing him until she reaches his pants and undoes them as well, but before she gets to pull them away the door opens. They stop and she whips her head towards it with a frown. She made sure that this room isn't needed for the rest of the day.

There's a gasp and the person freezes for a minute. He's lost for words for a while before he's able to form a sentence.

"You … What … Why?!"

She just shrugs, "Sorry. I didn't want you to know that way but-" she cuts herself off and bites her lip instead when she feels a bite on her neck. She pushes him away slightly and hops off his lap.

"Harry?!" Harry blinks before turning his head towards the door as well and fakes a look of confusion as he glances between the two.

"Dee? I thought you weren't dating anyone?" He directs his words towards her the returns to the guy, "You didn't tell me either, Niall" Dalphine doesn't say anything as she trails her gaze down and Niall returns his head towards her again with hurt present in his eyes. Harry just leans back and watches.

"Niall, I'm so sorry" Dalphine speaks up but Niall shakes his head. He should've listened to Zayn. He didn't know her for enough time to judge her and she obviously doesn't care about his feelings from her tone and the way she's standing there, still in front of another, half naked. He really wants to go to her and ask why, but she's not making an effort in moving further from Harry. And he guesses that Harry is confused because he didn't even try to adjust his clothes yet. But he backs away, because he needs a moment to think.

The door is automatically closing, leaving a small amount of space left to be fully closed.

=====

"No! I told you not to jump around!" Zayn whisper shouts and sighs, "Stupid rabbit" he mumbles as he sees the rabbit moving towards a hall and slipping through the small opening in the door. Well, at least he doesn't have to chase it around the entire building and look like an idiot. He can close the door properly after getting in and catch it. He won't take the damn rabbit out again without his cage.

There is a couple inside and he quickly apologizes before turning his head away, "Sorry! I was just-" he cuts himself off and frowns looking back at the couple. There's a moment of silence between all three of them as eyes widen and brows furrow, mouth hanging open just a little. _Is that the person he came to see?_

"Fuck" Harry quickly pushes Dalphine off him and she frowns looking back at him. This was not planned. Zayn was _not_ supposed to be here.

But Zayn is out of the door before he is able to be fully dressed. Dalphine has her mouth gaped the whole time he dresses up, leaving her naked in the hall alone afterwards. She does shout after him but Harry doesn't glance back. He has a problem to fix.

Zayn isn't far and he's thankful for it when he catches up to him. "Wait!" he quickly stands in front of Zayn to stop him from moving any further, "I didn't- I'm not _with_ her. I did it for you!" Zayn blinks and frowns. _What?_ "She came to me and I wasn't going to waste the chance to fire back" he sighs, "He hurt you. I couldn't _not do_ anything about it"

Zayn shouldn't care if Harry is with someone else, and sex is meaningless to him anyway, and he certainly didn't want Harry to interfere in this situation. This is exactly why he didn't want to tell him. He blames himself for that. But the words aren't forming. He should tell Harry to step away, to stop doing things for him, probably thank him even for it, _but the words aren't forming_.

"Zayn, please, say something"

Zayn closes his eyes for a second before taking a breath, "You shouldn't be doing anything for me, Harry, and I can't … I don't …" _Fuck it_. _Why is it so hard to form the words?_ It's meaningless, He doesn't care … But he doesn't know if it's the same to Harry. His fucked up life shouldn't affect Harry negatively, it shouldn’t affect him at all, yet they're here. "I don't care" He _shouldn’t_ care.

He walks around Harry and Harry narrows his eyes, "You're not going to scold me for Louis?"

Zayn turns to him again, "Why does Louis-" Okay, hold on. Louis loves Harry. Fuck. _Why didn't this thought come to his mind first?_

"You're not mad because it's Niall's girlfriend" Harry speaks up again and it's not a question. "And you're not mad for Louis … You're mad because it's _me_ " he smiles but Zayn frowns. He doesn't even know why he's mad, and Harry's words are not making sense. "Zayn" Harry cups his face but Zayn doesn’t look up at his face, he keeps blinking in confusion, "They're simple words and my heart, body and soul will belong to you"

No. _No_. This shouldn't be happening. He might be facing some new feelings but he can't push the fact that Louis loves Harry away. And since when his heart decided to open up so suddenly to Harry anyway? This is plain _wrong_.

"I can't" Zayn steps back and removes Harry's hands then starts to walk away.

But Harry is just too fed up with all of this already, "You know what? You're absolutely right. I should be getting back to that room because you obviously don't care, and I should stop wasting my time on someone like you!" Zayn knows that Harry's words shouldn't get to him, because isn't that we he wanted all along? For Harry to step back? But why does it still _hurt?_ "Have fun being fucked like a slut"

Did Harry mention that Zayn's eyes are going to be the death of him someday? Because Zayn turns around again and the amount of hurt in his glossy eyes are enough to make Harry's expression fall and make him go after him to apologize, probably on his knees too. He doesn't mean those words, it was just out of frustration and anger, and Zayn isn't … He's more to Harry than that, and Harry knows that he'll show up in the arena the next time _for_ Zayn, because he _still_ cares.

But he doesn't chase after Zayn this time. He's plastered to his place.

=====

Zayn finds the rabbit snuggled to his shoes when he's out of the campus and it's funny how it doesn’t stay with Harry instead this time. At least there's someone by his side. And speaking about people on his side, he picks his phone up when he flops on his bed and dials Louis.

"Where are you?" He doesn't wait for Louis' greetings and hears him sigh.

 _"Who touched my little bro?"_ Louis' tone is soft but Zayn rolls his eyes. He just needs Louis here, snuggle next to him and sleep in his arms.

"Just … Where are you?"

 _"Look, I'll be home in a few, yeah? I promise. I just needed to buy something fast"_ Louis avoids his question and Zayn would go with the guess that he can’t speak where he is so he decides he'll ask about it later.

"Kay" Zayn replies quietly and hangs up. He knows that Louis' few would mean a couple of hours and he decides to get off the bed and go buy a bottle of wine. He would go to a club but he prefers to be drunk at home with Louis by his side instead. He leaves the rabbit at his cage on the table this time.

The streets are a bit crowded, and Zayn finds himself walking slower than usual. Probably trying to get stuff out of his mind, but it works the other way round and his thoughts begin to drift away to his fucked up life.

The fancy restaurant Harry took him to once is just across the street and he finds himself staring, allowing his thoughts to drift again. The doors are suddenly opened and he squints his eyes to see better.

"Harry!" There's a woman shouting, probably in her thirties and Zayn follows the figure of the other person to find it the Harry he knows, dressed in a fancy suit again as he storms off towards his black Mercedes.

"Don't pretend to be like her! You're nothing like her!" Harry shouts back, "You're not a mother to me!" He unlocks his car, steps inside and harshly slams the door closed before tuning on the engine and speeds off. The woman –Probably a step mother? Zayn guesses from Harry's words– huffs and returns back inside. It appears that he's not the only one with a fucked up life. Harry did mention once some complexes with his family and he can tell that he's having more than he can handle already on his plate.

Zayn's phone rings in his pocket and he picks it up to find an unknown number calling. He still swipes the answer button, "Hello?"

 _"Zayn?"_ Niall's voice makes him frown because the way he says his name is a bit slurred indicating he's drunk. Why is he calling him when he's drunk again? He sighs before answering.

"What do you want, Ni?"

 _"Can you … Can you come over?"_ Zayn pauses.

"Where?"

 _"My place"_ Zayn sees as the woman gets out of the restaurant again but this time she steps into another fancy car as well. There are priorities in life, and Niall has just lost his position. _Zayn should say no_.

"Don’t call me when you're drunk, Niall. I'm not coming over, and please … don't even call me when you're sober" he ends the call quickly before he thinks twice about his words. He needs to take a step forward from all of this.

And before Niall tries to dial him again, Louis does instead. He's probably home, and that's where Zayn should be at this moment. He picks up and hears Louis' cheering voice. A smile creeps on his face.

 _"I've got us tickets! I just need to take care of few more things. Think you can spend the night with Mini Me instead? I'm planning our future here"_ The new information is hitting him fast but he finds himself nodding even though Louis can't see it. Louis seems so keen on leaving as soon as possible and he won't lie, he wants that too.

"Do I have a choice?"

 _"I love you, bro!"_ Louis makes a kissing sound making Zayn chuckle. Guess he'll need the wine for celebration instead. Louis hangs up and Zayn heads home.

=====

Before Zayn gets to change his clothes, there's knocking on the door. Louis said he won't be back today and he isn't expecting anyone either so … He sighs as he turns back and opening the door.

"I'm sorry"

It's not completely unexpected, but Harry is at his door apologizing. His eyes shift downwards a bit and Harry even got him a box of chocolates. Out of everything that's happening in his life and this is the first thought to come to Harry. _Him_.

"I didn't mean the last words I said and I know that I should have told you that right then and there but … you make everything twice as complicated" Harry seems tired as he offers the box and Zayn takes it from him. He knows that Harry's words from earlier weren't wrong, it's what he does and he is aware of that fact. He also has no authority of what so ever on Harry's life, if anything, he should be pushing Harry away, and he might feel a bit better that Harry didn't mean his words, that he's here apologizing to him. He _shouldn't_.

But Zayn smiles, a soft genuine one. "You're the first person to bring me a box of chocolates other than Louis" his gaze travels up again to Harry's eyes, "How did you know this is my favorite type?"

Harry shrugs, "There was an empty box from the same brand in your room the last time I was here and Louis didn't show an interest in that before so … I just thought you liked them" Zayn nods and turns to walk inside the flat but Harry doesn't follow him. "Um … So, are we okay?"

"I'm not blaming you, Harry" Zayn turns to him, "And no, I'm not mad at you" Because Harry is nice, sweet, kind, honest, and Zayn should stop counting his good traits, but he can't say he's mad at Harry for not apologizing then or even saying what he said from the first place. It hurts, _very_ , but it's mostly _his_ fault, he knows that. So no, he isn't really mad at Harry for doing anything.

"Does this mean I can take you out?" Harry is still standing at the doorway and Zayn sighs as he puts the box down.

"No"

"Not on a date" Harry tries again. "Please?"

Zayn sighs again and turns to him, he knows why and probably where too. Harry is tired, it's shown clearly on his face, but not angry, maybe a little depressed? He knows family issues, knows them too well, and it's Harry. He had been there for him many times before, it's only fair for Zayn to pay his debt. At least do it while he still can.

"Let me grab my jacket"

Zayn turns away but he can see the relived expression on Harry's face accompanied with a smile. He still waits by the door, still in his suit, and when they go down, his black Mercedes is there.

Harry takes a different route that he isn't familiar with and they reach a house, a big one with a gate and all and he turns to Harry with narrowed eyes when they park inside.

"I've nothing up my sleeves, I swear" Harry defends himself as he turns off the engine, "This is like … my second home that I don't come to very often but … It's still mine" He turns his face towards him, "My flat is sort of … untidy at the moment" he nods slowly and Zayn doesn't ask. He already knows. So he just nods as well and exits the car as Harry does the same.

He figures that Harry should know, but up till now, Harry didn't share much of his personal life and he isn't the type to interfere in others' business when he's not invited, so he keeps his mouth shut. Maybe Harry will be willing to talk on his own. Zayn would be there to listen.

The house is of course as fancy from the inside as the outside, but that's the last thing Zayn would look at. He's not interested in such stuff, and he might be looking around to try see something related to Harry, but all he sees is how Harry's expression changes from anger to calm then sad in a matter of seconds and he doesn't know how exactly can he comfort him without giving Harry the wrong signal. He resorts to just talking.

"Do you come here often?"

He watches as Harry opens his mouth and closes it again after a soft sigh escaping through it. His eyes are glancing around as he replies simply, "Sometimes" Zayn was about to ask him to maybe change into something more comfortable after a hot shower to cool his nerves down and he can cook something for both of them -Wine seems a good option too- but Harry opens his mouth again. "Used to come here for inspiration. I have a music room" he explains, his eyes are still roaming around until they stop downwards, "Or when I'm feeling down"

"Thought the forest was your hideaway?"

Harry does turn to him then, only for a moment though before he's turning his head away again shrugging, "When I'm not in the mood for memories" Zayn doesn't ask, doesn't offer his story either, because he knows both are going to take a down turn and he wants to lift Harry's mood not bring it down more so he just nods. "I'm sorry" Harry shakes his head, "Do you want something to eat? Drink?" he walks ahead, glancing over his shoulder once to make sure Zayn is following.

"Do you?" Harry is startled when Zayn stands in front of him. "You look troubled, tired. Suffocated maybe … Why don't you just go have a shower and change while I prepare you something? I'm not going anywhere and I can work my way through your ..." he glances around, "House"

"Won’t you?" Harry asks instead as Zayn's gaze return to his again, "Since you're staying, I can find something that will fit you" He gives Zayn a hopeful look and Zayn hates to shut that spark down.

"I'll pass" _And there it goes_. Harry's face falls again and his shoulders slump down like he's adding more to the weight existing on his shoulder. But Zayn shouldn't stay, he _can't_. Harry stands there for a moment before nodding and finally moving upstairs.

Zayn glances around one more time before entering the kitchen –and it's huge just like every other thing in this house– but Zayn doesn't comment on anything, not even in his mind, because he knows Harry -or at least knows his personality- and Harry is not a jerk, not one of those arrogant rich people, and he is not going to judge him for that anyway.

He doesn't count the minutes Harry's been away, and the kitchen has everything he needs to make a proper meal anyway so he gets busy with that. But he feels when Harry enters the kitchen so quietly and sits on a stool. He stays there silently for a long moment before Zayn feels a bit concerned and turns around to face him. Harry's gaze immediately find his eyes and Zayn doesn't ask why his gaze was down on the first place because both answers he won't exactly like to hear.

Harry offers a smile, "Thanks … For being here"

Zayn nods, "You seem a lot … calmer?" and gives a smile of his own.

"Your presence calms me" Harry's reply is soft as he rests his head on his arms crossed on the island. Zayn doesn't reply and turns again. He doesn't know how to reply to that. Harry told him that before but he just … It's not right. "Can I ask you something?" Harry asks again as Zayn serves him his plate and sits on the opposite stool with his own. "Why are you still working at the club?"

Zayn pauses, "I can't quit the club …" Harry gives him a confused look mixed with worry as he trails, "It's not a contract or … It's not exactly the type of job that you can go whenever you want" Harry frowns, "But … You won’t have to fight for me again" he plays with his fork, picking at the food with his eyes fixed there. He knows it's coming, he knows Harry has already too much on his plate to add to it, he knows that that this is not exactly what he wanted for this evening, but Harry will be worse if he didn’t tell him. He feels both relieved and guilty at the same time. Harry doesn't open his mouth, just keeps staring at him until Zayn sighs and spills it out already, "I'm moving away, Harry"

"Where?"

"I can't tell you that"

"Why not?"

Zayn takes a deep breath, "All you need to know is that I'm not causing you troubles anymore" There's a long pause and Zayn wonders if Harry is going to eat anytime soon. Maybe he should get up and leave.

"Were you planning to tell me this?" Zayn lifts his gaze up to meet Harry's. "Why tell me now? Why tell me at all?" His tone is calm but cold and Zayn knows why.

"No. I wasn't" Zayn replies quietly, "Knowing that I'll be gone is better than not knowing anything at all. I … I know that much"

"Outside the country?" Zayn nods, "Why?"

Zayn sighs, "Because I need to keep my family" Because he knows how Louis would get if they stay for a while more, because he knows how _he_ would get if they stay for a while more, and he knows how Harry would as well. The club being aside.

Harry takes a deep breath and leans back, his arms crossed in front of his chest but his gaze isn’t on Zayn anymore. Here's the guilt.

"You won't reach, will you?"

"I'm sorry" Zayn replies.

"Did you ever care?"

"I _do_. It's a big part of _why_ "

Harry returns his gaze to his, "Are you ever going to say it?" Zayn sighs and drops his head down. His hair is swept backwards and he wishes it was down to cover his face. "So you will leave me hanging?" Harry's tone changes, it's a bit softer, but also a bit sadder, and if Harry would break, _Zayn would as well_.

"I'm not exactly fixing any part of your life, Harry. It's best if I go" And speaking of going, he should leave now. But he lifts his gaze again and he hates the look in Harry's eyes. He caused this. "You'll be better, I promise. You're a good person, and you deserve better"

But all that runs inside Harry's head is _how can I change your mind?_ And _Stay_. He doesn't say them out loud though because he knows the answers to both. "Is that your goodbye then?"

"It's better that way"

"No truth? No feelings?"

"And give you a hope to something that will never be?" Zayn retorts.

Harry raises his brows, "So there's something?"

Zayn sighs and closes his eyes, "Harry, please, I didn't want this to happen"

"You could've just turned my offer down from the first place. Save us this whole useless conversation"

"You were having a hard time, I couldn't-" he cuts himself off and Harry narrows his eyes slightly, "I saw you outside the restaurant. It's not pity, and I will never bring it up if you don't want to. But I _care_ , and I couldn't leave you in that condition" Harry's eyes trail down again.

"Who will be there for me then?" Zayn doesn’t know. He really doesn’t. But he's the last person to count as a close friend to Harry. They haven't spent that much time together and they barely know much about the other than what they've seen in this short period. Zayn doesn't know, but he's hopeful.

"There are many who will be willing" he assures him again. Harry doesn't reply to him and they fall in silence for the next couple of minutes before Zayn stands up. "I'm sorry. But I better be going. This wasn't intentional and I … I'm just sorry" Harry just looks at him. "It wasn't meant to be Harry. I can't. And I'm sorry" Harry still doesn't reply to him so he walks past him.

"Stay" Zayn knows he shouldn't be doing lots of things, but Harry's pleading voice stops him from taking another step forward, "Just for the night. Please?" Zayn sighs and turns to Harry. He is meant to say no. "We can just talk? I swear I won't be trying anything" and his eyes are enough to make Zayn _stay_.

=====

Zayn falls asleep during their conversation. No, maybe when Harry started playing the piano his eyes started closing on its own accord. He was so good Zayn was too caught up in the moment and he was really enjoying Harry's melodies but it was getting late and he might have fell asleep then.

He wakes up in a bed though. Harry must've carried him there last night, but he is not in the same room and Zayn appreciates that.

The bathroom is just as huge as everything and Harry wouldn’t mind if he took a shower before he leaves. Louis didn't call and he figures he'd call instead once he's out, but when he's done, he hears a piano sound coming from Harry's music room and he follows the music.

 _You're giving me a million reasons to let you go_  
_You're giving me a million reasons to quit the show_  
_You're givin' me a million reasons, Give me a million reasons_  
_Givin' me a million reasons, About a million reasons_

_If I had a highway, I would run for the hills_  
_If you could find a dry way, I'd forever be still_  
_But you're giving me a million reasons, Give me a million reasons_  
_Givin' me a million reasons, About a million reasons_

_I bow down to pray, I try to make the worst seem better_  
_Lord, show me the way, To cut through all his worn out leather_  
_I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away_  
_But baby, I just need one good one to stay_

_Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare_  
_It's like that I've stopped breathing, but completely aware_  
_Cause you're giving me a million reasons, Give me a million reasons_  
_Givin' me a million reasons, About a million reasons_

_And if you say something that you might even mean_  
_It's hard to even fathom which parts I should believe_  
_Cause you're giving me a million reasons, Give me a million reasons_  
_Givin' me a million reasons, About a million reasons_

_I bow down to pray, I try to make the worst seem better_  
_Lord, show me the way, To cut through all his worn out leather_  
_I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away_  
_But baby, I just need one good one to stay_

_Baby I'm bleedin', bleedin' Stay_  
_Can't you give me what I'm needin', needin'_  
_Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith_  
_But baby, I just need one good one_  
_Good one, good one, good one, good one, good one_

_When I bow down to pray, I try to make the worst seem better_  
_Lord, show me the way, To cut through all his worn out leather_  
_I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away_  
_But baby, I just need one good one, good one_  
_Tell me that you'll be the good one, good one_  
_Baby, I just need one good one to stay_

Harry picks his head up slowly but there's no one standing at the door. He was sure he felt someone's presence as he thought it was Zayn, but maybe he was wrong.

Later on, he finds a note on the bed Zayn was sleeping in last night.

 _I see this life like a swinging vine, Swing my heart across the line_  
_In my face is flashing signs, Seek it out and you shall find_  
  
_Old but I'm not that old, Young but I'm not that bold_  
_And I don't think the world is sold, I'm just doing what we're told_  
  
_I feel something so right by doing the wrong thing_  
_And I feel something so wrong by doing the right thing_

_I could lie, couldn't I, couldn't I?_  
_Everything that kills me makes me feel alive_

=====

Before Zayn can slip his key into the door, it's already opening and he furrows his brows in confusion. He still hasn't called Louis and he guesses he's the one inside and probably forgot to lock the door. Or close it in that matter. But once he steps inside his eyes go wide and his heart starts beating faster.

Everything is crashed and he dials Louis as he tries to move further into the house. He smells a horrible smell coming from his room and he peeks his head inside only to turn it away immediately feeling the leftovers in his stomach from the dinner he had yesterday in Harry's house is ready to come out right now. There are tears that were threatening to escape his eyes already and he allowed some to pour down his face when he left Harry's house but this … This is horrible. It was the only remaining thing he'd have to remember Harry with, perhaps the only _ever_ thing he had from Harry that he could keep. And who is cruel enough to do such a thing? He decides he'd call the cops after Louis picks up but his eyes catches something different.

The T.V is on, but not on a specific channel, the DVD player is working and there's a video on replay. Zayn's heart stops when he hears the words before he gets to see the scene.

_"No. You didn't even put an effort. Honestly, who denies you when you do?"_

That's Louis, inside Ant's office and Zayn quickly turns to Louis' room climbing over the smashed bed to reach the window. Louis finally picks up when he plugs his ear-buds and slides carefully to reach the emergency stairs.

"The hell have you done?!" he half-shouts because he doesn't need any attention to himself. "Our apartment is screwed! My rabbit is dead! And I'm sure as hell Ant sent someone after us!"

_"Calm down and take a turn after two blocks. I'm there"_

Zayn sighs but runs the distance separating the two. Louis is there as he said and they take a cab to the airport.

"The airport?"

"I've got everything covered" Louis doesn't seem too happy, but he's nervous and Zayn decides to keep his mouth shut instead. Louis brings him closer, allowing Zayn's head to lay on his chest as he keeps his hand in Zayn's hair. Louis doesn’t ask him where he'd been but he's more than happy to know that Zayn wasn't in the flat during what happened and at least they can leave all of this behind.

They arrive at the airport and Louis manages everything until their flight is being called. Zayn looks back, he doesn't know why and Louis doesn't ask either. Maybe to see someone there telling him not to go. Maybe a _specific_ someone. But his mind nor his heart registers much because it's hard to walk away knowing you caused harm to someone you wish things were different with. He's remembering the first time Louis took him away from their families and he had the same look of expectation. People he loved dearly but couldn't accept him in their lives. He missed them but Louis moved on so quickly and he followed after a long while, but he did.

He's losing _two_ people, and he's missing them both. It's ironic. But he's going to stop missing them just like before. It's a cycle, and he's trapped inside _forever_.


	7. 06

_Eyes closed, blow the candles out_  
_Another year you're not with me, It's not time_  
_Don't let it go, you're givin' up on the dream_  
_Life's too short to play these games_  
_I know deep down you feel the same_  
_So let's escape, slip away, I can't wait another day_

Zayn closes his eyes and relaxes as his head is tilted towards the window. The lyrics are his, Niall recorded it for him to hear it before he plays it in front of his class and sent it immediately when Zayn was too tired to leave his bed. He and Louis got rid of their phones before they get on the plane, but Zayn had it stored on a cloud account. Louis doesn't know he still has it on repeat because Zayn looks better and he doesn't go through his phone which Zayn's thankful for because if Louis ever found out, he'll lecture him for days.

It's been six months, and Zayn still can't find it in his heart to move on. He doesn’t understand how Louis could do so, so easily, but he doesn't envy him for such thing. He sometimes worries if Louis is doing this to try mend his broken heart before it’s too late, before he gets too deep, and Louis doesn't show it most of the times. Zayn would know if Louis is being hurt, he'd know if Louis still didn't get over it, but he also knows that this is Louis' way of dealing with things.

Louis didn't tell him much details, but he knew that he transferred some of Ant's money to get them a decent house, managed to even have a contact with some people here to get them jobs once they're settled down. Louis asked him if he'd want to change jobs and told him that this was completely okay, but Zayn liked the place he worked in. _Anything is better than the club anyway_ , and he didn't want to trouble Louie more. If he wanted to he'll have his ways instead. But he works at a bookshop, and it's very calm, his co-workers are nice, the manager is nice, and the working hours are suitable.

 _When I look at your smile_  
_There's more than a smile starring back at me_  
_Then I look at those eyes_  
_I feel like there's a lot more behind the scenes_  
_Life's too short to play these games_  
_I know deep down you feel the same_  
_So let's escape, slip away, I can't wait another day_

Zayn opens his eyes and notices he's almost there so he stands up from his seat, turns off the music, and makes his way off the bus. The coffee shop is right there and he is glad when he feels a lot warmer when he steps inside. It's winter now, and he approaches the counter leaning his arms on it.

"So, am I meeting him yet?"

Louis turns and Zayn smiles batting his eyelashes at him. Louis chuckles and gives him a cup of coffee along with a muffin. It's always on Louis, he'll get everything free as long as Louis works here. He tries not to do it very often but coming late before Louis' shift is over and going home with him is better than waiting by his own and allowing his mind to flood.

"Trying a bad-boy look now?" Louis shakes his head as Zayn straightens up with a smirk. "I like it" Louis smiles again, "The beanie though pushing all your hair away making your eyes pop out and it makes you cuter" His hair's gotten longer and it's brushing over the back of his neck now. He sighs and sips his coffee instead. There is a trace of mustache and beard from the last time he's shaved, he's wearing a leather jacket with a shirt underneath, skinnies and combat boots, and Louis told him it makes him look more mature, old, and sexy, but he always coos at him when his hair is down or whenever he's in a sweater. It's alright though, Louis is allowed to.

"So?" Zayn repeats his question and raises his brows. It's cute how Louis blushes slightly and goes over the counter as Zayn sits on a stool. Louis would never admit it, but there was this one time Zayn was here and a group of girls arrived here just because of Louis and they thought he was 'cute'. Louis doesn't let anyone but him mention it though and it's only between the two of them.

"In a few" Louis answers and leans back on the counter as Zayn talks about his day. They have been mistaken as a couple before, because Louis always has this fondness in his eyes and a soft smile playing on his lips whenever Zayn mentions a new book or something interesting that makes his eyes sparkle. And other times when Louis would be pissed and only Zayn is able to calm him down, take him in his arms and keeps him there for a few minutes. When Louis would kiss the top of his head as he wraps his arms around Zayn after a bad day or when Zayn would kiss Louis' check just to tease him as he runs off outside the shop.

Zayn was drunk one time, and he asked Louis why couldn't they be lovers instead, save them the trouble of heartbreaks from people they don't know, at least no matter where they go they'll always be together. He remembers how Louis laughed softly and told him how deeply he loves him and how he is sure that Zayn loves him just as much, but if they ever tried it, it won't work, because as much as they care about each other, it's not that type of love. They're brothers, best of friends, partners in crime, and each will be willing to sacrifice his soul to the other, but that's just it. Zayn smiled then.

"Already cheating on me?" Zayn still smiles now and throws his doubts away as he turns his head to the side. Louis smiles as well and Zayn knows if he wasn't wearing a beanie Louis would ruffle his hair. But Louis settles for pinching his cheeks and throwing his arms around his shoulder.

"Zayn, this is Doug. Doug, this is my sweet little bro, Zee" Zayn rolls his eyes at how Louis introduced him but he doesn't protest. The guy –Doug– smiles back at him. Zayn still has the same question over Louis' relationships but Louis would dismiss the subject now. They'd talk later.

"Cool! So this is _The_ Zayn?" Again, Zayn doesn't really say anything. "Nice to meet ya!"

"Same" His tone is friendly, and Louis squeezes his shoulders once before letting go. Zayn notices two things. First, the guy is clearly fit, tall with broad shoulders and strong muscles. He seems nice, and Louis talked about him many times before their proper meeting face to face, and although Zayn doesn't trust people easily, Louis seems to like him. Second, and that what caught his eyes first, is that he is a brunette with green eyes.

_Louis didn't get over his crush._

=====

Doug is actually nice. They stayed after Louis' shift on a table for over two hours and the guy is kind, flirty –with Louis– and seems the type that can be a gentleman but Zayn has his mind elsewhere. He wonders if Louis is _really_ into the guy. It could be just a coincidence, he tries to convince himself that.

Doug offers them a ride home and even though it's late, the streets are a bit crowded and they're stuck at traffic when Zayn turns his head away from their conversation towards the window. A car passes, black covering its body and glass, and Zayn is normally not interested in cars but this one catches his attention.

 _Mercedes_.

Anyone could own this car and they're miles away, but Zayn doesn't stop his mind when it wanders to Harry. He wonders if he's okay, if he'd left the club. He doesn't have to go back and Ant surely can't pressure him on staying. He's not there anymore, and Harry's reason to stay vanished. He wonders how he's dealing with his family, his studies, whether or not he's back to boxing … Whether he forgot him or not.

Zayn blinks slowly and then they're moving again, away from the black car, but his thoughts don't rest. They never do. He's missing the conversation, but noticed as Louis sends him a questioning glance and Doug's confused one. He just shrugs at Louis' way, Doug still has this worried look on his face as he stops in front of their house. Zayn leaves first, and decides to wait for Louis inside. A couple of minutes later, when he's still in his clothes, Louis comes in.

"You don't seem to like him" Zayn looks up and sighs.

"Lou" Zayn stands up, "You're not over Harry. I know you're not" Louis blinks and rolls his eyes, "He's having the same traits, Lou … Just talk to me" Zayn tries with his soft approach, big pleading eyes that Louis doesn't avoid this time as he stands in his place.

"He's not" Louis replies, "Those traits just happen to be my type" he shrugs, "And it's not like … There's a whole ocean separating us, Zayn" Louis shakes his head.

But Zayn knows Louis. "Are you taking this relationship seriously?" Louis avoids his gaze again.

"I'll try" Louis' voice is quiet, quieter than usual. Zayn doesn't push him.

It's only seconds later that Louis is wishing him a good night and hopping over the stairs.

=====

"Just place them on that shelf" His co-worker, Jeff, tells him and he nods, placing the newly arrived books on the said shelf before stepping back towards the counter. Their first customer comes in and Zayn doesn't bother looking from his phone when he hears Jeff welcoming them.

But Jeff's voice startles him again, "Oh! Well, we're only starting and there's no customers still so you can go on!" Zayn looks up when he hears someone clearing their throat and raises his brows.

"Yes?"

"Just thought of stopping by" Doug smiles and digs his hands in his pockets awkwardly, "Well … You don't seem to like me very much. Am I giving away that bad impression already?"

"I don't … I've never said that I don't like you"

Doug sighs, "So why were you giving me all those narrowed eyes and bothered looks?"

Zayn presses his lips for a second before speaking up, "I didn't mean to. Just a bad day" he shrugs, "Why do you even care?" he frowns.

"Because you're Louis' little brother. He cares for you a lot and winning your approval means that we can go on" Doug gives him a hopeful look but Zayn doesn't know how to reply. Should he tell him he's cool with it? Why would it matter anyway? He and Louis always talk, and if it happens to be abut Doug then it'll be about Doug, and Zayn would never tell Louis to do something against his heart _if_ Louis is considering this a serious relationship.

"Winning my approval?" Zayn repeats.

"At least get to know me first" Doug suggests, "We can hang out" Zayn blinks. It's not Doug, he's just worried about Louis' feelings being true or not. His _approval_ of Doug isn't that hard to gain actually, he just needs to confirm whether or not Louis is moving on correctly. But getting to know Doug seems like an opportunity to see if he's indeed that man Louis thinks he is. He only got to sit with him once, and he finds himself nodding slowly.

"Okay"

"Okay?" Doug repeats with raised brows and a wide –unsure– smile. Zayn gets this feeling at the pit of his stomach again but he settles for another nod. He doesn't smile and he isn't completely sure of why, but Doug asks for his number and Zayn gives it to him. It's for Louis, he tells himself again as Doug leaves the shop.

He hears Jeff's whistle from his place as he opens the door of the shop. "Dude, you should totally come check this out!" Zayn knows Jeff by now, it's probably another hot guy passing by because Jeff's gay and single. Zayn just shakes his head with a smile as he sits on the chair behind the counter and opening a book. Reading is a good thing to do when they have no customers and it helps spend the day.

"I'm telling you, he's totally a pop star" Jeff speaks up again and Zayn chuckles.

"Yeah?"

" _Totally_ " Jeff repeats.

"Might want to close the door and let the cold air _out_ "

"Do you think he might be interested in books?" Zayn sighs and stands up. He's going to close the door and Jeff is going to still stare at the guy from the big glass window until he leaves. It's the same cycle but Zayn doesn’t find it too annoying. Jeff is a good guy, he's just having _too many_ crushes.

"Alright" Zayn drags Jeff away from the door. He doesn't glance out of the door to see who's Jeff looking at.

The day goes by, the shop is filled by customers and Jeff tells him it's his 'charm' that attracts people. Zayn wouldn't lie, he keeps a polite smile on his face, and the customers are nice most of the time so he doesn't need to act bitchy, and plus, he'd lose his job if he did so.

"Zayn! He's looking my way!" Zayn rolls his eyes but doesn't glance at Jeff, he's not even sure if it's the same guy or yet another new one, it's quite entertaining actually when Zayn is having a bad time. A small part of him reminds him of Niall, but he quickly dismisses that thought. Jeff often tells him to _'grab'_ one seeing as he's single for a long time. Zayn doesn't think it's a long time though. He rather has his heart in a box than to expose it again. It's a tiring process, and he doubts if anything fazes him anymore.

But as he looks up at the next customer, he figures that maybe the world is hating him so much, punishing him for every little horrible thing he did, no wait, every _huge_ mistake he'd committed. Because no matter how long is the distance or how many months he spends away, it always has its way to make him suffer. It's fair, Zayn believes it is.

There's a long pause that the customer behind the one in front of him looks annoyed.

"You're not going to even greet me?" Zayn blinks and looks down at the counter, there're three books there and he quickly checks them out.

"I have a job to do, and you’re halting the next customer" Surprisingly, that's all that's exchanged between them as he goes and Zayn is able to have the rest of the day without his physical presence pushing at his buttons.

"You know him?" Jeff asks after the shop is empty again.

"Sort of" Zayn shrugs.

"It's not fair how you know all the hotties" Jeff mumbles making Zayn laugh, but it's short and it quickly disappears. Zayn doesn't know where he went, and he doesn't think about how easily he left without uttering another word. He doesn't know if it should hurt or if he should be grateful they're not on good terms now.

His shift ends and he received a text from Doug asking him if he's free. He replies with a 'no' because he's totally not in the mood. The weather is getting colder than earlier and he slips on his leather jacket again. He doesn't have his beanie and he's glad his thick hair is doing the job, but occasionally brushing his face when the wind blows isn’t something he quite enjoys.

"Still not going to greet me?"

Zayn closes his eyes and stops, breathing in deeply before re-opening them and turning around. "You waited all this time?"

"I have my car" he simply replies. "You really don’t wish to see me that much?" he raises his brows but his tone is flat and Zayn doesn't know if it's sarcastic or honest.

"How did you know I'm here?"

"I didn't" he replies. "But it was nice to see you after half a year" Zayn opens his mouth and he's about to ask another question but figures that it's not his business to ask why he's here so he closes it again. "And yet you're not going to even greet me"

Zayn sighs, "What do you want me to say? Hi?" he doesn't answer and keeps staring at Zayn with a look he can't really figure out. "I should be going. You should too" Zayn turns to leave again.

"Wow. That was rude, even from you" Zayn knows he shouldn't be doing lots of things, but he always messes things up one way or the other, and it's not like he can choose an alternative, he is just here, and he sighs heavily before turning to face him. Again, he shouldn't be doing this.

"Sorry"

"Sorry?" He cocks an eyebrow and Zayn's shoulders slump.

"You seriously want to have this talk again?" Zayn watches as he shakes his head and pushes himself off the wall, walking in his direction. There's still space though and Zayn doesn't know if he appreciates it or not.

"I had no idea you'd be here, but forgive me for not being an asshole and trying a friendly conversation"

"No, I didn't mean it that way … Harry, I-" he doesn't really know himself what should he do because … Harry is still that nice guy he met long ago, and he is the asshole in this situation. But he came here with Louis to give him space, or probably give _them_ space, in anyway, he still doesn't know how to start a friendly conversation with Harry, he knows well enough that any conversation would go towards a direction both wouldn't want. Or one he hopes Harry doesn't want. As for himself … He isn't sure.

 _Please just don't make it harder than it already is_.

The wind blows from behind him and he closes his eyes as his hair flies in front of him and falls on his face despite staying for a long time in front of the mirror styling it back. He doesn't hear Harry steps over the wind and he opens his eyes to see him closer now, reaching gently with his hands to swipe Zayn's hair backwards again, most of it tucked behind his ears with strays escaping to brush the side of his face. Harry's hands retreat and he pushes them inside his coat's pockets but doesn't step back, and Zayn finds himself trailing his gaze upwards. Harry's hair is nearly the same, there are no cuts in his face though or bruises that he guesses and hopes that Harry has left the club long ago. He's still in good shape, his eyes aren't tired, and Zayn is relieved.

"We can go to a warmer place" Harry suggests quietly, "A coffee shop or something" Zayn furrows his brows, "I just want to talk, Zayn. It's been a while" he smiles softly and Zayn hates himself for the way he surrenders so easily.

=====

It wasn't a black Mercedes, but Harry still has a fancy car here too that Zayn doesn't ask about anything related to it because he knows Harry's father is going to be mentioned. He is curious to know why Harry is here, or why he seems so familiar with the roads that Zayn had much trouble remembering his way home. It probably has something to do with why he didn't see Harry around before they first met.

Louis' coffee shop is actually far from the bookshop so he's glad for that, Harry chose another place for them to sit at.

"So you left the club?" It's a lot warmer, and Zayn doesn't even need his jacket inside. They've ordered and he's attempting to have a 'friendly' conversation like Harry asked. And because he's worried too.

Harry nods, "Had no reason to go back" It settles both a good and a bad feeling inside his chest.

But Harry is supposed to be in collage at this time and he can't help his curiosity either, or maybe because it's Harry and he wants to know what he'd been up to those past six months. "And the uni?"

"I still attend my classes, but it's postponed for now" Zayn doesn't say anything, but he tilts his head to the side with slightly furrowed brows and Harry knows what's on his mind. "I came for the tournament. It's international, and it just happens for my next stop to be here" he shrugs.

 _His next stop_. Zayn allows his gaze to shift away. Harry is just here momentarily, and they're just having a friendly conversation, nothing more. He should be glad for that. Only that he isn't entirely.

What he's glad for though is that the waiter comes back with their order and once they're finished Zayn can come up with any excuse, saying Louis needs him or something. The waiter leaves and once her figure is out of the view, Zayn catches a sight of someone familiar. Harry frowns when he sees Zayn's narrowed eyes and follows his gaze.

The person tried to turn away but he's caught anyway so he doesn't. Harry takes in his appearance and his frown deepens. He just … looks a lot like _himself_. He turns his head back and the person surely noticed him too because he was staring at Zayn with wide eyes. But it brings a weird sensation and he has to ask even if it's hard to get those words out.

"Is he … your boyfriend?"

"Louis'" Zayn replies and stands, "A moment" he walks towards that person and Harry can see the confusion and worry in Zayn's eyes as he steps closer to the person.

Doug smiles when Zayn approaches him but Zayn doesn't.

"Why were you trying to hide? What are you hiding? Something you're too afraid Louis would know?" he doesn't let Doug answer the first question as he keeps going, "That definitely doesn't win _my approval_ "

"I'm not … doing anything wrong" Doug replies calmly. He glances behind Zayn for a second but Zayn catches it and he turns quickly to find the exact same waiter that served him and Harry turning around quickly and disappearing through the backdoor. He turns slowly to Doug and narrows his eyes. "I wasn't flirting with her. There is absolutely nothing between the two of us" he raises his hands in defense.

No. There isn't, but Zayn knows he's lying, that he's hiding something from him that he doesn't want him to know. Zayn knows that much, he wouldn't judge people for what they do without hearing them out and he'd give Doug that. Allow him to explain himself. But Doug isn't giving him any answers, just more doubts, and he wonders for the first time if Doug is the one not taking the relationship seriously.

"I'm waiting" Zayn crosses his arms over his chest.

"Look, I swear I didn't-" his phone flashes on the table as he cuts himself off, glancing up between the phone and Zayn, but Zayn reaches for it faster than him. He just sighs as Zayn opens the phone and sees the message. It's unlocked, didn't reach the timeout yet, and he suddenly finds it harder to breath.

There are photos, of Harry's car, he and Harry in front of the shop, and many others of _him_. It's creepy as fuck. But that doesn't startle Zayn more than the thought of _why?_ He's supposed to be Louis' boyfriend of one month. They have literally just met days ago.

He slowly looks up from the phone and Doug doesn't seem to be bothered by the situation very much. "Since when?"

"Since I've met you at the coffee shop" he simply replies, "Didn't know Louis had such an attractive young brother" he smirks and Zayn's blood boil.

He's taller, more built than himself, but Zayn still takes a step forward glaring up at him. "What part of me and Louis are brothers you don't understand? Cause I would never do that to him" he balls his fists and grits his teeth. Dough doesn't seem to be fazed by his behavior though which irritates him more.

"Why don't we settle this outside?" Harry's deep voice startles him as his hands grips his fists hard enough to stop him from doing any move. Doug narrows his eyes slightly at Harry but the hard stare Harry is giving him is enough to make him nod slowly.

Zayn storms off first, waits for Doug to come out of the doors to punch him square in the face, but Harry still stands between them and if Zayn ever hated him, it’s now more than ever.

"I don't want any trouble right now. I'm not ready to carry someone to the hospital or go to the police station" Harry gives him a warning look that he has to roll his eyes at because he's familiar with such situations and he makes himself breath in and out deeply to calm his nerves.

Harry turns to Doug then, "Don’t think about coming near him because I might cancel my last sentence. And you should know that what you did can get you in trouble that I don't mind causing" He holds up a finger when Doug scoffs and looks about to mock him, "One last thing …" he drops his hands back, "Don't push your luck" his voice gets deeper and his eyes send death glares at Doug. A small part of Zayn thinks that this is completely wrong. Harry standing up for him isn't something that he thought he'd see again, didn't _wish_ to see again.

"You're …" Doug narrows his eyes, "That guy" he whispers to himself and if Zayn didn't heart it, Harry heard it clearly causing him to smirk. Doug presses his lips together and huffs a breath. "I'm not scared. But I won't spend my night in a cell just because of a dude" he turns and walks away and Zayn furrows his brows. _That's it? He's just running away?_

Harry composes his face again, exhales, before turning to Zayn again. He sees the confusion on his face but grabs his wrist to get him inside the restaurant again.

A part of him wishes that scene never happened, just hearing 'Louis' boyfriend' was enough to give him hope, but no. Because Harry doesn't like Zayn anymore.

He remembers that day at the gym, Zayn's big eyes and his laugh as he and Louis dragged Liam outside. The restaurant incident where he invited him to 'get to know each other' and how he nodded by just looking at Zayn's eyes. When he arrived at the club and still fought his way and lost, because he did kiss Zayn once, felt how he could wreck Zayn underneath him, turn his dangerous poker face into broken pieces. Saw him later on with Louis on that couch, looking tired and soft. How scared he can get when he knows he's going to face something he can't handle, how he treats Louis tenderly and cares for him so much, how he pined after Niall for so long and probably still. How he began to see that Zayn isn't that person he saw the first time, that there's a soft side to him shadowing everything else he _had_ to do for good reasons, how he gave up on so many up till now and doesn't let his protests show because it's for the best. How there's a certain spark in his eyes that never disappears.

Harry learned the hard way after Zayn left that he didn’t like Zayn. He fell. _Deep_.

He felt how there's a missing piece in his heart, how he couldn't drive to Zayn's apartment anymore and just escape with him for a moment. How he knew that even if he got to meet Zayn again, no matter what he said or did, Zayn would never take him, would never open his heart fully for him. There are nights when he thought about what if Louis never liked him and Niall told him he wants to get back. Zayn would accept, he knows he would, and he knows that Zayn knows that much too. And he wonders what Niall could possibly have done to earn such position in Zayn's heart with his indifferent behavior, something that he'd never be able to do, and even if he did, Zayn would look at him differently.

He still thinks about it now, where Niall isn't present and Louis got a boyfriend. What possible barriers are keeping them apart? But no, Louis just lost his boyfriend that looks so much like him making the situation worse. Louis didn't move on, and Zayn definitely knows he didn't, and now that Harry knows it too, nothing has changed. It's fucked up. And they're back at square one.

"Would you come watch me?" Zayn's eyes look up from his cup. "My next match is due on Thursday, 7 pm"

"Um-"

"It's different from the club. No cage, there's a referee and all. A decent place where people don't have to see blood to cheer" he smiles and Zayn chuckles quietly. "I can get you in without a ticket, just call me once you arrive"

"Sure" It's a show. Harry is leaving afterwards, and Zayn wouldn’t tell him no.

Harry grins, dimples are deep in his cheeks as he writes down his number to Zayn. Zayn doesn't offer to give his back, and when he drives Zayn home, he gets a thanks and a wave.

Zayn doesn't call him or even text him that night.

=====

When Louis comes home that night, he doesn't speak a word until he's in his room. He glances at Zayn when he sees him in his own room just to make sure he's okay. It's unusual, and Zayn slowly makes his way to Louis' room. Louis is wearing a frown on his face that comes and goes with a cold face, something that Zayn learned about Louis over the years, he doesn't like to over show his negative emotions. He still approaches him, because if Louis ever blocked everyone away, he'll be allowed.

"I don't even get a hi?" Louis looks up at him and sighs sitting on the bed.

"Sorry. I'm in a bad mood"

Zayn sits next to him, one arm goes over Louis' waist and Louis immediately leans closer to him, laying his head on Zayn's shoulder. "What happened?" He uses his other hand to push Louis' hair out of his face and caressing it gently.

"That douchebag broke up with me" Zayn isn't surprised, but he's glad he didn't have to tell Louis about Doug himself. He can't tell Louis he lost two men because of him, it'll be too much. Still, he wanted Louis to be the one who leaves first, he didn't want this to happen, not to Louis. "Said we're not going to last and shit" Louis picks his head up and pulls away slightly, "I was honestly trying to build something good with the bastard"

"His loss" Louis leans back in a straight sitting position again, "He'll regret ever losing you because you're the kindest and sweetest person I've ever known"

"You're my little bro, of course you'd say that" But Louis is smiling and Zayn smiles too.

"But it's true. He'd never find someone with a heart similar to yours"

Louis reaches to ruffle Zayn's hair, "Remind me again why couldn't we be lovers?"

Zayn chuckles and hugs Louis tightly, "Because we're better than lovers. We're family"

Louis' smile widens as he keeps brushing his fingers through Zayn's hair. "True"

Zayn would hate for Louis' smile to fall, so he doesn't tell him about Harry. He'll be gone after a week anyway, and it's not like they have anything between them. Louis is better off not knowing this piece of information.

=====

It's Thursday, 6:50 pm, and Zayn didn't call. He'd give him excuses for traffic or just anything else if he said so, but he doesn’t even text and his trainer is calling for him to get ready. He has to put his phone away and leave the room.

The arena is big, and even if he took his time glancing around, he can't see everyone. He's distracted again by his trainer patting his back. He gets rid of his clothes, nothing but his boxing gloves and short on. It's 7:05 now, and Harry has to focus on his opponent instead. His team along with some of his friends are cheering for him from his right side as he steps inside the ring. He got to know his opponent earlier, seemed like a friendly person, and it's totally different from those times at the club where he hated anyone stepping inside the cage with him. They're more professional, way more respectful, and Harry wouldn't mind hanging out with any of them after the match is over.

But unknown to Harry, next to the entrance door at the very top, Zayn is there. He didn't call because in all honesty, he didn't know if he can make it himself. But he managed to get inside without a ticket because the guards were _nice_. And if Zayn used his charm to make them nice it doesn't really matter.

He can't see Harry inside the ring very clearly, but the screens make it easier, even if they chose a certain angle that isn't his very favorite. He stands there leaning back on the wall with both hands in his jacket pockets and frowns when he sees Harry's expressions. He's not fully concentrating, something that he hadn't seen him doing in his fights before. Mostly in a defensing position, and he is sure that his trainer is shouting at him to make a move already.

Something in the back of his mind tells him why, because once Harry is back in the corner, trying to freshen up, his eyes are darting through the audience instead of his team. There are barriers to stop people from crossing, and there's no way he can get to the front with all of these people are crowding. He might be reconsidering Harry's offer to call him before coming.

A sigh escapes him as the next round begins. Harry looks more focused, perhaps his trainer put some sense in his mind to get him on the offense but it works, and Harry earns some points to win.

Zayn decides to actually move closer, getting down the steps and spotting an empty corner where a guy stands there. He slips quietly between some people until he reaches his destination.

"This isn't a favorable spot" The guy smiles at him and Zayn shrugs.

"Not really, but it's close enough"

The guy nods, "Was a bit late. Couldn't make my way to the front rows"

"Same" Zayn replies. Both of their attention is drawn back towards the ring when the people cheer. Harry wins another round and goes back to the corner, his gaze shifts to them and the guy next to him grins widely before noticing Harry's gaze isn't on him. Harry smiles and Zayn gives him a thumbs up before the guy next to him turns to him with a confused expression.

"You know him?"

"Um … A friend" Zayn turns to the guy.

"What's your name?"

Zayn furrows his brows slightly, "Zayn"

"Weird" The guy turns to Harry then back to him, "Harry never mentioned you" There are lots of reasons why Harry shouldn't mention him to his _supposedly friend?_ Zayn guesses. "Anyway, glad to meet you" The guy smiles again, "I'm Joshua. Harry's boyfriend"

Zayn blinks and cocks an eyebrow. He doesn't know if Harry should've mentioned that to him or not. It's not his business, Harry can be with whoever he likes. And he's not bitter. He is the one who walked away, he's the one to blame for many of things that went wrong in Harry's life, and he rejected him, so it's fair for Harry to have his personal life sorted out without him being involved. Harry is only staying for a week, he came to him just because he's a good person and he might have wanted a friendly chatter with him. _Only_ that.

Zayn isn't bitter. But he turns his gaze towards Harry, his one minute is over and he's pushing himself off the corner to get back to his match. His eyes are still on Zayn though, something that he can't quite read. He is not bitter. But he turns his gaze away, takes in a breath and presses his lips together. He shouldn't be, he doesn't have the right to, but there's a burning sensation in his chest that he can't deny.

He is jealous, and Harry must've noticed from his expression. For his boyfriend to know or not to isn't really his business.

There are two options on Zayn's mind that might lead to the same outcome and he doesn't know if he is ought to choose one of them. Joshua is having a questioning look on his face, but Zayn forces himself to focus on the ring. He decides he'd pick the second option he thought of.

Harry wins his match, Zayn doesn't mind the awkward silence that fell between him and Joshua, and Zayn waits for Harry to get off the ring. Joshua leaves his side and Zayn watches as he talks with one of Harry's team who tells the guard to let him in. Zayn doesn’t move from his position, knowing too well that he won't be neglected here. Although there's a part of him that tells him he's not a priority, but Harry picks his gaze up again and meets his. Whatever Joshua was trying to say to him is interrupted. Zayn didn’t mean it, but a satisfied smirk grows on his face.

"Congratz Champ"

"How did you get in?" Zayn huffs a laugh, and flips the strands of hair that fell next to his eyes. Harry shakes his head and steps back when Zayn jumps over the barriers.

Harry turns around and motions for Joshua that he'll be gone for a minute. Zayn already knows that Joshua doesn't like him. Harry walks first, leading them through the backstage. They reach Harry's room and get in.

"You didn't tell me about him"

Harry picks a shirt and puts it on, "Why does it matter to you?" The tease is obvious in his tone and Zayn wonders what Harry is exactly aiming for. "It doesn't change a thing, does it?"

 _It shouldn’t_. But Zayn is not blind. He should keep his mouth shut, he shouldn't hurt Harry more because he's the one who chose to walk away. Another thing about Zayn is that he usually does what he shouldn't.

"It wouldn't be fair for him" Harry stops and turns to him. He shouldn't ask why and Zayn shouldn't answer, it'd lead them back to the beginning and Harry hates it.

Zayn's first option was to leave. Harry knows where he works and where he lives, but he didn't visit neither during the days Zayn never called or texted. Zayn would appreciate that, he does appreciate that, because Louis is going to be near and he doesn't want to break his heart. So he picked the second option, staying and listening to what Harry has to say. That's the trick though, between leaving and staying, Zayn could choose to keep his mouth shut, let Harry move on with Joshua because he's only staying for a week. Zayn has to repetitively remind himself about that, and also about another thing. _He should let go of Harry_.

The door is just across the room, he can easily leave, but Harry is staring back at him and him walking away again isn't his best option. He didn't plan for any of this. _Just a friendly conversation_ turning to raise the tension between them.

A knock on the door saves them both. Joshua comes in and by the looks on his face he is not happy about Zayn being here at all. Zayn takes advantage of his presence and manages a quick 'good bye' to Harry before he's out of the door. The week is ending, Harry would be gone in a few days, and Zayn knows he did lots of horrible things and he can at least make one thing right.

 _Let go of Harry_.

=====

Louis's arrived before him just a few minutes ago, he's got two bottles of wine, and suddenly Zayn wants to get drunk with him as well.

"What's your excuse?" Louis doesn't turn to look at him as he fetches two glasses. Zayn knows he's trying to be organized instead of drinking from the bottle, because Zayn would tell him to slow down and might remove the bottle out of his reach when he gets super drunk, but that's not happening today. Zayn is drinking with him, and as long they're together inside their house, there's no harm.

"Don't want to leave you drinking by your own" Zayn shrugs. Louis turns to him and studies his face, and Zayn knows better than to lie to Louis so he sighs, "Had a bad day" Louis would leave it at that, because if Zayn is going to ramble about it, he's going to do it while he's drunk.

The end up on the floor next to the couch, their backs pressed to it while the bottles are set next to them, a glass in each of their hands.

"He disappeared. Vanished. No trace" Zayn hums as he downs another glass. He knows Harry has something to do with it and he wonders what power does he actually possess to make people back off like that. "What made you miserable?"

Zayn blinks, he's tipsy, probably, it's his fifth glass, or sixth, he is not counting, they've got a whole bottle to each and he plans to drink all of it. Louis' is emptier than his though and he might be worrying about Louis if he was sober. "You're miserable. It makes me miserable" It's half true, he feels down whenever Louis feels down as well, and he knows he should be cheering him up instead of drowning in sorrow with him. He is not even sure why Louis is that annoyed about Doug. He barely knew the guy.

Louis chuckles and leans his head on Zayn's shoulder. He dozes off in a few minutes and Zayn tries to carry him back to bed but fails. His attempts are too clumsy and he ends up leaving Louis on the floor but manages to throw a pillow under his head.

Louis' bottle is unfinished while his is and Zayn finds it hard to concentrate on anything. Somewhere between trying to get up or just sleep in his position, his phone vibrates in his pocket and it's a real drag to pull it out. It's Jeff, asking him to cover for him tomorrow, but he doubts if he can make it himself. Louis is having his day off tomorrow and it's probably why he chose to get drunk tonight. He's always calculating it unlike himself.

Zayn doesn't turn off his phone though, and it's surprising that he's still able to function. His eyes linger on a specific name on his contacts list and he hovers over the dial button a couple of minutes before pressing it.

Louis is passed out beside him and he lays his head down on Louis' thighs as he hears the ringing voice.

 _"Hello?"_ Zayn's eyes are droopy and he blinks slowly trying to focus on the voice speaking through the phone. _"Hello?"_ It's a more annoyed tone and Zayn hears a sigh before opening his mouth to speak.

"Hey" He smiles to himself because it's a simple word and his tongue is heavy so he was able to get that out. There's a pause on the line and Zayn tries to speak a bit louder but he ends up whispering, "It's … Zayn" There's another pause and Zayn blinks and turns his head to look at Louis.

_"Are you alright?"_

Zayn smiles again because it's always his concern first. "I don't know" he mumbles.

_"Where are you? Why are you whispering? And are you drunk?!"_

"Home. Louis is sleeping next to me, and … I guess"

 _"Drink some water and go to sleep, Zayn_ " Zayn frowns. _"Don't call me when you're drunk, at home, sleeping next to Louis"_

"You're not hanging up on me?" Another sigh, "When are you leaving?"

_"The day after tomorrow"_

"Can I see you now?" There's another pause, and then a shuffling noise like he's moving around.

_"You can see me tomorrow when you're sober"_

"I can't sort my feelings when I'm sober" And it's probably true, he's not adding sense into his feelings right now, it's bubbling up inside of him and he just needs to let it out.

_"I doubt you'll be even awake when I make it to your house"_

"Probably not" He hears a chuckle through the line and it makes him smile.

_"Alright. I'll try"_

=====

Zayn groans as he flutters his eyes open. His body is aching from his position on the ground, he's cold and uncomfortable, but there's some warmth coming from Louis' body and he wishes he could scoot up closer to him so they can cuddle, but the hangover is making everything spinning and the curtains in their living room is not closed making the bright sun strikes his eyes. He feels Louis shifting and he groans again.

"You finished a whole bottle on your own. Fuck. Who was miserable?" Louis' teasing voice comes from above him and he tilts his head to look at him.

"I was doing your job" They both chuckle, both still unable to move. _Job_. Fuck. Jeff asked to cover for him. "I have to work today, Lou. Why didn't you stop me?" he whines.

"Just call it a day" Louis stretches out his arms above his head, "Give me your phone, I'll call for you. Make it more believable" Zayn finds his phone next to him and passes it to Louis. He closes his eyes again, one of Louis' hands that are not holding the phone reaches down to stroke his hair and he relaxes into it. He hears Louis making excuses that he is too sick to make it to work and he hears Louis thanking his boss later. Seems like he got the day off.

Louis hands him the phone back and the phone history is opened. He blinks a few times and sees Harry's number as the last one he called yesterday. Fuck. He can remember telling Harry to meet. Did he actually come? Or did he make the best decision for both of them and didn’t? It strikes him more than the sun rays hitting his eyes or the hangover hitting his brain. He doesn't even know if he should be thankful Harry didn't show up or feel hurt that he didn't.

Louis pats his head gently as a sign of asking him to get up and Zayn does after a few more minutes. He goes for a shower and flops back on the bed. It's noon and he figures a few more hours won't harm him. At least his hangover would go away. Louis gives him a pill and a glass of water. Bless him.

=====

The house is quiet, and Zayn glances at the clock after opening his eyes to see it's 6 pm. Louis must be sleeping as well. He grabs his phone to find a text from Jeff 'thanking him' for not showing up. He'll have to make it up for him later. It's winter, and he rather be under the blanket than to go anywhere really.

The history still shows Harry's name and he remembers that Harry is leaving tomorrow. He takes time debating on whether he should let him go or call him to meet. A huge part of him tells him that calling Harry is a mistake that he shouldn't make. For once, he might be resulting to reason as he shuts his phone and closes his eyes.

But the doorbell startles him and he sighs pushing the covers off him. He passes Louis' room to find him still asleep and he's glad the doorbell didn't wake him up. He hops down the stairs and reaches the front door to answer it.

When Zayn decides to do the right thing, the universe seems to have an alternative plan to make him do the things he shouldn't. Because right in front of him, stands Harry.

"Hey" Harry offers a friendly smile that Zayn can't bring himself to do it.

"Hi"

Harry cocks an eyebrow, "You're not going to even invite me in?" Zayn turns for a moment. Louis is asleep, but what if he woke up? No. "Louis is there. Okay then" Harry replies to himself and Zayn turns back to him.

"Harry" Zayn covers his face with his hands for a second to take a deep breath and push his hair away, "Last night was a mistake. I swear I didn't mean to call you, and you must've known it too. You didn't show up, and thank you for that. But I also didn't want … this to happen" Zayn points between them and Harry nods slowly.

"Because your feelings are more filtered when you're sober" Zayn glances up and Harry is still having that smile on his face, he wonders how he can wear it so easily in this fucked up situation. "Anyway, I didn’t come for more trouble, I just wanted to have a proper goodbye considering that I might never be able to see you again"

 _A proper goodbye_. Zayn repeats the words in his mind, it's never going to be _'proper'_ it's not easy despite that Zayn hopes it is. He didn't want to give either of them false hope, and Harry probably wouldn't be here in the first place if he hadn't called yesterday. A self reminder to try make Louis stop him from calling anyone when he's drunk in the future.

But Zayn doesn't have enough time to react before Harry is wrapping his arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. This isn't _proper_ , he knows that much, but Harry is right, they might never be able to see each other again and he finds himself wrapping his own arms around Harry's waist, bringing his head closer to rest on Harry's chest and probably holding too tight too. Harry pulls back after a short moment, and Zayn would protest if it wasn't the right thing to do.

Harry cups his face "I want you to know that you're a good person, Zayn. And I truly believe you would open your heart eventually for the right person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy" he kisses his forehead.

"Same to you"

Harry smiles again, "Take care of yourself" he drops his hands and for the second time, Zayn doesn't voice his protests. Harry takes a step back and Zayn should speak up.

"You too" Harry turns to walk to his car, a short goodbye, and Zayn knows it's for the best, he just … something seems off. "Good luck in your tournament" he shouts after him and Harry spins and smiles again. "And your collage. And with Joshua … And with your family" _there_. Harry nods and turns to walk towards his car again.

And because Zayn doesn't want to make himself drown deeper, he closes the door instead of watching Harry go away. At least it's different for once. The pain is the same but he doesn't cry, won't let himself do it. He doesn't stay to hear Harry's car engine start and decides to check on Louis. He's been asleep for long enough, they should do something together instead of laying here weeping.

Louis is still under the blankets and he sits on the bed next to him caressing his hair gently, "Lou" he sighs as he removes the blankets off his body, "Louis" he shakes Louis' shoulders but notices his skin is a bit pale. Is he not warm enough?

"Louis" he tries again and frowns. Louis doesn't normally ignore him nor takes this much time waking up. But something else catches his attention.

Louis' body is still. There's no rise and fall from breathing.

"LOUIS?!"


	8. 07

Harry doesn't go far when he sees an ambulance driving fast in the opposite direction. At first he doesn't put it in mind, but glances at the rearview mirror to find it going towards Zayn's house. He doesn’t panic, but he's worried, and just hopes everything is alright. He takes a U turn and follows the ambulance until he reaches Zayn's house again.

He might be a second too late when he steps out of the car, but he sees Zayn getting in the back before the doors are closed. Zayn is okay. But it doesn't make the situation better. Because if he's not the one, then it's Louis, and Zayn cares too much for him which would put him in a 'worried-shit' situation.

Harry gets in his car again following the ambulance until it reaches the nearest hospital, and because he's not allowed in the emergency entry, he parks his car a bit further before stepping inside and trying to spot Zayn. He asks around, and eventually finds him pacing outside the ER. He approaches him slowly, placing one of his hands on Zayn's arm to stop him. Zayn looks up, or rather snaps up his head towards him, big eyes alarmed and tensed body.

"What happened?"

 Zayn exhales and his posture relaxes a bit. "Louis wasn't breathing when I checked on him, he wasn't … His heart beat was close to non-existent and I don't know why but … I just …" Zayn huffs, his hand is reaching up, placed under his hair on his forehead and tries to take in a breath again.

"He'll be fine"

"He should" Zayn replies, crosses his arms over his chest and Harry notices that he's shivering. Zayn is wearing a long-sleeved shirt but the material is light, a pair of joggers and converse that probably belong to Louis that he's surprised Zayn even put them on.

He takes off his coat bringing it around Zayn's shoulders and Zayn wasn’t looking in his direction, too focused or lost in the ER direction making his eyes snap up again towards Harry. He doesn't even notice his own shivering body until the coat is around his arms and Harry's closing it on his body that he feels a familiar warmth. He looks down on himself remembering how one of the medics told him to wear something in his feet before going out. He picked Louis' phone which was the nearest and dialed them up, luckily they were close so they responded fast.

"Thank you" Zayn mumbles, glad that Harry's coat is bigger in size to cover most of his body and hide his hands. Harry even pulls the hood over him and just smiles softly at him as a response.

"Want to get something hot to drink and sit down?" Harry offers, "When they're done they'll come to you. You pacing outside the door won't help anyone. It actually annoys that little girl" Harry whispers the last part making Zayn dart his eyes in the same direction Harry's do and sighs, nodding at last and walks with Harry to the cafeteria attached close to them.

Zayn suddenly remembers that he actually has no money on him. He didn't even grab his phone, and Louis' phone that he used is probably laid on Louis' bed. Harry notices. "I got this. No prob" Zayn doesn't reply to him then but does thank him when he hands him his cup.

Zayn's eyes are glancing every five seconds towards the ER, hands –or only the tips of his fingers, the rest are covered by the coats' sleeves– on his nearly untouched drink, and Harry wonders if he should remind him every couple of minutes that he's still here. Because Zayn is distracted, and Harry wishes he can pull him out of this trance, or distract him away from the situation _if he could_.

They probably stayed there for an hour, maybe less, Harry isn't counting and Zayn is too stressed to notice anything but the ER door being opened. Despite what Harry thought, Zayn isn't showing much of his nervousness, just waits there until the door is actually opened and he is standing and walking towards the doctor coming out of it in a second.

"Are you his family?"

"Friend" Zayn replies quickly. "He doesn't have a family"

The doctor nods slowly and soon, Harry is by his side as well. "I'll just need you to sign some papers" Zayn nods immediately ready to ask him how Louis is before the doctor is speaking again, "Any of you two live with him?"

"I do"

"Did he show any signs he's not feeling well in the last couple of hours?" Zayn blinks. How would he know? Fuck. He should've known that. He should've checked on Louis first, he should've stayed by his side instead of getting drunk. Fuck.

"I don’t- I don't know" he mumbles and the doctor nods slowly again.

"Is he on drugs?" _Is he?_ The hell?! Zayn is supposed to know all of these stuff, but he's as confused as ever.

"I don't … know" he repeats. Harry turns to look at him with a frown but doesn't say anything. The doctor seems to notice too and stops.

"We believe your friend got poisoned by a drug. A strong one. Usually it'd take from five to ten days to begin its functions" Zayn's eyes widen. "It's not deadly. But it's damaging. Reaching the brain cells" Harry thinks that Zayn stopped breathing. "We're working on it, and hopefully the damage isn't that bad, but I can't tell you the results until tomorrow. He'll have to stay here over night, and no, you can't stay with him. I'm sorry"

Because Zayn knows the most details about Louis, he's the one filling the papers with the necessary info needed. Harry would've done it for him seeing how horrible his state has become, but he just stands there waiting for him to finish. _Why would Louis do drugs?_

But the same question runs through Zayn's mind as well. Louis wouldn't. He won't do drugs just because of Doug or work or whatever other reason that is unimportant. Louis preferred to run away when his life became too much to handle, Louis would find a solution instead of killing himself. Louis … Louis didn't do it.

"All done? Ready to go home?" Harry asks quietly from his side and Zayn turns to face him. What if … What if Louis found out about Harry? What if he knew about Doug? Was he that desperate he chose to damage himself more instead of Zayn? Fuck. The mere thought of it makes Zayn's skin burn.

"Do you think Louis hates me?" Harry furrows his brows at Zayn's sudden question. If there's anyone Louis loves genuinely it's Zayn. "That he wanted to leave?" Zayn's eyes are bigger, glossy, and the panic Harry sees in them isn't something he likes to see very often. "That he got so tired of me he drugged himself-"

"No" Harry cuts him sharply, hands reaching up to hold Zayn's shoulders to stop him from shaking. "Louis wouldn't leave you behind. And he would be okay because he'll fight for you. He'll fight to stay alive for you" he offers a smile, "He'd live for you … because you're family, and I haven't seen anyone with the amount of care you two share with each other" Zayn's gaze shift downwards but he seems less troubled. "Come on, I'll drive you home" he doesn't wait for Zayn's protests and they don't even come.

=====

Zayn stays silent during the ride home, and when Harry follows him inside the house, Zayn doesn't say anything about it.

Louis wouldn't poison himself. Zayn would have to ask about who Louis interacts with more often, maybe there's a missing detail but … Who would want to hurt Louis in the first place? Five to ten days, he'd have to ask Louis about what he ate in that period, if he drank something or took some sort of a pill. He doesn't realize he'd been sitting on Louis' bed for too long until he's lying on it and dozes off. He might have also forgotten about Harry being inside the house.

Harry didn’t ask Zayn if he wants him to stay or not, and Zayn would probably tell him not to, and he would definitely mind Harry half lying on bed next to him, but Harry is worried. He knows that Zayn is thinking too much about the 'what ifs' concerning Louis. He knows that Zayn is seeking comfort but him sleeping in Louis' bed might not be for the best.

It's proven right when Zayn starts to flutter his eyes, breath hitching and body jolting him awake. Nothing too serious until he gasps and sits up abruptly, wide eyes filled with fear once again. Five times in less than half an hour, Harry counted, and they're only nightmares, but Zayn can't properly sleep and it's a tiring process for his body to get used to. The sixth time, Harry pulls him in his arms, Zayn doesn't push him away, doesn't say anything about his presence, and actually calms down.

After a full hour, Zayn dozes off to sleep again, and Harry carries him carefully out of Louis' room and to his own. It's late, and Harry sends a quick text before turning his phone off and lying next to Zayn.

=====

Harry isn't sure when they changed their positions in their sleep, but he finds Zayn cuddled up to his side, one arm rested just near the top of Zayn's head and he curls the other around Zayn's waist brining him closer. Zayn didn't wake up from nightmares again, and he glances at the clock to find it 1 pm. He isn't sure how they managed to sleep for such a long time, but Harry isn't bothered by it at all. He lets Zayn sleep for another few minutes before he's waking up by himself. Zayn's eyelashes tickle his neck when he presses closer for a second before pulling back and lazily opening his eyes.

There's the spark in his eyes that Harry catches on first, the softness of his face, the beautiful mess of those silky locks and the contrast they make against the sheets in the daylight. Harry knows he shouldn't be staring, he should drop his arm from around Zayn, he shouldn't be even staying at Zayn's house, and definitely not on his bed. He's aware of his flight later this evening and he's sure he has more voice notes and texts as the time goes by reminding him that there are other people in his life and that he should be packing right now. He also knows that Zayn's eyes are still as captivating as ever, blinking slowly up at him before furrowing his brows and tilting his head upwards.

Harry doesn't know when exactly did he get lost, but Zayn gets up quickly, stumbles a bit and fumbles with something Harry can't quite see so he sits up slowly. He hears it then, Zayn's phone ringing and he watches as Zayn slides the answer button quickly while biting his bottom lip.

"Yes … Right, okay. Thanks" he hangs up and looks back at Harry. "It's the hospital. I'm allowed to see Louis now"

Harry nods, "I'll drive you there"

They don't talk about anything else, Zayn quickly picks a change of clothes and puts them on as Harry washes his face and gets down to his car. Zayn might have offered Harry breakfast or at least a shower before they go. He should've probably declined Harry's offer to drive him to the hospital, but there's only one thought on his mind right now. _Louis_.

=====

Zayn is relieved once the doctor smiles at him and leads him to Louis' room. Harry stays outside, not wanting to interfere.

"He's not awake yet, we'll have to keep an eye on him for the next couple of days, but he can go home and rest there afterwards"

"And the damage?" Zayn asks carefully.

"Most of it was cured" The doctor turns to look at Louis, "It was in its early stages, he's a lucky man" he turns back to Zayn, "He just needs to rest for a while. His body has taken quite a shock" he smiles again and leaves. Zayn approaches the bed slowly, tracing his fingers lightly on Louis' cheek before holding Louis' hand with both of his hands, kissing it softly and keeping it in his grip for a little longer. There's a steady sound of his heart, he's breathing, and soon he'll be back on his feet.

Louis is okay. _He's_ okay. There's nothing more he'd ask for.

A few moments later, a nurse comes in to check on Louis and Zayn stays back a little. He glances out of the door and sees Harry, talking on the phone with someone but doesn't seem to be too happy about it, like someone is scolding him of some sort. And it hits him. Harry is leaving today, he totally neglected him in the worst way. He's a total asshole.

He looks back at Louis, still asleep, and according to the doctors, he won’t be awake any moment now, so he leaves him with the nurse and heads outside. Harry's finished his phone call and turns to him.

"I'm sorry for always dragging you with me" he gives Harry an apologetic look, the best he can do with his eyes, the one Louis would praise him for and hate at the same time when he uses it on him because it has a soft place in Louis' heart. Harry smiles at him, big and dimpled.

"I don't mind" Zayn gives him a smile back, small and soft, "How are you?"

Zayn opens his mouth on a question but closes it afterwards, trailing his gaze to the ground for a moment before lifting it up again. "I'm alright" His smile is still present, and even though he hates making Harry worry, it sparks something inside his chest that he can't deny. Harry's phone rings again and he sighs looking down on it before turning it silent. "You'll make them worry" Harry looks back at him, "And … You should probably go"

"You're getting rid of me?" Harry raises his brows, a playful smile still on his lips making Zayn roll his eyes.

"I'm just …" _Letting you go_. "Harry, I'm grateful for everything you've ever done for me, truly. I just want you to know that, and … it's not you" Harry gives him a confused look, "I don't want you to think it didn't work because of you because it's not. And you know that deep down" Harry's smile falls as he stares back at him and he doesn't have time to process, but Zayn hugs him, arms going around his neck, not holding tightly but just … it's something soft and genuine that makes Harry move his own hands carefully, holding with the same tenderness and he's confused. It's a good feeling that he doesn't get to even properly get a hold of because Zayn is pulling back.

"They care for you. Don't lose them" Zayn steps back, "You have a flight to catch. I can’t hold on to you forever" he offers another smile. "Go … Be happy" Harry blinks at him. That never fading spark is still inside Zayn's eyes. Another proper short goodbye from Zayn's part that makes up for his silent departure before. And even though Zayn is telling him the truth, it's not what he wanted to hear.

"Are you sure you'll be fine by your own?"

"I'm a grown man, yes" Zayn's smile grow.

"Just … Call me if you need anything" Zayn's eyes glance between his for a second before they're shifting down.

"Don't" he shakes his head, "But thanks" his eyes trail slowly back up.

Harry stares at him for a while, despite Zayn's smile, he's wearing a serious face. He leans in, pressing a light kiss on Zayn's cheek and the latter doesn't pull back, doesn’t stiffen. "Take care of yourself"

"You too" Zayn whispers before Harry is pulling away, a look in his eyes that Zayn can't interpret, "Have a safe flight"

Harry walks away, and he sighs heavily before entering Louis' room again. He didn't check his phone for other than the hospital calls and he finds others from Jeff asking where the hell he is, others from his manager giving him a warning that if he didn't show up he'll be fired and those days will be cut off from his pay. He sighs again locking his phone and hears his stomach growling of hunger. He forgot when was the last time he ate properly. The doctors are still not allowing him to stay over the night and he guesses he'd go for grocery shopping tonight. As for now, any nearby restaurant that serves fast-food will do.

The nurses assured him they're taking turns to check on Louis all the time even when he's here and they'd call him if he woke up, although Zayn wants to be there when he does for the first time. He's not that far from the hospital when he spots a fast-food restaurant and decides to cross the street. Before he does though, there's a weird smell, his vision is blurry, and he doesn't see anything else.

=====

There's a cold ground underneath him, his bones hurt, but other than that he's fine. He blinks his eyes open and takes his surroundings. There's some sort of … wires? He sits up slowly and … _Oh_.

"You didn't think I'll leave you two get away that easily, did you?" A voice whispers behind his ear and he shivers. It's _too familiar_. "How do you like it? Looks familiar? Hm? Feels like home?" he stands up and Zayn does slowly. He knows just what type of situation this is but he doesn’t let him have the joy of seeing his emotions displayed wide open, no. _It'll later anyway_. "Cat ate your tongue, kitten?" a hand strokes his beard, but Zayn's eyes are sharp. He still doesn't take a step back because … there's no way to go really.

It's a cage, around a ring, and the familiarity it brings is too uncomfortable. He has too many question swimming at the tip of his tongue but he keeps his mouth shut.

"You know, I don't like to be ignored" There's a slap, a hard one that sends him to the ground and Zayn knows better than to fight back. _Been there before_. There's no blood _yet_ and he might be thankful for that if he didn't already know what's coming next. "You also know what I don't like?" Zayn takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, pushing himself off the floor. "When two rats steal all my money" Zayn hears footsteps and he slowly opens his eyes and sits back.

"And do you know what happens to rats?" he whispers again in Zayn's ear. "They get punished"

Zayn counts, among the familiar faces that appeared around the cage. _Seven_ , including Ant inside the cage with him. It's a survival match that he knows he'd already lost. But that's not what's on Zayn's mind right now. All that he thinks about is that when Louis opens his eyes … He won't be there.

Ant opens the cage and Zayn blinks. Louis is not here to sneak him out. Harry is not here to defend him. It's over.

=====

Zayn blinks tiredly at the ceiling, the too familiar cage still surrounding him. He's alone though, and doesn't know if it's over or Ant simply giving him a break. It's probably his second day here, and all that runs in his head is whether Louis is awake yet or not. He really wants to get up and try to leave, maybe Ant is done with him, but the pain is too much, every bone in his body hurt.

He blinks again and turns his head to the side, it still hurts, moving his neck, but the door is opened. So Ant is done? He doesn't know. But after almost an hour of keeping his eyes open, and maybe because the pain is restraining him from sleeping again, or blacking out for a better term, and he wonders if Louis felt similar pain due to the drug. He really hopes not. And a part of him is thankful he gets to feel this instead of Louis.

A sigh escapes slowly from his lips and he uses all the strength he got to push himself in a sitting position. He immediately winces and bites down on his lip to stop him from crying or screaming in pain because it's too much. But if Ant is willingly letting him go, then he should go. And even if he isn't, Louis needs him, and he can't stay here knowing that Louis might be in danger as well.

Through his blurry eyes, he can see his phone smashed on the floor next to him. Of course, Ant won't leave any traces behind, he knows that much, and wonders if the hospital tried to contact him, if Louis is awake and worrying, or if his state is better or worse. God, he hates this.

His clothes are ripped by his side and he can see fresh blood on his body, many parts, next to the bruises that he knows won’t fade in the next couple of months. It's cold, but his body is numb, and perhaps the pain is covering that, making his body burn instead. He hates how Ant doesn't kill, never did and will never do, but will stick to sick torture because it 'remains' causing a chill to run through his spine at the thought of it. Did the drug he used on Louis would have permanent damage? He feels like he is about to throw up, but there's no food in his system and hasn't been for a couple of days and when he coughs through his dried throat, he sees red on the floor.

He doesn't know how many hours have passed while he tries to pull on what's remaining of his clothes to cover his body and try to get out this place which he has no idea where it is. He isn't surprised when he doesn't find his wallet either.

But the door is opened and if Ant is letting him go just because he has a twisted plan in the future, he doesn't mind. Louis is a priority.

=====

It was a shit warehouse, but when Zayn found a main street, someone gave him the directions to his place. With weird looks coming his way, Zayn manages to reach his house. It's not trashed yet and he quickly takes a shower, trying to get rid of the dried blood on his body and ease the muscles a bit, removing the dirt covering him, and finally taking care of his opened wounds, patching them up and banding the rest. Louis didn't buy a make-up kit here and he finds himself having to deal with his face as it is. He slides his hair down to cover most of it though, pulling the hoodie over his head, wearing sunglasses, and keeps his gaze down until he reaches the hospital.

He borrows Louis' phone and enough money to go visit him –or all the money they have at the moment just in case– careful not to appear too shitty-looking. He gulps a huge amount of water and gets a snack because he doesn't want to faint inside a hospital.

The nurse guides him to Louis' room, telling him that they tried to reach him when Louis woke up but couldn't and Zayn simply apologizes and lies about his phone sinking down a toilet. She doesn't seem to be convinced and gives him a concerned look when he winces as someone accidently bumps at him and asks him about it but Zayn shrugs the subject off.

Louis is still on the bed, but he's asleep, and the nurse assures him that he's fine but just having his time relaxing since he doesn’t do anything else really. Zayn approaches him slowly when the nurse leaves and half lays his body on the bed carefully next to Louis, biting his bottom lip to stop him from hissing in pain again. He sighs deeply when he is settled and looks at Louis, his long sleeves hiding his hands, and the tips brush over Louis' cheek softly. He wasn't here for Louis, and he almost cries.

"Where were you?" Louis' voice startles him and his eyes widen as Louis' head turn to the side to face him and takes in his appearance, a frown starts forming on his face, "Who did this to you?"

"The same person who put you in here" Zayn's voice is raspy, too raspy, and he coughs in his fist, checking quickly if there's blood before allowing his hand to fall and looks up at Louis. "I'm sorry I wasn't by your side when you woke up" he smiles and Louis chuckles shortly even if it's dry and his eyes are sad and cold at the same time.

"They had to put me down when I knew you didn't come. Can't remember the rest of the day, guess whatever shit they injected me with must've been really tough" he sighs.

"But you're feeling alright?"

"My head is hurting whenever I think too much but … I guess that's a side effect" That doesn't settle well in Zayn's stomach and he's really about to cry. _Permanent damage_. He will make sure Louis doesn't think too much then, he'll do anything for him to relax, he'll get Louis the world if he could. Louis turns to his side and his arm lifts slowly, tracing Zayn's skin under his hair on his face and neck. "You should get a bed next to me here"

"Can't"

"Who is it?" Louis' hand soothes over Zayn's arm, his voice is quiet as he asks.

"Ant" Zayn watches as Louis' eyes grow hard and he can feel Louis' blood boil.

"He … What am I not seeing?"

Zayn exhales, and if Louis wasn't still attached to some machines, he'd curl into his chest and cry for ages. "The bruises on my skin will eventually fade. There's no broken bones" But Louis knows it too. _Permanent damage_. "I think there are some … internal issues … And … Let's just say that I'm not going to be sexually active for the rest of my life"

Louis stays quiet for a moment and Zayn doesn't look up.

"We should report"

"And then what?" Zayn looks up, "We're deeply involved in his shit. We'll be thrown in jail for not less than 10 years and I would prefer we stay away from that"

"Okay fine, we won't. But you have to get yourself checked up. I don't … I can't lose you" Louis' eyes are pleading and Zayn smiles despite the situation they're in. They're together, and that's all what really matters.

"I knew how to deal with that shit long time ago, but I'll lie concerning some stuff and get a decent cure, I'm just … I'm not sure if we'll have enough time after that" Louis furrows his brows, "Ant found us here, and perhaps we got rat out on, but that means he's capable of reaching us. Maybe not here, but we can't stay here forever, and I believe he knows where we live by now"

Louis presses his lips together, "Let's say you and I will be done in the next couple of days. They won't keep us any longer. We can crash at any of our friends-" he cuts himself off and looks back at Zayn, "Maybe afford a hotel room. Safer" Zayn nods, "But we don’t have enough money to go anywhere, Zayn. If Ant got to know we're here because it's managed, then he won't in the next stop, but … where would we go? We have basically nothing, and we barely have any information on any place else in the world"

Zayn thinks for a moment, "There is one place" he says quietly.

"No" Louis closes his eyes.

"We don't have a choice, Louis" Louis opens his eyes again, "At least we know how to work ourselves out even in the streets"

Louis sighs, "Okay, fine. But we won’t do anything until I make sure you're okay" he points at Zayn's body who smiles at him and nods.

=====

"How're you feeling?" Zayn asks quietly as he wraps his arms around Louis' waist from behind, sitting slowly on the bed next to him and laying his head on Louis' shoulder.

"Better actually. Guess the cure worked after all. A big 'Fuck you' to Ant's face" Louis smirks and turns his head to look at Zayn who smiles brightly and squeezes Louis' middle, too happy that the damage was fixable before it's too late. But Louis's more concerned about Zayn, he took the other hit, and even if it's physically also fixable, Louis knows too well just how much mental effect will get to Zayn. "How are you?" he asks softly, bringing one of his hands to stroke Zayn's cheek.

"Good" Zayn nods, not meeting Louis' eyes, "So, what do we got?"

Louis sighs and turns his head forward, his hand also falls so he can check his phone. Zayn doesn't let go though and focuses on Louis' phone as well. Going back home is too risky, and staying at one of their 'friends' is also risky, they don't trust anyone so they chose a hotel to stay at. Thankfully, Zayn had their money so they can afford a few days staying until they come up with a solution.

"We can get tickets, but that's it" Zayn nods again. Louis pauses for a second before turning his head towards Zayn again, "Are you sure about this?"

"You got any other options?" Zayn looks at him and raises his brows. _No. They don’t_. But Louis promised him they will never go back. And it hurts him even more to know it'll increase Zayn's pain. Zayn knows it too, it's not a favorable place for Louis either, and the last place he'd want to get Louis to but … Between there and Ant, they're fucked up if they stayed, and they can't afford to go to jail, it'll be even worse. They both know it, and they both know that they're trying so hard to fight the idea for the sake of the other, but they also know that they don’t have enough money to afford any place else that they're not familiar with, and they can't make arrangements that will require time they don't have, and also, they can't even return home, sell their house, or at least pack their stuff. Ant would be waiting for them, and they're glad he couldn't get to them in the hospital and he can't reach the hotel either. He'll have to deal with the security, and he is probably waiting for them outside knowing too well they can't stay here forever. Which is another thing to take into consideration, their way out must be camouflaged.

Other than the clothes they have on along with that, they have nothing. A 'lighter weight to carry' as Louis once told Zayn.

Zayn takes a deep breath and nods again, "We'll be together. It'll be alright"

Louis stares at him for a moment before nodding as well. _They're together. It'll be alright_. He repeats Zayn's words in his head until it's late and they're cuddled under the covers.

Zayn wakes up seven times during the night, and if his sleep is startled by nightmares, Louis' is startled by his guilt. Despite his tight grip on Zayn and being impossibly close, he doesn't calm down. And what depresses him even more is that he can't think of a way to get back at Ant _without_ hurting Zayn in the process.

"I'm so sorry, Zee" Louis cries into the back of Zayn's neck making the latter shut his eyes tightly trying to calm his breaths, "I got us into this shit. I shouldn't have done it in the first place. I'm so sorry" he keeps repeating until Zayn turns to him, hands reaching up to cup Louis' face and wipe his tears away.

"I never blamed you, Lou, never will" Louis looks up at him, "It's not your fault" he smiles at him, but Louis still feels the guilt creeping on his skin, cutting his chest open and stabbing his heart.

They don’t talk more, Zayn brings Louis to his chest, and he truly meant what he said.

Zayn doesn't dream about a cage. Ant and his crew are there, but it's not the cage. And next to them stand some familiar faces. It's not Louis' fault. Never had been.

=====

"Come on, Zee. Get up" Louis' voice is quiet but a bit far and Zayn opens his eyes slowly to see him pulling off his clothes, "It's by far our best chance to get out!" he whisper shouts and throws some clothes on the bed.

Zayn furrows his brows and sits up, it's 2 am and the lights aren't on so he can't see that much. "Where did you get those?"

"When you were asleep" Zayn looks up to him. "There was this very nice lady" Zayn doesn't see it but he can swear Louis is smirking, "And guess what?" Zayn rubs his eyes, taking off his clothes as well, "We even got a ride"

"You're still forgetting about Ant" He watches as Louis shoves their remaining stuff into a backpack that Zayn doesn't know how he got it too or when did he manage to do all of this in less than three hours. Leave it to Louis to think of a way out.

"Not a problem for the next ten minutes if you hurry the fuck up"

Zayn stumbles out of bed and quickly pulls the coat Louis brought him on, his shoes, and opens the door to find Louis zipping the bag and throwing it over his shoulders. The hallway is lit and he notices their clothes are all black. He doesn't question it as Louis closes the door behind him and literally runs towards the elevator with Zayn following right behind.

Zayn doesn't ask about the car either because Louis 'borrowed it' and it's just a way of transport to get them to the airport, they're not completely stealing it.

"What about our tickets?"

Louis smirks, "Covered"

"Entertain me" Zayn leans back in his chair and Louis chuckles.

"See, there was this person I knew that works there. I don't know how I could possibly have forgotten about him then"

"The same person?"

Louis shakes his head, "Wouldn't trust him" he glances at Zayn and pinches his cheek, "Sorry for waking you up, cupcake" Zayn narrows his eyes at him but doesn't comment on the nickname, "You can sleep later on our flight" Probably the last night he'll _ever_ sleep. "But no … was a customer. A regular. And I guess he liked me or something"

Zayn smiles, looking amusingly at Louis, "Aww. Is that the one who insisted to call you the cute barista?"

"Shut it" Louis rolls his eyes but Zayn laughs, "No, that's a different story. That one is actually decent. Like me as in a friendly way"

"Sure" This time Zayn reaches to pinch Louis' cheek.

"Don't. I'm driving!" Zayn smiles wider, "I'll park a bit far, yeah?"

Zayn nods and waits until Louis parks the car to exit. Louis grabs the bag from the backseat and they make their way inside. Louis takes care of the rest while Zayn waits patiently by his side. They don't wait for long until their flight is called out and Zayn sees Louis dumping his phone again before getting on the plane. He doesn't get sleep knowing where they're going despite Louis' attempts to soothe him. He doesn't know if Louis' words are meant for him or if Louis is trying to convince himself with them.

=====

Outside the airport, the air is heavy on their lungs, the sun is burning their skin, and the wind is freezing their nerves. Louis' eyes glance around and he takes a deep breath. He feels Zayn's arms around him tightening, telling him silently that they still got each other, which is the most important thing right now. They left this place together and now they're coming back together.

"It's not that different from the last time I remember"

"Ready?" Zayn asks instead.

Louis takes another deep breath and nods, "Not leaving me another choice"

It's not home. And neither welcomes it back.


	9. 08

"What's on today's schedule?"

Louis sighs, "You. Bed. Easy as that"

"I'm not-"

"You haven't been sleeping properly since we arrived, Zayn. I'm not blind. I literally share a bed with you" Louis turns to look at him.

"Fine. But I won’t stay here doing nothing" Zayn gets up, "I'll get that delivery"

Louis stares at him while he puts on his shoes and jacket, "Call me if you don't feel well" Zayn smiles and ruffles his hair before heading out. Louis sighs again.

It's Friday morning, and the streets are more crowded than he wished. The noises are giving him a headache, adding to his already existing exhaustion. Louis feels it, talks about it all the time, and Zayn had to take sleeping pills to stop Louis from worrying about him. The cars passing are a blur as he waits for the bus. He swears he was standing near the stop but his eyes fail him. There's a faint voice calling his name. It's familiar, but he doesn't really see the person.

The next blink, he sees an unfamiliar place. _Again_. Louis is going to lock him up if he ever knew. He takes deep breaths and sits up slowly. He sees the back of the person but doesn't say anything until he turns and … Oh.

"Hey" he smiles and Zayn feels obliged to do so as well so he does. "I was passing by and saw you … fainting" he furrows his brows and Zayn wonders how he still remembers him or why even bother to help him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah it's … Nothing big" Zayn can see that he still has a worried look but he dismisses it. Such a good guy. "So you're visiting or …" he asks instead.

"My family lives here" The reply is quick and Zayn nods. "You?"

"Same" He's not lying. "You came alone?"

"Yeah" Again, the reply comes quicker than he thought, something rushed, hiding something perhaps, but Zayn doesn't have enough mental power to look through it. He nods again and stands up.

"I'm sorry for bothering you. Thanks for what you did though, I really appreciate it" He receives a nod. "I should go" Another nod before he's out of the door.

=====

Zayn really wanted to get the truck or at least borrow the motorcycle but Louis being the caring mother he is sternly declined. He doesn't blame him, Louis thinks he might get in an accident due to his recent lack of focus and Zayn agrees by 90%. Louis still tries to manage the job himself, doing most of the shopping, and Zayn hates it. He's being a burden to Louis, adding more to the weight on his shoulders. He absolutely hates it.

Did he mention that he also hates Fridays? He could've finished the delivery at night, much calmer. But a customer is a customer, and if he didn't do it, Louis would.

There are two types of pills in his pocket and he debates whether to gulp the first and stay awake for the rest of the day, or try to, and suffers from side effects later, or take the second and risk fainting in the middle of the street. Louis would worry if he took the first, and he might end up in a worst situation if he took the second. He decides he'd take neither which isn't normally a good thing to do, takes a deep breath and gets on the next bus.

His stop isn't that far and he would walk if he was in a better condition. He tries so hard not to let his eyelids close, busing himself with whatever conversation the couple behind him are talking about.

=====

Harry sometimes hates his friends' recommendations. His trainer gave him a day off before resuming his training for his upcoming match, and the only place they chose had to be an hour drive away, not to mention how the streets are too busy.

He curses as he finally parks his car and gets out. He notices some people gathering on the other side from the corner of his eye and furrows his brows. The crowd is finally dissolving revealing a woman sitting on a bench with an unconscious male by her side.

It's not someone Harry doesn't know and he crosses the street to get to them. Yeah, it's not someone he doesn't know. The woman looks up at him, "Hi, sorry but I'm … a friend" he glances down at him for a second before returning his gaze to the woman, "I can take care of him"

"Oh, no need. I know him. Will get a cab"

"I can drive you both then?" Harry offers again. The woman doesn't seem to trust him but she looks kind.

"Thank you, but I can handle it" She rejects his offer again and Harry glances down at him for the second time. If Harry's being honest too, he also doesn't trust anyone, especially not with _him_.

"Just let me help" Harry offers for the third time and the woman stares at him for a moment before nodding.

"I don't live very far" Harry nods as he carries him carefully and places him in the backseat. "You're not from here, are you?"

"No" Harry replies as he gets in the front and turns on his car. He sends a quick text to his friends that he'll be late before driving off.

"May I ask how you know him?"

"I met him about a year ago, I think" He's not going to talk about how though. "You?"

"Used to be his teacher" She smiles, Harry would say she's in her forties, "Met him when he was just five. He and …" she pauses.

"Louis?"

"You know the duo?" She smiles.

"I think they come in one pack" Harry smiles back.

"True" She laughs.

They reach their destination and Harry carefully carries Zayn into her house and placing him on the couch.

"I'm Harry by the way, sorry, was rude of me not to introduce myself"

The woman smiles at him, "Dorothy Walkman. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry for my earlier behavior, I just-"

"Don't trust many people when it comes to him?" Harry finished for her, "He's got a shit luck with people"

Dorothy gives him a sad smile, "Yeah. Did you come along with him?"

Harry shakes his head, "Didn't know he was here"

"Did he had a good life? Back where he was?"

"Doubt it"

"Of course" She replies quietly, "He wouldn’t have come back if he didn't" she sighs, "Louis is here with him?" Harry shrugs, but he knows he must be, Louis wouldn't leave Zayn's side. He remembers Zayn telling him once that they ran away once they turned sixteen so he asks.

"How was his life when he was here?"

She looks up, "Wasn't much of a talker, was he?" she takes a deep breath, "It's a long story"

"I've time"

"Guess I should be making some tea then" She smiles and gets up, in the same time, they hear Zayn's shifting on the couch, eyes closed tightly, and breath ragged. She was about to get to him when Harry beats her to it, hands gently cupping his face.

"Zayn?" His eyes shot open and he sits abruptly causing Harry to lean back quickly. His hands are still on Zayn's cheeks and the latter blinks quickly a few times in confusion. First he sees Joshua now Harry. He'd have thought that this is a mere illusion if it wasn't for Harry's hands on his face. In attempt to make sure he's not hallucinating yet, he closes his eyes and leans his head forward to land on Harry's chest. He doesn't think he's leaning on air. Joshua lied to him, and Zayn doesn't even blame him. Harry's hands fall from Zayn's face to curl around his body, one hand is around Zayn's waist, the other stroking his hair gently.

Dorothy smiles from her place, Zayn seems to trust Harry which is something she doesn’t see very often.

"Are you alright?" He whispers into Zayn's hair and Zayn doesn't pull away, just nods against his chest.

"You fainted, Zayn" _Fainted_. Fuck, it's getting too much lately. Zayn's eyes snap open again and he actually pulls away to look towards the other voice. Dorothy smiles at him and he blinks wide-eyed at her.

"Ms. Carter"

"Walkman" She raises her left hand, "I'm married now"

"Oh … I mean, congratulations. I think?" She chuckles.

"I'll make you two something to drink. You might want to thank your friend too, he helped getting you here. It'd have been a real issue trying to get you here by my own" She disappears into the kitchen and Zayn slowly turns his head towards Harry again.

"Thanks" He feels he'd been saying that a lot recently to Harry. Harry smiles, and surely doesn't miss the tired look on Zayn's face, the bags under his eyes, and most importantly, Zayn's eyes are _dull_. The spark that used to always shine from his beautiful eyes is not present anymore and Harry's mind wander to what Dorothy said a minute ago. Zayn wouldn't have come back if his life there was better than here, and he feels a horrible twist in his gut just wondering about what Zayn's life used to be here, and why would he come back in the first place.

Zayn's phone vibrates in his pocket and his pulls it up. "Fuck. I should be going"

Harry knows that Zayn wouldn't listen to him if he told him to get some rest first so he just offers what he can do, "I'll drive you" Zayn's eyes go back to his, a mix of wanting to say no and allowing Harry to drive him go through his mind. It's safer to let Harry take him, but he feels like he's making Harry do this when he doesn't want to. But he offered, and there's a part of him telling him to drop his hypothesis when it comes to Harry.

Dorothy appears again, a question on her tongue when she notices that Zayn and Harry are standing now, "I guess you're not staying then?"

Zayn turns to her with apologetic eyes, "Sorry. I have an urgent matter to attend to"

She sighs, "But you're doing fine, right?" Zayn meets her eyes and there's something that Harry can't read in the situation. "You know you're always welcomed to stay here if you want"

Zayn chuckles, "Right. Because your husband will allow us in"

"Oh please" she rolls her eyes, "You two are basically half of my age" Zayn smiles and she offers one back, "But I mean it. Bring Louis for a night. We have too much to catch on"

"Thank you" The way Zayn says it is too genuine as he goes to hug her, Harry stands there watching, wondering just how much she means to Zayn. They break apart and Zayn goes for the door again.

"Take care" She waves at them.

They get into the car but Harry doesn't start the engine which gets Zayn to turn to him.

"So this is your home town?"

"Wouldn't call it home" Harry turns to him, a question in his eyes that he doesn’t need to say it out loud for Zayn to get it. "Just drop it" Harry still doesn't start the car and Zayn sighs, "I'm not comfortable talking about it" Harry exhales and turns on the engine, Zayn gives him the directions and he pulls off. "Why are you here?"

"The tournament" Zayn nods.

"Joshua is with you?"

"Why are you concerned about him?"

"I'm not" Harry glances at him, "But you should" Harry frowns. "What did you tell him about our relationship?"

 _"Our relationship?"_ Harry repeats.

"You know what I mean" Zayn turns to him, "I thought you said we're friends anyway"

Harry sighs, "I told him that. We're _just_ friends"

"And dropped the subject" Harry stops at a red light and turns to look at him, "I met him here. Said he was alone. He doesn't seem to trust me as a _friend_ , and I don't think you're doing the right thing either"

"The right thing?" Harry narrows his eyes.

"Would you like for your boyfriend to lie to you? You'd have your own doubts if he avoided talking about someone, especially if he had seen them"

"Why do you care so suddenly?" The light changes into green and Harry starts driving again.

"Why do you assume that I don’t?" Zayn counters. Harry opens his mouth but closes it again shaking his head. Zayn sighs and turns forward again. "Suit yourself, I was just trying to help" he reaches to turn on the radio, covering the awkward silence between them, and Harry doesn’t object. He drops Zayn to his destination and leaves.

=====

Dorothy opens her door the next day to find Harry standing there.

"Sorry If I came uninvited. Am I interrupting anything?"

"No, not at all" She smiles, stepping aside to let him in, "You're always invited" She leads Harry to the living room, "I'm guessing you're here to hear the story then?"

"That obvious?" She chuckles.

"It's not a bad thing" she pauses, "What do you wish to know?"

"Everything"

She raises her brows, "You've got that much spare time?" Harry just looks at her and she glances at the clock hanged on the wall behind him, "Well, my husband won't be back soon. I guess we have some time for that" She takes a deep breath, "They haven't changed much from last time I've seen them. Well, Zayn, I haven't seen Louis yet, but aside from gaining a few inches, the looks on his face are still the same"

She gets up, motioning for Harry to follow. They enter an office room and she seems to be looking for something. "The first time I saw them was when they were five, They're practically the same age but Louis would always brag about being the oldest. It was three months difference" She smiles. "Their first day at school, Louis was crying after his mom left and while each child was in their own zone, I saw Zayn approaching him, telling him it was okay and that school isn't that bad" she smiles and opens a drawer, "It was always like that. One would cry while the other kept his tears hidden. I asked Zayn once and he looked at me with glossy eyes saying that he can't cry with Louis, that one of them needs to be strong for the other to lean on" She picks a picture frame and turning to Harry, "He was six when he told me that"

She hands him the frame and Harry can see it's a group picture, among all, she points at two in the middle and Harry smiles. They were small and cute. "They were always whispering, and when I asked them once they refused to tell me. Said it was only between the two of them. I guess it's still is, some stuff only happen between the two of them. It puts a smile on my face knowing that they still got each other, you know? They're the closest to family I've ever seen" Harry agrees. He had been there many times to witness that.

"There was a time when Zayn would come alone to school and didn't know how to contact Louis, he was seven, and I saw him cry because he was too worried about him. I promised to call and ask his parents for him. He told me he has no one to talk to and was afraid he'd miss something to tell Louis, that when I gave him a diary, told him to write what happens and show it to Louis later" She sits behind the desk, opens another drawer and picks something from it. Harry can't see it from his position as she keeps staring down at it.

"When I called Louis' parents they told me he was having a flu. The next day he showed up, there was a bruise covering his wrist and he wouldn't tell me the cause of it. He did tell Zayn though" She picks up the object and Harry notices it's a notebook, a diary, "Here" she hands it to him, "It's basically since Zayn was seven until he reached twelve. Louis writes there too. It's a summary about their lives. Well, half of it"

"Did they get rid of it?" Harry takes the diary.

"They were trying to hide it" Harry furrows his brows, "Louis gave it to me after Zayn's birthday, told me to get rid of it, but I kept it. They probably know I do. I wanted …" she trails and Harry waits but she shakes her head instead, "Read it. You'll find out what you want to know about them"

Harry stares at the diary, still in good shape after all these years somehow, "Thank you" She smiles and nods.

=====

Harry didn't have the time to actually read it, but now, lying on bed next to Joshua, feeling the sleep isn't going to come his way soon, and knowing too well that his mind is wandering to that diary, he gets up slowly leaving the bed, careful not to wake him up, slips on a shirt and picks the diary heading outside the bedroom.

The first page has 'Hi Diary!" written on it with green and blue colors. Harry smiles and turns the page.

 _'Ms. Carter gave me this today, I should be writing down everyday's events for Lou to read it later'_ His childish writing is taking almost all the page and Harry flips the page again. He furrows his brows noticing that there are few pages ripped off, _'Yesterday Dylan got hit by a car. Mom were crying and kept yelling at me, I don't know why. Dad pushed me into my room and locked the door. I wanted to ask them about him, he is my older brother'_ So Zayn had an older brother? Harry knows by now that this accident caused his death. _'There was a lady that came to us and told us that Dylan was dead. I was crying so hard, but Louis told me it was okay, that Dylan doesn’t want me to cry and that Louis would be my older brother. I really like Lou, he's nice. When I got home smiling my mom yelled at me again. I hope Louis didn't get the same treatment. I also hope he had dinner tonight, I haven't eaten anything since yesterday and I don't feel well'_

Harry frowns. Zayn was seven. How could his parents blame him?

 _'My birthday is tomorrow! I wanted a leather jacket like the one Dylan owned. I told my mom that but she didn't reply to me'_ Harry flips the page, there are too many missing. Who exactly ripped them off? _'Today I saw a bunny! It was so cute and fluffy <3 I really want one. I told my dad but he said I don't deserve it'_ There is a drawing of a rabbit that Harry smiles at. Zayn always loved rabbits. _'Louis got me bunny ears today. Said I can't have a bunny because I'm a bunny. I love Louis but I still want a bunny though'_ Harry chuckles, _'It's been two weeks since I saw Louis. I'm too worried_ _:(_ _I don't see him through his window either'_ So they were neighbors? _'I saw Louis today but his parents get to take him home instead of walking with me. We don't have classes together, we don't talk anymore. I told Ms. Carter about Louis and she said she'll find a solution'_

Harry flips the page and notices the difference in handwriting. _'Hey Zee <3 Missed you! Hope you're doing well! Sorry I couldn't be there, my parents don't like the whole me and you thing. It's alright though. I'll keep writing here!'_ Harry flips the page again and notices some stains, tears stains, a shaky handwriting that belongs to Zayn. _'I had the worst weekend Lou … My mom wasn't home last week and my dad came in with yours. I don't know why they did it but it was like you once told me. It really hurts, and I was bleeding. My mom yelled at me to stop crying while she was trying to stop the bleeding. She mentioned it was your fault. I don't understand. I'm sorry if I didn't come to school this week, I couldn't walk and my dad won't get me to a hospital'_

Harry's eyes widen. Zayn was barely eight or nine and he got raped by none other than his father and Louis', and to make the matter worse, Louis experienced it before. Fuck. No wonder they didn't want to go back. But Harry also wonders why Mrs. Walkman didn’t tell him anything. The diary is barely a few pages, there is a lot missing and he needs to pay another visit to her.

 _'It's been a week Lou. It's your birthday. Happy Birthday!'_ There's a cake drawn with a 10 on the top, _'I really want to buy you that bike you liked. I promise I'll'_ Harry flips another page. _'I've seen your dad again Lou. I hope you're doing well xx'_ Harry furrows his brows and flips the page again. _'Lou … I miss you_ _:(_ _Please come back'_ There are a few other ripped pages, _'Start saving'_ It's written in Louis' handwriting and then there are pages where it's written in codes. Harry doesn't find anything written normally again and he huffs closing the diary. There's something telling him that it wasn't good, and them trying to hide what they're writing … It was Louis and Zayn who ripped those pages off.

=====

Dorothy opens his door to find Harry for the second time.

"Harry" She smiles.

"I think you left me with more questions than answers" He holds the diary and she sighs, stepping inside to let him in. "What was written in those ripped pages?"

"It was ripped, Harry"

"You played the role of transferring the diary" She looks up and presses her lips together, sitting on a chair and allowing Harry to sit on the opposite.

"When one would write something the other couldn't bear to read, they'd rip it off"

"Like being raped" She trails her gaze down, "If you knew, why didn’t you report? This is child abuse!"

"They threatened them, Harry" She looks up again, "When it happened the first time to Louis they were young and I didn't know. When it happened to Zayn next and I read it, I went to court … They won, Harry. Louis and Zayn wouldn't talk. They threatened them they'll set them apart, hurt the other if one spoke up, and I only had a diary to prove it. I fought for them. I lost my job for that" Harry exhales deeply. "Their parents found out and they tried to keep the diary hidden afterwards"

"What did Louis mean with Start saving?"

"They stole money behind their parents' back and gave it to me. They were eleven then. They wanted to have enough money to get them out of this place. Once they hit sixteen, they appeared at my door with backpacks on their shoulders and that was the last time I saw them before coming back"

"And their parents?" She presses her lips together. "How could they even leave at sixteen?"

"That is not my place to tell you. I'm sorry. If they wish to share this information with you then this is their choice. I can't tell you"

Again, she leaves Harry with more questions than answers.

=====

Harry is distracted. Again. His opponent is right there, he needs to focus, but he can't. He doesn't even avoid the punch that comes his way. The bell rings and he goes to his corner, his trainer is scolding him for losing his focus. Joshua is fixing him with a worried look but Harry merely glances his way.

"You need to win this to cover your last loss" His trainer cups his face, pats his cheeks hard and quick before leaving him to get back to his match. Harry knows he's out if he didn't. He can't possibly be on a winning strike, no one has so far, even if they wish so. He forces Zayn out of his mind for the next minutes. _He needs to win this_.

Harry literally counts the points to win with each hit. He knows he is physically fine, and he counts on that. He didn't spend years training for nothing. He lands a couple hits of his own, a swift kick, and his opponent is on the ground. The bell rings. He wins this round. He hears his team cheering for him along with the crowd and he keeps pushing Zayn out of his mind until the full match is ending. His trainer smirks at him when he steps out of the ring as the winner and he heads to his room for a quick shower before going.

"Wanna have a wild party, Champ?" Joshua smirks at him but Harry shakes his head. "We can have a night in then" He smiles and Harry smiles back, heading for the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Harry thinks of doing a research on his own, he can track whoever he wants if he made the right call. He closes his eyes allowing the water to stream down his body. He hears Joshua across the door telling him he'd be back in a few, getting something that Harry didn't quite hear. He wasn't paying attention really.

He gets out and puts on his clothes, grabbing his wallet and keys on his way out.

"How many more do you need to become an actual champ?" Harry furrows his brows and turns to his side. There, pushing himself of the wall, is Zayn. Harry's mind starts racing again.

"A lot" Zayn raises his brows, "How did you manage to get in?" Zayn smirks and Harry rolls his eyes, "Seriously … What are you doing here anyway?"

"Had some spare time" He starts walking and Harry does too, "I heard someone talking about the tournament so I thought I'd come and watch" He turns his head towards Harry, "You were distracted half of the time"

 _Because of You_. "Had some issues of my own"

Zayn nods, "You didn't talk to him, did you?"

Harry sighs, "It's not your business" He can see Zayn giving him a long side glance before shaking his head. They get to the car and Harry sees Zayn getting to the other side. "What are you doing?"

"What? You're not offering me a ride this time?" Harry stares at him, lips pursed in a thin line before he's unlocking the car and stepping inside. Zayn following.

"The same place?"

"Well, Louis is not coming back soon and I have nothing to do, so …"

"So?" Harry turns to him.

Zayn shrugs, "I dunno. Drive to wherever" Harry stares at him for another minute before he's pulling his phone, sending a text to Joshua and turning on the engine.

Zayn seems awake, too awake, and Harry doesn't know if it's good or bad. But there are questions setting at the tip of his tongue and Zayn is there, even if he doesn't know he'll answer them or not. Harry drives for nearly an hour before he reaches a quiet place, another recommendation from his friends which is actually a good one this time.

Zayn chuckles once he stops the car and gets out, "This is too nostalgic"

"A quiet place where no one can bother you" Harry sits on the hood and Zayn sits next to him. "Why did you leave?"

Zayn blinks, "Why did I leave?"

"Here. Why did you move out?"

"Oh" Zayn shrugs, "Family issues"

"And then?"

Zayn furrows his brows and turns to him, "What are you getting at?"

"You never talked about Mrs. Walkman after we met her. You two seemed close"

"She was my teacher"

"Just that?" Zayn squints his eyes at him.

"What's with all the sudden questions?"

"You're interfering in _my_ personal life, why can't I?" Harry turns to him.

Zayn stares at him for a long while, "How much did she tell you?"

Harry sighs and turns his head forward, "I asked. I wanted to know about you. She wouldn’t tell me though. Said it was your choice to tell me or not" Zayn doesn't reply so he turns his head towards him again, "She's protecting you"

Zayn's head is not turned to him, "You read the diary"

"There are more than one way to investigate but I wanted to hear it from you" Zayn turns his head to him, "I'm not going to judge you or have pity on you. I guess I've proven my intentions so far" Zayn shakes his head turning away, "Zayn"

"Why does it matter to you?"

"Because I care" Zayn sighs and looks down. There's a long pause before Zayn is opening his mouth.

"Louis' parents were horrible. He'd be crying over bruises on his body all the time. I was young and wanted it to stop. There was a time where they came by our house, we were neighbors and I didn't know how to address it properly so I just told them that Louis is a great person and they shouldn't be doing that to him. His parents thought we were in love" He turns his head towards Harry, "We were seven. I didn't even realize I was gay until I was twelve"

He shakes his head and takes a deep breath, "Louis didn't tell me why he didn't show up for a week, but when he did, I just … I didn't know if it's me or Louis who was supposed to cry" Zayn pauses and Harry doesn't push him, "A few days later my older brother got in a car accident and he passed away. My father blamed me because he was walking me and Louis back from school. My mum stopped making me food and I had to share with Louis. Our parents thought we were on something and began to separate us. I knew Louis was getting beaten up whenever he wouldn't show through his window … It happened quite frequent"

"Our only way to communicate was that diary. Out parents thought it was just another school related notebook, and Mrs. Walkman helped us. We'd give her the diary and she'd transfer it between us. Sometimes the stories gets too much and neither could bear to read it one more time so we'd rip the pages out. I knew whenever Louis' dad came home in a bad mood or along with one of his friends he'd … rape him. I don't know when exactly did my father learned such a habit but we kinda shared. And when I bled, my mother kept me in my room for a whole week in order to recover and refused to get me to a hospital because they'll be asked … I suffered from internal bleeding' He huffs a bitter laugh, "And they'd say they're disgusted by _our kind_ "

"We felt watched. Whenever we would meet our parents would somehow know and … yeah, some … _stuff_ happen to both of us" He pauses, looking down again, "We didn't trust anyone, not even Mrs. Walkman, so we coded our letters. We kept stealing money from them and giving it to her until we could run away. It was Louis' eleventh birthday when I literally could hear him screaming from my room. Louis didn't tell me what happened until three weeks later and … All I wanted to do was kill his parents along with mine and get it over with. Mrs. Walkman tried going to court but we couldn't testify, and when people would come and ask us we would deny. We knew if we opened our mouths one of us is going to get punished for it. We were young and didn't know how to ask to put us together and listen" He shakes his head.

"Before Louis' twelfth birthday we started to … Make a plan. My mom was a doctor and I would sometimes listen to her on the phone, discussing some patient they had. I knew where exactly we could strike and when my parents were on a night out, I sneaked to Louis' … I knew his father was planning to make a party and I couldn't bear to hear Louis' screams once more" his voice breaks and Harry aches to just reach and hold him in his arms, he hears a sniff before Zayn's head is picking up again, staring into the distance in front of them. "I can't remember that day till now. It all happened in a rush and the next thing I knew, I was stabbing his chest, his face, his legs … Louis had to pull me away and quickly getting rid of the knife. He used something to wipe with but … His mother was home and she saw … She was a bitch too, and I'm glad Louis took the strike because I would've"

Zayn turns to him, "We killed Louis' parents. Louis was twelve and I was three months younger. He used their fingerprints instead of ours and when he was asked, he said they had a fight. Funny they believed a child" Zayn pauses, probably waits, seeing the effect his words has on Harry's face before turning his head away again, "Louis was taken away by a foster house, but they were nice, he told me that. My parents doubted me and … I would … There were nights when I couldn’t sleep from the pain, and missing Louis too much"

Zayn took a deep breath, "One night, Louis sneaked in when my parents weren't there. Gave me a phone that my parents don't know about and we gave the diary to Mrs. Walkman. We wanted to burn it, but she kept it for some reason. Probably using it as a proof if we tried to go to court again. He told me to act indifferent, just saying yes or nothing at all when asked, and it worked. My parents acted like I don't exist and it was more than okay, other than the night when they feel they wanted to get their anger on someone, it was okay. Louis would sneak me money and meds if I needed them, and we kept stealing behind their backs until we got a decent amount of money. We packed our stuff, and one night, Louis came with a car, we went to Mrs. Walkman's house, took the money and flew away. Louis managed to get us faked IDs saying we're eighteen, we got passports, tickets, and we never looked back"

He takes another deep breath, "Back when you got drugged, Louis didn’t like it, and wanted to get back at Ant for harming you. He knew I called Ant to ask him about the drug for you and that angered him more when he thought that I was tired because of him. He called a few people and we got to someone who can mess with Ant's back account. We stole all of his money and donated it to charity. We kept some to ensure us a good life when we'd travel away, and the guy we used took his share then we were off"

Harry's mouth is hanged slightly opened from all of the information getting through his mind right now. "Ant knew, he came to our flat and totally messed it. Even Mini Tommo suffered. We thought we were done though, but that time when Louis got to the hospital … He knew, he fucking knew. We were exposed and Ant knew his way to get to us. Thank god the drug didn't work on Louis" He sighs.

"And you?" Harry asks quietly.

"Ant knows how to destroy each one of us. He knew what I hated the most, what could cause me nightmares in my best nights. I don't know if he dug deep enough to know about our past but … Remember your survival match?" He doesn't wait for Harry's answer though, "Let's just say I couldn't handle my first in time for the next … They were seven" Harry freezes but his blood boils quickly. This is too much. "If we reported Ant we'll be dragged along. We need witnesses, and we'd have to spill the tea on our illegal activities. So we did what we do best. We ran away. We didn’t have enough money though and the only place we know how to handle ourselves at is … Here" He spreads his arms pointing around him then putting it down and turning to Harry. "There you have it. Story of my life" Harry opens his mouth to speak but Zayn quickly interrupts him, "You said you won't judge and you won't pity, so keep whatever you're going to say to yourself" He stands and goes around the car, "I'm tired. Get me home"

Harry presses his lips shut and unlocks his car.

=====

Louis really tried not to wake Zayn up, he really did, but he accidentally dropped a plate and the bed isn't that far from the table he's sitting at, and now Zayn is blinking his eyes open. He wasn't sleeping last night like most nights, more nightmares, and it's not Harry's fault to remind him, he already remembers, besides, what he told Harry was a summary, the details of everyday and what they used to see and go through was only between the two of them. Their presence in the place is enough to trigger his memories. And he wasn't entirely sleeping after all.

"Sorry, bub. Why don't you go back to sleep, yeah?"

Zayn sits up anyway, he won't let Louis do all the job, "Nah, I'm fine"

"You're not fine, Zayn" Louis frowns, "I'll cover for you today. Just get some rest"

"That won't do, Lou" he stretches, "It's not like it would help" Louis fixes him with a concerned look as he gets up and heads to the bathroom.

Zayn washes his face and turns to look at the mirror. He blinks once and quickly turns around. He could swear he saw a shadow in the mirror. He sighs and walks out of the bathroom, he's just tired, maybe it was the curtains and his blurry eyes betrayed him.

They borrowed a motorcycle and he rides behind Louis, closing his eyes until they get to the garage. It's not small nor big, and the owner needed two people to cover for his previous ones. They had to learn quickly and they did. Even though from time to time they'd leave it to anyone who's more professional and has been doing this job longer than they do. A customer arrives and Louis goes to him, he tells Zayn to wait by the desk, record whatever needs to be done and basically doing the office paper job instead. He would take it though, he'll switch with Louis when a new customer shows up.

He sees a man getting out of the car and there's a little boy with him. The boy looks at him and Zayn's heart stops. It's the exact same image of a younger Louis and with his next blink, the kid is no longer Louis, he's blond, brown eyes, eating his ice-cream quietly. Zayn takes a deep breath. He hasn't been sleeping for over four days and he's already hallucinating. _Great_.

Another car comes in and Zayn pushes himself off the chair, working would distract him. The man exits the car and Zayn's hear stops beating again. There, standing in front of him, is his father. He blinks again when the customer greets him and his father disappears. _Fuck_. He forces a smile though and tries to focus on the customer's face in order not to shape itself on any other person.

Louis is busy and Zayn tries his best not to throw up while he works too. He stopped having his sleeping pills and took the other ones in order not to faint, but god, the side effects are appearing sooner, and he doesn't even know if it's the side effects or his lack of proper sleep is making his brain manifest his worst nightmares.

When both customers leave, he heads out for fresh air, leaning back on the wall and closing his eyes, inhaling deeply. Louis joins him and his worried expression never leaves his face.

"You alright?" Zayn nods, "Need something to eat? You haven't eaten anything since yesterday's lunch" Zayn shakes his head. He hears Louis sighs before opening his eyes again and spotting another customer getting inside the garage. Louis moves first, probably because he doesn’t want him to work in his state and Zayn allows him to. He glances across the street and sees yet another face. He shuts his eyes tightly.

"Not real, not real, not real" He opens his eyes slowly and the figure is approaching. "Not … Real" He knows that, he fucking knows that. He's dead, he can't be here, but the image he tried so hard to erase from his memory is coming back to haunt him and ruin his life. There's blood everywhere, open cuts, and absolutely disgusting figure. Zayn swears he can smell him. "Not Real" He says one more time and enters the garage. Louis is still engaged with the customer and he sits back on the desk. He keeps his focus on Louis instead and his eyes widen when he sees the same figure approaching Louis. "Fuck" he whispers and shuts his eyes again, placing his head between his arms on the desk. "Please, no" he glances up slowly to find that there's no one else other than Louis and the customer. A sigh of relief escapes him.

Louis finished and comes to him, a worried expression on his face again. "Wanna go home? Ricky called, said he'd be here in a few. You won't be paid but that's the least of my concerns right now"

Zayn looks up at him, "I'm fine"

"Stop giving me that" Louis sighs and leans on the desk, "I want you out. Now" Zayn smiles despite Louis' hard tone.

"Drop your 'Mom' persona. I'm not gonna leave" He rolls his eyes earning a slap on his arm from Louis. "You're a cool Mom though" Louis smirks and he laughs.

=====

Zayn stops his meds again, hoping his hallucinations would stop, his nightmares never stop though. It's his day off but Louis is out, seeking a better opportunity, and Zayn would go with him if he didn't lose his focus every five minutes. It's hard when he keeps seeing things other people can't. It's not real, they're not harmful, and Zayn is trying to adapt. Which is a horrible thing. He still doesn't get proper sleep, and being left alone isn't for the best. He knows they're not real, they can never harm him, but he still shivers and his heart beating picks up and when he closes his eyes, they're more real than ever. And when he wakes up meeting a face next to the bed, he literally jumps and falls, dressing up quickly and heading out. He doesn't tell Louis, he's an adult and this is embarrassing.

It's not crowded, but little noises makes his head about to explode. A car horn startles him and he turns towards the sound. Funny enough, it's none other than Harry. He doesn't think twice about opening the door and getting in.

"You were spacing out" Yeah, he knows that. "Are you okay?" _No_.

But Zayn sighs, "I'm actually hungry" Harry just looks at him so he turns to face him, "You're not going to offer we go somewhere?"

"This is unlike you" Harry notes quietly.

"Do you want me out?"

"I didn't say that"

Zayn turns again in his seat, "Take me somewhere fancy and quiet. You're paying"

Harry hits the gas pedal, "I don't mind but you don’t seem your usual"

"Just … Tired" Zayn glances at the side mirror, no figure following. Harry seems worried though, but his mind is too messed up to properly think. He really thinks about closing his eyes, his eyelids are too heavy, and his eyes are burning with the little amount of sleep he's getting. Harry doesn't ask him about it and for once, he's glad.

They arrive at a restaurant, another friendly recommendation which Harry tried once and it fits Zayn's description. He still wonders why, because Zayn isn't a fan of such places. But Zayn moves out of the car and waits for him so he lets it slip away. There's something wrong that Zayn isn't telling him and there's a faint probability that he'll tell him on his own. Harry doesn't push him though.

The menu is totally unreadable for Zayn, the words are a blur and each letter is crossing the other, so he just puts it down. Harry looks at him when he does, "Just order what you tried before. I don't know much" His lie is smooth and if Harry reads through it, he doesn't voice it.

"So … When are you leaving?"

"Tired of me that much?" Harry raises his brows but a smile is present on his lips, Zayn offers one of his own, "In two days" Zayn nods and keeps blinking to clear his vision. Harry furrows his brows, "Zayn? You sure you're alright?" Fuck. No. He's not seeing properly.

"Just a sec" Zayn excuses himself and heads to the washroom. Maybe refreshing his face would do him good. He doesn't see the way Harry narrows his eyes at him.

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes once he's inside, opening the tap to throw some water on his face. Once it opens he flinches away, because the water is replaced by blood and ... okay, he knows it's his brain playing games on his again. He stares at it, remembering exactly how the same thing kept happening from the moment Louis was taken away until he came back. But it's not the same now, Louis is here with him, but he still gets to see those live nightmares. He hates it.

He closes his eyes again and forces his mind to stop. He closes the tap instead and runs a hand through his hair. Again, there's a figure in the mirror and he'd laugh about it if he was sane enough, he'd laugh about how this resembles a horror movie instead and pushes through the figure because it's not real.

There's a beat where he stops and looks up, the figure is close and he'd be laughing too about smelling it, but he isn't, and he takes a step back, forcing his eyes to close and open in rapid motions hoping it'll fade away. It doesn't, and it keeps staring back at him.

Zayn's mind go back to Harry and he wonders if it'd be a childish behavior to call him now. It would, and he doesn't. So he stays.

He doesn't count the minutes he's been here, but the door opens and Zayn looks up to find Harry. _Typical_. He really wants to laugh. Next to Harry, the figure disappears and his shoulders slump on an exhale. It's amazing really, and he curses under his breath, because of fucking course it'd be Harry.

"You were taking too long, I just thought I'd-" Zayn doesn't say anything but he pushes past him nonetheless. "Okay" Harry says slowly, mostly to himself because Zayn is walking away towards their table. He sighs and follows him, sitting across from him and trying to read anything on his face. Zayn's eyes are trailed down on their food that arrived while Zayn was in the washroom. Did he puke? Did he cry? Did he just need to make a phone call? He doesn't know.

But Zayn doesn't cry, he's not young, he knows whatever he sees is not true even if his tired brain is forcing him to see them. He has that much of self-control. He also hates how his visions disappear near Harry.

Harry is aware of how Zayn would react if he showed any signs of sympathy that Zayn doesn't allow, Zayn wouldn't interpret it as caring, and he doesn't know how to approach the situation if Zayn isn't willing to talk. So he doesn't, and Zayn eats silently. Harry pays and they're out.

"Where should I drive you?" Harry asks as he turns on the engine.

"I'd give you the directions" Harry nods and pulls out of their parking place. It's silent between them but Zayn enjoys it, would've slept even. He keeps giving Harry directions until Harry realizes they're going in circles.

"Are you going to keep me driving all night?" Harry stops the car and turns to him.

"Don't feel like going home. Louis is still out"

Harry gives him an annoyed look, "Good to know I'm entertaining you"

Zayn turns to him as well, "Oh please, you would-" He stops himself and closes his eyes for a second before turning forward again, "How come you know about my life but I don't know about yours?" He asks instead with furrowed brows.

Harry sighs and leans back in his seat, "What do you want to know?"

"It's fair to know about your family issues since you know mine"

"I wouldn't even compare the two. It doesn't reach your level"

"Still" Zayn gives him a side glance.

"What's with the whole change in attitude?" Harry turns his face to him.

"Don't change the subject"

"You've been doing it all day"

"I'm not-" He cuts himself again and reaches to bend his chair backwards instead. "Do you have anything to do today?"

"Depends"

"On?" Zayn closes his eyes, relaxing in his seat.

"I can take you back to mine if you're that tired"

"Because Joshua would love that" Fuck. Harry's eyes widen momentarily. Forgetting _his boyfriend_ while being with Zayn seems to be something regular. Harry shakes his head and gets out of the car, Zayn opens his and frowns seeing him reach to his trunk and grabbing something then he's opening the backseat and throwing a pillow and a blanket. "Why do you have these with you?"

Harry pauses, "You don't want to know" Zayn rolls his eyes and gets out as well, climbing in the backseat instead.

"Is it clean?" Zayn points at the pillow and Harry gives him another annoyed look and throws it in his face. "I'm ought to know!" He raises his voice, a smile appearing on his face contracting Harry's glare. "You'll let me sleep in your car though?"

"Not the first time" Zayn hums, and because Harry is still sitting on the edge of the seat, one leg bent while the other is out, placed on the ground, he lets his head fall on Harry's lap. "I don't think this is the most comfortable position for me" Zayn opens his eyes to give him an annoyed look of his own.

"Well get in and close the door" He sits up allowing Harry to do so, but the latter is just looking at him with furrowed brows. Zayn raises his own until Harry sighs, closing the door after him. Zayn shakes his head as he reaches for the pillow, "Step aside, Harry"

"It's not-" Zayn ignores him and moves which makes Harry move in turn and he places him just right where he wants him. Laid on the backseat, well half-laid, because his knees are bent with Zayn half being on top of him, head on his chest while Harry's rest on the pillow. It's familiar, and Harry would suggest he spoons him from behind instead for a more comfortable position but he keeps that thought to himself. He absentmindedly starts playing with Zayn's hair with one of his hands.

"What's your next stop?"

"Why? You'd follow me there too?" Harry asks but his tone is teasing and Zayn picks up his head to look at him.

"Actually, I came first. Which means you're the one following me as always" He smirks and Harry raises his brows at that. When did Zayn start heavy implications? Harry opens his mouth to reply but he closes it instead. Because even in the faint light, Zayn's eyes still shines, the spark is somehow reappearing in it and Harry can't not stare. He's caught.

And Maybe Harry isn't the only one getting caught, maybe Zayn's mind is too tired to filter his thoughts anymore, because he leans in and Harry immediately shuts his eyes.

It's nothing like the first time Zayn kissed him, hard and wanting with a hint of playfulness and danger in it, something daring and quick that left Harry lusting for him. This time it's soft, slow, a light weight on Harry's own, and it's not something cautious, Zayn isn't testing anything, it's something genuine, _Zayn's_. Harry's hand falls from Zayn's hair to his waist, just holding, not tight, as Zayn's own reach to cup Harry's face. He pulls away slowly and he's not even that far. Harry wants to try.

So he does, flipping them so he's on top, Zayn's hands go higher to tangle themselves in Harry's hair and Harry leans in again, catching his lips in another long slow kiss, just like Zayn kissed him, and he has to keep his weight off Zayn in the small space they're in, placed in the most awkward and uncomfortable position that neither thinks of right now, or mostly Zayn, his head in now on the pillow and his knees are bent while Harry is between his legs, he's not the one struggling really, being the smaller of the two. Zayn's releasing small pants of breaths between each kiss that Harry hardly allows causing him to tilt his head backwards to gasp for much needed air and driving Harry to trail kisses down his jaw and neck.

Harry still tests the area, trails his lips from the side of his ear, up his chin and down on his throat until Zayn's breath hitches and he smirks against this spot on his throat. He sucks gently on the skin, no teeth, feeling the delicate layer under his tongue when he licks, and he knows he's doing a good job when Zayn's fingers in his hair tightens and he tilts his head back more to give Harry a better access. Harry doesn't leave the spot and Zayn literally squirms beneath him, he keeps biting on his bottom lip until he finally releases it allowing Harry to hear his quiet whimpers. A beautiful melody to Harry's ears that he wants to replay.

He pulls back slightly, enjoying the sight of his mark on Zayn's skin that he knows will fade in the next day, wrapping his arms around Zayn's waist and siting up which makes Zayn straddle his lap. He's craving to place his lips on Zayn's again when he rests his forehead on Harry's, hands falling to rest on his shoulders while Harry's goes to rub at his thighs, but his eyes flutter and his mouth opens to form words. Harry would hear it.

"Would you leave Joshua for me?" Harry blinks. Fuck. He has a boyfriend that he totally forgot about the moment Zayn placed his lips on his. Actually, he does that whenever Zayn's eyes look his way but Zayn doesn't need to know that.

But his mind find the most rational thing to say, because he's still sane. "Would you leave me for Louis?"

Zayn's face form a frown but he doesn't pull back, "You can't ask me that"

"Why not? You're asking me to leave everything behind for you. I can't do that and find nothing in return"

Zayn pulls away, but his hands are still on his shoulders and he's still on his lap. "Louis is my family. I would never place anyone over him"

"So you would?"

Zayn's eyes are fixed on his, he doesn't hesitate in his answer. "Yes"

Harry feels dumb. He nods slowly, eyes hard as they stare back into Zayn's. "Get off me" There's a pause, Zayn doesn't move and Harry closes his eyes. He didn't raise his voice, he's calm. "Get off me and get out of my car" He re-opens his eyes and turns his face to the side. Zayn climbs off him and opens the door, stepping out and Harry sighs deeply before stepping out as well. Harry opens the front door and turns to Zayn before he climbs in. "Just one last thing, Zayn" Zayn's eyes are big, his mouth is closed, his breath is normal, and Harry doesn't know what to make of that. "Forget my number, my name, and forget that I even exist" He doesn't wait for Zayn's reply as he gets in, shuts the door behind him, turns his car on and drives away.

Zayn doesn't blame him really. Harry asked for the truth and he gave it to him. He can't even offer Harry himself, and he doesn't know what to offer other than that. He watches Harry's car disappearing into the distance and he sighs, leaning back on the wall and closing his eyes. He should probably call Louis and go home.

"Messed up again, kitten?"

Zayn's heart stops beating and he turns his head to the side slowly. There's a hand reaching to touch his cheek before everything is black.

Fuck. When did his hallucinations start to _talk_ and _touch him?_

=====

_For the first time, Harry appears in his nightmares too. Always walking away._

"You started fainting again" Louis' voice is soothing as he brushes his fingers through his hair. Zayn keeps his eyes closed, they both know he's not asleep. "Talk to me, Zee"

"I'm hallucinating" Zayn replies. Louis fingers stop for a second before continuing their work, "Sometimes I see us, young. Other I'd see our parents. Mostly your dad and mine" Louis doesn't reply so he turns to him, "I'm turning into a crazy person"

"You're not" Louis says softly, "I know that this isn’t a favorable place for neither, and you're not the only one who's getting nightmares, trust me"

Zayn furrows his brows and sits up slowly, "You didn’t tell me"

"And add to yours more?" He shakes his head, "I guess it's just not as bad as yours" Louis opens his arms and Zayn happily curl himself into Louis, "It's not the same, Zee. We're not young anymore and they can't get to us. God knows I'll kill your parents if they ever dared to touch a single hair out of your head" Zayn smiles, "Anyone actually who thinks about that"

"I know you would" he mumbles into Louis' chest.

"Just know that I'm here for you. Always. Nothing is separating us. Nothing can harm you while I'm here, alright?" Zayn picks his head up, "We can't change the past but we'll work on the present, yeah? I don't want you to think about what happened, Zee. It's _never_ happening again. I won't allow it"

Zayn smiles wider and hugs Louis again, "I love you"

Louis chuckles, tightening his grip on Zayn, "I love you too, bro"

=====

"Didn't know he was into music"

Louis turns to see Zayn sitting in front of the piano. Mrs. Walkman invited them in and they happily accepted. "Yeah. I guess it developed after he reached seventeen"

"Is he good?" She asks.

Louis smiles watching Zayn playing a melody. "Very"

 _I can't buy your love, don't even wanna try_  
_Sometimes the truth won't make you happy, still I'm not gonna lie_  
_But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you_  
_it beats only for you_  
  
_I know I'm far from perfect, nothin' like your entourage_  
_I can't grant you any wishes, I won't promise you the stars_  
_But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you_  
_it beats only for you_  
  
_Cause when you've given up_  
_When no matter what you do it's never good enough_  
_When you never thought that it could ever get this tough_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_  
  
_And when you're crying out_  
_When you fall and then can't pick your happy off the ground_  
_When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_  
  
_You won't see me at the parties, I guess I'm just no fun_  
_I won't be turning up the radio singing Baby You're The One_  
_But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you_  
_it beats only for you_  
  
_I know sometimes I get angry, and I say what I don't mean_  
_I know I keep my heart protected, far away from my sleeve_  
_But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you_  
_it beats only for you_  
  
_Cause when you've given up_  
_When no matter what you do it's never good enough_  
_When you never thought that it could ever get this tough_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_  
  
_And when you're crying out_  
_When you've fallen and can't pick your happy off the ground_  
_When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around_  
_That's when you feel my kind of love_

Louis approaches him and sits next to him. "Why do I feel like these lyrics aren't about a blond guy anymore?" His tone is teasing but Zayn's face falls, he doesn't miss his glossy eyes either. "Zayn" he waits until Zayn turns to him, "Talk to me"

And because Zayn is too fed up of everything happening, he tells the truth.

"I met Harry" Louis nods and Zayn frowns, it wasn't exactly the reaction he was waiting for but he carries on, turning to the piano again, "He's having this international tournament, and I met him after we departed. Saying he's here for a friendly chatter and whatnot" he pauses, "I know I shouldn't have, but I ended up showing up when he invited me for coffee, and I didn’t tell you because I thought you might feel down … I saw him again the night you got to the hospital and he stayed in, being the caring person he is, until it was time for his flight, and I thought that's it"

Louis just hears him, "I saw him here again. Met a few times and … I kissed him. He asked if I would give him up for you and I said yes. He left" He turns to Louis to see him trying to hide a smile and his frown deepens, "I just told you I snogged your crush and you're smiling!"

Louis holds his hands out, "Alright! You wanna know something?" Zayn still frowns at him, "You're an idiot. Sorry, but it's true" Zayn shoves him to the side and Louis chuckles.

"You're horrible" He mumbles.

"Remember that night we sat down and I told you that Harry doesn't like me back?" Zayn doesn't reply. Of course he remembers, "Remember that I also told you that I'm not going to crush on him anymore because he likes you instead?" Louis sighs when Zayn still won't look at him, "There are priorities in life, Zayn, and you're at the top of my list. I knew that Harry liked you and I wouldn't take that away from you. He would never like me back, I got over it, and trust me, Doug was a coincidence" Zayn turns just to give him a knowing look.

"It's not always the appearance, Zayn" He rolls his eyes, "But my point is that I gave you an opening and you didn't take it"

"I wasn't going to watch your heart break" Zayn protests.

Louis smiles, "No. You're finding excuses not to open your heart. I told you over and over that I'm done with it"

"You stole Ant's money for him"

"Both of you" Louis corrects, "And me included. I needed a good excuse to get back at him for all the times he hurt you, I did get angry because Harry always got our back and I felt we owed him. I dropped the subject when you told me so but when I found Ant's message after you were tired, I lost my shit" Zayn blinks. Fuck. That wasn't Ant.

"Actually …" If he's coming clean, he might as well tell him, "That night … It was Niall"

There's a pause that Zayn swears Louis is about to crush something, "You …" He takes a deep breath, "This is not the topic" He shakes his head, "Wait … No. Let's in fact talk about this" Zayn closes his eyes, "You were too afraid to declare your love for Niall that you waited three bloody years. Wanna know why? Cause you kept creating excuse after excuse, and when you finally did your move, your world collapsed down"

"You have to remind me?" He whines.

"Harry was literally falling at your feet and you kept pushing him away because you were still scared. You put me as your biggest excuse" Zayn sighs and shakes his head, "Zayn, the moment I saw how deeply he cares for you, how he just looks at you, how he treats you … I could never wish for someone better for you. And I would be crying happy tears in your wedding" Zayn furrows his brows again, turning to him. "Remember when I asked why we couldn't be lovers and you told me that we're better than that, that we're family?" Louis cups his face, "If Harry is going to be your family then I can't possibly feel that kind of love you feel for him, and I would be happy for both of you … Zayn, you know you've got the key to your own heart" he taps Zayn's chest over his heart, "Trust me on this one and let go … Trust yourself on this one. How many more times does Harry has to prove himself to you that he didn't come to tear your heart apart? God knows he did things I couldn't"

And Louis is right. Something tugging at his heart to believe so. His mind goes back to that night, where he could be just laid there on Harry's chest with no nightmares haunting him, like Harry is his shield protecting him from harm. And it's not the only time. Each time he would, Zayn would take a step back and block him because … He doesn't know if Louis' words are meant to get to him, if he's using Louis as an excuse or not and why but …

"Why did you kiss him?" Zayn opens his mouth to reply but Louis continues, "Why did you allow Harry in so easily? Allowing him to know about you without a second thought even if your mind is telling you no and your heart is closing the door? Why would you let him go without a fight? Why does he win when you compare him to another?"

 _Why did he let him go?_ "I didn't want him to hold on to me"

"Why?"

"Because I have nothing to offer"

Louis doesn't know if it's coming back here or if Zayn carried those words with him from the start, but it lights a fire inside his chest making it fume with anger. He doesn’t show it though, wouldn’t in front of Zayn. His mind wanders to specific nights in their childhood and how words could get to Zayn easily. He tried so hard not to, and Zayn would watch and learn, because even if Louis would tease him about the three months difference, Zayn would look up at him with so much fondness in his eyes that Louis had never seen in anyone else's eyes but him. But Zayn doesn't know that he's the one giving Louis strength to move on as well.

Louis strokes Zayn's cheeks gently, "You have yourself, and that's the most precious thing you can offer if you're _willing_ to. And I don't remember Harry asking for more … But Are you willing to?" Zayn opens his mouth again but no reply comes out. "There's only some chances in life and you have to catch one … I'll always be here for you no matter what your decision is"

"It's late, Louis"

"It's never late"

"He already left"

Louis smiles, "Wanna bet he'll come back?"

"Why would he?"

"Because I haven't seen fate playing his game with you two to move across continents and meet"

Zayn shakes his head, "What if he is not? That fate is placing us apart? That Harry got tired? He already gave up on me, Lou"

"I'm going to say this just one more time" Louis pats his cheeks, "Harry did not, does not, and will not look at anyone the way he looks at you"

"He has a boyfriend"

"That he gave up for the sake of kissing you" Zayn sighs and Louis smiles wider. "See? Can't even use any more excuses!"

=====

"Take a break and be back in ten" His trainer tells him and he nods, grabbing the bottle of water and unlocking his phone. There's an unread message and he opens it to find it the second from the familiar number. He sighs, wondering how she gets to send him those. He plugs his earbuds and waits until it's downloaded then clicks play.

 _When you get older, plainer, saner_  
_Will you remember all the danger We came from?_  
_Burning like embers, falling, tender_  
_Longing for the days of no surrender years ago_  
_And will you know?_  
  
_So smoke 'em if you got 'em 'Cause it's going down_  
_All I ever wanted was you. I'll never get to heaven_  
_'Cause I don't know how. Let's raise a glass or two_  
  
_To all the things I've lost on you, tell me are they lost on you?_  
_Just that you could cut me loose._  
_After everything I've lost on you. Is that lost on you?_  
_Is that lost on you? Baby, is that lost on you?_  
_Is that lost on you?_  
  
_Wishin' I could see the machinations_  
_Understand the toil of expectations in your mind_  
_Hold me like you never lost your patience_  
_Tell me that you love me more than hate me_  
_All the time. And you're still mine_  
  
_So smoke 'em if you got 'em 'Cause it's going down_  
_All I ever wanted was you. Let's take a drink of heaven_  
_This can turn around. Let's raise a glass or two_  
  
_To all the things I've lost on you. Tell me are they lost on you?_  
_Just that you could cut me loose._  
_After everything I've lost on you. Is that lost on you?_  
_Is that lost on you? Baby, is that lost on you?_  
_Is that lost on you?_

Maybe, just maybe, there are more important stuff than his training.


	10. 09

"I missed this, you know"

"The beach?" Zayn's eyes open slowly looking up at him, a soft lazy smile on his face as his head rests on Louis' lap with Louis' fingers brushing his hair that gotten longer by now.

"Us" He states simply.

"We've never been separated, Zee"

"Not physically" Zayn replies quietly. They are surrounded by only sand and water, the warm air blowing over their skin is comfortable and the waves sound as they hit the shore is soothing. It's too early for people to join them at the beach and they've chosen an area that is far from people anyway. "I miss how we used to be, before all of this drama. No secrets. Just the two of us and no one in between"

Louis smiles softly down at him. Zayn has been getting less and less nightmares as the days go on, his eyes are sparkling as he used to know them, face lit, and back to his more confident self to be dragged along with Louis literally anywhere with matching smirks. Louis really likes it. "Is that why you stopped writing?" Zayn avoids his eyes and looks at the clouds above them instead. "But I agree. I too miss when we didn't care but about one another. Less tiring actually" He chuckles and Zayn's eyes return to his again.

"I figured something" Zayn replies. "I don't need anyone else in my life to feel complete. I have you. You're more than enough"

"Don't" Louis whispers, "It's hard, but we'll work it" Zayn rolls his eyes.

"I'm serious, Lou"

"Me too" Louis objects, "Just because you had one down turn doesn't mean I'll let you drown"

Zayn stares at him for a moment, "Then tell me the truth"

Louis sighs and lifts his head up. It's a peaceful scene, being in the nature, feeling some weights off your shoulder, not having to think too much until they go back. It's just them. "I was thinking we could go to France"

Zayn's eyebrows shoot up, "That's sudden"

"Beautiful country. Better than here anyway. And we can afford it"

"We're not familiar with the language"

Louis smirks down at him, "All we'll be getting is 'Oui' babe" Zayn laughs and shakes his head. "It's the truth though" Louis shrugs and Zayn grins at him.

"Alright. What's up your sleeves?"

Louis shrugs again, "Living for the moment?" Zayn blinks at him slowly, "I might want you to work your charm on this one" Zayn sits up and smirks.

"Nothing we have to lose"

Louis blinks and forces a smile out. _Nothing to lose_.

=====

"Again?" Zayn whisper shouts, "I can't believe you!"

"It's not the same" Louis defends himself but Zayn just glares at him, "We're not going to be engaged in any of this"

Zayn sighs, "And why me?"

"He might've seen a picture of you on my phone" Louis clears his throat, "Accidently"

"Accidently" Zayn mumbles, "Of course"

"Hey! I'm not lying! He happened to be behind me when I unlocked my phone and you were in the background!" Zayn smiles at him and Louis rolls his eyes, "If you don't have me as your background I'll kill you" Zayn laughs quietly. "But anyway, he seems like a good man. I wouldn't push you towards someone that I don't know about. Asked a few questions here and there-"

"Without me" Zayn mumbles cutting him off, "I thought we're done doing that?" He raises his eyebrows accusingly and Louis sighs squeezing his shoulder where his arm is thrown over, "Alright. A man who's getting us out" Zayn glances away from Louis, "Whose pants do I need to get in?"

"You're not getting in anyone's pants" Zayn turns to him again with one eyebrow cocked, "I told you he's nice. You just need to charm him"

"What's his type?" Louis furrows his brows slightly, "He'd seen a picture, Louis. I need more info"

"Just … You" Louis turns his head away and nods towards someone, he smiles and Zayn turns his head away to lock his gaze with whoever Louis is looking at. A man approaches them and Zayn forces a smile out. Playing it sweet, because he'd seen Louis' background picture just yesterday, the one Louis took of him when he was giggling too hard. Sweet and soft, he can be that. It comes out smoothly, and the man doesn't notice it's an act at all. They've spent far too many years acting and they know how to play each role perfectly. The man appears to be old, maybe in his forties, and Zayn hopes that Louis' investigations are true.

"Louis" The man greets him briefly and turns his gaze on Zayn, "And you must be Zayn" The man offers a hand to shake and Zayn raises his to comply, keeping his gaze focused, a smile still present on his face.

"Louis told me about you. It's nice to meet you" The man smiles and his gaze is still on his face, something that not so many do. Louis removes his arm from around him and steps back slightly.

"I'll be back shortly. Just need to make a quick phone call" Louis glances between both and picks up his phone while he walks away. Zayn knows he'll be loud at some points and others he'd be humming. He won't be calling anyone, just observing from far, and Zayn smiles at him when he goes, leaning to the side on the wall next to him and looking up at the man. Nothing seductive, just plain curious, and if it shows just how big his eyes are, it's not intentional.

=====

It's not big, there's no ring or cage, and the audience are small compared to Ant's. It's different on so many levels that Zayn is thankful for as he stands leaning forward from upstairs, watching the small circle surrounded by tables. They're not a prize to win, but he's considered a property. Louis is here too, walking around the place just like himself, chatting here and there, knowing more about the players as well as the guests. When they were younger, they never explored such field here, and Zayn isn't sure if it's for the best or not. His eyes roam the guests and fall over a specific figure. He smiles, soft and easy, and it's not forced. The man –Frank– is actually nice like Louis described him, not forcing him on anything, although Zayn would do whatever to get what they want, and it's a whole lot better than what they used to have.

Most of the days when he feels lazy, he'd prefer Louis' company on Frank's. He would prefer Louis on anyone actually, and there's a small part of him telling him that what he's doing is wrong, that Frank is genuinely interested, but he's playing around until they're out of here, and it's not something new anyway.

France, where Louis originally wanted to go is now their vacation destination, because Frank wouldn't deny him when he pleads, and Louis would tell him they'll figure a way out once they're there. He takes a deep breath and glances over the two inside the circle when the people cheer as one gets pushed to the ground.

"Guess who's here?" Zayn smiles as Louis leans next to him, his back is facing the crowd and Zayn turns to him. "The table by the corner" Zayn's eyes roam again and land on the table. There's a pause where he blinks a few times, the noises somehow going quieter and quieter until Louis speaks again, "You should go say hi" Zayn snaps his head towards him again, brows furrowed and lips parted slightly, "Let him know how you're doing" Louis' face is turned although there's no one allowed to be upstairs but them. "Let him know that you got higher-"

"This is lower, Louis" He scoffs, "This is pathetic" He shakes his head and turns his gaze on the circle again, one delivers a hard punch to the other making his face bleed, Zayn doesn't flinch though, he's used to this.

"Higher than he'll ever be" He turns his head towards Louis again to find him smirking, "I wasn't asking around for nothing" Louis turns and presses to his side, his gaze not focusing on someone specific, "There's nothing to be afraid of. If anything, those men are ready to fight for you" Louis turns his head to lock his eyes with him, "Show him you're worth it" Louis keeps staring at him, hard but genuine. "It'll make you feel better. I can promise you that"

Zayn turns his head to look at the table on the corner again and takes a deep breath. He pushes himself off and he knows that Louis is smiling at him from where he stands. He gets down the stairs, nothing rushed, and maybe he's taking time for himself as he passes by someone, Erwin he thinks was his name, and takes a cigarette and a lighter, inhaling once and keeping the smoke for a second before releasing it and slumping on the seat at the corner.

Something that Zayn learned over the years from Louis is to not show your feelings whether they were good or bad. Sometimes it's harder than to just think about it, but something about Louis' eyes on him comforts him, being in a place that he knows people got his back is comforting. He takes another inhale and leans on the table, making sure the smoke hits the man's face when he blows it out quickly then leaning back on his seat with a smirk.

"I'd kick you out of _my_ property, but I'm gonna be a better man and allow you to lose all your money on a shit player and crap beer which …" He trails his eyes to the beer he's holding, "What seems you're only able to afford. Such a shame" The man's eyebrows furrow as he squints his eyes at him, "Or perhaps you'd want to get your money by being _inside_ the circle tonight?" He cocks an eyebrow, "Wouldn't that be entertaining to watch?"

The man's grip on his drink tightens, and Zayn can see he still has this fine built even as he aged. It doesn't terrify him though, he can snap a finger and the man would be on the floor. "Who are you?" The man finally asks and Zayn doesn't know if he should laugh or cry.

"Hey Erwin" Zayn shouts and soon the man from earlier is by his side. He knows that Frank is giving him a concerned look from where he's sitting but he dismisses it for now. The guy thinks he's cute and all but Zayn got this, and Louis is still watching him from upstairs that makes his nerves ease. "Who's our top winner?"

"Kelly" Erwin nods his head towards a black man, tall and built, and still not yet gotten inside the circle. Despite being one of Frank's trusted men that he might tell on him, he can totally handle Frank when it's all done and they're alone. "Tell him I've something for him" His eyes go up slowly to meet Louis' and he gets downstairs, still afar though. Zayn can see how the man's eyes glance between them but he can't read them. He doesn't need to though. He takes another inhale and blows the smoke in his face again before tossing the cigarette on the table and getting up. Erwin knows what to do.

The circle opens once he steps in, just close enough to be in front, some are giving him questioning looks but none opens his mouth to speak up. Zayn finds it suddenly giving him very good feeling, a rush of power in his hands, and maybe he doesn't want to give it away. Kelly gives him a smirk as he walks by and Zayn knows everyone is watching including Frank so he doesn't go far. "No bets. Just me" He whispers and Kelly takes off his shirt, handing it to him before stepping close, too close to feel his breath hitting his neck, but he makes it seem like he's just going around Zayn. He gives Kelly a look behind his lashes for a second before glancing at Erwin, pushing the man inside the circle as well.

There's no bell, no microphone and all of Ant's fancy shit, and Zayn watches. Louis is still at the back watching him too and Frank doesn't stand from his seat. The man glances around him then his eyes lock on his. There's only a question there and Zayn wishes there was something more. He clutches Kelly's shirt in his hands before nodding at him. For a former trainer, Zayn would say he's still good, and a shiver shoots up his spine. _He's still good_.

Kelly rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck. The people are quieter than before, but Zayn doesn’t care. The man takes a deep breath and stands his ground, watching Kelly as he circles him slowly, and normally, Zayn isn't cruel, but this does feel good like Louis promised. Kelly smirks and launches quickly for a punch that the man evades. He grabs Kelly's hand instead and twists it making Zayn's grip on the shirt tightens. Kelly is quick to throw a kick at his stomach making the man step back and release him. The crowd starts cheering again, going louder and placing their bets, Zayn just watches. He really thought that the man will stay on defense but he starts moving towards Kelly alarming the latter and making him hop quickly on his feet to launch a quick punch again that the man –for the second time– evades.

Zayn huffs in frustration and Kelly meets his eyes for a second before linking his arms over the man's head and raising his knee to hit him in the face. Alright, a point there. And probably it's because he's aged but Zayn doesn't care as the man backs away with his face in his hands, and that doesn't stop Kelly from hitting him again, and keeps doing so until he's on the ground. Zayn doesn't blink but his breath is not calm like before and he steps inside. There are questioning eyes going over him again, some annoyed that shouts at him to step out of the way, but Kelly backs away allowing him to get to the man as he hands him back his shirt and kneels down to whisper in his ear.

"Feeling weak now? Helpless? Like the world is finally hating you? Like maybe it's your fucking last day?" The man opens his eyes to look at him, beaten and bloody, "Ever thought of turning the tables to fall on you? No? Never thought that I could ever achieve something? That someone is willing to fight for me? That I've gotten higher despite you pushing me down? Well guess what?" He pauses and watches as the man's eyes wide in recognition, "That kid you thought was dead is back, and he's a much better person that you'll ever be" He stands up, picking his wallet and getting all the money he has to drop it on him. "You look pathetic" He spits on his face and leaves, the circle gaping again to let him pass.

Louis is by his side in seconds as they go upstairs again. He doesn't care of what people are thinking right now as he closes the door behind him and sinks to the ground. Louis sitting by his side.

"I've never dreamed about talking to my father like that"

"He's not your father" Louis replies. "Should've let Kelly handle him to the end. Make him feel inferior for once"

Zayn takes a deep breath to calm himself and shakes his head, "He's gotten old, Lou"

"I would if I were you" Louis says quietly from his side and he turns to him, throwing his arms around him Louis hugging him tightly. "Frank isn't happy"

"I'll make him happy" Louis chuckles.

=====

"Never seen you all worked up over someone like that" Zayn rolls his eyes but Frank doesn't see it. He still turns to him though, all big eyes and pouty lips.

"Didn't want to worry you, love. He's just someone that won't be bothering us anymore"

Frank sits next to him and nods slowly, there's no smile on his face and Zayn knows why. _Kelly_. "Hope it didn't ruin your mood. We're still on that vacation, right?"

"Of course" Zayn smiles, allowing Frank's hand to rest on his thigh. But, of course they're still going, it's the reason Louis got him here in the first place.

"Mind if I put some changes in our plans?" He stands up, taking his jacket off. Zayn raises his brows, "I was thinking that maybe we get this week to ourselves … Just us" He says slowly, "Just the two of us"

Zayn does roll his eyes this time, "Louis could literally be in the same room while we're fucking"

Frank furrows his brows, "I don't like the idea of someone watching our intimacy. Especially not your brother" Zayn laughs genuinely because Frank is actually cute. He's double his age, sure, but Zayn had seen his body and it _surely_ doesn't say he's old. He just wanted a young partner which Zayn doesn't judge him for that at all, someone to care for him as much as he cares for them which he doesn't have a problem with either. Frank is really nice and gentle and Louis laughed once about Zayn being a sugar baby material for him but that went down immediately because he was the one suggesting the idea in the first place. And don't get him wrong, he really likes Frank, and maybe if he was younger they'd work. He's so for having him as a friend if Frank is willing to throw the sexual part away which isn't the first reason Frank wanted a partner. Yeah, he's overall nice, and Zayn might have mentioned once to Louis that he likes him that got a certain look from Louis that he didn't quite know how to place.

"Alright. He won't be watching" He shakes his head, "But Louis is definitely coming"

"Louis is a smart one, he has the men here, why worry too much?" Zayn tilts his head to the side. Yeah, Frank has men, not quite the money but still on a good level and the business is running good even if it's illegal, who cares? Zayn had been through that road before.

"That's not the issue" Although he does care about Louis, "But I'd hate myself if anything happened to him when I'm not around and ..." He shrugs, "I just … feel more safe when he's around. More comfortable"

Frank unbuttons his shirt and sits next to him again, "He's not going to be there all the times you know? There will be a time that he'd go through a way while you choose your own" Zayn blinks slowly at him. "You don't have to be attached to him. Someone would eventually make you feel like this too. Safe … Comfortable … Loved"

Zayn takes a deep breath and stands up, for a moment, he thinks about changing his blank expression, that he shouldn’t show Frank this side of him, but Frank doesn't know him, doesn't know his relationship with Louis, and sure, he knows what he's hinting at, and Zayn feels a little bad for not going to be that person for Frank. He really hopes he finds someone though. But one line he should never pass is Louis.

"Either he goes or I'm not. It's easy as that" Zayn can hear Frank calling his name as he exits the room, quickly making his way down the stairs and dialing Louis' number.

=====

"He'll totally want to please you" He hears Louis' voice and he opens his eyes to see the smoke clouding over them, "Always playing hard, Zee. Love it"

"I'm not faking it" He turns his head to see Louis, in the same state he is, pretty shitted. That is another thing they got, weeds for free, which is a horrible thing and he doesn’t know when did he start smoking with Louis but it feels good. "Not going anywhere without you"

Louis smiles at him, blowing the smoke above them as they're laid on some building's rooftop. It's cool though, the spring breeze at night is so calming. "Aww, love you, boo" Zayn shakes his head and laughs. They don't get too much though, getting high _might_ cause them trouble they're not in favor of. "By the way" Louis sits up, throwing his joint away, "Kelly called me. Said he couldn’t reach you. Not fair to be honest"

Zayn closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before sitting up as well, leaning over Louis' shoulder, hooking his arms around Louis' and snuggling closer to him. "Since when we're playing fair?"

"True" Louis nods. "Want me to take care of that?" Zayn lifts his head to look at him.

"Nah, we'll be gone in two days anyway" He lays his head once more on Louis' shoulder and closes his eyes.

"Don’t want him to mess anything up, you know? We wanna leave clean"

Zayn sighs, "I'll deal with it" There's a long pause but it's never uncomfortable, Louis' presence alone is enough. "Why France though?"

Louis turns his head to him, "Something new, dunno" He whispers into Zayn's hair. "Maybe it's better. Something unplanned for once"

Zayn pulls away to stare at him, "Louis Tomlinson does something unplanned? Please"

"I'm honest" Louis' voice is soft when he replies, "I'm tired of having to think about every move. Look where did that get us" Louis' eyes are still reminding him of the calming sky and the waves at the beach, something warm that makes his entire body relax. He can't say 'I'm sorry' god knows it's not something between them, and if Zayn is honest, he's tired too. Calculating their every move is tiring, having to put on a mask on their faces is tiring, having to deal with people they're forced to is tiring, lying is tiring, staying sober is tiring … Life is tiring. If there's one wish he can have, he'll just want them to rest for once. Just him and Louis on some deserted island would be good. Because if there's going to be 'just the two of us' it'll be him and Louis. He doesn't ask for more.

"Come here" Louis opens his arms with a smile and Zayn smiles too, leaning in too easily into Louis' embrace. He thinks for once, how come anyone turn Louis down? He's so perfect he doesn't even deserve to live in such cruel world. His own arms tighten around Louis' waist and feels Louis' hands reaching in his hair.

"Don't braid my hair" He still warns and earns a laugh from Louis that makes a wide smile spread on his own face. He knows Louis is not going to listen though, because his hair's gotten longer now and Louis would promise he untangles them later but never does and then he'll be stuck unbraiding his hair on his own just because Louis felt like messing with his hair but would allow Zayn to do whatever to his as well and Zayn would smile the entire time he's unbraiding his hair.

Sometime he asks himself why bother falling in love with someone else anyway. He was honest when he told Louis he doesn't need anyone else as long as they're together, but can't help the stinging feeling in his chest at Frank's words. He would never deny Louis happiness, and he wonders if there's a day where Louis would be off on his own. He squeezes Louis' waist again burying his face into his chest.

_Would the same happen to him?_

=====

Zayn takes a deep breath to stop himself from pacing, "I can't do this"

"Yes you can" Louis replies nonchalantly, his eyes never leaving the map guide he's holding.

"No one has ever treated me like that! Ever since I've met him he's been so nice, and now that we're having more time together he's being extra sweet! I swear I'm beginning to even like the guy!"

Louis looks up at him finally, "We have exactly two days left thanks to your whining. Sort your feelings out"

Zayn sighs, "How am I supposed to even breakup with him? Tell him he's so nice I can't stand it?"

"Make him leave you then" Louis is back to the map.

"Whenever I snap at him he tries to satisfy me"

"Cheat on him"

Zayn gapes at him, "Because he's been nothing to me but nice?!"

Louis sighs, dropping the map on the bed and looking back at him, "You wanna hear the truth? You're not going to be with him"

"Actually, it's a stable life that I'm comfortable in" Zayn sits next to him, "Why can't we just enjoy that? Why move away?"

Louis doesn't look at him when he speaks next, "Because you're already in love with another" There's a long pause, Zayn blinks forward before placing his head between his hands. "I'm sorry, bro. Life isn’t fair for us" Zayn takes another deep breath.

=====

Zayn hates himself, he hates his life, and he hates how Louis is so right about everything.

He's been staling for five days, he knows, and he allowed himself to actually enjoy it. Frank might be double his age but he's the nicest he'd been with. A true gentle man, and he won't lie, he already told Louis he likes him and might be developing feelings for the guy. But fate hates him and is determined to make his life worse than it already is, and now he's sitting alone on his bed waiting for Frank and praying he doesn't come back with a happy grin on his face, another gift, or yet another plan for them together because it'll make him hate himself more for what he's about to do.

The door opens and snaps him out of his thoughts and he looks up to be met with a soft smile. He approaches Zayn and sits next to him on the bed, his smile faltering when Zayn doesn't return it.

"Something wrong?" A hand reaches to stroke Zayn's cheeks and he might be rethinking about Louis' plans. Maybe he shouldn't listen to Louis. Maybe he should just let his own feelings carry him for once. Wasn't it Louis' words? Living with no previous plans? Just for the moment? He'll be happy, Frank is able to fix the broken pieces in him, and maybe he'll open up to him about his life, and Louis would be there too, he wouldn't leave him if it was Zayn's decision and he … Fuck. Louis would be giving up his happiness yet again for him.

"I'm in love with Louis" He blurts out. Franks is frozen in his place and well … He's not entirely lying. He loves Louis dearly, but he's not in love with him, and he needs a good excuse to leave Frank. He convinces himself that he's doing it for Louis, suppressing his feelings and throwing it completely out of the window for Louis, and he's not lying about that. "We're not blood related, we're just very close that we would call ourselves brothers and along the way … I fell in love with him" Another half-lie that he hopes Frank doesn't see through it as he drops his hands to his lap. "I'm sorry, I … I thought it'd be just a phase but we … we're getting closer and I thought I'll be able to get over it when I'm with someone else but … I couldn’t"

Franks turns his head away and nods slowly, "That's why you want him with you all the time?"

"I love you" Again, he's not completely lying, there are some feelings attached, but well …

"But you love him more" Frank turns to him again and Zayn's expressions are actually real when he gives him glossy apologetic eyes. "Does he know?" He asks softly and fuck. Couldn’t he just act like he doesn’t at least care? It'd be less hard on him.

"We've talked, yeah"

"And?"

"We're on the same page" Well, it's not a lie either, he and Louis share an amount of love, even if it wasn't what Frank thinks. Frank nods again. "You're an amazing person, you know?" Zayn smiles, because he is. "I've never had someone like you" He reaches to hold Frank's hands in his own, "I know you'll find better" Frank keeps staring into his eyes, honest for once, and Zayn can't help himself from sliding into his lap and kissing him softly, a goodbye. "I'll stay with Lou. Don't wanna cause you more trouble" He doesn't pull away, keeps his hands stroking Frank's face.

"You don't know the country. Let us just go back and we can settle then" Zayn shakes his head. "You planned this with Louis?" He chuckles and Zayn pulls away to look at him, "He's a smart one, wouldn't be surprised if he had something for you two"

"You're not mad?" Zayn asks softly, brows slightly furrowed.

"When you love someone you wish them happiness with whoever they choose" But Zayn can see the hurt in his eyes, and if he didn't care about Louis more, he'd kiss him again, bring him closer in his arms and never letting go.

"I love you" Zayn repeats and kisses him again.

=====

Zayn still thinks about it, how Frank insisted to leave a day earlier but leave the reservation for their room for Zayn and Louis to stay in for another week without his knowledge. How he watched him pack and curled on the bed with silent tears in his eyes because he cared, because Frank didn't deserve it, because even if they used to pull whoever before, it'd be a one-time thing that they didn't need to remember if the person was good or not, if they ruined their lives or not. They didn't stay with someone kind for a long time just to leave … Or maybe they did.

Louis, bless him, didn't speak a word when he held him in his arms that night knowing too well the reason of his tears and silence. But insisted he get out of the mood, that it's not going to be the first nor the last in their lives and that Zayn needs to shake it off, so he dragged him to the bar at 11 pm, still by his side warning him not to take drinks from strangers. Just a _typical Mom_ that Zayn would tease him about it and Louis would shove him to the side and they'd both laugh just because they're tipsy and it's not the end of the world and they still got each other.

"There's a guy who's bee staring at you for a good hour now" Zayn leans in to whisper in his ear. Louis grins at him, still not completely drunk, still feeling guilty for Zayn, but Zayn never blames him, Louis doesn't either, so they're good. "I bet that he wanted to come over after five minutes but thought we were a couple"

Louis shoves him away, "Well, give me my space"

Zayn laughs, "I think he's tired of waiting. Would give him ten seconds to get up and be here instead"

"Start counting then" Louis down his drink. Zayn turns his head to see the guy staring at Louis from earlier approaching them with another one, his friend perhaps. He stands next to Louis, the other is by his side but Zayn leans into Louis again, teasing.

"Hey" The man greets and Louis smiles and nods at him. He glances at Zayn for a couple of seconds before returning back to Louis.

"He's taken" Zayn shouts instead and Louis turns at him with a hint of a laugh covering his lips.

"Would be eating each other's faces if he was" The man retorts and Zayn grins at him, leaning back from Louis. He's got an accent, the looks, and he's definitely French, "Antoine. And this is my friend Julien" He points at the one next to Zayn and the latter turns to smile at him. Julien seems nervous though as he gives Zayn an awkward smile.

"Hey" Julien greets him.

"Hi" Zayn smiles wider at his nervousness.

"Wouldn't mind if I took your friend for a dance? Have a little chat while we're at it?" Antoine tells him, it's not really a question and Louis turns to him for a second to give him a look, Zayn isn’t drunk, Louis isn't either and he can handle himself pretty well, Zayn knows he can, but he still worries. He smiles at Louis as he leans in to kiss his cheek and hops off the stool with Antoine. Zayn turns to watch him.

"So um …" Julien says from his side and Zayn turns to him again with an amused expression as he clears his throat, "Sorry, it's just … He wanted your friend and thought it'd be rude to leave you alone so he dragged me too" Zayn just looks at him, he's adorable to watch as he blushes. "Sorry, you're really really really good looking" He looks up, "But I'm uh … I've got my eyes on someone already. Sorry"

"Thank you" Zayn turns again to look for Louis, he seems to have a good time, all laughs as he dances around and a smile creeps over Zayn's face. "Do we look out of place?" Julien gives him a confused look as Zayn turns in his stool to face the bar again, "Like, you immediately assumed we're not French"

Julien shrugs, "Antoine might've passed by you and heard you talking" he blushes again and Zayn bites his bottom lip instead of laughing, "We studied English for good four years" Zayn nods, at least one is familiar with the other language, god knows it'd be the most awkward conversation if they weren't.

Zayn glances over the people and his eyes stop at a familiar figure. He blames it on alcohol to even think about him. Sitting there with a drink in hand, expensive jewelry covering his wrists and fingers. Did Harry win the championship or something? He convinced himself he didn't care, that he doesn't need Harry anymore, that he's totally fine with Louis by his side. But he's interested. Why is Joshua sitting on a bar alone?

"Came in a limo" Julien explains once he notices Zayn's gaze, "Saw him checking in with another guy" Oh. Well, it's not like Zayn imagined they're apart, it’s just … The thought of Harry being here, _again_ , is something he wasn’t prepared for. Harry is staying in the same hotel and there's a 50% chance he meets him. Fuck. He thought he's over him, even reached the point where Harry wouldn't invade his thoughts when he was with Frank, but now … There's a burning feeling in his chest that he doesn't know how to deal with. Zayn wants to laugh at himself because Louis is yet once again right. _Zayn isn't over him at all_.

He sighs and turns his head to look at Louis. Maybe if he avoided getting out of his room for the rest of the week he won't meet him. And he wonders about Louis as well, whether it'd be good or bad if he met him too. He needs another drink. So he does, turning back to the bar and ordering another, Julien joins him too.

=====

Louis had seen how drunk he became and didn't like it. He wouldn't jump into Antoine's pants right away but he wouldn't mind spending the night with him, or day considering it's 1 am, but he finds himself getting Zayn to bed instead.

"I thought we're not getting drunk?" Zayn looks up at him, eyes hooded and blinking slowly. "Did Julien say something that upset you?" Zayn shakes his head.

"Just thinking about our life" Louis presses his lips together and gets up.

"I'll take a quick shower, you can sleep if you want" He knows why Zayn is acting like that. Or doesn’t exactly, but he's not pressuring him when he's drunk. Zayn willingly tells him everything when he's sober.

Zayn is curled under the cover when he's finished and he smiles softly down at him before delivering a kiss to his forehead and slipping in bed next to him, taking Zayn in his arms.

=====

Zayn didn't drink that much, so he doesn't exactly have a hangover the next morning. Louis was tired so he left him asleep. It's not very early, and he guesses it's room service knocking on their door.

"Hi!" Antoine grins at him, Zayn just widen his eyes. "Sorry to bother you, was um, hoping Louis was up for breakfast" Oh. "I mean, you can join too! Julien is just at his room"

"Too early" It's not Zayn, and he turns around to find Louis shaking his head. He chuckles and steps aside to let him in. Antoine just keeps his grin. Zayn wonders if he's genuinely interested in Louis or if it's a summer hook-up.

Louis gives him an approving nod so he changes his clothes and gets out with them. Louis wouldn’t mind at all, but Antoine doesn't want him to be the third wheel so he dragged Julien again with them. Despite being forced to hang out with Zayn, he doesn’t seem to hate it. They're good people from both Louis and Zayn's perspectives.

"Had a bit of an issue, so wait up! Don't dump me cause I've no one else to stick with!" Julien told him before he quickly started heading back again to their room. Zayn doesn’t blame him for saying that so he laughs. His best friend isn't hanging with him and Zayn might understand how it is if he wasn't used to be doing their own thing sometimes apart.

He waits by the elevator, hands in his jean pockets when he notices someone getting out of their room and stepping closer to the elevator as well. He glances at his side out of curiosity, casually, and swears the world stops for a second. He should've stayed in his room for the rest of the week. There was only a 50% chance to see Harry and he could've been avoiding it, but no, of course not, because Harry is also turning at him.

But that's it, Harry's gaze lasts for a couple of seconds before stepping inside the elevator and Zayn's brain has to operate faster to realize that he's leaving and ouch, that hurts. Since when did he start to care that much? But he steps inside quickly, leaning on the other side from Harry who doesn't seem to want to acknowledge his presence at all. And now that Zayn is able to properly look at him, he frowns. Harry looks … richer, wrapped in all types of expensive shit and … It's not him.

"So … You won the championship?"

"No" Harry's reply is quick, he still doesn't look at him and Zayn feels that horrible burn in his chest again.

"Oh … Still in the tournament then?"

"No" Harry's reply comes quick again, his tone is annoyed and his gaze is locked on the small screen showing their floor number.

"Um …" Shit. Why did he suddenly has nothing to say? "So … France?" If Harry wasn't in the tournament anymore, so why is he here? He suddenly remembers Harry's father. Well, that could be the cause of the money appearance covering Harry and Joshua … Joshua. Why isn't he here too? Is it horrible that he's finding them separated pleasing?

"Yeah" Harry's reply comes a bit slower this time, but his tone is still the same and he's not looking at him.

The door is opened and Harry is stepping out and walking faster than Zayn is able to register. But there's a part of him that doesn't like it, and he pushes himself to follow him.

"Is that how your posh self going to treat me?" He shouts after him and Harry stops. "Am I not worthy of your precious time anymore?"

Harry turns to him, there's a distance between them but Zayn doesn't care if they got a few heads turned in their direction. "And how am I exactly should be treating your highness?" Harry retorts, his tone isn't calm and strained, glare focused on him. "Last time I remember, kindness doesn’t work with you. It only leads to me falling off the edge, so no thank you, I will not be including you in my life anymore. I thought I made it clear when I told you to forget you even knew me"

Zayn is sober, and he might have wanted to reply to Harry the last time he saw him but couldn't, and now it's all building up in his throat as Harry turns again to leave. "You're punishing me for something I don't even have a control over!" He shouts again, voice higher than before and Harry turns to him again.

"No. You had every option available but you chose the perfect one to destroy it, so don't you dare blame me" His voice goes deeper and lower by the end of his sentence, his glare never fading, before he's turning on his heels and walking away. Zayn just stands there and takes in a shaky breath. Well, it was never the encounter he had in mind.

=====

Louis opens the door slowly and closes it behind him. Zayn didn't show up at the breakfast and Julien mentioned he looked upset and he had to get back to their room when Zayn didn't pick up his calls.

"Hey" He says softly, finding Zayn on the bed again. He's not crying but his mind is in somewhere else, and the way his eyelashes flutter slowly to close and open his eyes means he's tired. "Gonna talk to me?"

"I met Harry" Louis pauses, his eyebrows shooting up and waits until Zayn turns to him. He gives him a wide smile.

"Alright"

"We yelled at each other then he left"

Louis sighs, "Alright" He repeats, "Told you fate is going to set you up together" He pokes Zayn's side.

"He didn't even want to look at my face, Lou. This is not setting us up together"

 Zayn's brows furrow when Louis smiles again, half lying on the bed so he's facing Zayn. "And how do you feel?"

"Can I ask you something?" Zayn asks instead and Louis hums. "And you'd answer truthfully? No lies no secrets?"

"I think we got over that point"

"I want to know your feelings"

Louis stares at him for a moment, "You wouldn't be happy to hear it"

"Then it means I'm on the right track"

Louis sighs and trails his gaze down, "I do" He nods, "I do like him. I think about him sometimes … It's not like he ever disappeared from my dreams but it's not reality, Zayn" He looks back up at Zayn, "I'm not gonna act on it and I'm not gonna stand in your way either"

"I can't do this then"

Louis sighs, "You wanted the truth. And I won't ever envy you. I don't, never did in my life, Zayn. I don't think I'd forget him that easily, I mean, he's a great guy and you know it too, but it's not working between us and I threw that concept away over a year ago when I realized his feelings for you" Zayn blinks at him slowly, "I said it before and I'll say it again, your happiness tops everything else in my life, and if you're happy with him, I'll be happy for you two knowing exactly how great of a person he is to take care of you and how much love you'd be ready to put in your relationship. No one will ever get between us, no one will even get to reach your position in my heart, and if that idiot is able to, I'll kill him myself then you because you allowed him to reach me that easily"

Zayn laughs and looks at Louis, those sparkling eyes filled with fond again that swells Louis' heart automatically and a grin stretches over Louis' face as well.

"You were wrong about one thing though"

"I was?" Louis raises his brows making a smile reach over Zayn's lips again.

"Harry didn't reach your position and I doubt anyone is able to but … When you said he was able to do things for me that you couldn't, you were wrong … Aside from crushing me down"

"Then I wasn't wrong" Louis points out.

"I think I have fallen"

Louis grins, "That you did"

"Doesn't mean I'll act on it"

"No. You should"

Zayn huffs, "Louis!"

"I'm trying to make your life better, and mine. Trust me I'll move on, but don't you dare forget about me when you two are together"

Zayn frowns at him and Louis still raises a finger at him, taking off his shoes and getting closer to him, Zayn smiles and wraps him in his arms as Louis' arms tightens around his waist. "If I'm being honest, I don't need Harry. I've got you and that's more than enough"

"Then I'm doing my job correctly. I'm to ensure you don't ever need anyone else. And you don't have to 'need' him. You want him"

"Lou, I'm already not forgiving myself for what happened-"

"Do you see me complaining about it?" He cuts him off. "If we're spilling our secrets out then let me say this. Whenever I thought about a life with Harry it doesn't work out for a reason, and you're not it" Zayn frowns looking down at him, "Now stop thinking about it because you're honestly giving me a headache trying to come up with more reasons why you shouldn't take the best opportunity in your life" He pulls away slightly to look at Zayn, "I'm not envious, I'm not sad, I'm not mad. For god's sake, Zayn, you know me!"

He sighs when Zayn doesn't reply and leans closer again. "Can I ask one more thing?"

"Yeah"

"If you are with someone that you're happy with, would you … go away?"

"Is that what this is all about?" Louis smiles and leans back again to look up at him. "You're afraid you'd lose me if one of us had someone? That's why you're building your walls around us both?" Zayn blinks at him in confusion and Louis' smile widen. Zayn doesn't even realize it. "Gosh, Zee … We're family. No matter the distance that we might be forced to endure, I'll never ever be away from you … I'll swim an ocean for you"

Zayn smiles softly at him, "I'll do that too for you"

"Good" Louis replies and hugs him closer.

"Lou?"

"Yes"

"I don't even know if I'm able to fix things up"

"Can't help you in that" Zayn frowns, his fingers pulling at Louis' hair until he pulls away to look at him, "Fate set you up with him not me. You know about him more than I do. You'll figure something out"

"Lou?" Zayn says again and Louis sighs deeply.

"What?"

"We literally just woke up"

"And I'm not allowing you to go until you've sorted your head out. If you don't end up with him I swear I'll kill both of you and burry you in the same grave" Zayn laughs and hugs Louis tightly.

"Glad to know"

"Love you too" Louis grins.

=====

"This is the third time you cancel on your father"

"I know" Harry looks up from his phone and glares. He still has his tone on check, well trying to, he's not shouting.

Joshua stares at him for a moment, "Why are you snappy today?"

Harry takes a deep breath, "Nothing" He's not throwing a fit over seeing Zayn, he's _not_ , and he shouldn't be snapping at his boyfriend. "I need to clear my head" He shakes his head and gets up, Joshua furrows his brows and stares after him but keeps his mouth shut. He knows that if he said anything else Harry's mood might turn worse and he doesn't even know what caused it in the first place. So he stays there, hearing the door of their room shut loudly behind him.

Harry stands by the elevator again, replaying the episode with Zayn again in his mind. He is sure he was rude, but Zayn can't show up out of the blue and start a _friendly conversation_ with him. He just can't. And all that he needs right now is fresh air, so he heads towards the parking lot, unlocking his car and getting in. But before he drives away, he hears a loud laughter inside as well. And it's too familiar. He turns his head and sees four people around a car.

He sees Louis first, doubled in laughter as someone beside him grins at him, then Zayn, mimicking Louis but a bit quieter with an arm over his shoulder and the person who it belongs to brings Zayn closer to him for a second before they're climbing in the backseat. Harry can't see much from a distance and the mirror is blocking his vision slightly, but he doesn't mistake Zayn's figure almost climbing over the other person.

He'd seen enough.

=====

"Okay, you're hot and all but I don't appreciate you being on top of me" Julien laughed. Zayn just glares, snatching his phone from his grip and leaning back in his seat.

"Didn't know you even started writing again, Zee" Louis turns to him and smiles.

"I just …" Zayn trails.

"He only writes when he's heartbroken" Julien nudges his shoulder with his own.

"Shut up. I'm not heartbroken" Zayn mumbles.

"Don't tease my little brother, I'm the only one who's allowed to do so" Louis warns.

"Thank you" Zayn rolls his eyes.

"I'm serious boys! You don't wanna see my other half" He smirks and turns back in his seat. "You're welcome, Zee. I'm always here for you bro"

Julien smiles as he glances at Zayn, he's wearing a soft smile looking at Louis through the mirror that Louis matches with his own.

=====

Harry ends up at the Luxembourg Gardens, it's a bit crowded but it's wide enough to find an empty space to chill. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows for one, Zayn does like him back, and he doesn't understand how he can go from blaming him one second to jumping into another man's pants this easily. Well, he has a boyfriend of his own so he doesn't really blame Zayn on his behavior but … His mind is just messed up.

There's a text from Joshua checking up on him, and he remembers the night when he asked him about what's between him and Zayn. He honestly doesn't know how to describe their relationship so he told him they were friends. Because there's a million thing between them. There's unsolved tension, too many questions without answers, too many messed up feelings, and people in between that make it worse.

He sighs opening his eyes again and squints them because of the sun.

"Stop it, I'm warning you. Just because Louis isn’t here doesn’t mean I can’t push you over that dog and let it eat you alive"

Harry blinks and frowns. Of all places, Zayn has to be in the same as him. Just perfect.

"Dogs don't eat humans. And it's cute anyway, just look at it trying to catch its tail" There's another voice next to him and Harry doesn't know why but he turns his head to see this person's face. And it's a mistake, once his gaze is shifted it lands on Zayn and that’s exactly why he didn't look at Zayn in their previous encounter.

He's wearing a baseball 3/4 sleeve shirts hugging his small frame with black leggings and high neck shoes. His hair is much longer than the last time, with the top tied in a tiny ponytail and the rest reaching down his shoulders. He's grown a long stubble that fits him too well, hiding the sharpness of his jaw slightly but his cheekbones are as sharp as ever. He still looks soft though with his smile as he glances over the dog he mentioned earlier. He wonders if his body system transfers all the nutrition process to reach only his hair and lashes and making his skin flawless but that's for another time to think about. And even from a distance, he can see his eyes clearly, shining amber in the sunlight with his long lashes casting shadows over his cheeks. _And they're looking back at him_. Harry has to roll his eyes and turn his face, he's glad he only turned last time from afar because he knows he'll be too caught up in Zayn's eyes and would allow him to carry on his conversation.

Julien notices Zayn's change of attitude and he follows his gaze to land on a guy sitting alone. He doesn't need to see his face to know that's the person Louis talked about earlier –Zayn wasn't there at the time– and he looks back at Zayn.

"I'll be checking on the love birds" Zayn doesn't reply and he takes it as his cue to leave. And because Zayn had his moment of thinking along with Louis' continues persistence to man up and fight for himself, he takes a step forward.

"Can I talk to you?"

"No" Harry gets up, but Zayn blocks his way.

"Would you just hear me out for a second?!"

"About how you're sorry and we can't and the rest following being friends. No" Harry replies sternly but Zayn can be stubborn too so he steps to the side when Harry tries to go there.

"About I'm sorry, but we _can_ then the rest" Harry stares at him for a moment, "Please?" Zayn tries again, "I don't want us to fight over this"

"No" Harry repeats and Zayn frowns. He just told him that they _can_. "Don’t try to chat me up when you were literally having a romantic walk with whoever that was to you. I'm done"

Zayn gapes at him, "I've never mentioned anything similar to your relationship! You're not-" He sighs, cutting himself off, this is not what he wanted to talk about. "He's a friend"

"Like I'd even care" Harry pushes past him and because he's physically stronger, he manages to easily.

"Would you just stop and listen to me?!" Zayn didn’t want to shout but oh well.

Harry takes a deep breath and turns back to him, "You said it yourself, we're never happening. So leave me be"

"Louis had given up on you" Harry stares at him, "Done for a while but I … I couldn't … You were jumping so high and expected me to do the same … But I wasn't ready"

Harry nods slowly, "Right. Because I'm a second option to you" Zayn frowns, "And you'd sell me out in a second if Louis thought about wanting me back" Zayn blinks. Would he? Fuck, _would he?_ Harry nods again, "You're not even denying it" He walks away and Zayn keeps staring at his figure, wide eyes and parted lips as he shrinks and disappears into the crowd.

_Would he?_

=====

"It's late, and the lady was kind enough to let us borrow it for a while"

"Because you flirted with her" Zayn chuckles.

"Well, you're not talking to me, and there's no audience but me" Louis smiles and plays a few notes on the piano. He's good, learned some stuff with Zayn and watched him far too many times to know which is which.

"You already saw the lyrics"

"They were unfinished and you scrapped them off" Zayn arches an eyebrow, "I don't need to look through your notes to know that you changed them" Louis stops playing and turns to him. And he is right, Louis is no stranger to his feelings, and there's literally no part of him hidden from Louis. He didn't tell him about the encounter with Harry earlier because he needs to sort his feelings out, know which is true and which isn't, and Harry messed up his mind badly. He just needs time. He takes a deep breath and can see Louis smiling at him as he leans back and lets Zayn's fingers rest on the keys.

 _Baby you don't even know it, but you're leaving me in pieces_  
_You take, you take, you take me apart_  
_Baby I surrender it's too late for me to get your_  
_hands off, hands off, Get your hands off my heart_  
  
_Trying to keep myself together, but I'm losing my mind_  
_every second that I think of you_  
_Stealing every single piece of me like loving's a crime_  
_It should be illegal what you do_  
  
_There's only so much I can take. I tried so hard, I can't escape_  
_Your body's always in my way_  
_There you are. There you are_

 _You got me trying to break free_  
_But your hands on my heart, got a hold of me_  
_I don't know, is this really how it's supposed to be?_  
_Or am I in a cold and I'm feening_

 _The way that you walk. The way that you talk_  
_You got me laying dead in the streets surrounded by chalk_  
_I knew what you was doing from the start, but couldn't stop_  
_Squeezing with your hands around my heart till it pops_

 _Take your hands off, hands off, off me_  
_Take your hands off, hands off, off me_  
_Take your hands off, hands off, off me_  
_Take 'em off me. Take 'em off me_

"He rejected you. Why?" Zayn doesn't look up.

"He asked me what I would do if you wanted him back. Saying that he was a second choice"

"Feeling played with, and you agreed" Zayn looks up then at him, "I already told you I wouldn't"

"Whenever you're mentioned I can't" Zayn's eyes are big and sad. Louis hates how his walls are built so high that Zayn can’t see anything at all. The ones he kept on building surrounding both because he's still afraid, for himself and Louis together. Louis wants to break them down or find a secret passage to let Harry in. But Zayn's eyes are pleading and he's tired right now. They'll talk later. He might even pay a visit to Harry himself.

"Let's get you to bed"

=====

He feels the bed dip then there are fingers brushing through his hair and he hates himself for thinking back to the night when he got drugged and Zayn's fingers were through his hair instead. The other hand is rubbing at his arm in a soothing manner but he doesn't turn. It doesn't help the fact that he even stayed up late and had to walk through the main hallway and heard Zayn's song nor that Dorothy was recording Zayn's songs when he was in her place then sending it to him and Harry still has them on his phone and they happen to be included in his playlist.

"Is it your parents?" Joshua asks quietly.

"No" He simply replies.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Harry sighs and closes his eyes. "No" this isn't Joshua's fault. He's a good person that Harry was actually happy to be with until Zayn decided to pop up every now and then messing his head and heart all together and sending them in an endless torture loop.

"Is it because of Zayn?" Harry certainly notices the change in Joshua's tone, and yeah, Zayn is involved deeply in this shitty situation they're in, but he can't possibly tell Joshua his feelings, so he turns around to look at him. "I saw him twice. Seems like he's staying here as well … Is he bothering you?"

Bothering is a nice word. "I don't care about him and you shouldn't either. We're here to enjoy our time and we'll be leaving in a matter of days so he won’t be a bother anymore" Harry doesn't know why his hands aren't reaching to Joshua but he throws that thought away quickly and reasons that he's just tired before turning on his side again.

There are soft kisses trailing down his neck and spine, and he should enjoy this instead of stressing over another. He needs some time out.

=====

Could've been any other country and Zayn is sure that him bumping into people he doesn't want to see is becoming a habit. He should totally tell Louis to already find a replacement to stay in, but apparently fate still plays his game well. Again, inside the elevator, he sees Joshua coming in. There could be people with them, but no, of course not. Zayn doesn't even know if he wants to bump into Harry instead or not.

"Hey" Joshua greets him and Zayn has to reply back a greeting, so he does, trying with his nicest fake smile. He stares into the door instead, waiting patiently until he reaches his floor. God, why does this thing take so long? "Wanna join me for a drink?" Joshua asks after a moment of silence and Zayn wonders if he knows or not, but before he gets to answer, Joshua is speaking again, "Would like for us to have a little chat"

Zayn turns to him, studying his expression, body language, and he's not calm, his eyes are already giving up so much, and Zayn knows why. "Sure" He smiles again, and instead of going up, Joshua presses the button and they're going down again. Zayn again wonders if he planned this.

There's a quiet restaurant inside the hotel, and they sit down ordering their drinks.

"So what're you doing in France?" _First, none of your business, second, we had to run away_. But Joshua doesn't need to know that so he smiles and shrugs.

"Taking some time to relax"

Joshua nods, "Harry talks about you" _No, he doesn't. Zayn is sure_. "Heard some of your songs actually. Very talented" _Okay, stop_. Zayn furrows his brows because he knows for sure he never played his songs in front of anyone other than Niall and that was a one-time thing that was recorded. But Harry also doesn't know that Joshua actually listened to them once when Harry came in tired and forgot his phone unlocked so he couldn't help but to go through it.

Zayn leans back in his chair and narrows his eyes at him, "Alright. Why are we here?"

"I know that there's more than just a 'friendly conversation' that happens between you two"

Zayn has to roll his eyes because one, that did happen. Two, he's not even sure if there's more, Harry rejected him three times in a row now. But Zayn doesn't know how to reply, if he should tell him no and let it go, or if he should fight to stay because he can easily tell one white lie that would get Harry wrapped around his finger, but he doesn’t want to, or _can’t_ in fact if he's being honest.

"Back. Off" Again, Zayn just stares. Should he?

"And if I didn't?"

Zayn can see that Joshua is trying to keep his cool while Zayn is completely calm, which is another thing he learned. "He doesn't even like you" Alright, Zayn has to raise his brows at that.

"But yet he's always crawling back to me" Zayn retorts without thinking about it and he might regret it later.

"You're a fucking bastard!" Joshua loses it and stands up, and it's not the first time Zayn hears an insult. It doesn’t even hurt. And right on cue, there's an arm hooking with Joshua's and a body pushing him back. Joshua opens his wallet and throws a hundred Euro on the table. Zayn swats it away.

"I don't need your fucking money"

"Last time I checked you were fucking for it"

Zayn doesn't care whose side Harry would take, and if it's not him he doesn't mind at all, but no way is he calling him a whore and Zayn would let it pass even if he said it because he's just pissed. And if Harry happened to be the one who told him about that then he's going to kill him too.

His fist is taken down, and Harry is restraining him instead, "Ok, no, hold on!" Zayn keeps glaring over Harry's shoulder, "He didn't mean it" Harry turns back, hands still straining Zayn, and gives Joshua a warning look. Joshua rolls his eyes and turns his head to the side, standing like he doesn't care anymore and perhaps satisfied he's got him all riled up.

"Didn't expect you to go this low, but apparently I was wrong" Zayn breaks free and Harry turns to him again. He throws his own money on the table just in order not to have Joshua winning this round and he hates how he's physically weaker than Harry that he couldn't get his anger out, so instead, he turns on his heels and leave. He also knows that Harry won't go after him.

"Didn't say anything wrong" Joshua mutters under his breath and Harry turns to him again. He exhales slowly trying not to glare at Joshua.

"That was unnecessary"

"Because you'd tell me?" Joshua looks up at him. "I'm not blind, Harry. I can tell he was the reason behind every time your mood will turn upside down, and you're allowing him to break your life and ours while he's worth nothing more than a pile of crap!"

"Stop insulting him"

"Why are you even defending him? He'd done nothing but putting you down!"

"Joshua-"

"If you don't want to handle this then I will" He cuts him off, staring hard at Harry.

"Leave him be" Harry says slowly. "He's got his own reasons"

"And you get to endure his shit because?" Joshua raises his brows.

"Because I have my own reasons, now drop it" Harry sighs when Joshua doesn't reply and he's about to leave when Joshua speaks up again.

"Do you have feelings for him?"

Harry runs a hand through his hair and stares ahead. He doesn't reply and Joshua gets his answer.

=====

"Fucking posh boys" Zayn mumbles as he walks to the front desk, his glare turning immediately into a cheeky smirk as he leans his arms on it, the girl looking up at him with a smile.

"What can I do for you, sir?"

"Would it be too much if I asked a small favor?"

He knows how to use his voice and looks to his advantage and he knows he's doing a good job when the girl blushes slightly. He texts Louis as he chats her up, getting to know what he wants before throwing a wink, walking backwards and blowing a kiss at her that gets her even redder.

Louis shakes his head at him but he doesn't protest, he wants to do _actual physical damage_ , but they don't want to get in trouble. Well, not too much trouble.

=====

"Fucking childish" Joshua says as he stares around their room. They can get a new room easily, they can afford to cover the damage, and they can definitely replace their stuff even if there were some that he wanted to keep or might not find a similar one. And it's not just their room, Harry rented two cars for them and both are heavily damaged and he just wants to know how he got to do all of this in a short amount of time without anyone noticing. Or perhaps he bribed them, yeah, it's more logical. They can totally charge him for this, but Harry won't, and he finds himself hating Zayn even more.

Harry leaves to ask for another room even if Joshua wanted a different hotel completely. He doesn’t care about which service or place would be better, anywhere is better than here, but Harry doesn't listen to him.

Zayn didn't intent for them to meet again at the front desk if it weren't for the girl he was flirting with earlier, and he might have wanted to, but he puts on an easy smirk on his face when Harry spots him. The latter just rolls his eyes as he waits for the girl to check on an empty room and calculating the damage.

"You went extra"

"He went there first" Zayn replies.

"Grow up" Harry glances at him, keeping his voice down.

"Then what do you suggest I get my anger out on?" Zayn turns to him. "He insulted me and you stuck to his side" He spits out and turns to the desk again, the girl is a bit far so she doesn't exactly hear them as she talks with her co-worker clearly about the damage he caused. "I hate you"

Harry tilts his head to the side slightly, "Right. That's why you keep writing songs about me"

Zayn turns to him slowly, "How did you even get them?"

"I don't like to expose my sources" Zayn scoffs.

"Fucking creep"

"I didn't ask for them" Harry retorts, glancing at him again.

The girl turns to them again and they both force a smile out. "A room for how many nights?"

"Just one" Harry replies and the girl nods.

"Perfect" Zayn smiles wider but bitter, "May I never see your ugly pathetic posh face again" He whispers. The girl tells him the amount required and Harry simply passes his card. "He's staying for the money" Zayn turns to him, "Here's another thought to think about at night"

Harry sighs heavily, "Fucking grow up" The girl hands him his card back and the keys and Harry finally turns to him, "And he's not" He walks away and Zayn glares at his back for a moment.

"Keep telling yourself that because he's certainly not staying for the _love_ that you provide!"

Harry turns to him and glares as well, "That's not true"

"Then say it. I dare you. I _double_ dare you" Harry stares at him, face blank but he's actually shocked. Zayn doesn't normally step up like that.

"You wanted to ruin my life, Zayn? Well done" Harry turns away again and Zayn stays there for a moment before sighing and closing his eyes for a second. He didn't want that.

=====

"He's an asshole and I hate him"

"Right"

"He gets on my nerves too much lately. I. Hate. Him"

"Point proven" Julien nods as Zayn glares at his glass. Louis agrees with him on that matter and Julien seemed nice enough for Zayn to be drunk around so he didn't accompany him then. He'd have encouraged Zayn more, and he was the one telling him to persuade his heart in the first place. He still doesn't blame Louis though.

"And the other asshole too" Another drink is set in front of him and he downs it immediately. "The ugly one"

"You said both are ugly" Julien points out quietly and watches as Zayn orders another drink.

"Not really" Zayn mumbles and pouts. He's drunk, he knows that much, he's passed the tipsy level by so many drinks by now. At least Julien is not drinking with him, the bastard has no reason to. Zayn might've thought about getting inside his head and mention his lover that he didn’t attempt to make a move on yet and he hates how this brings back memories. But if he's being honest, looking back, he almost feels nothing. _Almost_. "Harry is not" He feels his head spinning and he lays it down on one of his hands. "Did I do the wrong thing?"

"I have zero idea about what you're talking about" Julien smiles at him.

"But he started it" Zayn defends himself even though Julien didn't actually reply to him. "Even Louis agrees" Julien nods again. Louis mentioned once that Zayn writes music when he's feeling down, he expected him to do that not being here getting drink after drink after drink … He thinks it's Zayn's seventh glass by now. "I hate him" He repeats for the millionth time again and Julien has to only nod. "Shouldn't even look that good drunk" Zayn frowns and Julien furrows his brows in confusion, "Do I look horrible?"

"You look adorable if I'm being honest" Julien smiles at him. Because Zayn is all big eyes and pouty lips, his hair out of the tie and messed up a bit, sometimes covering his face which annoys Zayn and he pushes it back muttering about where did he leave his hair-tie. He follows Zayn's gaze when he finds him staring at something for too long, drink forgotten in his hand, and he finds the guy he'd seen before when he was with Zayn. _Harry_. There, also looks drunk and alone. "You'd make a cute couple" He turns back to Zayn whose frown deepens.

"I probably shouldn't have said what I said to him" Zayn mumbles. "He wasn't the one … nearly not the one. He's a good person" He tells Julien, "Wonder if he scolded that asshole"

"Like … In which way?" Julien teases and Zayn looks at him for a moment before hitting his foot with his own but Julien laughs.

"Should I apologize?"

"Probably"

"But he should too" Zayn scoffs.

"I think he already did"

"Didn't"

"He would have put you in jail, punched you in the face, and fleered at you if he wanted to, but he didn’t" Zayn just looks at him, "I'm not sure whether you're mad because he didn't chase after you when you knew he wouldn’t, or the fact that he was still nice to you after all what you did"

"He probably feels pity on me" Zayn rests his head between his arms.

"Wouldn't be staring at you like a lovesick puppy if he did" Zayn lifts his head up again and peeks at Harry. He is looking back at him, a look in his eyes that he can't quite read. Something sad maybe, wishful, but not angry. His glare from earlier is not present. He's probably drunk and doesn't even notice he's looking at Zayn.

"I think I might regret this" Zayn tells him before gulping the rest of his glass and hoping off the stool. Wait. Louis told him to take care of Zayn, and knowing Louis, he'd cut his flesh alive if anything is to happen to Zayn. He doesn't even know if it's a good thing to leave him or should he stop him and take him back to his room and let Louis handle him.

"I really hate you" Zayn starts once he slips in the seat across from Harry.

"I really don’t" Harry replies and watches Zayn's eye blinking a few times at him. He's not drunk yet, his third glass in hand, but he'd been thinking lately.

Zayn holds a finger out and pauses, he thinks he still has a part of his sane mind to maintain a conversation. _He thinks_. It's a shot worth taking. "I'd apologize if you did then we can move on with our lives"

Harry sighs, "I didn't even do anything" Zayn glares at him, "You should be thanking me instead"

"I was insulted! You didn't even try to defend me!"

"First, you're asking me to stand up against my own boyfriend which he didn't really lie, no, I don't know how he knew or if he was simply making a lucky guess because you're honestly giving that impression away with your behavior. And second, I stopped a fight that you might've gotten hurt in. He's not weak, Zayn" Zayn blinks at him a few more times, slowly downing the words in that Harry doubts he'll remember in the morning anyway. "You got me a bad reputation because I had to lie about the damage that _you_ caused as well as costing me a huge amount of money and you still want me to apologize for Joshua insulting you?" Zayn is still processing and Harry takes a deep breath, "If it satisfies you then I'm sorry"

Zayn blinks at him again, slowly this time, and Harry shakes his head looking down at his drink. The distance isn't that far really for Zayn to reach him, pushing the glass away, climbing in his lap and kissing him. He's drunk and it's a bit sloppy, but Harry's hands move to his waist and bring him closer, anchoring his body towards his own as he kisses back.

Julien watches with wide eyes but he smiles afterwards. Maybe leaving Zayn with Harry wasn't a bad idea after all with Zayn's hands moving to tangle themselves in Harry's hair and he doesn't know if there's anything coming out more of the kiss, but their bodies are somehow still, not-grinding-still. He diverts his gaze from the two, feeling as an intruder over the moment and it lands on an angry figure walking towards them. Fuck. If his guessing is true from what Zayn told him about the 'asshole' or rather Harry's boyfriend, he should probably step in. So he hops off his stool to reach them quickly.

"And there's 'nothing' between the two of you?!" Zayn's hair is pulled back suddenly and harshly, bending backwards and wincing in pain. Harry's eyes widen and Julien is a second late but he manages to get Joshua's hand out of Zayn's hair who stumbles off Harry's lap into his arms instead, the sudden movement making his head spin again.

"Fuck! The hell?!" Zayn opens his eyes to see who is it and Harry is on his feet in less than a second, stopping Joshua from going further.

"Look, I'll explain" Joshua glares at him and crosses his arms over his chest. Julien slowly helps Zayn to his feet and tries to drag him away. He knows a drunk Zayn won't make the matters easier and perhaps Harry has a better chance of explaining when he's not there. Zayn protests of course, but he's easy to handle when he's drunk. He still pouts and calls Harry's name but his tone is not reaching.

"So this happens every time too?"

Harry pauses before answering, "Not … Entirely" Joshua raises his brows at that, "He was drunk and I'm a bit tipsy, I think it was the heat of the moment" Harry frowns at his own words and of course Joshua doesn’t believe him. He takes a deep breath before looking back at Joshua, "We do have feelings in common, but it's complicated … He and I are …" He drags his next words slowly, body is out of his previous energy, "We can't be together" He shakes his head, "This was a mistake"

"Would you pick him?" Harry looks back at him, "Would you pick him over me? Do you want him that badly?" Harry stares at him but doesn't reply. "What stops you then?"

"It's complicated" Harry repeats.

"You'd never tell me, would you?" Again, Harry doesn't reply and looks down instead. This shouldn't be happening, but he doesn’t hate Zayn, and he honestly has no clue on what to do. "So I'll be always just an alternative?"

Harry looks up at that and frowns, "No. I do genuinely like you! I wanted a life with you-"

"But you'd still pick him if the 'complications' are no longer there" He cuts him off, voice going lower but not breaking.

"I like to stick in the realities. The 'what ifs' are not in my dictionary"

Joshua stares at him for a minute, "We're leaving tomorrow"

"He won't be following" Harry replies.

"Good" He nods slowly and turns on his heels. Harry stares after him with furrowed brows. For someone that knows he is not a first choice he surely hands it well. On the other hand, he wonders how hurt he is having to lock away his feelings like that, and for a moment, he thinks of Zayn. Harry knows he has feelings for him but there's always 'Louis' to switch that light off.

Zayn is breaking from the inside and Harry didn't even see it until now. Zayn's songs are making much more sense now, but there's more than one heart that's going to break and Harry, for once, is the center of it all.

=====

"I think I've done a mistake"

"You _think_?"

Zayn groans, "Alright. I _believe_ I've done a mistake. A horrible one"

Louis hums, "I didn't totally forgive him but I know you both needed this" He turns to Zayn for a second, "I actually like your bravery when you're drunk" Zayn picks a pillow and throws it at him, Louis simply grabs it and holds it in his lap before getting back to his phone.

"Why do I keep kissing him out of nowhere?"

"Because you want to"

Zayn groans again and pushes himself into a sitting position, resting his head on Louis' shoulder and watching as Louis types. He smiles, hugging Louis from behind, "You seem to really like him"

Louis smiles too, "He's nice" then he pauses, "Do you think he'll accept me as _me_?"

"He already likes you"

"You know what I mean, Zayn" Louis puts the phone down and turns to him. "That's not the issue"

"Hint it, see how he reacts. If he didn't like all the parts that makes you _you_ , then he's an asshole and you deserve better, and I'll be always here for you" He squeezes Louis' middle, cheeks pressing together and Louis smiles, "And if he accepts you then I'll be over the moon for you" Louis turns to him again and his smile widens seeing Zayn's eyes twinkling. There's nothing that makes him happy more than seeing that spark in his eyes to know Zayn's fine, and there's nothing that makes Zayn happier than seeing Louis happy.

"Alright. Back to your lover boy"

Zayn pulls back slightly, "Not gonna talk about it until we see what happens with you" Louis opens his mouth to protest but Zayn holds a finger to his lips, "I've been waiting forever for your moment to happen"

Louis stares at him, fondness in his eyes again, and he smiles, bringing an arm over Zayn's shoulders that makes him fall to his lap on the pillow, laughing brightly at him with his eyes crinkling.

=====

"Lyon? It's our next stop actually!"

Zayn doesn't show it, he nods, but makes an eye contact with Louis. _Lyon is their what? Since when does Louis know about French cities anyway?_ Yeah, they're not even good with the language to start looking for a job and a place to stay, he doesn't think Antoine and Julien will offer them theirs, and Louis might need to start being a bit honest if they really want this to work, considering they don't have much money left.

"Really? We can drive you there then" Antoine smiles at Louis. "Still touring?" Louis nods.

"They're still on the casual level" Julien whispers from his side and Zayn has to chuckle quietly. They both feel like uninvited, but Zayn wouldn't leave Louis alone if he intended to lie and make plans for them, he has to know in case Louis stumbled and he needed to carry on the act. "I should've been in my bed. I swear" He groans and Zayn shrugs. "Could've been a double date with your boy instead"

"He's not my boy" Zayn rolls his eyes and turns to him, "And here I thought we're starting to like each other" He pouts at him. He hears Antoine groaning loudly and turns to the couple again.

"Well, it's only three days left" Zayn glances at Louis, _good_. Three days, they can afford staying in the hotel for three more days then they're off. If it works out it works out, if it doesn't, they never really count on anyone but their own.

As the conversation goes on, Zayn notices that neither Julien nor Antoine share much of their personal lives, it's not like Zayn or Louis do too, but whenever they try to hint it, throwing it out in the middle of the sentence, they don't find the comments they need. Louis shares a look with him and Zayn immediately understands. They're not too familiar with each other and they'll wait. If Antoine is genuinely interested in him, time might be in their favor.

The lobby back at the hotel is a bit empty considering it's late, and Zayn's eyes roam around the family moving their bags out of their room once they reach their floor. It hits him.

Harry was leaving today. Fuck.

"Um, Lou?" He calls and turns around to see him by the bathroom door, "I'll need to check something fast" Louis shouts an 'okay, cool' and waves before closing the bathroom door and Zayn hurries down the front desk again.

He asks about Harry, the girl isn’t really helping him considering that she wasn't the one-night-stand type and gives him an indifferent look once she looks up at him. She can't not tell him about the room however and he knows it's empty by now. The time is unimportant, or so the girl says even if it was important to Zayn, but he hears someone talking afterwards in the elevator that the room is cleaned and ready for the next reservation meaning it's way past their departure time.

He returns to their room and realizes that he doesn't even have anything related to Harry so he can contact him. Because no matter how many times he kissed him or how long they'll talk, it's still the same. Harry doesn't see them working after Zayn telling him so, and it's better to leave than stay and get hurt, Zayn totally understands. He sees Louis walking out of the shower, a towel in his hands as he dries his hair and looks up at Zayn when he hears his footsteps. He pauses, a question in his eyes and Zayn moves so he's standing in front of him.

"He left"

Louis doesn't need to ask about who, he just drop the towel and hugs him tightly. His arms is Zayn's place of comfort and his voice is soothing in his ears.

"I haven’t"

=====

"How are we getting jobs in Lyon?"

Louis looks up from his cup, "Well, we would know once we get there" Zayn raises an eyebrows and Louis shrugs.

"Your phone won't stop buzzing" Louis looks down at it and turns it silent. "Now it won't stop flashing" Louis sighs and turns it off completely. "You know, this will get him to worry" Louis leans back in his seat and stares at him, "I'm fine, Lou. You don't see me crying"

"But you're hurt" It's Zayn's turns to sigh and slump further in his seat, "You told me that much"

"For the whole day you even ignored the knocking" He stands up, "I'm not going to be the one who pulls you down" He picks up his phone, "I'll tell him if you didn't"

Louis sighs and straightens up, "Fine. But I'm not leaving your side"

"I'm not getting drunk, I swear"

"If you did, this time I'll chop Julien into skinny pieces and eat them myself" Zayn makes a disgusted face.

"You're extra"

"You love me" Louis grins, getting up and dragging Zayn out of the room.

=====

"You don't escape from Louis. You can't"

Julien laughs and bumps his shoulder with Zayn's. "But really … How are you holding?"

Zayn shrugs, "I got Louis to step away from me"

"He's literally there" Julien points at a table inside the café.

"He's not here which proves I'm fine" Zayn points out and Julien shakes his head.

"I'll be like … two minutes. Restroom" He pushes himself off the wall, "If Louis had his murder look on please save me" He whispers and Zayn chuckles. Julien goes inside, Louis' gaze not following him but fixed on Zayn instead, worry mixed with a hint of a smile on his face.

Zayn however has his gaze roaming across the street, unfamiliar faces passing by, unreadable signs hanging, small talks that he can understand nothing of it, and cars stopping every now and then. A car stops right in front of him, parks, and Zayn blinks a few times to make the figure coming out of it. He stares, probably for too long, hands stopped taping on the wall he's leaning back on and eyes widen.

"I broke up with Joshua" Zayn's eyes widen more than it already is, lips parted in surprise, and body still. "It wasn't fair for him … Or for me if I'm being honest. We were just staying for nothing while drifting apart, but don't dare to say it was for the money" Harry's eye grow hard for a moment and Zayn wants to apologize. It was a moment of rage and he didn't mean that. "He was more than good enough" Harry pauses, eyes turning soft again, "But I love you" Zayn's tongue betrays him even if he wants to say it back and Harry takes a deep breath. "I got on a plane the moment I was down from another because I couldn't. You … I honestly don't understand how you do it, but you have a magnet of your own"

Should he say he's sorry? For once, he's glad that people around them might not even understand what the hell they're talking about. But Harry keeps going anyway, "I have a very important meeting in an hour in another continent, and I can tell that my father is really upset at me right now, but here I am, standing in front of you" Harry holds his arms out. "I know how it is to lock your feelings, Zayn. Been there before. And I understand that you have your reasons, but it's been a year, and every time we meet, I don't drift away, I fall down deeper"

Harry's arms fall to his sides again, shoulders slumping, "I realized that not being on your list is hurting me more than it should, and I'm ready to risk being on your list if it means I get to have you … I don't care if Louis is still on the top or if I'm never going to even reach that position. He's someone you had for a very long time and I may never know the feelings you share but I understand" He takes a deep breath, "I don't mind being inferior to Louis. I've seen you at your worst, and I've given up nearly everything, Zayn, for you" He takes a step forward, eyes desperate as they lock with Zayn's, "What else do you want me to do?" Zayn opens his mouth but nothing comes out, "I've learned the hard way that I do it anyway, so I might as well know what I'm going to face first this time"

 _What does Zayn want?_ He can't really form words, so he pushes himself off the wall, eyes already closing once his hands reach Harry's face, Harry's too as he feels those soft lips against his own once more, just like the time they were in the backseat of his car, something slow and passionate, arms locking behind Zayn's waist bringing him closer, and he doesn't want to pull out if it wasn't for his lungs need for air. And Zayn has too many words setting at the tip of his tongue that he can't form into a proper sentence, so he says the only thing he ever wanted from Harry.

"Stay"


	11. 10

Zayn can practically hear Julien whining about how he's the third wheel now as he sits with Antoine who just shrugs, and Louis who has his eyes glancing over their table every now and then. Zayn would catch his gaze sometimes whenever his eyes dart over Harry's shoulder and the latter is trying not to make anything out of it if Zayn is feeling more comfortable with Louis' presence nearby instead of him.

Well, at least he's sitting across from him, knees almost touching, eyes fixed on him most of the time, and if he extended his arms and leaned forward they might be closer. But for some reason, even though he was minutes ago between his arms, Zayn seems distant.

"How about we go somewhere else?"

Zayn raises his brows, "I don't really think that those French people around us will understand, and it's not like they're being loud nor that I get anything from what they're saying either-"

"A place where we can have some privacy" Harry corrects himself and Zayn's eyes glance over Louis for a second before returning to his. Zayn giggles, looking down and shaking his head and Harry furrows his brows. Zayn passed the _'I might want to hold you closer, get your eyes to be only on me, be less distracted, and talk more privately'_ part and went right away to the _'I might as well want your body pressed to mine while I have my lips on yours again and my hands exploring your body, and if our clothes happen to be no longer there, then I'm not complaining'_ part.

"Alright" Zayn lifts his head again, a smile still present on his face, amused, and Harry doesn’t waste time getting up and paying for their nearly untouched drinks. He sees Zayn motioning for Louis that he'll call him later and Louis waves back with a smile on his face mouthing a 'Have fun' before they're out.

=====

Zayn can't use his room and Harry wouldn't want to go back after the scenario that happened there, and he also didn't want the public attention, he knows Zayn wouldn't talk anyway when there is a possibility his 'new friends' could hear. It's not that he minds having him close anyway. Zayn didn't object when he booked a room for a night, settling across from each other on the sofa, a big pillow in his lap as he relaxes into the soft material.

"So why did you move to France?" He asks, because Zayn wanted to talk, and they'll talk. Hopefully they can let each other's secrets out.

Zayn shrugs, "Louis wanted to"

Harry raises his brows, "Last time I checked, you didn't have enough money"

"We …" Zayn replies slowly, eyes glancing around and avoiding his, "Got the money" Harry gives him a blank face as Zayn's eyes return to his slowly and he sighs, "Knew someone that paid for us" He replies quietly instead of _'I made a guy fall in love with me then broke his heart and left with his money. Well, not quite, I didn't really steal his money'_ But Harry's eyes are still suspicious, a question in them that Zayn doesn't want to answer so he resorts to changing the subject, "You know why I didn't want to stay in the first place. I got a chance and I took it, France was just Louis' choice, but I'd have gone anywhere to be honest" Harry nods slowly. "Why are you?"

"Well …" He takes a deep breath, "After I lost my place at the tournament-"

"Wait, why?" Zayn interrupts him. He remembers Harry telling him that he didn't win.

"Got disqualified after missing my matches"

Zayn blinks, "Why?" He repeats.

"Family issues" Zayn frowns as Harry rolls his eyes, averting his gaze too and pausing like he's remembering something or thinking about someone. "I needed to clear my head and I wouldn't go without Joshua" Zayn mentally winces. He doesn't exactly hate Joshua, but he certainly doesn't like him either. He does feel bad for him though, getting inside their mess.

"How did he take it?"

"We talked" Harry replies, "He was ready to stay despite what happened but I just … I couldn't" Harry's eyes are still away from his, and the situation turned from him closing on himself to Harry's doing so instead. "Which reminds me" Harry looks at him again, "Who are the two with you and Louis?"

"Julien is the one you saw with me, we're just friends" Harry cocks an eyebrow at that and Zayn has to roll his eyes, "Nothing happened between us, ever. He even has someone of his own … And the other one sitting with Louis is Antoine who's also his current love interest"

"He moves on really quick"

"Not really" Zayn frowns, "You don't know Louis"

"Don’t want to" Harry mumbles but Zayn heard it and the look Harry receives makes him feel like he'd done something wrong. He knows Louis is a line he shouldn't cross with Zayn and he doesn't want to, keeping Louis off topic should've been for the best … But Zayn's eyes are telling him otherwise. So he moves closer, pulling at Zayn's ankles slowly until his legs are uncrossed making him slide further into the sofa. "I'm only interested in you" He settles between his legs and grabs at the pillow to get it out of the way but Zayn clutches on it tighter. "Fine, you can keep the pillow"

Zayn's eyes are trailing down as he bites on his bottom lip, but Harry doesn't get to kiss those lips because Zayn is turning his head to the side. Well, Harry doesn’t mind planting kisses on the side of his face.

"I thought we're having a decent conversation?" Zayn tries not to sink too much into Harry's gentle touches at his thighs or his lips trailing on his neck. "Harry …" He tries once again, his voice betraying him as he closes his eyes for a moment feeling Harry humming into his skin. In a final attempt, he turns his head again, Harry's head moving up to ghost over his lips. "I want to know about you" He whispers into Harry's lips and he doesn’t exactly know if he should wait for Harry's reply or his lips closing on his instead.

But Harry leans back with a sigh. "What do you wanna know about me?"

"Why did you miss your matches?" Zayn asks quietly, repeating his question and Harry sits back.

"My father kept calling me, more times than usual, and I when I went home to see him he … wasn't exactly himself … Talked about his company, we argued, and then I left. A week later, I got informed that his bank account is officially mine. I didn't want it, we argued for some more on the phone until I went home to attend my finals, found my step-mom by his side all the time and I wanted to avoid both when she started to be extra kind, and then I knew … The reason why he originally transferred his money to me, why my step-mom is trying her best to get close to me again, why he wants me to attend his meetings …" Zayn sits up slowly, lips parted and eyes wide as Harry turns to look at him, "He won't tell me, thinks I'm better off that way, but I know … He's slowly dying"

"I'm sorry"

Harry shakes his head, "He still attends his meetings like there's nothing wrong with him, I got distracted and missed my matches. Thought a week off might cool me down with Joshua, then you appeared, and well … Here we are"

"I don't mean to interfere but" Zayn starts carefully, "You were going to see him today" Harry just shrugs. "He's your family, Harry. You shouldn’t have picked me over him"

"Not everyone shares a family bond like you and Louis" Harry replies quietly.

Zayn presses his lips together for a moment. Something that he's actually glad of that he and Louis share such bond. "I know he's not that bad. He at least cares for you" Harry stays quiet, eyes on the floor instead, "If he's trying to fix things up you should let him … I can't imagine losing the only person you consider as family … He's not staying for long, Harry. And if you don't want his money or his company, I believe he'd been trying to listen if you chose the right words"

"You're the last person I'd expect to say so"

"Yet you've given me lots of chances" Zayn smiles. "And you among all should know already that I care a lot for my family" He crosses his arms and leans back on the sofa.

"I can book a ticket tomorrow's morning" Zayn hums, "You're still staying?"

"I can't go back"

"I can hire a lawyer" Harry suggests.

"Doing what? He can't get us out"

"Not really, you'll be just paying a fine"

Zayn raises his brows, "I don't own that much money"

"I can pay for you"

"Thought you don't want your father's money?" Zayn retorts and Harry sighs.

"Can make an exception" Harry shrugs.

"No" Zayn shakes his head, "I actually like it here"

"How are you managing anyway?" Harry furrows his brows, "You don't even have a job"

"Um …" Zayn pauses, "We were actually heading to Lyon, once we're there, we were going to find something …"

Harry takes a deep breath, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "So you'll stay here" It's not a question and Harry's tone seems off making Zayn frown.

"Pretty much …"

"I'm seriously impressed how you two manipulate the law to stay wherever you like and do whatever you want" Harry opens his eyes again, "Can't live clean for a day, can you?"

"Well, I'm sorry we're not that rich or powerful to survive through legal work. Yeah, I don't regret a thing"

Harry turns to him again and stares, Zayn stares back, a challenge in his eyes that Harry doesn't want to take so he sighs. "So … This will be a long-distance shit?"

"Long-distance- _relationship_ "

Harry smiles, "We're in a relationship. Cool" Zayn furrows his brows, "Might as well try to work this _relationship_ " Zayn opens his mouth but he doesn't really know what to say. He's mainly confused to what Harry is referring to. "I'm offering a solution"

"And I'm not leaving" Zayn replies sternly.

"What do you have here?" Harry raises his voice. "You barely know the place!"

"Well, I certainly don't have anything there" Zayn retorts, sitting up as well.

"So I'm nothing to you?" Harry raises his brows, "You're not even ready to take a shot for me! You're just expecting me to follow you everywhere?! So when we're settling down you can run off again?!"

Zayn sighs, rubbing his temples to calm himself down in order not to start a fight. "I didn't say that" Harry crosses his arms, anger clear in his face as it remains hard. "I can't leave Louis" He says slowly, quietly, and raises his gaze to look into Harry's eyes.

"I didn’t even say I'm separating you two. Louis can come along" Harry replies quietly too.

"He likes Antoine, he's happy. I can't take that away from him for my own happiness, we've talked about this far too many times, Harry" Zayn sighs and keeps his gaze locked with Harry's, perhaps it would get his point delivered. He really likes him, and yes, he would very much like to stay with him anywhere, but Louis comes first, it's always been this way. Harry doesn't reply for a while, just keeps staring at him until he sighs as well, defeated, knowing too well it's futile to argue with Zayn when Louis is involved.

"And how do you plan for this to work?"

"It's not like we won't talk to each other, it's just … For a while" Zayn pauses, "I can't force you to visit but it'd make it work" Harry fights the urge to shout at Zayn.

"This is what you meant by me staying?"

"Not entirely" Zayn mumbles, "If you can't then I'm used to it anyway" He turns his head away.

"Being apart?"

"Missing you" Harry opens his mouth to reply but he closes it again, exhaling slowly. Isn't this what he wanted anyway? He is sure he can't stay away for long and would be dragging himself towards Zayn every single time, so he just gives up, fighting again won't lead them anywhere, if anything, they'll be hurt, they'll be separated until they're together again, and the loop goes on and on. Harry might at least try to skip a step or two for Zayn.

"Do you have enough money to even afford a place in Lyon?"

Zayn turns to him again, "I'm not going to use yours"

"Just for a while" He repeats Zayn's words but the latter still shakes his head.

"We'll figure something out"

"Why I don't like the idea of that?"

Zayn knows why, Harry too, and perhaps he's waiting for an answer from him but Zayn just gives him a stern look. "We'll figure something out" He repeats and Harry –for the millionth time– decides to drop it.

=====

Despite their arguments, Zayn agreed to stay, well, Harry didn’t exactly ask him to, but he would never say no though. Each stayed on their side until they drifted to sleep and Harry woke up with Zayn in his arms again. Only this time he's actually allowed to stare, to trace his fingers wherever on Zayn's body, tops and pants off with only their boxers on because they didn't have a change of clothes, a cool summer breeze touching their bare skin.

Harry inhales deeply at Zayn's hair, his back pressed to his chest, arms on the bed while Harry has his own around his waist, fingers tracing lightly random shapes on his skin as he lips press softly at the back of his neck, Zayn's long hair making it difficult to reach the skin actually but he likes it, swiping it to the side to have more access to the side of his neck, and Zayn tilts his head backwards with a deep inhale. Harry smiles against his skin.

"Morning"

Zayn stretches his arms, "Thought you had a plane to catch" Harry hums, opening his mouth to suck on his neck but Zayn turns to him so he pecks him on the lips instead.

"Want me out so fast?" Harry smiles seeing Zayn blinking slowly his long lashes, hands reaching up to cup his face and Harry leans in again, slower this time, kissing him properly, arms still around his waist as he brings him closer again and pulls Zayn on top of him, trying to deepen the kiss when Zayn pulls back, enough for Harry's head to rest on the pillows again as he pushes him down when he tries to chase after him.

"When are you leaving?" Zayn asks as he puts his arms over Harry's chest, head propped up on them and legs resting on his sides.

Harry tilts his head to the side to glance at the clock, "An hour"

Zayn is off him in the next second and he doesn't have time to protest as Zayn picks his clothes and throws them on the bed. "You need to get up then"

"Just … five more minutes?" Harry pouts and Zayn looks at him for a second before a smile stretches on his face but shakes his head.

"Cute, but I'm not falling for it" He grabs his own clothes, "Get up" He repeats as he disappears into the bathroom for a quick shower, giving Harry his 'five more minutes in bed' even if he meant the _two_ of them in bed.

"You did fall for it" Harry shouts but gets no response even though he knows Zayn heard it and smiles to himself widely.

=====

"Since when do we refuse money?"

Zayn rolls his eyes, "Harry is not someone we toy with"

Louis sighs, "Could've borrowed some" Zayn looks up from his phone and Louis shrugs, "Saves us some time. Could be thinking about other stuff instead"

"We can just say we're staying for a while. An emergency or something. They're not the type to dig deep anyway"

"Yeah …" Louis says slowly, "Less caring"

Zayn doesn't need to say anything, Louis' eyes are giving away his feelings. Antoine would call, he'd take him out, but that's it. There is the possibility of him not wanting to invade their privacy, but the main issue that both are trying to avoid is what if this was a summer fling?

"Well … I'll take a shower and then we're off, yeah?" Zayn nods, gaze back on his phone as Louis walks away, "Tell your lover boy I said hi!" Zayn chuckles and shakes his head, and right on cue, Harry calls instead of texting back so he swipes the answer button.

"Hey" He lays back on the couch, dressed and ready, waiting for Louis to finish so they can go 'job hunting' or 'money collecting' sort of, his voice is quiet, and a smile creeps on his face as he waits for Harry's reply which comes after a short pause.

 _"I thought you'll be missing me?"_ He can almost picture him pouting.

Zayn furrows his brows, "It's been only three days, Harry, and we do text each other"

_"Right. Feels like we're back to all those times we're off"_

"It's different" Zayn objects, "We're not _off_ , and we talk to each other" He rolls his eyes because Harry would blame him for not calling first, Zayn would apologize because he didn't want to disturb Harry knowing that he's back at collage doing his catch-up lessons and dealing with his family issues, so before Harry gets to say it, he beats him to the question. "How's everything? Your studies? Your father? How's Mike by the way?"

He hears Harry sighing first before answering. _"Good, I guess? My classes are not that bad, a bit too much work to be honest … And since when do you care about Mike?"_

"He's your friend, I just thought …" Zayn shakes his head, "What about your father?"

There's another pause and Zayn waits, doesn't push him into it. _"He got a divorce"_

Zayn blinks, "What?"

 _"I might had been the cause of it and I'm not regretting anything, she wasn't …"_ He sighs again, _"She was never going to be a replacement to someone that shouldn't be replaced in the first place"_ Zayn presses his lips together. Maybe Harry is wrong, maybe his father was trying to move on but he is not letting him, and he knows, can clearly expect Harry's next words. _"I'm glad he's finally seeing it now … Getting rid of her for good. She got compensated, no damage is done"_ _No. Your father wanted to make you happy before he dies. He's picking you over her because he loves you more, because you're his remaining family_. Zayn hopes Harry at least gets the message.

"Did you get to talk to him? Just the two of you? Settle things up?"

 _"He's …"_ There's a long pause and Zayn actually worries when he hears Harry sniffing. _"They're making him stay at the hospital. He'd been overworking, making sure everything goes smoothly in the business. I told him it'll hurt him more, he just wouldn't listen!"_ Harry's tone isn't calm anymore and he hears him taking a deep breath to calm himself. _"Said I can do whatever I want and that he'll always wish the best for me, and blah blah"_ Zayn shakes his head again. Maybe Harry doesn't want to admit it? Maybe he's in denial? Seeing his father dying … Zayn knows it's tough. His gaze picks up automatically to lock itself on the bathroom door, the sound of the water running and Louis' soft humming so he knows he's okay, and feels his heart clenching in his chest. He wouldn't live a second more if anything is to happen to Louis. His heartbeat would stop the exact same second Louis' does.

 _"I can't meet you anytime soon …"_ Harry's voice breaks his trance and he averts his gaze from the bathroom door. _"I'm not handling anything in the company but I still own some shit. Shares or whatever, never been the one in business administration stuff, but I guess that means I still keep the money since he won't take it back"_ Zayn takes a deep breath. No. Harry isn't staying for that at all. _"Have to finish collage too"_ No. Not that either.

"Where are you now?" Zayn asks quietly.

 _"Home"_ The way Harry says it makes him feel that Harry isn't that comfortable staying at his place. And he knows why. _"I should be on my way soon …" He trails but doesn't hang up. "I wish you'd be here, you know?"_ Harry's tone is quieter and Zayn blinks at the ceiling.

"You can call me whenever, yeah?" He offers instead, knowing too well the meaning behind Harry's words, been there when he was the most down, and he too wishes he was close.

_"Yeah … So how are you holding up?"_

"Good"

 _"Good as in you're not going to tell me?"_ Harry asks slowly and Zayn pauses a little before answering.

"Good as in we're doing fine"

 _"Anything I should worry about?"_ Zayn parts his lips and closes them for a second. For some reason Harry seems to ask about 'anyone' instead, and he might be smiling for it if he didn't like the thought of it. Every time Harry would see him something bad happens, usually nothing out of the ordinary for him and Louis but Harry wasn't that much involved in their lives. And Harry should know that even if something did happen, Zayn is not going to actually whine and seek help from him. But he has to assure him nevertheless, Harry already has too much on his plate.

"No. We're fine … We're alive. I am talking to you. Do I not sound okay?"

He hears Harry's chuckle and half-smiles. _"Don't know if that should sound comforting but … Promise me I'll see unharmed yeah?"_

"Promise" He smiles wider, "I don't want to get you late, you should hang up"

 _"Yeah, alright. Talk to you soon. Love you lots"_ He hears Harry making a kissing sound and he chuckles.

"Take care. Bye" Zayn hangs up just in time for Louis to open the door.

"Gimme five minutes" Zayn smiles and nods at Louis before looking down on his phone again, Harry's contact is in view.

Harry must be heading to the hospital by now. His studies are piling because he's not focusing, and he is staying because _he fears his father will pass away anytime soon_.

Zayn is expecting a _teary call_ next.

=====

"Pretty much sure we could've had a better luck with Julien around. I'm positive I could've gotten something out of him without blowing our cover. We literally know nothing other than insult words and a few sentences we can help ourselves with aside from the horrible translator app"

Zayn finishes with a huff as Louis finally turns to him, face neutral. "Why are relying on others?"

"I'm not-" Zayn studies Louis' face, careful if he's missing something in his off tone. "What did you do?" He gives Louis a knowing look and the latter sighs.

"Just saying that he wouldn't have answered your calls anyway"

"And why is that?" Zayn raises his brows.

"Let's say I hate someone and got in a fight with. Would you help that person?"

Zayn blinks at him, "What did you do?" He repeats.

"I broke up with Antoine" Zayn blinks at him again, "Better to walk out on my own" He shrugs, "Seemed broken for some reason though. Didn't really matter. Wasn't more than 'liking each other' phase"

"Louis-" Zayn starts.

"Long story short, there was someone … I was a replacement"

"You said he was hurt?" Zayn furrows his brows.

"Never said there wasn't any feelings from his side" Louis shrugs again. "I'm better on my own. Don’t care what he wants"

Zayn approaches him with his next exhale, eyes trying to read Louis' again, the comforting color of the sea still shining in them, and tries again, "Louis …"

"Same reason, Zayn" He shakes his head, "Wouldn’t change a thing" He smiles, not his bright one but Zayn can identify it as something comfortable despite the face that Louis might be hiding his feelings from him, shielding himself for _them_. "Wasn't that the case with Joshua?" He turns around and Zayn stands still for a second before hurrying after him.

"No" He grabs Louis' arm, gently spinning him around, keeping his hands there as he grips tighter on Louis' forearm. "I honestly don't know about Joshua's feelings. Might be able to imagine the scene from Harry's words, but no. It's not the same, Louis. I've been there … You never asked yourself if he's hurting because he was trying with you … I was at the other side of the relationship. What if it was you there instead?"

"Still the same" Louis repeats slowly. "Know when you were pulling and pushing at each other? Because there was something there? And don't give me the 'me and you are the same' bullshit, we're not, Zee" Zayn opens his mouth to protest but Louis keeps going, "I'm not saying I didn't feel anything but …" He shrugs, "I don't have this pull in my heart. Don't want to get attached easily to something isn't reaching me deep down … Like you said, it's different"

Zayn sighs, "This is the _new you?_ Along with no plans?"

Louis smiles widely, "Living for the moment, Zayn. Feels great to be free, bro" Zayn smiles back, if Louis is fine he's fine even though he still has his doubts and will have to drag Louis into one of their late-night-conversations to have an open heart-to-heart moment. Hopefully everything will go well. "I can clearly see your point now" Louis continues, "Not having to worry about your feelings is a good thing. Glad to have just you"

Zayn's smile widen, "Always, bro"

"Great! We're on our way then!" Louis announces louder and Zayn groans, shoulders slumping and head falling on Louis' shoulder. He doesn't protest though, they need the money, they need some sort of income to provide a decent life, and even if he's very tired, he won't leave Louis alone. He makes a mental note to himself that they should make some friends, people who aren't _interested_ in them, people who can’t get too close. "We're legally moving, Zayn" Zayn lifts his head to give him an unimpressed look. They don't do 'legal'. "Could've been resting at home, but you already wasted that opportunity"

Zayn sighs and moves away from Louis. A small part of him actually wants to accept Harry's offer. He can repay him later … He guesses he could somehow. Louis starts walking again when his phone vibrates in his jeans and he picks it up, heart beating faster as his figure grows still. _Here we go_.

_"Where are you?"_

Zayn furrows his brows, "Where are _you_?"

=====

It's not that Zayn wasn’t expecting this, he was, but he is starting to wonder when did he exactly fall so deeply to care for someone other than Louis. Seeing the red eyes, the tired posture, and he wonders for a second time why Harry chose to fly here instead of calling.

He told Louis he needs to get back and strictly told him to postpone their 'search' for a later date, he doesn't want Louis to roam on his own, not here, not without him, he's not burdening him when his own relationship issues gets in the way despite Louis' reminder that postponing their search isn't in their favor, but he would still smile and usher him to go.

His mind goes automatically back to the night Louis was held in the hospital and Harry made sure he's okay before leaving, staying the night and grounding him until he got the call that he can finally see Louis. And finding Harry waiting now, arriving before him and standing outside his door, a sad and desperate look on his eyes like he's about to break. Zayn doesn't want to hear his next words, won't allow Harry to break while he's here. So he moves quickly, arms linking themselves behind Harry's neck, Harry's arms tightening around his waist and bringing him closer to his body, muffled words against the material of his shirt and damp spots appearing on it. Zayn lets him, even if he can't find the appropriate words to soothe his pain, he can hold him, be the one to comfort him if that's what Harry so desires.

And even though Zayn doesn’t want to let go, they're literally standing outside their door, and Zayn hates their neighbors here so he pulls back slightly, hands falling to Harry's biceps and turning his head to him but Harry doesn't acknowledge his movement, holding tightly like he'd fall apart if he let go, and Zayn takes a deep breath before biting his bottom lip, brows furrowing in sorrow as he slowly moves his hands to Harry's face to try get him to look up.

Harry does that at least, pulling his head back and looking into his eyes, and Zayn brings their foreheads together for comfort, noes touching, and he whispers into his lips that they should go inside. He pulls Harry inside once he unlatches himself from him and gets him to his room, perhaps he needs some sleep, or just to lie down and relax, calming his brain for a moment and giving his body time to adjust. He didn't call, and Zayn doesn't know when exactly it happened, Harry didn't say that yet, just kept on rambling about one scene over and over, mumbling about memories here and there, and Zayn would only listen.

He hears the click of the door when Harry is finally asleep, have been for a while actually, since he laid his head on the pillows, only his shoes discarded on the floor which Zayn helped him in that. Kept one of his hands stroking Harry's face gently while the other brushes through his hair, and he smiles when Harry relaxes, body sinking into the mattress as he backs away slowly, pulling the covers over Harry and getting up, closing the door behind him quietly and hearing shuffling noises in the next room indicating that Louis is in there, so he goes.

Louis' already changed, arrived after him by a couple of minutes, and Zayn realizes after a long day on the streets he needs a shower and a change of clothes as well. He doesn’t bother Harry and instead borrows Louis' clothes, taking a long shower and trying to come up with a single word to comfort Harry.

Louis is on the bed when he gets out, so he drops in front of him, towel hanging on his head and Louis smiles, taking the towel from him and drying his hair.

"My tongue is tied, Lou" He whines, "I don't even know what to say if he ever spoken to me on the matter … I let him talk and talk and I just …" He sighs, feeling Louis taking the towel away from his head and a brush is soon replacing it and he closes his eyes.

"You don't need to" Louis whispers softly to him. "He chose to come here. He wanted to be with you. This is his comfort … You don't need to talk"

Zayn opens his eyes again, staring at the crack in the wall in front of him. Still a good apartment though, something they can afford. "I can't be the silent side, Louis"

Louis hums, a hair tie is being wrapped around his hair before speaking up again, "You'll find the words eventually. I told you before, you know him more than I do. You don't plan for such thing, Zayn, it just comes out naturally" Zayn turns his head to him and Louis smiles, "I'm starving. You're in?"

Zayn nods and gets up, following Louis into the kitchen. "We're running so low …" Louis mumbles. "You know …" He starts, eyes going up to meet Zayn's. "We could really use a hand"

Zayn raises his brows, "What happened to we 'only' rely on each other?"

"Isn't he considered close enough?"

Zayn pauses for a second, face frowning before opening his mouth. "I can't- Louis, I can't ask him such thing when he's like that!"

Louis shrugs, "I dunno, work your magic"

"Louis!" Zayn gives him a warning look. "I'm not. _We're_ not"

Louis sighs, gaze dropping back to his plate. "Just saying … It's tiring, Zee … We barely know our way around"

"Was your incredible plan" Zayn mumbles, eyes still on Louis, "I told you we shouldn't" He shakes his head.

Louis drops the subject, an awkward silence takes over that Zayn doesn't feel it's comfortable for the very first time, and when Louis gets up without a word either, dumping the plate in the sink and going quietly to his room, Zayn feels an enormous weight being placed over his chest, so he gets up too and heads to Louis' room to find him sitting on the bed, phone in hand.

"It was a getaway, I approved. We don't work separately, and I understand. I just-" He sighs, shuffling closer to the bed and sitting next to Louis whose eyes drift up to meet him, face turned to his side. "We're desperate, I know. But we'll work it out like we always do. And … I just need time"

"Time isn’t in our favor, Zee" Louis drops his phone away, arms opening to let Zayn know that he's not mad at him, and Zayn snuggles happily to him. "But I too understand your position, I just …" He takes a deep breath, "I'd rather think about a way to have you safe instead, and I don’t care who's in the way"

Zayn looks up, eyes big and sparkling with fondness that makes Louis smile down at him. "I wouldn’t think of another"

"It's late and we're both tired. Talk about this in the morning, yeah?" Louis suggests softly, hand reaching up to brush Zayn's cheeks and the latter nods. "Would it be okay to leave Harry on the other room alone?"

Zayn furrows his brows, head resting again against Louis' chest, "Um …"

"I thought you're going for comfort?"

"I am-" Zayn protests but is cut off by Louis.

"Pretty much sure you’d favor a pair of strong arms around you instead" Louis teases, a smile on his face when Zayn glances up at him, but he doesn’t move.

"Got the only pair I want already around me" He nuzzles further into Louis' chest, feeling him chuckle softly as his arms squeezes around his shoulders. "Will check on him though" He picks his head up, pulling away slightly. "Just … To make sure he's okay"

"Sure" Louis smiles again and Zayn gets up, heading to his own room.

He opens the door slowly, eyes fixed on the bed first, and he furrows his brows when there's no figure lying down on it. His eyes glance around the room, and the figure is standing by the window instead. There are million thoughts that go inside Zayn's mind as he shuts the door behind him quietly. Harry must've heard the clicking sound of the door but he doesn't turn around, and Louis in the other room smiles as he flops on the bed and turns off the lights.

Zayn approaches him, back facing the window as his hands move to Harry's arms to gain his attention, folded against his chest as he leans forward. "Harry …"

Harry just blinks forward, he's heard Zayn, but he also heard other things. He hates how his own body relaxed by the mere touch of Zayn's hands, only to have his eyes fluttering open the next moment to an empty bed. Like his body didn’t accept the fact that Zayn's presence is no longer there. And the walls aren't exactly thick in this apartment, and Harry's eyes search around the buildings surrounding this one, the district Zayn gave him the address for, old and cracked and he doesn’t think it's the right place for Zayn and Louis to stay in.

Harry knows that Louis and Zayn share a bond, an inseparable bond, that level of closeness that he can never dream to achieve with Zayn, and he knows that. Gaining a higher level than Louis in Zayn's heart is impossible. But he flew all the way here when he felt himself no longer capable of absorbing any more facts, when everyone being around him only made the air around him heavier, and he couldn't think of one more thing other than Zayn and he has no idea why. Since day one, whenever he'd face a problem with his family, Zayn just felt right to be with. Like he's holding his sanity of some sort, and he knows it’s that much true when he neglected everything to be staring at those old buildings now. The hand on his arms soothing yet burning on his skin at the same time. Voice calling his name so softly, making Harry heal and break all over again. It's a never ending cycle with Zayn.

"Were you uncomfortable? Would you rather have a shower? A change of clothes? Not that I would find something that fit you but …" Zayn trails off awkwardly, "Is the temperature not good for you?" Zayn searches Harry's blank face for anything, but his body fills with disappointment at how he can’t comfort Harry. Not even his presence helps, Louis was wrong, he needs to say something. "Did you- um … Have you eaten properly in the last few days?" Again, Harry just blinks his tired eyes forward, "Was it nightmares?" He asks more quietly, fearing that Harry has haunting ones now, but he just needs Harry to talk to him.

"This place is shit"

Zayn opens his mouth to reply and frowns, hands falling from Harry's arms to his side. "An affordable place" Harry doesn’t say another word and he gazes up at him slowly biting his bottom lip. "Is this why you couldn’t sleep?"

Harry takes a deep breath and shakes his head, pulling his phone out and going online. Zayn watches his movements, eyes glued on the screen when he realizes what Harry is doing. _Booking a flight_.

Zayn knows he shouldn’t do lots of stuff in his life, that this isn't something he can interfere with, but his heart beats his brain, and his hands snatch Harry's phone in a swift move, locking it and placing it behind him. Harry turns to him, eyebrows raising up slowly in his forehead.

"No" Zayn says, "I'm not allowing you to go back in that state"

"I can't stay for long" Harry replies and it stings in Zayn's chest. He knows that, knows that Harry can't stay for long, knows that this is a fucked up relationship from the very start yet they kept going at it, and Zayn doesn't know if it's breaking them instead of healing the damaged parts, and he wishes it was different for the way he feels around Harry, but it isn't, and if Louis isn’t the one to remind him that their lives are too fucked up to be fixed, his own brain would pop it up every five seconds to remind him that something good like Harry can't stay forever. Another cut at his heart that he'll probably cry to Louis about later.

"You came here for me. You moved away because you did not feel you were getting better. And I am not going to allow you to go back until you're fine" Zayn's voice is stern yet soft, and if Harry blinked, he might've missed how Zayn's eyelashes flutter too much or how there's a single crack in his voice. But that's not the issue, he knows Zayn cares as he moves closer again, turning Harry's body towards him and away from the window, a desperate look in his big beautiful eyes that got Harry caving each single time. "Please, just … It hurts me to see you like this"

Zayn's hands move up to cup his face and Harry instantly leans in, tilting his head to have his lips fitting on Zayn's, hands trailing from Zayn's face to his neck and chest before wrapping themselves around Zayn's waist bringing him closer to himself.

"I missed you" He mumbles into Zayn's lips, initiating another kiss right away and feeling Zayn smile against his own.

"I missed you too" Zayn whispers back, and despite the fact that Zayn looks soft right now, he wants to back him against the wall for some reason, take off his hair-tie and tug on his hair. Something he's been dreaming about for a while now, ever since Joshua pulled Zayn off his lap, and Zayn's arms around his neck aren't helping his case with how much responsive he's being, with nothing to set them apart this time. His hands travel lower and Zayn's lips part on an inaudible gasp, pulling away for a second.

"Am I still not allowed to?" Harry pauses too, isn't sure exactly if Zayn is willing until Zayn is relaxing again, hands never falling from around his neck and kisses him again.

"You're allowed to do anything" He gasps again when Harry goes for his neck, "Just- thought y-you're tired"

"And I thought you don't wear leggings?" Harry pulls back, feeling the material under his touch, a smirk on his face as he looks down on Zayn.

Zayn stares up at him, "They're Louis'…"

"I like them on you"

"The last time you see them on me" Zayn whispers to him, a knowing smirk on his face as he pulls away and Harry has to smile watching him walking back to the door. "When was the last time you'd eaten properly?" Harry exhales deeply and shrugs, "Alright then, come on" He smiles and opens the door, and Harry doesn't know how he turned from desperately seeking his attention to being the one making Harry follow.

Again, Harry finds himself glancing around the apartment, making a mental note to himself to get Zayn out of this place before he leaves –if Zayn allows him to– and his attention goes back to Zayn as he serves him a plate, taking a seat across from him and leaning on his forearms on the table.

"My offer is still on the table"

Zayn looks up at him, stares for a moment before he gets what Harry is referring to. His lips part and close a couple of times before his bottom lip is being caught by his teeth and he glances away from Harry. He should accept, Louis is tired. He looks up again, Harry's eyes are hopeful despite his situation, eating quietly, and Zayn inhales slowly before nodding.

"Alright" Harry raises his brows, surprised maybe, "Just for a start" Zayn says and leans back in his chair and Harry smiles.

"Your cooking is impressive as usual too" Harry compliments and Zayn chuckles.

"That's actually Louis' cooking" He smiles brightly, eyes sparkling, and for the first time, Harry hates that spark. "He's amazing" Zayn gushes. _Here goes Harry's appetite_.

Zayn's smile falls when Harry stops eating, leaning back in his chair. "It's good" Harry assures him, unable to put on one of Zayn's perfect fake smiles on, "It's just that I didn't eat much in the last few days and I guess my stomach isn't used to more"

Zayn furrows his brows, eyes glancing down at Harry's plate and the crease between his brows deepen. _What's exactly 'more'?_

But he doesn't get to question much before Harry is pushing his chair back and getting up. Zayn stays there, hearing Harry's footsteps disappearing into his room again and he releases a long sigh before getting up as well, putting Harry's plate in the fridge because he's still hoping that Harry might want to eat again then shuffles after Harry.

His phone is back in his hands, sitting on the bed, and Zayn sighs before he enters the room and closing the door behind him. At least Harry's eyes snap up at him when he does and he settles next to him on the bed.

"You're still booking that flight" It’s not a question, his eyes aren't focusing on Harry anymore, and perhaps Harry feels a little guilty that Zayn is trying for once and he isn't responding.

"Actually, finding you a decent place"

Zayn blinks a couple of times before his eyes widen, "Oh …" He turns slowly to Harry, bottom lip caught in his teeth again, a hint of hope in his big eyes and a smile behind his lips. "So you're not … You're staying? I mean, like, for a while?"

"I still have to go back, but yeah. For now" Harry nods and he feels a weight being lifted off his shoulders when Zayn smiles, face softening and posture relaxing. Zayn looks up at him again, staring for a moment before his gaze is shifting again, and a smile stretches on Harry's face when he notices the change in Zayn's behavior turning into something _shy_. "If you don't mind, I'll get comfortable" Harry stands up, taking his shirt off along with his pants, turning around to see Zayn staring at him and he approaches him again, leaning forward until he's on the same level with Zayn and kisses him, pushing gently until Zayn's back hit the mattress.

"You're restless" Zayn barely whispers against his lips with a smile and Harry sighs, kissing him one more time before pulling away and settling properly on the bed, head on the pillows so Zayn is able to sit up. "If you want, you can just lay back and relax. I'll do all the job" He gets closer, still dressed up, knees and hands on the bed as he reaches him and Harry can't help his mind from wondering again. But Zayn was right, he is _so_ tired.

"Are you going to undress? Cause I think I fancy those leggings _on_ you if I'm not going to see this sight again"

Zayn laughs, "They're actually comfortable. Louis knows how to pick the right fabric" He flops on the bed next to Harry. "But …" He pulls the covers over them, "Not my type. You won't see me in them again, and don't try to convince me into it, I've had Louis my entire life and I'm not interested" Harry presses his lips shut because Zayn is also right about that. If Louis couldn't, who is he to even have a word in it? "And don't dare to ever buy me one. _Ever_ " He warns before he's getting in a comfortable position in the bed. Harry turns to him, and Zayn still has his eyes open. "Shut the lamp"

Harry sighs, reaching to his side and turning it off, the room turning dark, window open and the curtains are pulled to the side to let the cool summer breeze in. Moonlight lighting Zayn's face, eyes gazing up at him and Harry just stares.

"I love your eyes"

Zayn flutters them, "Still not the first to compliment my eyes" Harry smiles widely and moves closer.

"No. But you wouldn’t like it if it was someone else" Because Harry remembers their first encounter, when he was completely enchanted by Zayn's eyes –still is actually– and Zayn gave him a bored cold look that says 'try harder or not at all' but there's a smile now, a genuine soft one, and Zayn is lying next to him on the same bed, he can lean in and kiss him and Zayn would still have that smile on, can try and drive him to his edge on the same bed and Zayn would still have his smile on. He thinks it's a 'better' situation as his hand rest on Zayn's hip, fingers sneaking under his shirt to rub at his skin and Zayn willingly cuddles further into him, face buried in Harry's chest, hands trailing on his chest before they're resting on the bed and Harry reaches with his hands to untie Zayn's hair first, discarding the tie somewhere next to them before returning his arm to wrap around Zayn's waist, the other hand finding its way between the silky locks.

"What's on your schedule?"

Harry blinks, "My schedule?"

Zayn picks his head up, "What you're doing when you go back"

Harry sighs, "I've missed too many classes. Dunno if I can catch up, but I guess I have an excuse now?"

"And afterwards?" Harry looks down at him, big eyes filled with hope, and Harry doesn't need Zayn to speak up more than that to know what he's asking for.

"Dunno" He simple replies, because in all honesty he doesn't know. If he'll start a job after collage, if perhaps he's taking business classes instead, or maybe try again in the next tournament. "I'm just here now" He shrugs, "I can live with that" He feels the flutter of Zayn's lashes against his chest, "We can live with that" He says more softly and feels a kiss being placed on his chest. "We'll make it work … We're making it work" He smiles, placing a lingering kiss on top of Zayn's head. "I love you"

Harry feels the flutter of Zayn's lashes again against his chest, eyes falling shut.

He doesn't hear a respond.

=====

Harry feels the material of the mattress under his body, the sunlight passing through the room but his eyelids are too heavy to adjust to such light so he keeps them closed, half of his face buried into the pillows, and he moves his arms around to find nothing next to him on the bed.

That until he feels fingers brushing his hair backwards, a kiss being planted on the back of his neck and he exhales happily, relaxing into the mattress again. He still feels so tired.

"Gonna get up anytime soon, champ?" Zayn whispers into his ear, feeling another kiss behind his ear, but he doesn't move yet, feeling the weight of his own body too heavy to do so. "I made you breakfast. You can sleep afterwards … You need some food in your system first" Zayn whispers again into his ear, fingers still brushing through his hair, and Harry would love to turn to him, maybe kiss him, but again, he's too tired.

"Feels like my muscles are burning" Harry mumbles into the pillows, feeling Zayn shift next to him and the bed dipping with his each move. His eyes are still closed, but he knows Zayn is hovering over him, knees on each side of him, and he wouldn’t mind actually if Zayn dropped his weight on top of him, but Zayn doesn't, and Harry feels Zayn's hands at his neck, trailing to his back, adding just the right pressure and hitting all the good spots that Harry literally moans as he relaxes further into the mattress. "Fuck. Didn't know you're capable of doing this"

Zayn smiles, hands reaching Harry's arms, massaging the muscles there too, "Yeah? I've been told I'm good at it" His hands trail next to Harry's spine, and Harry's upper body is relaxing, until Zayn's hands reach his lower back, probably teasing his ass as they go lower, massaging his thighs next, and maybe he's still feeling sleepy, but his lower region seems to awake as Zayn's hands go up again back to his hips and reaching his back, his lips trailing soft kisses from the back of his neck, following his hands as he goes lower on his back. "Would be able to do more if I had some oil. You'd feel much better. It's more effective that way"

Harry hums, another muffled deep moan erupting form his throat. "Could definitely use that oil for other purposes"

He hears Zayn laughing on top of him, hands decreasing their pressure until they completely stop, applying gentle strokes instead, lips back on the side of his neck, and Harry is enjoying every single second of it. "Alright, champ. Time to get up!" Zayn pulls back then he's off him, bed dipping to his side and Harry opens his eyes when Zayn's body blocks the sunlight, avoiding the sudden burn of it. Zayn's changed his clothes, another shirt with sweatpants. He must've taken a shower while Harry's asleep. He already misses those leggings on Zayn.

Harry stretches his arms, Zayn smiling at him as he sits up slowly, reaching forward for a soft kiss on his lips that Harry welcomes as his own hands go up to stroke Zayn's cheek before he's pulling back, getting up, and handing Harry his clothes.

He sees Louis on the couch, doing something on his phone, and he figures he needs to at least greet him when Zayn passes by him too, so he does, nodding at him and mumbling a 'morning' to which Louis responds to it, greeting him back, before he's being served by Zayn. He probably have eaten with Louis earlier, but Harry realizes his body does need food and doesn't object to whatever he's eating, and Zayn's cooking isn't bad either. He notices Louis slipping into his room as he finishes, Zayn taking his plate to the sink, so he stands up, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind and leaning in to plant a kiss on the side of his neck.

"Can I take you out?"

Zayn smiles, head turning to him, "Take me out? Where are we going?"

"Out" Harry simply replies, one hand reaching up to tilt Zayn's head upwards so he can kiss his lips.

Zayn stares at him for a moment, a smile still present on his lips as he nods slowly. "Alright. Let me change first"

Harry allows him to slip out of his arms, waiting on the couch for him as he notices that he's heading into Louis' room first. Probably to borrow an item of clothing, or to tell him he's going out.

Zayn finds Louis lying on the bed, phone in hand again as he lays next to him, glancing at his phone before his eyes turn to Louis. "What're your plans for today?"

Louis shrugs, "Staying here? I'm not sure we can handle more expenses"

"Actually, we can" Zayn whispers to him, a smile on his lips as Louis looks up from his phone and smile as well.

"See? You've never lost your charm, Zee"

Zayn shoves him lightly, "Shut up … Anyway, Harry is taking me out, so just call me if you need anything, yeah?"

"I'm craving some Chinese food. Some good wine, and probably a huge chocolate cake" Louis grins and Zayn chuckles, leaning forward to kiss Louis' cheek before getting up and heading for his room instead to change his clothes.

=====

Harry maneuvers his way around the city like he knows which is where and it's much better than he and Louis ever did during their entire staying. He'd tell him the names of the places they're at, occasionally during their ride in a cab because he wanted to 'show him around' and Zayn doesn't protest, he enjoys Harry's company very much.

There are a few phone calls that Zayn doesn't really pay attention to, or doesn't understand half of the times. He guesses Harry is talking to one of his father's friends, too many numbers and places included that he isn't that interested to know about.

He takes him to lunch, ordering extra food for Louis, which was nice since he didn't ask him to, then drives him into a far district, and Zayn already knows what Harry is doing, what he was originally talking about on the phone this whole time as Harry leads him into an empty apartment, walking him around and asking about his opinion.

It's quite the right size for two, Zayn can see that the area is also giving that 'friendly' aura, a much nicer place that he'd been in, he knows it's expensive, but he bites his tongue. If Louis is tired and Harry is offering, he'll take it.

"So?" Harry whispers from behind him, arms locking around his waist and head resting on his shoulder as Zayn glances around, the windows are big, giving an amazing view from up here. "Do you like it?"

"It's nice" Zayn replies, turning in Harry's arms so he face him, "Thank you for doing this for us. I don't know how to repay you-"

"Your presence in my life is enough" Harry cuts him off softly, a smile stretched on his face as Zayn looks up at him from behind his lashes. "So? Are we buying it?"

Zayn looks down again, a good feeling in his chest combined with another itching one that he can't quite place. It's not even a rent apartment, and he doesn't know what to make out of it. Harry is taking in consideration their worst days, to provide them at least a permanent place to stay in until they can manage a job, and he's thankful, he's too thankful for every little thing Harry does for them, for every huge part he's participating in, and his hands rest on top of Harry's arms as he looks up at him, a small soft smile playing on his lips, stares for a moment into the pools of shining pure emeralds before he's moving his hands to rest on Harry's chest, eyes fixed on them instead.

"Fine. But this is all you're paying for" His eyes go up to meet Harry's again who just smiles at him, not giving him a reply, and Zayn has a feeling that he won't follow his words.

=====

Harry flies back home and he gets a call from him a couple of days later telling him that everything is settled and they're free to move in. Despite Zayn's protests, he finds a big sum of money on his bed when he wakes up the day Harry's flight is due, and Harry even called someone from his father's contacts to get them both decent jobs.

He wanted to show Louis the apartment first before they get to move anything to it or buying anything, and he doesn't even recognize the scene when he opens the door.

He strictly told Harry not to buy anything else, but the apartment is filled with everything from A to Z and he guesses that's why Harry needed those two days, hiring someone to take care of all of that, picking every necessity and placing it inside.

One room has a note on the door handle and Zayn picks it up, a white card with a 'close your eyes' written on it and he smiles despite the fact that he doesn't want any more surprises.

He opens the door slowly, eyes open just because, and he leans back on the wall, biting his bottom lip to suppress a grin, glossy eyes fixed on the bed, bunny plushies of every size, color, and shape surrounding it, and he feels himself a young kid again, when he saw a real rabbit and kept telling Louis he wants one. It's pretty childish to own something like that now, but the fact that Harry took time to select those stuffed animals, ordering them to be placed into his room, and still remembering his obsession over them makes his heart swells. But he knows himself, he likes it, and he'll probably die of cuteness overload if Harry placed a real rabbit on his bed instead.

There's a note on the bed, attached to the big white rabbit sitting on it, and Zayn picks it up, opening the card and smiles again. It's Harry's handwriting, and he doesn't know when did he exactly plan this, when everything is just going down in his life Harry decided to take care of him, and maybe fate doesn't hate him that much, maybe he gets to actually keep Harry, the one who’s proving to him that his miserable life can actually have a light inside of it. A simple 'I love you' with kisses and heart drawn on the card makes a new feeling blossom inside his heart, not the kind of love he feels for Louis, not even the one he felt for Niall or anyone else. The feeling of wanting and being wanted by someone who's fighting his way to stay in his life.

It's something he doesn't want to ever lose.

=====

Even though he gets to call Harry, Zayn is devastated he can't see him or hold him 'physically' and he finds himself calling him on his day-off.

 _"Hey, love!"_ Harry's voice is bright, still not the real one passing through his ears but he'll take it. _"Wouldn't expect you to actually call me at such hour"_

Zayn glances at the clock. It's past noon, it's not an inappropriate time to call but Zayn remembers Harry's schedule and he knows he's got classes during that time, but Harry picked up right away, so he must've been free. He doesn't care either way, and he expresses his feelings this time in actual words. "Missed you"

 _"Yeah?"_ He can tell from Harry's voice that he's probably smiling.

"It's been three months, Harry, and you keep postponing your visit" He whines, "I want to see you in front of my eyes and hold you in my arms. I miss you too much you idiot and I want you here"

 _"I told you I can't, and I did offer a solution"_ Harry replies slowly and Zayn clicks his tongue. There's the possibility of a stable life with Harry, Louis doesn’t have a love interest in someone here anymore, but they wouldn't want to go back, and it's a slap to his face to want two opposite things at the same time, so he keeps his mouth shut. _"Anyway, I'm glad you called, I was actually going to call you. Can you do me a small favor?"_

"Sure"

_"So, you remember the one you met to get the job, yeah? He lives nearby and he just called and told me his leg got twisted. He's not that familiar with French either, so can you lend him a hand? I'll text you the address"_

"Um … Alright" Zayn furrows his brows in confusion.

 _"Great! Thanks! I'll talk to you later, gotta run!"_ Zayn hears the click of the line indicating that Harry just hung up on him and he stares at him phone in confusion. Well, Harry must've had a really important class to attend, or any other matter that he doesn’t even get to hear him saying 'I love you' like he always does, and it's not like Zayn replies to it each time but … It's nice to hear it from Harry nonetheless.

With a sigh, he gets up, texting Louis that he's out before grabbing his keys and heading out of the door.

=====

The house is decent, big with a gate and a garden, which is opened and Zayn furrows his brows, what kind of idiot leave it open like that? There's a car parked too, the garage is opened as well, and when he gets to the front door, it's opened, and he pauses for a second to recheck the address Harry sent him.

It's one of Harry's friends, he knows the guy, met the guy, so he's mainly confused but not scared as he pushes the door open and making sure he locks it behind him as he glances around the house to find it _really nice_. He wouldn't mind spending some time here.

"Connor?" He calls, "I'm Zayn! Harry's friend!" There's no answer and he sighs, deciding to go up the stairs to check if he's sprawled on the bathroom floor or something. Hopefully no more damage is done, when he feels hands covering his eyes and he stills. A familiar scent and too familiar hands and Zayn spins right away, eyes going wide and lips parted. "What …"

"I'm sorry. I lied, there was no friend. This is actually mine" Harry smiles at him, spreading his arms to point around him and maybe expecting Zayn in his arms as well who appears more confused than ever, standing still and staring at him, and comparing to their conversation earlier, he actually thought Zayn would immediately hug him.

"But … What?" Zayn repeats, still confused, and Harry sighs, dropping his arms to his side again.

"I bought this house. I was getting some papers done at home and that's why I couldn't visit earlier, but it's done now. I'm officially moving in. Earned a transfer permission to enter a college here and continue my last year. I also applied for a French course since I'm staying, and … yeah, that's pretty much it"

"You … moved in?" Zayn asks slowly and Harry sighs again.

"Yes, Zayn. I moved in" He steps closer, "I realized that being away from you only causes me more distraction and I'm feeling empty and lonely without you by my side, so I thought about it, if we're getting this to work then I'm putting my share of sacrifices … I love you too much to stay away for a long time and distance"

"You're … doing this for me?" Zayn asks again, voice quiet and slow, still in his confusion trance.

"Yes, Zayn. I'm doing this for you, for _us_ "

Zayn blinks, taking a breath, and the smile Harry sees in his eyes first before it stretches on his lips makes every second he spent in preparing for this worth it, and a smile appears on his own face before Zayn is launching forward, arms locked around his neck tightly and Harry wraps his arms around his waist, feeling his body against his after three long moths of waiting.

And well, Zayn doesn't think he's ever felt this feeling before. For Harry to still drop everything for him, for the amount of love he never thought he can actually give to someone. He isn't even sure if he's giving the right amount back because it feels like Harry's feelings are too overwhelming for him to contain. And just like before, he expresses his feelings in words.

"This means a lot to me" His tears escape, but no one ever went to such extent for him other than Louis, and Louis' words spin in his mind for calling Harry a member in their little circle, a member of their family, someone he wants to hold on forever. " _You_ mean a lot to me" His voice is quiet and Harry hears the small break in it from almost crying as he pulls back slightly to cup Harry's face in his hands. "Thank you for being in my life"

Harry wasn’t really expecting Zayn to say this, and it's probably better than the three words he wanted to hear, because he knows Zayn, knows he cares, knows his feelings for him, but although Zayn is flipping his life upside down, he's also the one still holding his sanity, the one holding his heart, and he doesn't regret the many downturns they took in this relationship to work. He wouldn't have asked for a perfect relationship, and despite all of Zayn's flaws, he's still the perfect match for him.

So he tilts his head, capturing Zayn's lips in his own in a slow passionate kiss and feeling Zayn's body relaxing into his as he whispers back.

"And you're all that I ask for"


	12. 11

Although his friends from home would call him occasionally and he does have some here too, Harry sometimes feels that he might have taken the wrong decision, and now as he waits, staring into the elevator digital screen counting the floors to his destination, he wonders if the gap in his life is really filled, because Zayn is still away, he doesn't feel his life any different than before. There's still distance between them and it's not the physical space.

He closes his eyes and inhales deeply, he's not going to have this conversation with himself now. Perhaps he can change it. Patience. Time. He knows time is an important factor, giving Zayn time and space to adjust, but he sometimes wonders after three years of their push and pull, will it ever come to an end?

The dinging sound of the elevator makes him open his eyes again and they soon widen as someone crashes right into him and dropping whatever he's holding to the floor. He hears him mumbling apologies as he glances up at him, taking in his appearance before he's reaching down to collect his things. Harry notices there are glasses on the floor among other things that the guy is trying to reach first and Harry should probably help too out of politeness, so he does, bending down to help the guy collect his things, but a hand beats them both to the glasses and Harry looks up to find Zayn.

"There you go" He smiles as he places the glasses on the guy who's blushing, standing still, eyes fixed on Zayn's before Zayn looks into his and he quickly averts his gaze. Harry's eyes narrow at him. "Told you hundreds of times not to run in the hallway" His tone is light and teasing and Harry almost slaps him on the face. _Is he being invisible or something?_

"Nice to meet you too" He mumbles as he stands up and Zayn glances up at him for a second before he's making sure the guy is alright then standing up as well.

"Don’t be an ass" Zayn sighs and Harry bites his tongue on a retort, "This is our neighbor, Gus. Gus, this is my boyfriend, Harry" Zayn turns to the guy –Gus– again and Harry certainly notices how the guy looks at him one more time as he nods, looking down and picking his things before standing up as well.

"Yeah, s-sorry, um, I- I should be on my way. Have a good day" He directs his last sentence to Zayn more than the two of them and gets inside the elevator as Harry steps out. Zayn smiles wider and waves at him until the doors are closing and the numbers are decreasing on the digital screen.

"He's such a cutie"

Harry turns with furrowed brows, "Excuse me?"

"Like an actual nerd, with books and glasses and all, but he's cute" Zayn still keeps his smile as he walks towards his apartment, "He often stumbles over his words and blushes too much when you talk to him"

"Not really. He just seems to do so with you"

Zayn unlocks his door and steps in, "Really? Even though I didn't even mention Louis yet" He grins as he turns to Harry who still has his brows furrowed, "He has a massive crush on Louis. I sometimes like to tease him about it"

"You're horrible"

Zayn closes the door after him, "It's innocent teasing, I swear. It's not like I'm bullying him. If I really wanted to I would've stolen his glasses for a day, see what he does without them. But he's just too cute, I know I wouldn’t have the heart to"

"He can see without his glasses" Harry is one hundred percent sure.

"He's been our neighbor ever since we moved in here, Harry. I think I know if he does or doesn’t"

"Well, I think you're blind" Harry mumbles and Zayn turns to him again, "Honestly, you're having goodwill when it's not needed"

"Rude"

"And since when do you think nerds are cute?"

Zayn smirks, an amused expression on his face as he leans over the counter separating them, "Are you jealous because I called someone cute?"

 _No. Maybe. Yes_. But Harry just glares at him half-heartedly as he takes the glass of water Zayn offers, "You don’t call me anything" He mumbles again to himself but Zayn leans closer.

"That's not true …" Zayn trails off. He does compliment Harry, maybe not physically but, "You're on a different level of cuteness" He reaches with his hands, fingers pressing over the crease between his eyebrows until Harry gives up and allows Zayn to soothe them, "When you're not scowling" He leans back again, a satisfied smile on his lips, "Your smile is charming with your dimples and all" But Harry doesn’t smile, keeps staring at Zayn until the latter rolls his eyes and shakes his head, pushing himself up until he's close enough to peck Harry's lips. "You don't have to worry about him anyway, he's too interested in Louis to see anyone else" He leans back, settling on the stool, "He's not a creep, but like, hopeless, so …" He shrugs, "Your have nothing to be jealous of"

And because Harry doesn't want to dig into the subject more, because he knows for one that he introduced him as his boyfriend, an easy term leaving Zayn's lips, something casual, feels natural, and it settles a warm feeling in his chest. And two, he's aware of Zayn's feelings for him, he just can’t help feeling protective over what's supposedly his, because he knows Zayn is attractive, and he's on a whole other level of attractiveness when his kindness is combined with his good looks. And three, this isn't the time to start a quarrel, he didn't come here for that.

But as he opens his mouth to make his request, the front door is being opened and he knows without turning by the smile on Zayn's lips that it's Louis.

"Great, was just talking about you" Zayn shouts at him and Louis glances over them momentarily before bending down to get rid of his shoes first.

"Talking about me?" Louis questions as he reaches them, a quick nod of acknowledgement to Harry which seems to be their only way of communicating, silent gestures that neither seems to be bothered by it. "Why are you talking about me?" Louis pours himself a glass of water too and settles next to Zayn, and Harry wants to tell him that he's somehow included in most of their conversations. He doesn't know how Zayn does it, but Louis is being pushed between the lines. Harry doesn't like it at all.

"Was telling Harry about your obsessed stalker"

Louis sighs deeply, irritated by the subject, and at least Harry isn't the only one. "Dear lord-"

"He seems nice" Zayn nudges his shoulder with his own, "If you're not too busy checking over your past" He says in a softer and quiet tone and Louis turns to look at him. "What's the harm in trying?"

"Not my type" Louis simply replies and Zayn gives him an unimpressed look.

"I'm pretty sure he's ready to do whatever for you"

"You certainly know how to play a person" Harry mumbles and the both turn to him, "Changing someone to fit your likings? I'm pretty sure he won't like it. That's not how you get into a relationship"

"We're not-" Zayn starts.

"Well, you didn't see me doing it" Louis replies at the same time, briefly glancing at Zayn before adding, "He was joking" Harry just blinks at him because he knows that neither of them was. Louis stands up, placing his glass near the sink before heading to his room, "I'm gonna take a shower"

"I'm gonna invite him over" Zayn grins and Louis turns to him one last time.

"Please, last time you tried to set me up with someone, he ended up as your boyfriend"

Zayn opens his mouth to reply but nothing comes out and his previous cheerful aura shuts down completely as his gaze lowers to settle on his fingers on top of the counter.

Harry's plans are _–again–_ ruined by Louis' presence and he figures he can't ask Zayn now to come over tonight. Because he knows that guilt is eating Zayn up, and it's not just him who Louis had lost. He's pretty sure Zayn didn't dare to tell him about Doug either, and he isn’t sure if he should speak up or not until Zayn's brows furrow and he's off his stool the next second.

"This is basically yours so you're more than welcomed to stay. I'm just gonna check on Louis"

Yup, there it goes.

=====

Zayn memorized Harry's schedule by now, and after the last time he saw him, he felt like he owns an apology to him. Sure, Louis didn't exactly mean what he said, but Zayn still feels the stinging feeling in his chest. Louis would tell him over and over that Harry is not on his list anymore, that he doesn't care about whatever happened in the past, and Zayn believes him, he knows Louis, and his feelings for Harry aren't going away anytime soon, and he doesn't want them to. So he's here, standing outside Harry's house, the gate is closed and Harry isn't here despite him checking that he doesn't have classes today.

By the time Harry doesn't pick up his third call, he considers leaving for now, but before he pushes himself off the gate, he sees Harry's car coming his way.

"Thought you had this day off" Zayn says when Harry rolls the window down. "Oh …" He takes in Harry's appearance, sweaty and a bit out of breath, "You didn't tell me you started going to the gym again"

"First week" Harry replies and opens the door for him.

"You're just getting inside, it's not a driving distance"

"I felt it'd be rude to leave you trailing behind awkwardly" Harry presses a button to open the gate and Zayn shakes his head.

"All of this and you didn't want the money" He mumbles to himself, Harry doesn't hear it, and gets in. "Do you also happen to have a pool in your backyard?"

"I do actually" Harry glances at him as he parks.

"You're seriously having more than one car?" Harry doesn't reply, simply getting out and heading for the front door instead, waiting for Zayn to get out so he lock the car.

"Why are you here anyway? You didn't tell me you're coming"

Zayn still feels this house is too much, too fancy. He likes it, likes the overall interior design, but he fears that he might break something that costs a big amount of money. Harry's apartment back then was simpler than this, feeling cozier and more homelike.

"You left last time without …" He turns to Harry, "I just thought you were there for a reason and … I kind of … ruined it" He says quietly, Harry looking at him for a moment before he replies.

"Can't I just visit my boyfriend and spend some time with him?"

"Well, no. I mean, yes, you can, but … You wanted to say something and I just … I dunno, I just felt like it"

"I'm not mad at you if that's what you're trying to say" Harry turns towards the stairs instead and Zayn glances around one more time, he still needs to have a tour around this place.

"I didn't come here for just that too, you know?" Zayn looks up at him from the bottom of the stairs. "It doesn't have to include a fight for us to meet"

Harry smiles, glancing at him for a second before continuing his way up, "I didn't say that"

And because Zayn doesn't feel Harry shutting him away exactly, he follows him upstairs. "You're giving me mixed vibes"

" _I'm_ giving _you_ mixed vibes?" Harry turns to him again, a smile still present on his face. "Well, that's a first"

"Stop for a minute!" Zayn raises his voice.

"I'm sweaty, Zayn. I need a hot bath. You can wander around however you like" But before Zayn can reply, he hears a dog barking and he furrows his brows. "Oh, that's Roy" Harry replies for him, whistling for the dog across the house so he comes hurrying up to him as Harry crouches down to pat him.

"You got a dog?"

"You don't like them?" Harry looks up at him.

Zayn bites his lower lip, bending down slowly to reach the dog, "A Shetland Sheepdog? Is it a male or female?"

"Male"

Zayn's hands reach up, softly touching its fur and the dog leans into his touch quicker than Harry thought making Zayn smile widely. "It's so cute"

"Not a bunny, but" Harry shrugs, "At least you're friendly with pets. He'll keep you occupied till I finish"

Zayn looks up at him when the dog completely cuddles into his side instead, "I think he'll keep me occupied even after you finish, right Roy?" He coos down at the dog and Harry stands up again, shakes his head with a smile before heading to the bathroom.

=====

"So what're your plans for tonight?" Harry asks once he gets out of the shower, hair a bit damp and fresh clothes on. Zayn is sitting on the couch stroking the dog's back gently as it rests in his lap. He doesn’t think Zayn would be here for the rest of the night if Louis is home. He's still hoping though.

Zayn looks up at him, "Nothing" He shrugs, voice quiet, respecting that he has a dog in his lap taking a nap.

"Nothing?" Harry cocks an eyebrow as he sits next to him.

"Yes" Zayn's eyes are confused as his reply comes out slowly.

"Well then" Harry starts, hands reaching for the dog to carry him off Zayn's lap, "Since you don't have anything to do" He places the dog gently down on the mat, "And I don't have anything to do" He returns to the couch, body turned to Zayn.

"Yeah?" Zayn raises his brows, a knowing smile on his face that Harry wants to replace it with a whole different expression. "What do you have in mind?"

Harry leans in to kiss him, soft pecks to his lips, "Exactly what you have in yours. You. Me. Bed"

"You need to move quietly if you don’t want to wake Roy up" Zayn whispers.

"One pair of legs is enough then" Harry pulls back when Zayn giggles.

"Alright, champ. You don’t need to prove to me that you got an impressive upper body strength" Zayn pats his biceps.

"I'm determined to show you other parts' strength actually"

"Impressive" Zayn barely whispers and Harry could swear he's still on the teasing tone. Yeah, he'll totally erase that off his face. So he picks him up, Zayn's legs wrapping around his waist and he leans in before he stands up but Zayn puts a finger between them, "Shhhhh" For now, Harry lets him get away with it, seeing another smirk on Zayn's face as he puts his arms around Harry's neck before he's standing up and carrying him upstairs.

"I don't think there's a problem of you being loud here cause I plan to make you so" Harry whispers in his ear, deep and low as he places him on the bed beneath him, hands trailing up Zayn's sides to reach his skin, so smooth like he remembers as he kisses his neck.

"I'm normally not" Zayn replies quietly, cheeks heating up, and Harry pulls back for a second to look at him before pulling him into a sitting position to get rid of his shirt.

"You're not loud? I believe I'll be the judge of that" Harry smirks, reaching to untie Zayn's hair and messing it up some more so it falls on the sides of his face, a fair amount covering his eyes for a moment before Zayn brings his hand up to push it away but Harry stops him. "I like your hair messed up" And before Zayn gets a chance to protest, he kisses him again, adding more force to the kiss as he pushes him down on the bed again, pulling away for a moment to remove his own shirt before he's leaning forward again, lips reaching Zayn's neck instead, tongue darting out to lick at the skin before sucking on it.

His hands trail over Zayn's chest until they reaches his nipples, fingers brushing softly before he's stroking them between two fingers, hearing Zayn's moan and feeling his hands grip at his biceps as he starts pulling on his nipples, feeling more than seeing his back arch and he licks at Zayn's neck again before grazing his teeth lightly at the skin. Zayn's hands starts pushing at him and he pulls back with confusion.

"Alright, no. No biting" Harry blinks at him twice before nodding slowly. _No marks_. That's what Zayn meant with not being loud. But he doesn't let the moment break, Zayn's skin is still red, there's a mark that's going to fade soon on his neck, but he doesn't allow himself to think too much about it. So he nods again, assuring Zayn that he won't before his mouth is trailing kisses down his chest again, flicking his tongue over the hardening nipples a few times and smirking against his skin when he feels the bulge in Zayn's pants growing.

Harry wants to tease him for some more, if he's not allowed to leave marks, he's still going to make Zayn squirm and plead for him. So he locks his fingers in the hem of Zayn's pants but not pulling, mouth trailing down to mouth over his dick between the layers of his pants and Zayn raises his hips slightly when Harry moves away, ghosting over his bulge before moving his tongue over it, eyes looking up to see Zayn's expression, hooded lids looking down at him, parted lips and chest going up and down on short breaths of air. But he doesn't speak up, not what Harry expected, but he doesn't know what to expect actually when he knows that Zayn probably had every type of activity tested on his body.

A mental note to himself to not think about Zayn's past sex life. This is _them_. And yeah, Zayn isn't normally loud.

He begins to remove Zayn's pants, slowly pulling them down, groping Zayn's ass in the process and leaning back enough to take them off completely. "You have a very fit body" Harry places his hands on Zayn's thighs, stroking the skin in his inner thighs before spreading them apart, marveling in the way his legs are easily spread wide, an obscene view that makes Harry's cock twitch in his pants, already hard.

Harry leans in again, Zayn's hands cupping his face immediately, tongue darting over his lower lip and Zayn opens up for him, allowing him to deepen the kiss, tasting every corner of his mouth and slow dancing with Zayn's tongue. And even though Zayn's lips are addicting, his cock is achingly hard and begging for a release, so he pulls back, quickly reaching for his nightstand and opening a drawer, grabbing a bottle of lube and a condom and settling back between Zayn's legs.

He doesn't waste time, replacing his previous plans of marking every inch of Zayn's body to opening him up since Zayn won't really allow him to, slicking his fingers and raising one leg with the other hand, circling around his rim slowly and teasingly, watching how Zayn bites his lower lip, keeping his gaze on Harry's hands while the latter pushes in slowly.

"So tight, fuck" Harry moans into Zayn's ear, lips parting to suck again at his neck as he sinks his finger deeper. Zayn tenses for a moment before relaxing into Harry's gentle strokes over his thighs again, warm lips covering his neck, trailing higher on his face until they reach his own, feeling Harry's finger moving and his hands fall from Harry's arms to the sheets. "Hold on to me" Harry whispers into his ear, "Bruise me however you want" Because he wants a reminder, wants to look and feel Zayn's marks on his skin, knowing that they're Zayn's, knowing that he's Zayn's.

Zayn's eyes meet him for a moment, pupils blown, a dark shade taking over their color as he reaches up again with his hands, one at his shoulder and the other behind his neck to pull him down for another kiss, mostly open mouthed ones, breath hitching every now and then until Harry adds a second finger and he shuts his eyes, tilting his head backwards and moaning, leaving Harry to lick at his soft spot before sucking on it again and feeling Zayn's fingers dip into his skin, back arching off the bed, so he adds another finger, pulling back slightly to watch Zayn's face, lips parted on breathless moans, and Harry thinks he can get off like that, just from watching Zayn.

"Your fucked up state is a huge turn on" Zayn opens his eyes and looks like he was going to say something before it turns into another moan when Harry crosses his fingers inside him, his middle finger reaching his prostates and Zayn clenches around his fingers, fingers digging harder at his arms and Harry can feel the scratch of his nails, definitely leaving a mark there.

"Fuck. Harry, I'm fucking ready, stop-" Zayn is leaking, cock twitching as Harry keeps rubbing at that certain spot inside him, keeping his other fingers spreading his hole. "If you don't, I'm gonna come"

"Then I'll make you come again" Harry states simply and Zayn tilts his head forward again to look at him.

"No" Zayn pushes at his hand, "Just get it over with"

"You sound like you don't want it" Harry frowns as he retreats his fingers.

"Trust me I wouldn't be lying on your bed if I wasn't" Zayn sits up, hands fumbling with Harry's pants to get them off, "I'm just not in the mood for multiple orgasms" He mumbles as he gets Harry's pants undone, "And I wanna feel you" His eyes go back to Harry's, a smile back on his face as he squeezes over his cock. "Besides, I doubt you'll make it by the time I'm coming"

"I don’t mind a second round" Harry replies, head falling on Zayn's shoulders as he keeps palming him through his pants, "You're making it hard not to" Zayn removes his hands, falling back to the bed and waiting. "Fine, have it your way" Harry gets up to take off his pants, dumping them on the floor as he returns back between Zayn's legs. "Turn around"

"I don't prefer being on all four"

"Right" Harry pauses, "Why are you not looking at me?"

There are many reasons Zayn doesn't want to, keeping his gaze on the ceiling instead, but he knows from Harry's tone that he's worried so he sighs quietly and looks down, and well, it's not that easy to divert his gaze from Harry's dick. He doesn't have a size kink, he doesn't have any kinks actually, but he can't tell Harry that, wouldn't want him to feel insecure about his own body. No wonder Harry took more time than necessary to open him up.

"Can you …" Zayn returns his gaze to Harry's eyes, pleading maybe with his eyes if his body language isn’t giving away yet, "Can you go slow?"

Harry nods with a smile, "Sure" Because he remembers all those times Zayn would be a little scared even if he's not showing it.

_Vanilla sex._

It's what he's dreaming about, and it's what Harry would give him, even though he did have fantasies about Zayn on all four, back arching as he pulls on his hair, biting on his shoulder as he thrusts hard into him. _Later_. _Maybe_.

He feels Zayn's body relaxing again as he spreads his legs wider, hands stroking the insides of his thighs before putting on the condom and adding lube over his length, and even though Zayn is not tensing, he still leans forward, planting a lingering kiss on his forehead before going down and capturing his lips between his own in a slow soft kiss. Zayn appreciates it.

Harry keeps his lips close to Zayn's as he pushes in, slowly, hand at the base to guide him in while the other is stroking soothingly at Zayn's sides, lips pressing on the corner of Zayn's lips, on his cheek, on his neck and back up as he inches deeper, hearing Zayn's breath hitching again, curses leaving his mouth and fingers digging into Harry's back.

"Tell me if it's too much for you"

 _It is too much_. But Zayn doesn't say it, because Harry is wearing that worried look on his face again, pausing every now and then to let Zayn adjust to his size. The burning sensation as his insides stretch to take Harry in is too much, but he appreciates that Harry is actually going slow, hands leaving his sides to grip the sheets instead, muscles flexing before they're tensing, and Zayn would admire the way they look, how Harry is restraining himself for him. So he reaches up, hands leaving Harry's back to trace his arms and over his grip before pushing himself up and kissing him. And maybe he's Harry's distraction as Harry is his own, both sinking into the kiss as Harry inches deeper, grip loosening a bit, and Zayn cries out when Harry bottoms out because fuck, he reaches so deep inside of him Zayn is sure his nails are drawing blood over Harry's skin.

"You alright?" Harry asks out of breath, keeping still, head lifting up from where it's buried in his neck to look at him, looking absolutely fucked up and Zayn is sure he looks just the same.

"You look pretty when you're all flustered" Zayn says instead and Harry smiles.

"You should look at yourself. A proper mess of hair over the pillows. Sexy as hell" Zayn smiles as well, almost laughing if he didn't feel hot all over and biting his tongue in order not to say something stupid that sets Harry off, or spilling his feelings out when he's fucked up. So he cups Harry's face again making him lean in for a sloppy kiss and feeling Harry's smile against his own.

Harry asks with his eyes instead, leaning his forehead on Zayn's before he's pulling out just a little and moving back inside, and he has to bite his lip as he feels the incredible warmth of Zayn's insides squeezing around him, so tight that the simple friction is driving him crazy, and he's sure he's not going to last either. So much for bragging about stamina.

But Zayn is also on edge, pain turning into pleasure as Harry pulls half way and thrusting back inside, pulling almost all the way and thrusting inside again. And it feels amazing, the slow drag of his orgasm, how he feels every inch of Harry, soft lips gazing his skin before Harry is pulling back into a sitting position, hands on Zayn's thighs as he brings them over his shoulders and leaning forward again, slowly to make sure Zayn adjusts to the change of angle, and Zayn swears Harry is going deeper, rolling his hips and making Zayn moan louder, feeling proper pleasure perhaps for the first time instead of being used roughly. Simple words setting at the tip of his tongue and he's glad that he can't form a complete sentence in his state. Jaw going slack as Harry speeds up his pace, just a little, nothing Zayn feels is too much, and he brings his arms to lock around Harry's shoulders, cock trapped between them seeking friction as it rubs itself over Harry's abs, and Harry feels him, seeking a hand between them to stroke him, a grip not too tight nor too loose, feeling Zayn clutching around him tighter and he moans too, his orgasm building suddenly too fast.

Zayn moans his name, back arching again and head tilted back and Harry squeezes his cock, thumb brushing over the tip and it sets Zayn on edge. Harry gasps as he feels Zayn's inside squeezing his length, thrusting for a moment harder than before, seeking that amazing sensation as he buries himself balls deep, and what literally drives his orgasm to its maximum is watching Zayn's completely blissed out face, too fucked up to see his surroundings, eyes falling shut, eyelashes fluttering softly as they do and Harry loses it, spilling his loads into the condom and trying to keep his body from crushing Zayn beneath him.

He feels soft fingers brushing through his hair and looks up, Zayn still hasn't regained his normal breathing yet, face still flushed, but he's smiling at him and Harry forces himself up, kissing Zayn softly first before he does, pulling out slowly and wincing at how Zayn's insides are still tight around him. No, certainly he's not up for round two. Zayn is too much. He was wrong. He ties the condom and throws it away, flipping on the bed next to Zayn and trying to get his breathing back to normal feeling his limbs heavier than usual. He should totally hit the gym more, the time off he took is affecting his body and besides, he just came back, his muscles were already tired, he'll blame his fatigue on that.

"Did I hurt you?"

Zayn looks at him, a soft smile on his lips, doing better than him even though he was the one being fucked, and Harry certainly doesn't want to think that Zayn is _used_ to that.

"No"

"I wasn't too rough? You don't feel like you can't walk?"

Zayn's smile widen, "You weren't too rough, but I'm not sure about my ability of walking" He looks down at himself, "My hole is gonna take some time to return to its natural size" He sits up slowly, "Nah, I think I'm fine" Harry watches as Zayn stands up, a part of him does wish he would have wrecked him, but he can't bring himself to actually do it. Zayn returns with a towel, already cleaned himself and sits next to him on the bed, carefully cleaning him before tossing the towel away.

"Are you staying?" _Can you please stay? I want you to_. Harry doesn't want to feel like he's just a shag, like they're some sort of friends with benefits. He wants Zayn to stay, always, physically. "Just tonight?" Harry tries again when Zayn doesn't give him an answer.

"I-"

"Please?" Harry begs him, hands holding Zayn's wrist and eyes sending their own plea.

"Alright. Let me just text Louis" Zayn grabs his phone, sending a quick text to Louis telling him he's staying here, and he might have had this feeling of disappointment inside of him, feeling that he wasn’t enough, wasn’t good, didn't satisfy Harry, because he knows he wanted to be rough. But he doesn't know how to place Harry's sweetness, placing Zayn over his own desire. And maybe giving one thing in return will make this feeling fade away, because he can't give everything at once, doesn't know how to.

So he gets back in bed, the sheets are clean which he's thankful for. Harry's arms scoop him from behind, chest pressing to his back and Zayn relaxes into his arms.

"I like this position" Zayn says quietly, turning his body slightly to look at Harry, "I feel protected, like you're my shield covering my back, eyes keeping me safe from whatever I'm facing"

Harry smiles, tightening his arms around him, "I love having you in my arms too" He leans in kissing Zayn's forehead seeing a smile stretching on Zayn's face before he's turning again and placing his head on the pillows, eyes fluttering shut. "Love the feeling of your body close, so I get to know you're safe. Get to know that I have you" He places another kiss to the back of Zayn's neck, "Love holding onto you, feels … _sane_ " He places another kiss to the back of Zayn's head, "Wouldn't dream of anything more than closing my eyes to the image of you and reopening them on the same image … Every night and day" Harry knows Zayn isn't asleep yet, he knows he's hearing him, "It'd fill the gap in my life, Zayn … _You'd_ fill the gap in my life"

But again, he doesn't get a respond.

=====

One thing that Zayn doesn't clearly understand is pain kink. He had his share and doesn't enjoy it one bit. And now, as he traces his fingers on Harry's arms he feels a scratch and he knows before looking down on it that it's his mark, one among many scattered that he's sure covering Harry's back and shoulders, and even though Harry allowed him to, encouraged him to, wanted him to, he doesn't like it. It reminds him of each time Harry would go inside that cage and fight for him, bleed for him. He hates it. So he turns slowly in Harry's arms, seeing him sleeping soundly and plants a soft kiss on his cheek before carefully getting up, eyes glancing over Harry's back. He doesn't care if Harry enjoys it or not. _Never again_. It brings back memories that he doesn’t wish to relive.

When Harry wakes up, it's not with Zayn in his arms, but at least when he opens his eyes, Zayn is sitting on the bed with his fingers stroking his face gently. He smiles when he sees Harry's awake but Harry doesn't want to hear his next words, so he closes his eyes again, Zayn's scent is still lingering on the pillow.

"I need to go back home"

 _Home_.

"Sure"

"So I guess I'll see you around then?"

"Sure" Harry repeats, hoping that his sleepy tone isn't giving away his annoyance, but he knows, Louis is there, and wherever he is, he's Zayn's home. He doesn't want to open his eyes and glare at Zayn, he should be understanding. _Time_. He just needs to give Zayn time. Probably another three years.

"Alright then" Zayn says quietly, leaning in to place a kiss to Harry's forehead before getting up and leaving the room. There's a faint 'bye' that he throws at Harry and the latter just inhales deeply, hands fisting the sheets tightly before he forces his body to relax on an exhale.

=====

When Zayn gets home, Louis is out, and there's a long time until he arrives. And when he unlocks his door, he hears the familiar ding of the elevator and he turns to see Gus awkwardly shuffling toward his own apartment, avoiding his eyes again and Zayn smiles amusedly. Perhaps he can stir things up.

"Hey Gus!" He calls and the said person turns with wide eyes, gulping audibly and Zayn bites his lip to not chuckle at him. "Louis is out, wanna come in?" Gus hesitates, looking between him and his own door, so Zayn pouts, "I'm all alone. Would use some company"

"Um-"

"Great!" Zayn grins, opening his door wide and literally dragging Gus into the apartment. "I hope you don't have anything important to do" He turns to him before closing the door.

"I'm-"

"Perfect!" Zayn claps his hands together, pushing Gus until they're in the kitchen and opening the cupboard, picking a bottle of wine and a glass, pouring a very generous amount into it and shoving it in Gus' direction. "You seem tense, let's loosen you up, yeah?" Gus gulps again, staring at the glass with wide eyes, hands in his lap, and Zayn worries that he'd taken this a bit too fast. "Don't tell me you don't drink"

"I, um- no! It's just- I-"

"Hey, alright!" Zayn raises his hands, "I wasn't- I didn't mean to terrify you, but you really need to get rid of that weird attitude if you want Louis" Gus looks up at him, eyes going to their normal size but he's still breathing hard, shoulders tense, and his hands haven't removed themselves from gripping his knees. "Look" Zayn sighs, "It's one glass, you're not going to get drunk, and I'm not going to poison you or anything. It'll really help us here"

Gus reaches for the glass slowly, taking a careful sip, and Zayn takes his time to really look over him. He doesn't seem like a strong person, clothes style too nerdy, and his hair might need a little hand there too. He looks back again into his face, seeing him swallow the whole glass and he raises a surprised brow seeing Gus putting the glass down, face completely red. He needs to change that too.

He remembers Harry's words, and perhaps his sight isn't that bad. Maybe he can wear lenses? Or just change those horrible looking glasses. Maybe if he made himself more presentable he'll catch Louis' eyes. The dude doesn't have an ugly face, Zayn can work with that. And it's not that he is forcing Louis to do it, but trying isn’t harmful, and he's been sitting on the sideline for too long watching the poor kid's crush grow by the day. If Louis happens to like him afterwards then it's cool, they can see where it's going, and if he didn't, then it's cool, they can totally dump him. So he moves around the table, Gus seems alarmed, like Zayn intends to hurt him or something, hands back in his lap, fumbling nervously as Zayn gets closer and slowly removes his glasses.

"Can you see me?" He asks quietly, afraid the poor guy will break if he raised his voice. A soft approach seems to work with him and he definitely needs to change that. He wonders how does he feel about going to the gym, build that lanky body and hopefully channel his inner 'man'. Zayn wants to make a total makeover and Harry's words cross his mind at that thought. Are they really that horrible for wanting to change a person? But Gus likes Louis, so he's ready for it? They're not forcing him on anything. It's not entirely harmful. Maybe Gus will like his new persona.

Zayn removes the glasses entirely, watching Gus' face as it reddens even more, eyes glued on his and breath becoming more ragged. He sees his shoulders tensing again. Maybe he needs another glass, fumbling too much with his arms and legs and … Zayn frowns at the chocked breath Gus takes and he snaps his eyes down and … Wow.

"You're …" Zayn starts, gaze going up again to Gus' eyes. "But you- you said-" He shakes his head, dropping the glasses on the table and taking a step back, "You have a crush on Louis!"

"Had" Gus corrects quietly and Zayn gapes at him. "He was … cruel, indifferent, ignoring, and you were … You seemed nice"

 _Showing kindness when it's not necessary_. Zayn should've known that Harry's doubts were true.

"You're disgusting" Zayn replies. "I have a boyfriend who is more than ready to rip your body into half if you ever dared to touch me" Gus looks down, embarrassed maybe, but Zayn doesn't care, may he burn in hell for all that matters. "Get out" He points to the door, voice low, but Gus just looks at him. "Get the fuck out!" He shouts and Gus stumbles into his feet, walking fast towards the door and shutting it behind him.

Zayn glares at the door for a minute, hands itching to hit something, and his eyes find the empty glass and the bottle. Without any second thought, he grabs the glass, throwing it against the wall, picking the bottle next and smashing it against the wall too. He sinks to the floor, watching the red liquid spread between the glass shards and he wonders if this is how Louis feels, because Zayn just took another one away, and it isn't fair when he's the one healing while Louis' heart is probably shattered just like the glass in front of him. Too many idiots going for something he can't really see. He isn't perfect, and last time he checked, he wasn't exactly the _nice guy_ around.

He closes his eyes and leans his head back, breathing in deeply. _Does Louis hate him for it?_

He needs a drag.

=====

Zayn hates how the smoke fogs his vision like it's doing to his mind right now, like the clouds are covering the blue sky. He hates it, all of it, and for a second, he wonders what Louis would do if he ever finds out that he'd been on a roof of a random building smoking illegal weed. Fuck it, he doesn't even smoke, but he did try with Louis before and this shit isn't new to him.

And because his thoughts are messed up, a million thought crossing his mind, his memories flood into his vision as well and he thinks about all the what ifs in his life. Because truly, what if he didn't exist? What if Louis is still hiding his feelings from him? What if all this time he couldn’t read Louis? What if this is just a lie? Is Louis still hurting because he has Harry instead? If he never existed, would Harry love Louis instead?

Fuck. His chest tightens with that thought. Would they be together instead? Because Zayn had seen it in front of his eyes, how one person moved from crushing on Louis to crushing on him instead. No, two people. Another slap in the face that Louis lost three people because of his existence.

His mind wanders again to his childhood, when he stabbed that knife into Louis' dad's body. Maybe they could've taken him away. Louis had a family that cared for him afterwards but he still came for him. Louis took too many shots for him and he wonders if he ever did the same. If it counts from Louis' perspective.

He looks back at the sky, mind fuzzy and body numb, he likes the way the wind blows over his face driving the smoke away and wishes if the wind would blow those clouds away too. Is he the clouds in Louis' sky?

His phone vibrates by his side and he slowly turns to it before picking it up. It's Louis. Of course it's Louis.

 _"Hey bro, you're home?"_ Zayn blinks at the sky again, and he swears he can imagine Louis' frown when he doesn’t reply, probably turning into a roll of his eyes by his next words. _"Oh god, please don't tell me that you're-"_

"Hey Lou?" Zayn interrupts him and he can swear for the second time that Louis is bothered by his tone. But maybe he doesn’t really know. It's in his heart, _Louis_ is in his heart, knows every angle of his body, knows every expression on his face, can tell what he'll say and where he'll move. But maybe he's wrong and Louis is not, and the smoke isn’t really allowing him to think properly, but that's the thing, his feelings aren't filtered when he's drunk or high, and there's an immense weight on his chest that he needs to get off, and he thinks he owes Louis that much. "Can I confess something?" He asks quietly.

 _"Where are you?"_ Because Louis knows him too, knows when he's down, knows when he's high, and Zayn thinks he hears irritation in his tone as well as worry. He blames the drugs.

"That day after I met Doug he showed up at my workplace, said he wanted us to get along for you, that my approval was important for your relationship. I thought it was something weird or casual, dunno, but deep down I know I felt important. I felt like my position in your heart was high enough that others think it's important to get to me first before they can get to you"

_"Zayn-"_

"I was okay with it, but Harry showed up and I went out with him that night. Doug was at the same place and I thought it was cool at first when I noticed something wasn't alright and I went to him. I had you in my mind, that if he ever tried hurting you then I'll punch him in the face, I wanted to, still want to …" He can hear Louis sigh through the phone, probably not knowing what Zayn exactly aims at, "But- He was- I didn’t know but he told me …" Zayn blinks again at the sky, "I found pictures of me on his phone and he told me it was after meeting me. After getting involved with you … That- That night when he broke up with you it was because Harry threatened him of some sort, and staying away from me meant staying away from you too. I don't know if his words were harsh enough on you but that night you came back with that bottle of wine and got poisoned" Zayn takes in a shaky breath, vision fogged by smoke and tears, "You got poisoned, Lou. Because of me. _I_ poisoned you"

 _"Zayn-"_ Louis tries again but Zayn shakes his head.

"This morning I met Gus, Lou. I wanted to work things between the two of you. I don't even remember when exactly I was giving away the vibe that I'm a better person. I have zero idea if I was probably moving or talking sexually. I wasn't. But he had a fucking boner because of me, in our fucking kitchen, inside our house, Lou … I wasted another chance for you"

 _"Zayn-"_ Louis' tone is sharp, but maybe Zayn can't really focus on that when he can focus on the city instead, how high the building he's on and the huge distance separating him from the ground as he looks down, sitting on the edge probably wasn’t a good idea.

"For once, Lou, tell me the truth" Louis pauses, "Am I the fat obstacle in your life?"

 _"Where are you?"_ Louis' tone is calm again, and maybe he's afraid if he raised his voice Zayn would flinch and stumble leading him to fall off this roof, like he knows.

But Zayn's vision is blurry, his head is light, and it doesn’t take much for him to lean his body forward. He sniffs, feeling his cheeks getting damp, leaning his head back to look at the sky, the blue color he always loved. "Tell me to jump and I will do it"

There's a shuffling sound, and Zayn thinks Louis is moving faster than usual, not replying to him, but maybe checking where he is, trying to guess because Zayn won't tell him. There are bars behind him that his back rests on, and he thinks that the joint he just smoked wasn't meant for 'fun'.

His vision goes blank, phone falling from his hands.

He doesn't hear a crashing sound, just feels the wind around him, and he isn't sure if his body is leaning back or forwards. His head is spinning enough that he can't tell.

=====

Louis tries calling again but he doesn't get any signal from Zayn's phone and he doesn’t want to expect anything because his brain will automatically think of the worst scenario.

But it's not hard to predict Zayn, it's not hard to know that he's high, and it's not hard to know from where exactly he got the weed from and it took some time but he finds Zayn's phone, or rather its remains, shattered on the floor, and he looks up with a sigh. At least Zayn is still sitting there. In a moment of rational thinking when he has enough adrenaline rushing in to climb the stairs, he actually takes the elevator, and the painful waiting he had to endure to reach the roof is better than wasting more time climbing the stairs.

Zayn is jolted awake, eyes snapping open, but his body doesn't get to move much because Louis' arms are around his shoulders, tightly secured, face buried in his hair, and he thinks he feels Louis' shaky breath from behind him.

"First" _First_ , Zayn blames himself for Louis' tone, voice broken, and he doesn't know if Louis is crying or not but he hates it. "You don't get to smoke alone" Zayn relaxes back into Louis' embrace, bodies separated by a metal bar that he might be glad it kept his body balanced. "And second, for all those people you blame yourself for. They're not worth it. If it had been something real they wouldn't have thought about looking for someone else, and for the millionth time, Zayn, I don't blame you. I never blamed you. And no, don't give me the 'what ifs' because I won't listen, your life is important, your existence is important, and if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn't be here"

Zayn wants to turn to him, apologize, that maybe his messed up mind is more fucked up than he thought. And Louis doesn't deserve this. "Third, don't doubt yourself. You're an amazing person that people would be fools not to fall in love with. A kind and caring heart, the warmest feeling I get to feel with you. You're not an obstacle, Zayn. You've been the one reason pushing me to keep going with my life, so don't you dare waste that life because the moment you'd jump off that roof I'll be following suit" He takes in another shaky breath, arms tightening around Zayn and shouts, "And last, Don't you ever dare to question _us_ ever again! Don't you ever dare to scare me like that again! Do you hear me?!" Zayn turns his head slowly to look at him and Louis has tears similar to his as well as he whispers his next words, "Do you?"

"How come you never think about it?" Zayn asks quietly, because the doubts are killing him, because even though he loves Louis dearly, would give up his life for him with no questions asked, how come Louis never thought the same? He doesn't want him to, god no, he _never_ wants him to, but it's reality and he needs to know.

"I do" Louis replies, arms loosening a bit, just enough for Zayn to turn and get to him behind the bar, still holding onto him like he'd lose balance and fall, like he'd fall too if he can't get him up. "But I also think how it's life. How we had trouble haunting us since day one" He settles in front of him, "You had too much to face when I was okay. For all the years that you were hurting, I think it's fair you get to see some light shining through" He smiles at him, soft and small, "I don't want you to think it's a cycle, Zayn, but I never minded. I'll have my share of happiness when it's time. I believe I got a huge piece right in front of my eyes now actually" Zayn smiles too.

"Remember when it was my eleventh birthday and you got me a small cake and asked me to make a wish but not tell you? So it'd become a reality? That time I was so into the book you gave me about aliens and I wished we'd move away to another planet. I thought it'd be better … I still think about that sometimes even though it seems childish, but I still want us out of here somehow"

Louis' smile widens, "Yeah? Think aliens will find us attractive enough to worship us?" Zayn laughs, easy and genuine, like he wasn't thinking about suicide minutes ago, but it's always been like this, him and Louis against the world, feel he can shout this second and hug him the next, because there's this bond between them that Zayn doesn't know what good he did in his life to deserve such person by his side. Louis' face doesn't spark that type of desire, he wouldn't want to kiss him on the lips, but it's something pure, warm, and welcoming. His family, the one and only that he treasures so dearly, and he believes that Louis is the one grounding him, keeping his mind less messed up. His thoughts are interrupted by the image of Harry and there are a million thought about him too, because there's this tug at his heart that tells him that Harry too is capable of doing so, but he isn’t sure what does this make of his and Louis' relationship. He doesn't want to think about it, and he's glad when Louis offers him a hand as he gets up, "Come on, let's go home"

Zayn gets up, leaving the building and getting in a cab because it's tiring to walk a long distance to their building. Feeling his body relax when he cuddles to Louis' side, one of Louis' arms are around him, occasionally rubbing soothingly over him. He looks up, finding comfort again in those sea pools smiling back at him and he smiles too.

"I think I need a haircut"

"As long as you promise you'll cook us dinner, I can work my magic" Louis smiles wider. "Although I quite like your long hair"

Zayn hums, "It's becoming a drag, really. Was thinking of shaving it"

"It's autumn, you'll need some warmth on the top of your head by winter" Louis pauses, "It'll probably grow again knowing your growth rate. But I still like it that way"

"I'm not keeping it"

"Rejecting me so fast, Malik? Did I lose my charm?"

Zayn chuckles, "Maybe. But even if you do I'll still love you"

"Love you too, bro" Louis grins.

=====

Zayn opens the door to a bothered-looking Harry, eyes glancing quickly all over his body before he's hugging him and placing a kiss on top of his head. Zayn is about to ask when Harry speaks first.

"Neither my calls nor my texts were going through. I got worried about you. Are you alright?" He pulls back, brows still furrowing as he looks over his face and Zayn mentally curses. He didn't call Harry. _Fuck_. He should've at least sent a text from Louis' phone to tell him there's a _minor accident_ with his phone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. My phone …" _Crashed because I dropped it from a roof of a building_. "Fell from the window. I'm sorry, I didn't have time to- I mean, I should've called you, I just- Sorry" He looks up at Harry behind his lashes, hoping that he'd drop the subject. "I'm sorry, come in" Zayn pulls back for Harry to step in, hearing more than seeing Gus stumbling on his way to his apartment. He doesn't glare though, doesn't even want to glance at him as he pulls Harry closer, whispering an apology to his lips before closing them on his. He shuts the door behind them and smiles at Harry. He's sure he heard a trail of curses come out of Gus' mouth and it's not about his awkward stumbling.

_Yeah bitch, I'm taken. Rot in hell._

"Are you sure?" Harry asks again, worry still present on his face. But what can Zayn possibly say? _Yeah, no biggie, I was just smoking weed on a roof of a building. That shit was too strong. Don't ever sit near me when I'm high. I say the stupidest things you'll ever hear. You'll probably hate me if I ramble too much. Don't sit next to us when I'm high with Louis either, god you'll hate me so much. I thought about suicide. I was going to throw myself off that roof. I doubted Louis, can you imagine? I doubted my relationship with my own brother! I was thinking about me gone and you and Louis together. I was ready to give you up again. Will you still forgive me? Our neighbor has a crush on me just like you said, will you punch him? I want you to punch him. You can't read my mind but I'm fucked up, look closer._

"Yeah" So no, he smiles instead, and he actually means it, because he can think of plenty things but his actions are those which he can be judged on. And he is. He is really fine. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Harry nods slowly, "I wish you'd tell me, you know?" Fuck. Zayn searches his face. _Was his lie that obvious? Couldn't he act better? Or Does Harry just feel he's missing something like always?_

"I'm fine, Harry" He repeats. "I'm sorry I didn't call" _I'm sorry I didn't put you as a priority_. "But I'm fine. It just happened fast and … I was actually going to see you myself, but you have classes today and …" Harry has classes today, fuck. _He ditched his classes for him?_ "Well, I was going to wait by your house but … I don't really own a key …" He trails off, "And standing awkwardly outside your house might cause me trouble I don't want, so" He shrugs, pushing himself off the door and heading inside past Harry. "You should go. I don't want you to miss your classes because of me"

"How nice of you" Harry says sarcastically.

Zayn sighs, turning to him and staring for a moment. He needs to convince Harry somehow, so he glances down, reaching to grab Harry's set of keys. "Which one of those do I need?"

Harry raises his brows, "Does this mean I'll come home to find you?"

"Maybe"

Harry pulls him closer to him again, "I want you to" he whispers against his lips before kissing him softly. He barely pulls back to lean his forehead against Zayn's and he doesn’t know if it's too early to ask but he does it anyway. "Want you to have my house keys. Want to come home everyday to you" Zayn tries to pull away because he knows where this is heading but Harry doesn't allow him to. He looks up and is about to tell Harry off when the latter opens his mouth to speak, "Move in with me"

And Harry just can't. He can't ask him this when he's in his arms, he can't ask him this when he's staring at his eyes, it's too much for Zayn because he can't give Harry what he wants.

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"Louis-"

"Is an adult who can take care of himself" Harry cuts him off, "It's not like I'm separating you two. He can visit you at any time. You could still hang out like you do. I've moved across continents for you and you can't even move from a house to another?"

Zayn takes in a breath. It's not that. It's not Louis. It's him. Well, him and Louis, Louis has a big part of it but Harry doesn't understand.

"And I could still visit you, we could still hang out any time you want. You're an adult who can take care of himself too" He pushes his way out of Harry's arms and maybe he hates himself a little for his sharp words but he can't help it. Harry wouldn't understand.

"Wow" Harry says after a long pause, "You're just-" He sighs, "Have a good day, Zayn"

Zayn doesn't reply, keeps his position as he stares at the door after Harry closes it behind him. He even took his keys back and Zayn just doesn't know which reply should've been the best.

"When did you move from the honeymoon stage to the fighting married couple stage?" Louis appears out of his room and Zayn looks at him with a sigh. "You're snappy. It's your fault"

"But he just-"

"If you don't plan something today, I'm not going to be the ear you whine to" Louis gives him a pointed finger and Zayn frowns. "Did you make me breakfast?" He walks past him, "Good boy" He smiles, patting his shoulder. Zayn crosses his arms and keeps staring at nothing in particular. But Louis is right. Why was he snappy at Harry? He literally came worried about him while he ignored him. Perfect. Now Zayn feels guiltier.

=====

Zayn presses the button on the intercom briefly, probably afraid that if Harry doesn't want disturbance he should turn on his heels and leave.

_"Yes?"_

"Are you gonna let me in or not?" Zayn decides to be straightforward and he waits a beat too long to hear the connection going off before the gate is being opened. Would it be so hard if Harry just left his keys with him? Maybe he can give him a spare key. But Zayn doesn't want to get Harry's hopes up too much. He can't crash that.

The door is opening before Zayn gets to knock and clearly, Harry is still annoyed, but he goes inside while leaving the door opened for Zayn to come in. He spots Roy, eagerly following Harry around. _Is he giving him the silent treatment?_

"Do you at least want me here?" Zayn asks and Harry stops to look at him. If he's being honest, Zayn looks good, wearing black skinnies along with a black tank-top and a grey cardigan, half of his hair is pulled into a small pony tail while the rest is left loose with some strands dropping from the sides, and he wants to stare, he's allowed to, Zayn is always pretty, always good to look at, but Harry isn't going to.

"I have an assignment to do. Whatever you decide to do is up to you"

 _Is Harry gently kicking him out?_ "You could've ignored the intercom if you were that busy"

Harry sighs, opening his mouth to reply but closes it again as he heads for the stairs instead. Probably deciding that Zayn isn't worth his time to have an argument with right now. He looks tired even, and because Zayn can't have him angry at him, he closes the door behind him, kicking off his shoes and climbing after Harry.

Harry is having a book opened, a pen in his hand and he's staring too much into the paper that Zayn knows he isn't focusing at all. Probably his fault too.

"I did spend three years helping Niall around, so …" Harry's eyes shift on the paper, hands stopping from fiddling with his pen for a second before carrying on their actions and Zayn rolls his eyes, liking it or not, he's not going away when Harry doesn’t want him to, taking a place next to him on the bed and grabbing his book. "Music literature … I can proudly say I'm very good at this" He smirks confidently, "Opera and Drama" He flips through the pages, " The first part, Opera and the Nature of Music, is an extended attack on contemporary opera, with significant attacks on Rossini and Meyerbeer, whom Wagner regarded as betraying art for public acclaim and sensationalism. In this section Wagner makes his famous allegation of Meyerbeer's operas consisting of effects without causes"

"You just read that" Harry turns to him and Zayn sets the book down.

"The second part, The Play and the Nature of Dramatic Poetry is Wagner's most extensive consideration of the role of poetry in his idealized music drama while the last section, The Arts of Poetry and Tone in the Drama of the Future, gives a conspectus of the ideal music drama as a whole—an ideal which, however, in reality Wagner was obliged to compromise to achieve success in his later works … I don't think this is written down"

Harry has to roll his eyes, "Alright music genius. You know a thing or two that I don't. Happy?"

"I was trying to help"

"Can't believe you still remember that"

"The textbooks aren't the same, Harry. I just … like to read sometimes"

Harry turns to him again, "You're interested in literature?"

Zayn shrugs, "Would've been my major actually if I ever went to uni"

"You still can"

Zayn shakes his head, "I'm too old for this shit"

"You just admitted you like this shit"

"Would you want to start a career based on that? After your graduation?" Zayn asks instead.

Harry sighs at Zayn's change of topics, "Dunno. Haven't decided yet"

"Of course" Zayn mumbles.

"What does that mean?"

"You don’t have a motivation" Zayn rolls his eyes, because Harry doesn't really _need_ to work. He can relax in his fancy house until he's old and still rich.

"I don’t have a motivation?" Harry raises his brows.

"Forget I ever said anything"

"Right. Because we're apparently avoiding every topic now"

Zayn stands up, "You know what? Coming here was a mistake. You're clearly busy and don't want me here"

"There! You're doing it again!" Harry raises his voice, turning so his back is facing Zayn and tries to focus on his assignment instead.

Zayn sighs deeply, standing there for a moment before cursing under his breath and sitting on the bed again. "Alright, time out. You're stressed, I'm stressed …" He glances over Harry's nightstand, "You know … I can give you that massage I told you about. I believe that cream is going to work perfectly" He picks at Harry's shirt, "Take off your clothes"

"Are we solving our problems sexually now?" Harry sits up but takes off his shirt nonetheless.

"I didn't say I was going to blow you or anything, did I?"

Harry slams his mouth shut because if roles were reversed he would be pretty much groping every inch of Zayn's skin if he asked him to take off his clothes. It's not that he wants to end their discussion like that, but he does have some desires, and he's frustrated, stressed like Zayn said.

"It's going to help you relax" Zayn says quieter while Harry lays back on bed, his back facing Zayn while the book is still laying on the bed next to him, an empty paper and a pen placed on top of it. "Wagner wrote the entire book in Zurich in four months between October 1850 and January 1851"

"What?" Harry furrows his brows.

"I was … talking about the book"

"I thought this was supposed to help me relax?"

"I thought you wanted your assignment done?"

Again, Harry has to stop himself from replying because it'd start another argument he doesn't want to hear, and besides, Zayn's hands are now on his shoulder blades and he's thankful for it.

"You could write it for me" Harry mumbles, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of Zayn's hands rubbing over his shoulders.

"Nope" Harry doesn't even want to look because he knows Zayn probably has a satisfied look on his face right now. "Where's your hardworking persona now?" Zayn trails his hands to his spine, applying just the right pressure and Harry releases a satisfied groan.

"You're good with your hands" Harry mumbles again.

"I know" Zayn replies, still far, not like the last time when he'd lean in and kiss over his neck. But his hands are soft, digging in the right areas and Harry wants him to dig even harder, wants Zayn to throw his stress on him instead of ignoring the subject or getting into more arguments. And Harry can't really control his body when Zayn's hands go to his lower back. He already knows his voice is betraying him. Zayn's hands stop for a second, probably noticing before continuing their actions. "Why does your lower body refuse to follow the natural scheme and cool down?"

Harry doesn’t know how to exactly reply. " _This_ is the natural scheme" He hears Zayn's quiet laugh, like he's already dumping whatever argument they had a minute ago. And Harry was surprised when Zayn's hands actually dig lower on his ass and thighs. "I thought you're not following that route?"

"Turn around" Harry opens his eyes and furrows his brows, glancing over his shoulder to make sure he heard Zayn correctly. He wants to, but he also wants to ask why. If Zayn _wants_ to do it or not. So he does, flipping himself so he's on his back and Zayn's eyes focus on his bulge first before going up to meet his eyes. "But first" He leans forward, leaning his forehead to Harry's "I want you to know that I didn't mean to snap at you this morning. I was … Just a rough day, and I'm sorry" His eyes search Harry's and Harry relaxes on an exhale, hands reaching up to cup Zayn's face. "Me blowing you has nothing to do with this. I'm not doing it because I want you to forgive me, basing the solution on a sexual activity"

"So you'll stop avoiding every topic I speak of?" Harry asks quietly.

"There are stuff I'm not comfortable talking about" He pecks him quickly, leaning back and taking off his hair tie.

"Proper talk before a blowjob"

Zayn looks up at him and laughs again, "I just don't want you to think of me like that … I'm not mad at you, it's just … I'm hoping you're not"

Harry sighs. Is he really mad at Zayn? No. He's mainly upset, yes. For Zayn to turn him down every time is painful, emotionally, feeling an empty space physically, and he wants to fill both, wants to have Zayn in every way, but he can't, and it's frustrating him. How much 'more time' does Zayn need?

"I'm not. Just … You're very difficult to deal with" Zayn grabs all of his hair to tie it again and Harry frowns. "Keep your hair down, you look beautiful when it's untied"

"It's getting messy" Zayn smiles, fluttering his lashes at him. And Harry knows that, wants to feel it ticking his skin as Zayn blows him, wants to get his hands into the silky locks and pull on it. "Don't snap your hips up" Zayn interrupts his fantasies again as he pulls his pants down, hair already pulled back, and all his images of a disheveled Zayn disappear. "And keep your hands off" Harry furrows his brows but nods anyway. Is stroking his cheeks also not allowed? Zayn is too bossy for a little pretty thing. But again, it's all on Harry actually. He's the one giving in.

"You could be a mistress"

Zayn's eyes snap up to meet his again, hands stroking him lazily, and Harry is hard already but if Zayn is up for teasing then he doesn't mind. "A mistress?"

"Since you like ordering me around too much"

"Because you'll be submissive?" Zayn lowers himself, eyes fixed on his dick again and Harry bites his lower lip. Zayn's gaze alone is making him sweat.

"So far I believe I did what you asked" Zayn hums, getting too close for his lashes to tickle his length, tongue darting out to lick at his balls with one of his hands resting on Harry's thigh while the other stroking his dick. "I'm up for anything you want to try"

Zayn pulls back a little, "I don't want to try anything" Harry brings one of his hands to Zayn's cheek and Zayn looks up, doesn’t push his hand away, "I'm not up for that BDSM thing either so don't ask"

Harry rolls his eyes, "Typical" Zayn swats his hand away, circling his balls again with his tongue, slow then swift before he sucks on them hard enough that makes Harry curl his toes and grip the sheets tightly. "You'd be a sexy one"

"Why are we still on that topic?" Zayn pulls back again, tongue reaching his base, adding pressure on a thick vein until he reaches the tip and he plays with the slit repeatedly making Harry moan louder, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

"Can't get the image of you in lingerie out of my mind" Zayn's eyes go up again even though Harry's head is tilted backwards.

"You sure took your time eye raping me back then"

Harry's head tilt forwards again to look at Zayn. "I wasn't. You were just too close when I woke up and the robe wasn't hiding anything … You're very sexy. How do you expect me not to stare?"

Zayn smiles as he looks at him, "Thanks" then he dips his head back down, opening his mouth and wrapping it around Harry's head, sucking lightly before hollowing his cheeks and Harry throws his head back again.

"Oh god …"

Zayn starts taking him deeper, as deep as he can, and he's aware of how big Harry is, and Harry isn't that surprised actually when Zayn doesn't gag around him, busying his hand with the rest of his length that he can't take in his mouth, the other hand leaving his thigh and teasing his balls before he starts bopping his head, trying it out at first before fastening his pace and everything Zayn does makes Harry want to move, fist Zayn's hair or thrusting his hips up, but he can't, Zayn doesn't like it and Harry won't do something he doesn't like. Curses leave his lips every now and then and he looks down at Zayn, eyes closed as he focuses on Harry, face a bit flushed and if only he can take his hair tie off, he swears his dreams will come true.

Zayn pulls back to the tip again, hands still squeezing his balls while the other stroke his length faster, and the way his tongue moves over the tip is too much, swift movements that's driving him crazy and Harry feels his insides tightening. Zayn removes his mouth, a sinful line of saliva combined with Harry's pre-come connecting his lips to his dick, a look on his face with hooded eyes that's enough to get Harry off the edge with how Zayn's hands are still moving, pressing on his throbbing veins and heavy balls until Harry can't see anymore and he tilts his head back again feeling his orgasm rushing through him but missing the warmth of Zayn's mouth.

He opens his eyes again, Zayn's hands leaving his dick slowly, aware of how sensitive he is. His face is clean aside from his wet lips and Harry glances down at himself to see his cum spread over his own chest. Well, he did have a fantasy of covering Zayn's face up with his cum but apparently, that's not coming true any time soon either, and he watches as Zayn gets up to clean him again.

"By the way" Zayn starts when he's back, "You'll never see me in lingerie again"

"Figured" Harry nods.

Zayn's eyes go up to meet his, "You're not mad?"

"I don’t mind. It's your body" Harry replies, secretly wishing that someday he can get Zayn to agree actually. Seeing that flawless body, no marks whatsoever, smooth skin covered in lace. Yeah, he can't survive that. And Zayn mentioned he is _able_ to dance. Harry just needs to see that before he dies. And probably control his dick right now from all those thoughts.

"Good" Zayn smiles.

"Can you get your hair out of that tie now?"

"I actually …"

"Need to go" Harry finishes for him, "Right"

Zayn pauses, Harry's eyes are avoiding his, and maybe Harry doesn't want to pressure him, doesn't want to make it hard like the last time, and Zayn appreciates it.

But perhaps he can divide his time like he divided his heart.

"Give me your phone" Harry looks back at him, a confused expression on his face before he reaches to his side and gives his phone to Zayn. "In case you forgot, I don't have a phone at the moment" _Yeah, he knows that_. Zayn types something on his phone before locking it again. "I hope you have something that fits me, because I don't appreciate appearing at my workplace looking like I stole my clothes from somebody else"

Harry stares at him for a moment before a smile stretches so widely on his face, and maybe Zayn made the right call tonight. "I can totally arrange that" Harry will order something online if he has to.

"Good" Zayn repeats before he starts taking off his clothes, walking into Harry's closet and searching for something he likes.

Harry just stays there on the bed smiling like an idiot.

 _Zayn is staying_.

=====

The sheets are all that Zayn can feel when he extends his arms and he is aware of the duvet hugging his body meaning that Harry probably replaced himself with it and he blinks his eyes open to glare at the empty space next to him. _Did he stay for Harry to ditch him in the morning?_

But there are other stuff on the bed and Zayn furrows his brows when he sees three big stuffed rabbits. _Harry is going way too far with this_. But he sits up slowly, noticing there are items under each. The first has a black matte iPhone 7 and Zayn doesn't know when exactly did Harry order that. The second one has a closed file and he picks it up, opening the file and his mouth gapes. It's a university application along with a check signed by Harry to cover the necessary fees. _Zayn can't accept that_.

The third one is holding a box instead and Zayn doesn't want to open it but he reaches for it anyway, tearing the plastic covers and he can't say he doesn't like it, hell it's amazing, but he knows it's expensive. _Why is Harry even buying him all of this?_ It's a black leather jacket, just his size, a shirt, a pair of pants, and boots, and he didn't mean _that_ when he told Harry he needs something to fit him.

"Your bloody fault" He glares at the stuffed animal, too fluffy not to hold it, but he drops everything on the bed again seeing a trail of flower petals. "Are you serious?" He mumbles to himself. Too romantic shit aren't his thing. _Or he wasn't really expecting someone to do it for him_.

The cool air hits his thighs, only Harry's long-sleeved shirt in covering his body as he walks out of the room, and Zayn has no idea what the other rooms inside this house are for, but the trail ends at one of them and he slowly opens the door, peeking his head inside before stepping in and looking around with big eyes. There is a piano at one corner, a disk on the other side and Zayn picks the books laying on top of it to find it related to his field of study, or rather what he _will_ be studying, _if he would at all_. And Zayn already knows why. Harry is giving him reason to _stay_. But he should know that this isn’t the case at all.

Roy barks from the door and Zayn spins to find him circling around his legs, stepping in front of him and doing it again, asking Zayn to follow him and Zayn sighs. "Alright, alright. Lead the way" Roy moves down stairs and Zayn follows him, stopping at the front door and waiting until Zayn opens it for him. Zayn glances at the kitchen when he smells something good coming from it, and surely, there are some plates placed on the island. _Did Harry have any sleep at all?_ Wait, what time is it? Is he late for work? Did Harry intend to not wake him up early just so he can arrange all of this?

He opens the door and watches as Roy goes towards the garage. He doesn’t have to guess to know that Harry is probably there with another surprise –He hopes not– and glances around first before stepping out. He's glad that Harry has his house surrounded by high walls and thick green plants.

Harry is indeed there, smiling at him when Zayn steps in his view, leaning back on a car with the keys in his hand.

"Morning"

Zayn stares at him for a moment, "Please tell me you did not buy this for me too"

Harry pushes himself off the car, walking the few steps separating them, holding Zayn's hands and giving him the key. "Try it"

"Which word of what I just said did not get into your brain?" Zayn looks up at him, not really glaring, shocked, happy maybe? He doesn't know.

"Just … Try it" Harry repeats, touch gentle and tone soft, eyes tired but … satisfied? And he doesn't wait for Zayn's answer, pulling until Zayn sighs and goes willingly, opening the door for him and allowing Zayn to step inside. Does he like it? Hell yes. It's awesome and Zayn can't stop himself from touching the wheel, a red Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato that Zayn is afraid to even land a scratch on it. "So? Do you like it?"

"When did you exactly manage to get all of this?"

"Does it matter?" Harry shrugs and Zayn turns to him. _Yes, it does_. He doesn't want Harry to keep doing all of this for him. He doesn’t want Harry to buy him anything or exhaust himself for him or even take that much time of the day to think about what he likes and what he wants. It's nice, Zayn would admit it is, it's overwhelming, and he can cry happy tears right now in Harry's arms. But he knows what Harry is asking in return and he can't give it to him.

"I can't accept this. I can't accept any of this" He shakes his head.

Harry kneels in front of him, hands resting on Zayn's knees, a gentle calming touch, and Zayn can't not look at him. "Zayn … I'm not doing this because I want something in return. I already told you your presence in my life is enough for me. I want you to have them, you deserve to have them. Seeing you happy makes me happy. It's all that I care about, Zayn … You're all that I care about" He pauses, Zayn looking down at him but he isn’t giving him an answer. "I'm not trying to buy you with money, Zayn, you know I don’t. I won't pressure you, whatever you want to do, do it. If you're not comfortable with any of this then it's fine by me. I'm not pushing you. But I know you want them, and you can have them. You can have anything you want"

"I'm gonna be late for work" Harry stares at him for a minute. _What? That's Zayn's reply?_

"Of course" Harry replies slowly, standing up and taking a deep breath as he steps back, pressing his lips tightly. He doesn't want to scream at Zayn, he won't.

Zayn stumbles awkwardly on his way out, leaving the keys in the car and getting back inside. Roy stands by Harry's side, cuddling to his leg and Harry sighs, kneeling down to pet him.

"What is it that I'm doing wrong?"

Zayn gets back to the bedroom, his brows are furrowed and his mind a mess. He stares at the bed for a minute before he huffs, taking out what Harry bought him and wearing it. He looks good, would admit he likes it as he slips the phone in his pocket, grabbing the file and tying his boots up. He is about to leave the room when he turns around one last time, going back and picking the stuffed animals, seeing his clothes from last night still on a chair inside the room and he thinks for a minute before dropping the stuffed animals again with the file and heading downstairs.

Harry is still there with Roy, a blank, or perhaps sad expression on his face as Zayn approaches him again. He looks up, taking in Zayn's appearance and a small smile appears on his face. Because Zayn looks good, he always looks good, Harry didn't doubt he'd look any different in any item of clothing other than perfect with his hair pulled back in a ponytail.

He goes around the car until he reaches the driver's seat and Harry watches in confusion. "Keep the stuffed rabbits near the bed, I like seeing them around" Harry stands up again, "I don't have a license though, and if I got caught up, it'll be all your fault" Zayn looks up at him and Harry just blinks before Zayn is closing his door and turning the engine up, "I have zero idea about the uni stuff so you have to fill it up with me. And" He looks up at him, "I'll see you tonight" He smiles and Harry still just stares at him. _Is that a yes to his unsaid question or is Zayn just taking what he offered?_

Zayn looks like he's about to say something more but he closes his lips instead and drives away.

=====

Louis low whistles when he sees Zayn coming out of the car.

"Bro, what on earth?!" Zayn doesn't get to step away as Louis gets in his place. "This is sick!"

"It's not mine, Lou" Louis looks at him, eyes still wide from amazement, "It's Harry's. Well, he gifted it to me, but … I dunno"

"Sick!" Louis repeats as he gets out of the car.

"He got me a university application, Lou. Bought the books and had a room prepared for me"

"He's asking you to move in" Louis nods as they walk to the elevator. "Well?"

"Well?" Zayn repeats.

"If I'm being honest, you've been blind for a while. He's been asking since forever but …" He shrugs, "I'd say you know already but you're dumb"

"Lou!"

"Alright" Louis looks at him from head to toe, "I like the expensive appearance on you, makes you look cooler and sexier if I must say. We need to get that haircut done. Add some accessories and tattoos and you'll be the hottest bad-boy I know" Louis winks at him and Zayn furrows his brows.

"Louis"

"He's given you already a spare set of keys to his house" Louis pulls the keychain out.

"Louis" Zayn repeats as he steps out of the elevator. "I'm not leaving you"

"Nobody said you are" Louis replies as he opens the door to their apartment. "Why are you acting like I'd die if you're moved in with Harry?" He turns to Zayn who has his eyes wide, "Alright, no. Forget that" He motions for Zayn to follow him into his room and he lets Zayn change his clothes as he does as well. "Live for the moment, Zee. Grab the chance while it's still there" Zayn looks up at him, "Sit" He motions for the chair and Zayn complies. "You can come over at my day off. We can totally see each other each day. It's not hard" He reaches for the scissors.

"I don't want to think about the what ifs, Louis"

Louis sighs, "Then don't" He unties Zayn's hair, combing it before he cuts the edges, "I know this is ridiculous but … Have you heard about soul-mates?" Zayn looks at him through the mirror, "We're one. You and I" Louis smiles, "You know when I was at hospital? I think I woke up the exact same moment you lost consciousness. Like I felt you got hurt and I needed to wake up for you. And that time on the roof? I don't want to think what would have happened if I didn't call, but … It's just that, Zee. I'm not worried when you're at work and you're not worried when I'm too because we have this connection in our hearts, you know?" Louis smiles wider. "I would know when you're safe and when you're not. And when I'm not around, I'm sure Harry would do my job-"

"Nobody does your job"

Louis stops for a moment, "If I needed help you'd feel it without me telling you, Zayn. It's us, bro. Nothing would change" Zayn stays quiet so Louis leans in, meeting his eyes in the mirror, "You love him. He loves you. Don't throw that away. Don't throw both of your hearts away. He's trying, Zayn. You should too"

Zayn turns to him, "You won't miss me?"

Louis smiles again, "Every single second" Zayn frowns, "I'll hug you tightly for it" He kisses Zayn's forehead. "Then I'll blast your ears with every little detail about my day" He leans back and focuses on Zayn's hair again, "I'll get drunk with you at midnight and we'll take about useless shit until we're sleep on Harry's couch then I'll tell him off and that you're still mine if he tried to untangle you from me"

Zayn smiles, tilting his head backwards until he sees Louis' face. "I like that"

"Yeah?" Zayn nods, tilting his head forward again, "I haven't seen Harry's house yet though. And I need to meet Roy. Think he has a Jacuzzi too?"

"I have no idea" Zayn chuckles.

=====

When Harry gets home that night, there are quiet melodies echoing through the house and he climbs upstairs slowly to find the room's door he prepared for Zayn opened, Zayn playing on the piano in Harry's clothes, the application papers are opened on the desk and there are a couple of books opened as well. He stops playing when he looks up and finds Harry, the latter approaching him slowly and sitting next to him.

"That was beautiful" Harry smiles.

"Thank you"

"So … You're back"

"I need another spare set of keys"

Harry frowns, "Did you lose yours?" Wait, how did Zayn get in if he did?

"It's for Louis" Harry's frown deepens and he turns to him, "I don't want to imagine if there's an emergency and I couldn't get to the door in time" _And we kinda come in a pack. Will you accept us?_

"Emergency?" Harry repeats.

"Like, if I was in the bathroom and couldn't hear it. What if he was hurt or something?"

"Hurt?" Harry echoes.

"Physically or emotionally, I need to be there for him" Zayn replies and turns to him as well.

 _Be there for him_. That means that Zayn wants to allow Louis in when he can't see him, when Louis can't reach him, because he will be _here_. "You're … Moving in?"

"Isn't that what you wanted? I mean, I want to too if you're …" Zayn trails off, hands fumbling on the piano keys and Harry hugs him tightly.

"Yes. Oh my god, yes!" He smiles widely feeling Zayn relax in his arms, hands reaching to hug Harry back.

Spare keys for Louis. He can afford that. It's not like any damage can happen from that. Zayn can't handle Louis being away, and if he considers this house as his _home_ then Harry can't deny him that.

Harry releases a sigh of relief and repeats, "Yes" Pulling back to press a kiss on Zayn's lips. "I love you"

Zayn looks up and smiles at him.

How many times does Harry hear his answer?

 _Zero_.


	13. 12

Harry mentally groans when he hears the sound of his alarm ringing in his ears, reluctantly detaching himself from Zayn and reaching blindly to turn it off before it wakes him up too and cuddling to him almost immediately. He doesn't want to get up, but he has to and he sighs, slowly opening his eyes and seeing the familiar black hair first thing in sight. He pulls his head back and smiles down at him, long lashes resting on his cheeks, lips forming a slight pout and hair messed up on the pillow and over his face, but not in a fucked up state, Zayn wasn't up to it last night. He's wearing Harry's maroon long-sleeved shirt that covers his knuckles and reaching below his hips, covering a small part of his thighs, and he looks adorable in Harry's bigger-sized clothes, most peaceful when he's asleep even though Zayn's eyes are his favorite, and overall, as Harry looks more at him, Zayn looks … _fragile_. _Body, heart, and soul._

Like his skin might bleed if the sheets were made of some rough material even though Harry knows he won't, but there's a truth to that too, how his body doesn't cope well with roughness, and how he actually bled before, skin bruised with a little force. And he also knows some of what Zayn's been through, knows how everything kept breaking him piece by piece, and for the first time, Harry finds himself grateful that Louis was by his side to collect those pieces together and keep him standing. However, he can't ignore the huge part of him that wants to be that person for Zayn. _If he allowed him to_.

"I love you" He whispers against his cheek even though he knows that this time Zayn is actually asleep and he can't hear him, but his feelings are surfacing up and the words just leave his lips naturally. So he trails soft kisses down his neck as he slips his arm from beneath him, and Zayn's eyelashes flutter, body shifting slightly and fingers scratching the sheets, like he can't focus in his sleepy state which to respond to. Frowning at the loss of Harry's body or relaxing at his kisses. But Harry doesn't get to completely pull away because Zayn's frown deepens and he turns, eyes unable to open, and snuggles further into his chest so Harry has no other option than to sigh again and hug him closer.

"Zayn, I have a full schedule today" His voice is not a whisper anymore, hoping that Zayn would untangle himself on his own, but he just buries his face in his chest. "Love" He smiles, fingers brushing through the silky locks before he can stop himself and he tugs slightly causing Zayn to whine and tilt his head backwards, eyelashes fluttering again, and Harry leans in to press a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry, love, but I really have to get up" He presses another kiss to Zayn's lips before he gets to tense again and quickly pulls away from Zayn causing him to wake up properly.

Zayn's eyes appear from behind his lashes, a sleepy frown taking over his face as he watches Harry walking towards the bathroom, sending him an apologetic look before he's out of his vision.

When he gets back, Zayn is laid on his stomach, the covers are thrown away, and his eyes are big again as they look up at him.

"Sorry to wake you up. I really didn't mean to" Harry reaches to ruffle his hair but Zayn doesn't respond so he heads to his closet instead. Seeing him reaching for his phone, probably to see what time it is.

He finds Zayn sitting up on the bed when he finishes dressing up and he sits next to him briefly, kissing him softly.

"Why are you up this early?" Zayn glances at the clock.

Harry smiles, he already said that but Zayn still couldn't hear it. "I have a full schedule today. Will be back a bit later than usual" Zayn sighs, stretching out and pushing his hair back, "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Once I get back, we can cuddle all you want" He pauses, "Or do anything more, I have no objection" Zayn chuckles and shakes his head. "You can go back to sleep for now, though" He leans in to kiss him again.

"You smell amazing" Zayn smiles when Harry pulls back. "I like that"

"Yeah?"

"And the other thing you said" He nods, and because he can, Harry leans in again for a kiss before pushing Zayn back on the bed gently.

"Did you cut your hair?" Harry grabs at the edges, neatly cut.

"An inch or two" Zayn rolls his eyes, "I wanted to shave it off but Louis obviously had other plans. Made me believe for a second that he actually did something"

"I like your long hair" Harry pouts and sits up.

"It's getting longer than necessary" Zayn shakes his head and Harry stands up. "Since you won't be here, I'm heading out with Louis"

Harry turns to him before he leaves, "Sure"

Zayn opens his phone again, Louis' text still in view.

_-I'm treating myself tonight! You're in, bro?_

He doesn't text back, the 'seen' is enough for Louis to know that he's in, because when exactly was Zayn _not_ in? He still presses the call button though for details.

=====

"Alright, who is it you're after?" Zayn smiles, popping his chin on Louis' shoulder from behind.

"When did I do it for other people?"

Zayn hums, stepping away to let Louis pick yet another item of clothing. He doesn't mind the looks some of the people throw their way, they're quite used to it, and with Louis being too obvious that the clothes are for him, they can't really say otherwise since the moment they walked into the ladies section.

Louis hands him the items he'd been holding to go for another and Zayn frown. "Are you going to try all of these on?"

"You got something better to do?" Zayn opens his mouth to reply then closes it. He does in fact, he can go home and read a book, he can improve his French. But he'd favor being with Louis doing this instead, so Louis is right. "Aww, look, Zee!" Zayn looks at the hoodie Louis has picked and raises his brows, "I think they'll look super cute on you"

"It has to be pink?"

"No, I prefer the white actually" Louis gets the white one out instead. A fur bunny hoodie with ears, and he doesn't know why he likes it. He loves rabbits, yes, but this is too much.

"I'm not wearing this"

"Of course you are" Louis grins at him and Zayn sighs, "I'm not asking you to wear _that_ one" Louis points behind him and Zayn shakes his head. No, he's definitely not wearing a costume or lingerie ever again. And he won't admit it out loud, but Louis knows he's liking the material and shape of the hoodie.

"This is not even my size"

"Which works perfectly" Louis grins at him, "By the way, I have to remind you that my birthday is coming up, so if you're planning to buy me something, I suggest you do it now"

Zayn knows Louis' birthday by heart, he didn't forget it once, but he was planning to buy something _different_. He didn't know Louis wanted _this_ now.

"Are you sure you're not trying to pull someone?" Zayn teases as he places the clothes to the side, getting out his wallet, and checking how much exactly he'll be paying for Louis since it's a brand store. Seriously, when did they ever go to one?

"Positive" Louis stands by his side, "But you never know" He shrugs and watches as Zayn's brows furrow as he takes a credit card out, "Well, this is not yours"

"No. It's Harry's" Zayn sighs, "He gave me a secondary card for … _emergency_ "

"How much is in it?"

"I don't know-" Louis snatches it from him, "Louis!"

"I'm just gonna check for you" He bats his eyelashes at him and Zayn rolls his eyes. He asks Zayn for the security code and the both stare. "Are you seeing what I'm seeing, bro?"

"I'm not even surprised"

"That's a six digit number. Sick! I can raid this whole shop"

Zayn furrows his brows, taking the card away, "We're not using it"

"Ah come on, he gave it to you"

"For emergencies!" He turns to Louis, "This is not an emergency!"

"You don't know that" Louis mumbles.

"You don't need any of these items"

"But I want them" He pouts but Zayn shakes his head.

"No"

"Fine, Mr. I don't buy them but I wear them" Louis sighs, "Your whole outfit costs a fortune" He walks away again, trying to pick what he wants the most and Zayn frowns looking down at himself.

He doesn't want to use Harry's money, he'd already spent too much on him. But Louis is still pouting and he's pretty much Zayn's weakness.

"Lou" He calls and Louis turns to him, "Just … Grab them all"

=====

"Honestly, you live in heaven" Louis starts when Zayn parks.

Zayn smiles, getting out of the car with Louis following behind. And since he had nothing to do and Harry wasn't around, he decided to try on everything they bought.

Zayn opens the door and is greeted by Roy almost immediately, spinning around him enthusiastically and he smiles down at him. "Hey, little bud"

"So this is the infamous Roy" Louis crouches down at his level, smiling widely when the dog sniffs him first before accepting Louis' petting.

He follows Zayn upstairs, seeing his room that Harry organized for him, then getting to the bedroom.

"That is super sweet, you know?" Louis says as he walks into the closet, "And I'm loving this all-sides mirror thing. I'm changing here if you don't mind?" Zayn shrugs, sitting on the bed and watching Louis putting on the first outfit. For some reason, he feels that Louis would fit inside this life so well, being here inside Harry's house. But not into Harry's life exactly, and he doesn't know how to put it into words, but perhaps this is what Louis talked about when he said they weren't fitting together. So instead of giving that thought more thinking and mess his brain, he decides to change the topic completely as Louis walks out. "What do you think?" Roy barks from Zayn's side and Zayn chuckles.

"I think Roy loves it"

"He's got a good taste" Louis agrees.

"So when are you cutting my hair for real?"

Louis tilts his head, "You're still on that?"

"Yes"

Louis sighs, "Alright, come on. Grab me a brush and scissors" He pauses, "I don't think we can trash this room though" He points to the bathroom and Zayn nods, "And … You're helping me with this" He points at a bag on the bed and Zayn sighs. This is gonna take a long time, but it's not like he would say no to Louis, and Roy seems eager to follow them inside the bathroom as well.

"This is the first time you do this, boy" Zayn laughs.

"He likes me"

"Why do my pets always love you more?"

"I'm a lovable person" Louis shrugs, "And this is technically Harry's. Also, you literally had one pet before that"

"Yeah" Zayn replies quietly, "I miss mini you" Louis laughs at him, Roy sits right next to Louis as Zayn gets rid of his clothes. He doesn't mind the company of the dog, leaving him alone would break Zayn's heart before Roy's, and it's an animal, he doesn't mind getting naked in front of the dog as well, it doesn't understand a thing from what they're doing. Well, aside from what Louis' been telling him to do gently.

"How about this length?" Louis grabs his hair in front of his face, putting it between two fingers above his eyes. "It's a waste to cut all of it. I'm gonna miss it"

"It's hair" Zayn rolls his eyes, "Yeah, it's good"

"So" Louis starts, "Why am I getting the feeling that you're not adapting here?" Zayn furrows his brows, "I don't know what you did to my little brother, but the Zayn I knew used to exploit any kind of fortune we get"

"It's different. I'm not using him, and I've already told you so" Zayn looks up to find Louis smiling widely so he rolls his eyes.

"Look at you" Louis coos at him, "All grown up and caring for other people" He glances at Roy when Zayn's hair fall to the floor and he coos at the dog too, "Even Roy doesn’t approve of your haircut"

Eventually, Louis is done with him, and he has in return to wax Louis' body while he lays down, even though Zayn finds it weird sometimes, but not on Louis, which is probably because he does this very often. Roy is still there watching them and occasionally passing Zayn the next strip until he's moving too much, bored probably, and ends up crashing on Zayn's lap.

"Roy!"

"Don't blame the dog" Louis tells him, and Zayn sighs.

"Off you go, I'm almost finished" He tries to move the dog and feels something sticking to his thigh. When he finally gets the dog off with Louis' help –because Louis told him to do it gently. Probably that's why he likes him more– and finds a strip attached to his skin. "Great" He mutters under his breath, glaring at the strip, and Louis laughs at him.

"Don't worry, I'll help you with that"

=====

When Harry gets home, he finds Roy shaking the his body to get rid of the water, which he doesn’t know what happened for him to do so –meanwhile, he stayed in the bath with Louis and Zayn until both are finished and was not properly dried when he ran off once he heard Harry's footsteps inside the house– so he just furrows his brows and followed the dog to the bedroom.

The closest item of clothing was the bunny hoodie –and Louis might have pleaded him to wear it so he can see it on him first– so it was the only thing covering Zayn's body, standing next to the bed as Louis grinned at him. And he has no idea why Louis would buy it two sizes bigger than him if it was for him, but Louis would tell him he looked like a cute bunny, and he would allow it because it's Louis.

And Harry finds them there, with a towel covering Louis' bottom half and Zayn in that hoodie.

Louis just quietly grabs his clothes –or Zayn's since he gave them to him– and returns to the bathroom –after cleaning it, because it would be disgusting to walk with hair all over the floor– to change.

And Harry might be bothered by the fact that Louis is here, but he's not, because Zayn is looking adorable with his hair still wet and slid back making his eyes seem bigger whenever his hair is like that. An oversized bunny hoodie reaching his thighs, which he finds them shining –because Louis' only solution was to wax his entire thighs to not make it look awkward– And he steps closer, raising the hood to cover Zayn's hair, and there are bunny ears poking from his head now, and it's all too much for Harry to handle, so maybe, _just maybe_ , he doesn't exactly hate Louis for making Zayn wear this. And he leans in for a soft kiss, hands falling to Zayn's hips, and if all of this didn't get him to explode yet, the furry ball poking out of Zayn's ass definitely did.

"You look adorable" He whispers to him when he pulls back, and there's a faint blush on Zayn's cheeks, and Zayn knows Louis is wearing a wide smile on his face right now. _Of course he wanted him to wear it_. His hands travel further down to touch his thighs and god, Harry needs to control himself. "You shaved?"

"Waxed" Zayn mumbles and Harry raises his brows. "Louis' fault" Zayn pulls away, "And your dog" _He should definitely thank them both_. He pulls Zayn closer for another kiss, and he really wants to bite his thighs, but Zayn would still not allow it. "Don't expect it again though. It is horrible" Zayn's face scrunches.

"Should enjoy it while I have it then" Harry smirks at him and Zayn rolls his eyes, stepping away when he sees Louis getting out of the bathroom. As usual, he gets his silent greeting and stands awkwardly next to them.

"So …"

"I'll drive you" Zayn announces, "Just let me change into something decent"

Louis nods and decides to go downstairs with Roy instead of bearing the look Harry's giving him. Zayn walks into the closet, and the shopping bags are still on the bed so Harry checks them out, eyes widening when he sees what's inside.

"Well, it's gonna be an eventful night"

Zayn comes out and sees him, and before Harry can get into his fantasies, he's shoving everything back into the bags. "They're Louis'. I told you I won’t"

Harry pouts, "I can still dream"

Zayn turns to him before he's out of the door, "Don't"

And the look on his face is enough to put Harry off.

=====

When Zayn gets back, his mood is still off, and Harry doesn't know what happened to their plans or why he is even acting this way, and he tries to convince himself with the same two words that keeps him behind the red line. Time and patience.

And it's not like Zayn won't talk to him, no, he'd smile at him, would respond if Harry kissed him, but would pull away when Harry tries for more, and he doesn't let him touch him until he's on his side of the bed curling on himself in sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt, and even then, Harry has to wait to just cuddle him until he's completely asleep.

He's not even surprised when he wakes up to an empty bed, but he knows that Zayn is still inside the house from the soft melodies coming from his room. So he gets up, trying to know what possibly went wrong. Maybe something with Louis since he was with him yesterday.

Zayn isn't singing, he's simply playing the piano, and it's comforting, eyes closed until he senses the presence of Harry and he looks up at him then stops.

"No, no, carry on" Harry waves a hand, "That was very good" But Zayn looks down again, fingers tapping on the keys but not playing and Harry frowns. _Did he do something wrong?_ "Is everything alright?"

"I'm not comfortable playing in front of other people" _Other than Louis_ , Harry notes.

"What other people?" Harry rolls his eyes, walking until he's near Zayn and sits next to him. "I'm your boyfriend. And I've heard you playing before. Singing even. And you're amazing. Truly" He smiles at him but Zayn sighs then furrowing his brows and turning to him.

"You never told me how you got my songs"

"Mrs. Walkman sent them to me. Guess she was recording you while you didn't notice?"

"Of course she would" Zayn mumbles, turning towards the piano again.

"And that time in the hotel" Harry adds and Zayn nods slowly.

"Next time, you can knock to let me know you're present. Eavesdropping is rude" He gets up, grabbing one of his books and settling down on the desk.

"I still don't understand" Harry furrows his brows, "And it's not eavesdropping. I'm literally just at the end of the hall, and I thought we crossed those boundaries long time ago"

"Still" Zayn replies calmly, and Harry throws his hands in the air.

"So you can play in front of Niall but not me?"

Zayn pauses.

It's not that. He played in front of Niall hoping to impress him. He went to extremes for Niall to try make his heart lean his way. He was more than ready to do anything for him because he was a fool and in love and his crush got out of his hand, but it's not the same with Harry. He doesn't need to impress him, he already has his heart and more, but there are parts of him that he can't throw out in the open, and to have his feelings sprawled in front of Harry is tougher than he thought, but Harry doesn’t understand, and Zayn can't make a proper sentence to express his feelings.

So Zayn deals with the situation like he learned how to. _With silence_.

"Fine" Harry stands up, "Have it your way" And Zayn can hear him when he says 'I'm tired' as he walks out of the room. He knows that Harry's upset, and yesterday surely adds to it, and Zayn can't deal with all of this alone, and there's a thought that crosses his mind after hearing Harry's words.

_Is Harry tired of him?_

Perhaps Louis was right. Perhaps he should've enjoyed the moment while it's there.

He needs Louis. And he grabs his phone sending him a quick text.

_-I think I drove him away._

Louis' reply isn't instant and he knows it's due to work, and he waits, hearing the shower running.

_-You 'think'?_

_-Louiiiiis ( ͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒)_

_-What did you do?_

Zayn rolls his eyes, of course Louis would ask him this, and he writes a long text next.

_-Well, you're wasting your time sitting on that chair. Should I really remind you?_

Zayn taps on the edges of his phone, biting his bottom lip. And he can hear the water sound stopping. Louis' words would be exactly what his mind is telling him, or what he's supposed to think of actually. _He's not ruining this_.

Louis sends another text before Zayn gets up.

_-He's not going to hurt you._

=====

Harry's just got out of the shower, and Zayn still finds his fresh smell intoxicating, but he's wearing a blank expression on his face as he puts on his clothes and packs his bag.

"Where are you going?"

"The gym" Harry replies coldly.

Zayn frowns, leaning back on the door frame and crossing his arms over his chest. That seems something _he_ does, not Harry. "I thought this day is going to be for us?" _Even though I kinda ruined it, I know, but still_. And he can hear Harry's muttering under his breath sarcastically 'Yeah, us' still not stopping. "I'll wear that hoodie you love"

Harry stops for a second to look up at him, "I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with"

"Aww, you're the sweetest" He smiles, reaching to unpack Harry's bag. "It's comfortable, I'm comfortable with it, and … Like, I've been an asshole, so …" He looks up at Harry, "Please?" Harry stares at him for a moment before he sighs, because he can't really say no to Zayn's big pleading eyes. But there is no respond, so Zayn slides into his lap, hands caressing Harry's face, "You said we would talk instead of running away, so please don't go"

And Harry doesn't move so Zayn takes it as a yes, sliding further into his lap and kissing him, relaxing when he feels Harry's arms circling around his waist.

And Harry stays. They get snacks as they pick a movie, and Zayn wears the bunny hoodie for him, and doesn't mind at all when he's laying between Harry's legs and his hands start stroking his thighs as he plants small kisses on his neck. And if Harry got him turned on by just that, sucking him off on the couch then carrying him to the bed, he doesn't mind either, because he needs the thought of Harry never hurting him present before his eyes instead of being buried somewhere at the back of his mind, and he might've begged for it but he doesn't care because Harry wants it too, and they cuddle on the couch again, Harry's arms circling him and keeping him safe while he has his head resting on Harry's chest, and he doesn't remember when did he ask for anything more.

They don't talk about earlier though, and Zayn wouldn't get drunk with Harry around in order not to spill his feelings. At least Harry wouldn't push him on the things he's not comfortable talking about anymore.

=====

Spending his days with Harry is wonderful, he has to admit, and he would call Louis whenever he can't wipe the smile off his face, and Louis would tell him how annoying he became since he moved in, but he's joking, and when Zayn sees him physically, he'd have this fond smile on his face as Zayn rambles.

Louis has his share of rambling too, whining about his co-workers or making fun of the French people whenever their accent sound too arrogant, and Zayn loves his life this way.

But as time goes on, the working days became much horrible than Zayn had anticipated.

At first, he was struggling with keeping his study schedule with his job, and Harry would tell him to leave it but he doesn't want to be a burden more than he already is, and ends up with changing his shift, which is more horrible, because he can see Harry daily, he wakes up next to him and spends the night with him, but he doesn’t get to see Louis. He still calls and texts whenever he can, and just when he thought everything was going well with his life, it's really not, and even though Harry's mere presence is comfortable, by the end of the week, Zayn finds himself awake so early, and Harry's arms around him doesn't do anything to loll him back to sleep, and there's this feeling at the pit of his stomach that doesn't settle well with him, so he grabs his phone and texts Louis, just checking on him, and he knows it's stupid to call at such hour because it's Louis' day off and he'd rather sleep instead of picking up his phone to see a text message, and he gets his reply four hours later.

Harry fixes him with a worried look when he wakes up but he kisses it away quickly because he's fine even though he doesn't know what's wrong, and he informs Harry that he's going to see Louis before Harry even get to have his morning shower.

The building is too familiar, and when he gets to his apartment, he doesn't even glance at the door across from him and gets in immediately.

He finds Louis on the couch and he literally throws himself at him and hugging him tightly, hearing an 'Ow!' from Louis and his smile fades when Louis doesn't hug him back. He looks down at him after pulling away and finds Louis' hand bandaged.

"Nothing serious, just cut my wrist accidently when I was in the bathroom. I think I left the razor blade on the sink"

Zayn frowns, "When did that happen and why you didn't tell me?"

"Just this morning. I thought you were sleep" He pauses, "Didn't check my phone when I got back to bed, why were you up this early?"

Zayn smiles, taking Louis' hand in his own and pressing it to his chest. "Soulmates remember?" Louis tilts his head, "I woke up this morning with a horrible feeling in my guts" He slowly slides off his lap and sits next to him, "That's why I texted you"

"See?" Louis smiles, "I'm never wrong" Zayn laughs and hugs him again, properly this time with Louis' arms around him.

"I missed you"

"Missed you more, bro" Zayn pulls back and presses a kiss to Louis' forehead.

"Why don't you come around? We're still up when you finish your shift. I changed mine to part-time because it was so tiring"

"It's a drag to come to yours then back to mine. This place won't be as clean if I'm not here. And like, I want to, don't get me wrong, I-" He cuts himself off and Zayn blinks at him so he sighs. He can tell Zayn that he's fine on his own and get that sad look in his eyes that Louis doesn't care anymore, or he could make him feel guilty about moving out, and both are horrible. But Louis would pick Zayn above anything else, and he cares too much for Zayn to see his heart breaking even if it was slightly, so he chooses the harm that he can fix, "I missed having you around. Just knowing you were in the next room makes me relax and now … It's a bit hard"

"I could move back in" _And here it comes_. Louis chuckles at him.

"No, love" He shakes his head, "You're happy, and I'm happy for you. And this is for the best"

"Not for you!" Zayn protests, "And not for me either!"

Louis takes a deep breath, "It's just temporary, Zayn. Until you get a hold of your schedule" And before Zayn could say he'll drop out, Louis pinches his cheek, "Listen to me. I know that you know that you'll be miserable if you changed anything in your life at this moment, so no, you're not changing anything. Let things take its time"

"Then come to visit" Zayn replies quietly.

"I'd rather see you outside Harry's house"

Zayn frowns, "But you liked it"

"It's not-" Louis cuts himself again. What should he say? The obvious truth that he can't understand how Zayn can't see it up till now which is that Harry clearly doesn't enjoy his company at all? Or maybe Harry is assuring him from the other side that he doesn't hate him even though it's very clear on his face whenever Louis' around. "Harry would kill to have some more alone time with you"

"But you're my brother, and I'd kill to have some more alone time with _you_ " Zayn counters.

"Dropping at my flat just for my bed each night is gonna be terrible"

"You can stay the night then"

Louis stares at him. "Zayn" He says slowly, "I'm not becoming the third wheel in this relationship. It'd be too awkward"

Zayn pouts, "Fine, but you'll at least come to visit, let's say, twice a week? And I'll pass by too, but at your day off, you'll be either there with me or I'll be staying here with you"

Louis smiles but he knows that Harry is so not going to like this. Zayn is basically leaving only one full day for Harry. "Alright" He cools Zayn down for now, knowing that Zayn can be mad at him at times when he tells him that he can't, but he won't hate him, and hopefully, before he thinks about moving in again, he's able to adjust with his schedule.

"So … I'm craving some wine tonight"

Louis grins and nods. They haven't done that in a really long time. _Well, not exactly 'long'_ , but still. And he missed those drunk night conversations with Zayn.

They end up drunk after midnight, and Zayn has to drunkenly call Harry to tell him that he's staying the night with Louis.

He might have extended his stay for another day, and he also might have forgotten to reply to Harry's texts. Zayn doesn't put it much in mind though, because he feels _home_ _again_.

=====

Zayn finds Harry lying on his stomach on the bed, a book opened by his side and he's tapping on his laptop, brows pulled together in focus, with Roy lying next to him on the mat.

He gets that horrible feeling again in his guts, whenever he's back to see him or Louis, and he doesn't know what to do more if trying to even the time given between the two isn’t satisfying none of them.

And since this feeling isn't going away any time soon, he decides to try fix things maybe, and walks inside the room, Harry's eyes never leaving the screen even though Zayn is sure he heard his footsteps. So he sits next to him, placing a kiss on the top of Harry's head, and lays on his back, face next to Harry's arms so he can at least glance at him.

"I drove to the campus from home because I woke up late and … I'm sorry I didn't inform you with that" He says quietly. "Also" He adds when Harry keeps typing away, "Since I haven't been seeing Louis around very often, I invited him in"

"Invited him in?" Harry looks at him finally, "As of now?"

"Pretty much" Zayn replies slowly.

"Alright" Harry returns to his laptop and Zayn sits up.

"I've been away for just two days, you don't have to make a fuss out of it"

Harry sighs, "I'm not. Did you see me yelling at you or something? You went to see Louis, you stayed, now you're here again. I said alright"

But Zayn can sense he's not his usual self, and Harry's off tone is giving away everything. "Are you bothered by Louis being here?"

Harry stops, closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath, because the answer to that question won't satisfy Zayn at all. So he sits up too to look at him. "No. I'm just having too much work to do"

"You can just say you're mad at me. I can read you, you know?"

 _No kidding? So you can't tell why still?_ But Harry just shakes his head instead of thinking of how Zayn wouldn't take Louis of his mind twenty four-seven when he's with him, but apparently, Harry is nowhere near that when he's with Louis. He's fine with it, they're making progress, he shouldn’t be jealous of Louis, they're brothers. So he cups Zayn's face and kisses his forehead tenderly.

"Just call me next time, yeah? I get worried about you, that's all"

Zayn nods, a small smile appearing on his face and Harry copies it. "I promise we won't make a sound" He points at Harry's book before kissing him quickly, patting Roy on his way to the closet and changing his clothes then he's strolling downstairs. Harry takes another deep breath and stares at his screen, essay half-written, and he literally doesn't hear a sound from downstairs contrary to the fact that they're usually loud, and he decides to finish his essay first before thinking about joining the duo. It's not that he wants so, but at the same time there's curiosity sitting deep inside of him about them. And his jealousy _might_ be sparking too.

=====

Harry finds the duo on the couch, almost pressed to each other, giggling at what the other said, and Harry might be surprised to see Louis being quiet as he is. Their limbs are tangled together, and Harry swears if it was someone else, he'd totally say they're a couple which is nothing new actually, it's the first though Harry had about them when they were acting at the back of the arena, too good that Harry has to remind himself it wasn’t true, and even afterwards when they'd be always in a corner together, the amount of fondness in their eyes for the other is something Harry has been envying them about because he never had someone this close before. And okay, he'd admit that Zayn sometimes gives him a shy look full of emotions, he can cuddle and kiss him anytime he wants, but looking again at the duo … What exactly does Harry has more than Louis? Sex. What does Louis has more than Harry? Zayn's secrets, most of his heart and time, a higher rank that Harry can never achieve, because Zayn would pick Louis over him every single time, and if people can see them as a couple, they might as well go ahead and be one. Not that Harry has had this thought multiple times before. _Or perhaps he does_.

So instead of glaring at Louis on his way because this was supposed to be _their_ time together that he stole, and he shouldn't be mad at him, it shouldn't bother him, it's one night because Zayn misses him and that's fine by him, totally. He gives him a greeting nod and Zayn smiles at him, not moving from his position, like it's completely natural, and Harry knows it's the truth, and he takes a seat across from them. He notices how Louis' demeanor changes slightly and he glances at Zayn. Shit. How is he supposed to even start a conversation with Louis when he clearly doesn't want to and also has zero information about Louis? Of course Zayn talks about him, but deep down, Harry might actually want to make this awkward to show his utmost displeasure of having Louis around. He's not sure yet.

"You're done?" Zayn asks.

"Yeah, thought of checking on you before going to bed" Which clearly says, _it's late, Louis should go home, can we have our time now?_ "Since it's late and you have an early class tomorrow" He continues and Louis turns to Zayn, a soft whisper as he strokes his hair that transfers all of Zayn's attention to him. And Harry wants to shout at him to _just leave_ _already_. It's his own house and he can't kick him out. Great.

"I have work tomorrow too, I should be on my way"

Zayn pouts at him, "But you've been here for only two hours"

 _Three_ , Harry wants to correct him. He's spent three hours on that stupid essay because he was distracted.

"I'll see you tomorrow, love" Louis chuckles.

Zayn frowns, sitting up properly to allow Louis to sit up too. He bites his bottom lip, eyes glancing up at Harry and Harry honestly doesn't know what it means until Zayn stands up, whispering a 'be right back' to Louis before he's nodding towards the kitchen and Harry's browns furrow as he stands up and follow him. He might already has a bad feeling about this.

Zayn waits for him, standing close and keeping his voice down.

"Can Louis stay?" Harry has to control himself. _Can he stay?_ No. "We have a guest room, and me and Louis can clean it up real fast if it wasn't used for a while" _Why is Zayn acting like they're one big happy family? Why would Louis stay for fuck's sake? He doesn't live in another country!_

"Did something happen to the apartment?"

"No" Zayn's brows furrow slightly.

"Did he get in trouble?"

"No" Zayn repeats.

"Then why is he staying?"

"I just … Want him to" Zayn replies, "He said it's tiring when he has to come and go all the time" _Then he should stop_. "And I kinda … miss him" _Miss him? You've been spending two days and three nights with him so far in a row_.

Harry raises his brows, "And you'd be joining him too?"

Zayn thinks for a minute, and Harry can't believe he's even thinking about it, but of course he's thinking about it, he's been practically sleeping next to Louis most of his life.

"No, he'd be just here, and I'll drive him next morning"

"He'd be literally in another room" Harry says slowly.

"It's just comforting, Harry" Zayn huffs a breath, irritation starting to show on his voice, "To know he's just there" _And what do I do?_ "just-" He sighs, "Please, just this night. Please?" He looks up at him, eyes big and brows curved upwards with pouty lips, body fidgeting like he's ready to walk out of the door with Louis and back to their apartment if Harry said no. And Harry hates his eyes, hates the look they give him, hate how the person who has them has much effect on him. So he sighs deeply, hands pushing his hair backwards and nods.

"Alright. He can stay"

Zayn breaks into a big smile, hugging him tightly and thanking him before he's out of the kitchen, Louis is waiting patiently for him, and he sits next to him again.

"You're staying"

Louis glances up at Harry who rolls his eyes and presses his lips together, hoping that maybe Louis doesn't agree.

And Louis does so, looking back at Zayn with a sigh. "No"

"I wasn't asking" Zayn tugs at Louis' sleeve. "You're staying. And I'll drive you in the morning"

"Zayn-"

"Come on" Zayn stands up, pulling Louis to his feet with him.

"We talked about this" He says quietly and Zayn's smile falters.

"I know, but I just … Please?" He looks up at him, giving him the same look he gave Harry, and it's Louis' weakness too. Shaking his head and a smile creeps on Zayn's face again.

Well, at least Harry isn't the only one affected by it.

=====

"Is this about the cut?" Louis asks quietly.

"No"

"We can't do this, Zayn. It's not the same, bro"

Zayn looks at him, something in his eyes that breaks Louis' heart for some reason. And he needs Zayn to speak up, needs him to get it off his chest.

"I know" And Louis knows him too well to read the 'I wish it was' line hidden in his words.

"I'm not going anywhere" Louis smiles at him, and Zayn knows it, but the feeling he gets makes his chest tightens, and he wants both but doesn't know how to get that. "And he's not going anywhere either" He reaches to stroke Zayn's cheek. "You know that"

Zayn takes a deep breath, hugging Louis for comfort, and he isn't sure for the millionth time why this feeling won't go away.

"Why don't you feel the same?"

"Not all of it, but it's there" Louis smiles and Zayn relaxes more in his arms as Louis brings a hand to brush through his hair. "Stop hiding behind your walls. He's not going to hurt you" He assure him again, hoping it'd get to Zayn who just blinks slowly at the distance. And Louis doesn’t mean it just physically. He brings both of his arms to squeeze Zayn once before kissing the side of his head and Zayn pulls away so his hands cup Zayn's face. "Have a good night. Love you lots" He gives him another assuring kiss on his forehead and allowing Zayn to get up afterwards.

"Love you more" Zayn smiles at him softly.

And when he gets back to lie down in Harry's arms, Harry definitely doesn't allow his brain to think of the words Zayn spoke to Louis when he passed their room. Because it's another thing Louis gets to have and he doesn't, and he forces himself to believe that actions speak louder than words, and he has Zayn in his arms right now sleeping soundly, hoping that there's one certain person can leave his mind, but he also knows that this is impossible, which brings him back to the first thought until he's too tired and he shuts his eyes tightly.

_It's a never ending cycle._

_And He hates it_.

=====

Harry doesn't see Louis in the morning. He feels Zayn getting out of bed earlier and he guesses he drove Louis to his workplace before he went to the campus. And he even gets home earlier than him, for a reason that Harry knows too well and wonders when it'll end.

And Zayn finds him playing on the piano when he gets back, approaching him slowly and leaning on his elbows on the piano with a smile as he watches him play, and Harry doesn’t mind it, wishing that Zayn would be as comfortable as him someday.

"Why did you choose music?" Zayn asks quietly and Harry looks up at him briefly with his hands playing randomly on the keys.

"Thought it was the easiest field"

"It's not" Zayn chuckles.

"It really isn't" Harry agrees, "I wasn't going to satisfy my father and choose business administration, so I went with music. My friends told me that I'm good at it, and I applied. All that I had in mind was me singing and playing some instruments" He shakes his head, "The shitty books weren’t in my plan" He looks up at Zayn again, "I wanted to have boxing as a profession, but my dad didn't approve of it, said it was dangerous after I landed an injury" He rolls his eyes, "I was eighteen"

"He has a point" Zayn replies, "You could've dropped out of uni"

Harry looks down again at the keys, "Guess I didn't want to disappoint him"

"He'd be happy for you if you chose what makes you happy. I bet"

Harry takes a deep breath, "Yeah. Maybe"

"And you're amazing. I've seen you fighting too many times to know you can go through it. You were out of the tournament just because you were stressed. You have nothing to stress about now" Even though Zayn might agree with his dad. Seeing Harry getting hurt again isn't something he looks forward to. But at least it won't be for him, and it's a legal sport, with a referee that can stop the match if anything wrong goes down. And if it was what Harry wants then he should go for it.

"Thanks" Harry smiles, looking up at him again.

"You're also good at that" He nods at the piano and Harry starts playing again.

"I've been thinking" Zayn hums, "Since we've been on edge lately" Zayn hums again, "Maybe we can have a date night?" He stops on a key and looks at Zayn, "Just the two of us, with nothing else on our minds?"

Zayn smiles, going around the piano to sit in his lap and kisses him.

"I'd like that"

=====

 _"Wanna bet it's gonna be so cliché you'll want to puke?"_ Zayn laughs, _"Like, probably throwing some more roses on the floor and lighting the whole house with candles. That kind of romantic shit"_

"Probably. I won't mind one bit" Zayn smiles to himself as he gets in the car, "I'm near you by the way, so I'll drive you home"

_"Nah, I'm cool"_

Zayn frowns, "You sure your phone is the one damaged?"

_"Zayn-"_

"Give me five minutes" He hangs up before Louis can protest and he sees Louis in five minutes, face red and looking awful making Zayn frown again as Louis steps inside.

"You're-" Louis holds a hand, turning his head, and a sneeze leaves him.

"I'm fine. I just think I caught a cold"

"You're not fine" Zayn mumbles and presses the gas pedal. It's not long before he's parking in front of their building and shutting the car down.

Louis takes a deep breath, "I can-" But Zayn is out of the car before Louis finishes and he sighs, opening his door and getting out as well, "Zayn, It's just a cold"

"And what do you do when you have cold?"

Louis rolls his eyes, "I was being spoiled by you. I wasn't gonna miss that"

Zayn gives him an unimpressed look and grabs his arm to lead him inside the building. "You do know that I can see through your lie, right?"

Louis turns to him, "Look, you're having a date tonight-"

"We can have that at another night. It's just a date. Don't act like it's the first"

Louis sighs again, they get to their apartment, and Zayn strictly tells him to change his clothes and lay in bed while he makes him a warm soup and gets him some pills.

He pulls his phone out and calls Harry, a cheery voice welcoming him and Zayn mentally winces.

_"Hey, babe! You're on your way?"_

"Um, actually … I'm not"

There's a pause and he can pretty much imagine Harry with his frown right now. _"You're not?"_ His tones changes and Zayn inhales deeply.

"Look, I know we've planned this a few days ago, and I'm really looking forward to it, but Louis is sick, and I'm going to stay with him tonight … For couple more days actually, until he gets better"

_"Louis is sick?"_

"He's got flu"

There's another pause, _"Flu? You're serious? You're cancelling on me because he's got flu?"_

"Harry" Zayn sighs, "Louis gets a headache all the time, and if no one is by his side he'll stay in bed for two days straight without food in his system, and … his headache has gotten worse since the last time he was in hospital. I've been there, and I know how he's like. I'm not cancelling on you, I'm just asking you to give me a couple of days for me to insure he's good to go"

Zayn waits for a moment until he hears Harry's deep exhale through the phone. _"Fine. I wish him well"_

"Thank you" Zayn smiles.

_"I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then? I'll come by if you're not bothered-"_

"I'm never bothered by your presence, Harry"

_"Alright. Take care until I see you. Love you lots"_

"Will do. Bye" Zayn replies and hangs up, grabbing the bottle of medicine and walking towards Louis' room.

Louis is sitting on the bed, head held between his hands, and even though Louis doesn't blame him, Zayn can't erase the thought that _he_ is responsible for Louis' current state. He sits next to him, helping him to raise his head slowly and sees how Louis' eyelids have become so heavy as he hands him the medicine and a glass of water.

"I just need some sleep then I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about me" Louis smiles at him and hands him back the empty glass, leaning backwards until his back hits the mattress and closes his eyes. Zayn pulls the covers over him and leans in as well, hands reaching to cradle Louis' head between them and presses a light kiss on his forehead before his fingers move slowly and Louis sighs and relaxes more into his touch. "You're so getting my germs"

Zayn smiles, getting closer to him and keeps his fingers massaging Louis' head.

=====

The apartment isn't exactly trashed, but Zayn believes that selling this one and getting maybe a smaller one since it's practically just Louis –which he doesn't know how to feel about that for the millionth time– as he decides to clean it a bit while Louis is asleep. He'd occasionally check up on him, lay beside him until he's drifting as well, and it isn't something new that Louis' company even when he's asleep comforts him.

He'd find missed calls from Harry, but apparently, their timing is always not right, and they end up leaving text messages instead.

A couple of days later, when Louis is alright, he calls Harry on his way home but gets no reply. He arrives at his house to find him not there as well, and he remembers Harry's schedule, he's supposed to be home.

And knowing Harry, he's probably doing some extra training at the gym since he said he's up for it again, but Zayn never asked where the gym is or what it is called, and he ends up googling the nearest gym with boxing classes in it to find him.

He asks about Harry in the reception because he doesn't want to waste time searching for him inside, and when he knows that he's indeed here, he smiles politely and offers his thanks before getting inside.

The gym isn't his favorite place, and the smell of sweat combined with the many bodies working out reminds him of each time he'd see them working out before stepping inside the cage. He would admit though that he wouldn't mind seeing Harry like that at all. Shirtless, sweating, shorts on, muscles flexing as he lifts some weights. Yeah. It's a sight alright.

But before he gets to even spot Harry, there's a body blocking his way and Zayn doesn't have time to deal with the guy, seeing how he eyes him, and he was going for ignorance when the guy again blocks his way, and Zayn knows more than to fight back physically, so he sighs, eyes giving the guy a one-over, a bored expression on his face as he returns his gaze to the man's eyes, dark, combined with a smirk growing when he sees Zayn not walking away again.

"What's a pretty kitten like you doing here?"

 _Of course_. Zayn has to fight the urge to spit on the guy's face. He might not be the type to work out, but hey, being pretty doesn’t mean he's _that_ weak. And he _hates_ that nickname.

"Don't waste my time. I'm too sexy for you" Zayn walks to the side and closes his eyes for a second when the guy, again, doesn't allow him to. _Seriously, what's up with jocks and wanting to impel themselves on him?_

"I beg to differ" The guy gets closer and Zayn cocks an eyebrow.

"You _cannot_ get me" He lowers his voice and the guy moves closer.

"You'll have to wait and see, kitten" He whispers, leaning again, and Zayn allows this for a moment, keeping his posture calm and his eyes glued on the guy. And Zayn really isn't in the mood for playing around as he knees him between his legs, taking advantage of his smaller body to slip away just in time as the guy groans in pain. _Yeah, guess what? I'm not that weak, dumbass!_ "Fucking bitch!" He shouts, turning to him again, and normally, Zayn doesn't want other's eyes on him as well, but it benefits him today, because if he's no one's business, there's actually one person inside this place that would be mad at this particular situation.

There's a body separating him from the guy who looks with annoyance at him as Zayn just stands there.

"Enough with your shit today"

"He's not your business, Styles"

"He's my _boyfriend_ " Harry's tone is deep and low, and the guy clicks his tongue, glancing at Zayn who smirks at him, and he's tempted to do something seductive, but he just lets it pass for today as the guy starts muttering under his breath and Harry turns to him, a hand on his back as he leads him away. And Zayn furrows his brows slightly when he hears the guy muttering _'Gets them all. Every fucking one of them'_ that he needs to know about as he turns towards Harry. "What're you doing here?"

"You weren't picking up my calls. I just wanted to see you"

"My phone is in my bag, in my locker" Harry sighs. "You could've waited at home. It's not like I didn't pick up for a whole day" Harry stares at him and Zayn rolls his eyes. He knows he's talking about him.

"It was placed somewhere, I was cleaning and forgot where I left it"

"For an entire day, sure. You didn't even bother thinking about calling back"

"I did!" Zayn protests and it's Harry's time to roll his eyes, "I even told you, you can visit at anytime"

"I was busy"

"So was I" Zayn replies and they keep staring at each other until Zayn sighs again, "Look. I missed you, I just wanted to see you, alright? I think that covers up the last couple of days" He pauses, "And who else visits you here?"

Harry blinks at him, "My friends"

"Your friends" Zayn nods slowly and Harry furrows his brows slightly.

"I'll be done in a couple of hours, you can go home until then"

"What if I wanted to stay?" Zayn tilts his head to the side a bit.

"Why would you want to stay?"

"So your friends can and I can't?" Zayn retorts and Harry stares at him for a moment.

"You … Are you serious?!"

"That guy sure was"

"He was messing around" Harry sighs and shakes his head.

"Really?" Zayn turns to look at the people still working out, "Because I can ask around-"

"Ask around?" Harry repeats, "You mean sleep around?"

Zayn's head snaps at him, "Take that back" He says slowly.

"Which one? Your insult? That you can't trust me? That you implied it first?" Harry raises his voice slightly and Zayn blinks at him. "Just …" He sighs again, hands rubbing at his face, "Go home, Zayn. I don't want to have a fight with you here" He says more quietly as he looks up at him again.

"Don't want your reputation ruined?"

"Don't want _yours_ ruined" Harry corrects, "You're my boyfriend, and I don't want anyone around to even have one wrong thought about you" He steps closer, hands reaching up to cup Zayn's face, "I don't want them looking at you like you're some piece of meat, I hate it. You're so much more than that. And if we're going to have an argument, then I would rather it happening between just the two of us" He leans his forehead against Zayn's, "I'm sorry for what I said, but you don't know what you do with just walking around, and I … I can't stand the thought of anyone around you, but you just …"

"My fault" Zayn replies quietly, "I doubted you first. I'm sorry"

Harry smiles, tilting his head a little so he can press a soft kiss to Zayn's lips, "I don't know what you're even having inside of your mind, but you should know that you're incomparable. Honestly, you put everyone else to shame" He pulls back slightly and he can see the faint blush on Zayn's cheeks. "I didn't spend three years chasing after you for nothing" Zayn smiles, head ducking in a shy manner and Harry smiles wider. "I'll make it in one hour, how does this sound?"

Zayn looks up again, "Perfect"

"Come on then, let me walk you out" Harry kisses him again before dropping his arm to his waist, a hint of possession that Zayn enjoys. And he kisses him again before he slips inside his car. Zayn doesn't mind spending an hour with Roy until Harry gets home.

=====

Zayn finishes wrapping the gift. A box inside a box inside another that he bites his lip on a grin knowing how Louis would open the first two then give him a bored look with a roll of his eyes as he sighs but continues to open the rest, and he knows how much Louis already loves him, it's not about buying him a present, not even the place or whatever they might do tonight, but it's a celebration of another year of being together, and Zayn smiles widely as he stands up and goes to change his outfit. Louis is probably done from work by now and resting at home. And he doesn't question it when Zayn tells him he'll spend the day with Harry knowing too well that the night is theirs.

Harry is in the bathroom, taking a shower after coming back from the gym, and Zayn doesn't have to knock before getting inside.

"Harry, I'll be off to …" He trails off, looking at Harry, hot water running down his naked body tracing every inch of skin it can get to. Wet hair sticking to his head. Back muscles flexing when he turns to the side to look at him, eyelashes damp, parted wet lips, and if Zayn had the time, he'd jump right next to Harry and kiss him, and he knows he won't be satisfied until Harry is carrying him to the bed and getting his dick inside his ass.

Harry smirks, watching Zayn looking everywhere before they stop at his eyes.

"You can get in, you know?"

"As much as you seem very tempting right now" Zayn clears his throat, "I do not have time for sex" Harry raises his brows, "I told you Louis' birthday is today"

"Right" Harry steps out of the water. "You'll be at home?"

"No, we're heading to a pub"

"Just the two of you?" Harry asks slowly, turning the water off and grabbing the towel. "I'm coming along. I can't have you both drunk. This is never ending well"

Zayn frowns, "We've been alone before, and we could manage"

"Is this another wording for you not wanting me there?"

Zayn's frown deepens, "No, that's not-" He shakes his head, "I just thought you don't want to go …"

"I'm not accepting any hungry eyes on you" Harry stands in front of him, "And seriously, since it's just Louis, why are you dressing to impress?"

Zayn looks down at himself before shoving Harry back and exiting the bathroom. "I look good all the time, Styles"

Well, Harry can't really argue with that. But he didn't buy Louis anything, and they stop at the mall to pick something –that Zayn actually picks because Harry has no idea what he likes and it would sound awkward if he appeared with empty hands– Before they're picking the cake as well and waiting for Louis to get down.

Harry ignore the look they share when Louis sees him because he can't really figure the signs between the two, and they exchange a smile afterwards, so he guesses it's not harmful.

The pub is 'quiet' as Zayn describes it. A small place that Harry doesn't know how it's still operating with such low numbers of customers, but it's well. At least he can see everyone around who are really handling their own business, and he can see now why Zayn wouldn't worry much about being here with Louis on their own.

Zayn slides into his lap as they order some shots, not getting really drunk because they 'don't need to be drunk to have a good time' as he hops off with Louis to the dance floor with some other people. And Harry won't comment on that, not today, it's Louis' birthday, they're just having fun, and he's just watching over them. It's not their fault that his presence wasn't even planned.

When they get back, all giggles, pushing Louis on the stool and hugging him from behind as Harry lights the candle. Zayn presses a kiss to the back of Louis' head before he's placing his chin on Louis' shoulder and whispering to him to make a wish. And they're not eating yet until Zayn pushes his gift to Louis' hands and asking him to open it up. And it's exactly like he imagined it would be until Louis gets to the last box, opening it to find a bracelet, matched with Zayn's, because even if he doesn't like it, there's a small half a heart and an eye attached to the bracelet that makes him smiles widely, eyes filled with fond as Zayn closes it around his wrist, standing between his legs as he wraps his hands around Louis' neck, placing a lingering soft kiss to his forehead, and Louis smiles as he holds Zayn's hips before Zayn is pulling back slightly.

"Happy birthday my sweet little cupcake"

And Harry definitely doesn't want to put it in mind. He wouldn’t want to think about the way Zayn and Louis look at each other because he doesn’t want to think about the 'why can't he' and fill his mind with a thought that isn't new to him at all, because he knows from the people cooing at them that they think they're a couple. And he's pretty much sure that half of the things they do are too obvious to anyone else but them, and Harry should know they're just brothers, that the amount of affection isn’t something new to them, but he feels suffocated, and he can't bear to sit there anymore, because Louis screams everything he can never have, and he feels like the third wheel, like an intruder in a place he shouldn’t be, and maybe it's right, because Zayn wouldn't change the fond look on his face, and the soft smile he'd seen him giving Niall once doesn't compare to this.

Nobody compares to Louis in Zayn's mind. Harry knows that, but he can't accept it. And Zayn doesn't even give him half of his attention that Harry doubts if it was his birthday instead and Louis was present, nothing would change. And Zayn also doesn't notice the change in his behavior at all. Not when they're done and driving Louis home because he's too busy engaging in conversation with him, and that smile isn't wiped off his face for the rest of the ride, and Harry wonders the reason why Zayn didn't get out of the car following Louis.

Zayn doesn’t notice until Harry is walking into the house without a word to him, not waiting him to follow, and he even slammed the car door with unnecessary force, and he frowns.

"Something wrong?"

"Everything is wrong" Harry mumbles.

"What? Harry … wait" He calls after him, "I don't understand"

Harry stops and turns to him, "What exactly do I have that Louis doesn’t?" Zayn just blinks at him in confusion, "Sex? Is that it? Because I remember it's isn't even a thing for you to flaunt about"

"What?" The crease between Zayn's brows deepens.

"You can't even see it" He shakes his head, "You're the perfect couple, Zayn. Everything you do, every time you touch, every word you speak. He gets everything!"

"He's my brother!" Zayn yells, "You're jealous of my brother?! Are you out of your mind?!"

Harry stares at him, unimpressed, because out of everything, Zayn would defend him. "And what am I to you?"

"You're my boyfriend" Zayn sighs, "Are you drunk?"

If he's drunk then Zayn wouldn’t be standing where he is right now, Harry is sure. But he waits, if Zayn is ever going to say it, if he's ever going to tell him about his feelings, but it doesn't come, it never comes. "And?"

"And?" Zayn repeats in confusion.

"You can't even say it, Zayn! You can go around and utter those words to anyone! Literally anyone you want to fall in your trap! You even expressed your feelings to Niall! And you still can't say them to me?" Zayn's mouth parts and closes a couple of times and Harry just knew it, "I honestly don't know why you're still here" Zayn's eyes go wide, "Is this just another game of yours? To get what you want? Because you found an easy fund-"

"Don't" Zayn warns, "I knew you long before I even know about your fucking money, and don't you dare call me a slut again!"

And Harry shuts up, because he knows he's blabbering nonsense, he should know that Zayn isn’t, but … "Where are we going then? Because I can't stand and watch you two interact like you do. I hate it. I hate him. And every little thing he gets that I don't is another stab to my heart"

What should Zayn focus on? That Harry hates Louis? Or the fact that he's hurting Harry by being close to Louis? Because he can't push Louis away, he'd literally break, Harry needs to understand that. He can't be jealous of Louis, they'd been together for a life time, and Zayn can't throw him away.

"You knew just how much I'm close to Louis long before you pushed us in this" He says in a quiet tone.

"I pushed us?" Harry raises his brows.

"I let you go but you came back!"

"Right. Because it's always like that" Harry smiles bitterly, "You backing away, and me trying"

"I'm trying!" Zayn protests. "You're pushing me to the edge! I told you I can't jump so high like you do!"

"Then you're staying? You can't even take a risk for me?"

"Not when you're asking me to give up my entire life!" Zayn yells and Harry stares at him.

"So he's your entire life? See? I'm nothing to you"

Zayn sighs, rubbing his face with his hands before he looks up at Harry again, "I care for you"

"Clearly not enough"

"You told me that day that you don't mind being inferior to Louis"

"I lied!" Harry throws his hands in the air, "I thought I can get to you. I thought I can push him away and fully have your heart. But you obviously would pick him over anyone … Go fuck him, Zayn. End this cycle and choose for once"

Zayn blinks at him, eyes wide again, and Harry turns his head to the other side, and maybe Harry would have noticed how Zayn's posture goes calm in seconds, face growing blank as he stares at him. He might have noticed how the spark fades in his eyes. But Zayn won't break in front of Harry. Not when he is clearly breaking up with him. And this is what he does best. He's an excellent actor at hiding his feelings.

"Well, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want" He says quietly, body retreating to the door, and Harry doesn't hear an engine, doesn't hear the faint clank as Zayn places his phone and keys on the table next to the door. All that he can hear is his own heartbeat in his ears, and he grabs the first thing close to him –which happens to be a vase– and throws it at the wall across from him, head falling between his crossed arms on his knees as he slides to the ground. He's so tired of the ups and downs in their relationship.

_At least he ended the cycle, right?_

=====

The sleep doesn't take over Louis yet before he hears the sound of the door being opened, and soon enough, there're footsteps getting closer and he sits up with furrowed brows as Zayn comes in view.

"We share our parts of heartbreaks, right?"

And Zayn breaks then, because it's Louis, because he's the only one who'd been picking up the pieces of his broken self. And Louis doesn't say anything, just takes him in his arms until Zayn is too tired and hurt and he falls asleep in Louis' bed.

And a minute doesn't pass before there's knocking on the front door, and Louis leaves Zayn for a minute.

"Where's he?" Harry asks irritatingly as he glares at Louis who sighs.

"Go home, Harry"

"Not until I see him" He tries to get inside but Louis blocks his way.

"Listen" Louis starts, "I'm not allowing you to see him right now. You don't get to break him and talk to him afterwards this fast"

"It would solve things" Harry says between gritted teeth.

"No, it won’t. Because clearly you've messed up big time, and this can't be solved like this"

Harry takes a deep breath, "Look, I'm this close" He motions with a little space between two fingers, "To punching you in the face. So get the fuck out of my way"

"Do it" Louis says nonchalantly, a challenging look in his eyes, "I dare you" He opens the door, spreading his arms, "See how on earth are you getting him back after that"

And Harry clenches his jaw and fists because Louis is correct. Louis means the world to Zayn, and he can really end the cycle by doing that. And Louis drops his arms to his side again, closing the door in his face because Harry can't do anything. And Harry punches the wall until his hands draw blood on his way out and feels his knuckles breaking, because he's an idiot who came rushing after Zayn not so long after he left, and Zayn leaving his keys and phone must mean that he isn't coming back, and he can't do much but wait, staring into the ceiling as he lies on the couch.

He doesn't get a blink of a sleep, and he doesn't even notice it's 10 am until his phone vibrates from his side, and he finds an unfamiliar number that he texted before, and he realizes that it's not unfamiliar, and he wasn't the one who texted it, it was Zayn, and it's Louis, giving him an address and a text following it.

_-Meet me in 10._

=====

"I'm going to say this once because you two are giving me a hell of a headache. And stop glaring at me, I should be doing that. If you really think you're being possessive over him, you haven’t seen me yet. And you're going to sit and listen till the end of this if you want him back, and don't ever think I can't pick up the pieces that you'll leave because I'm very much capable of that, and you can really see the other side of my face if you ever tried to contact him again. Are we clear?"

Well … Harry is shocked. For a small person like Louis, he's very intimidating. Not that he wasn't expecting that. Louis and Zayn are very protective of each other.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that you still have a higher position that I do?"

"I don't care if it does or doesn’t" Louis replies coldly, and Harry sighs deeply.

"How's he?"

"Horrible because of you, if that makes you feel worse" He smiles at him and Harry glares at him, he doesn't need to remind him of that, "But judging from your state, he's way better than you. And it's not something I haven't seen before, and trust me, I've seen worse" Harry mentally winces at that. "He's asleep by now" Good. At least he can sleep. Another reminder to Harry that he's got Louis by his side and he's got no one. "I do not tolerate anyone messing with his heart but if I know one thing, it's that he has feelings for you, and that's all I'm gonna say, because either way, you'd want to hear it from him not me, and it's not my place to say anything. But let me tell you that if I hear you calling him a slut one more time-"

"I didn't mean it" Harry mumbles. Because he never means it, not a single word coming out of his mouth when he's yelling at Zayn is true. He's just mainly frustrated and can't think properly with the thought of Zayn not being with him is present.

"I don't care. I'll chop your balls off then feed the rest of your body to stray dogs starting with your head"

Harry sighs. This seems more like a contract sort of thing. "Alright. When can I see him?"

"I'm not done yet" Louis fixes him with an unimpressed look, "I can accept you as a friend. You should accept me as one too if you want this to go on. Seriously, I have never gone to such extent with someone before, and if your stupid mind can't figure it out then may you burn in hell"

"Wow, what a beautiful start for a friendship" Harry replies sarcastically.

"He cares about you" Louis ignore him, "Your jealousy is making sense, I won't say it doesn't. Everyone who tries to approach him hates me to be honest, but I'm his family. You cannot even imagine the situations we went through together, and if you think that Zayn trusts me blindly, think again"

Harry furrows his brows, "You? He'd literally do anything for you"

Louis sighs, leaning back in his chair, "Zayn has trust issues. I do not go over the line. Yes, he loves me dearly, but he can never fully trust anyone. You are no different, and you're not giving him his time to adjust"

"What?!"

"Imagine those who'd been the closest to you entering your room one night and destroying every bit of hope you had left. You think it's easy for him?"

"I know he had a rough childhood"

"Good" Louis nods, "Did you also know that he almost committed suicide because he thought I'm lying to him?"

Harry widen his eyes, "What?!"

"Not too long after you settled down together. You should be thankful I got there in time, because where were you?" Harry opens his mouth but nothing comes out. _Zayn did what? Why? How was he supposed to know?_ "Too busy figuring your feelings for him? Or too busy trying to push me away? Go ahead, break him more"

Harry blinks at Louis, "Why?"

"When Zayn cares for someone, he prefers them on himself, Harry. And he's sometimes insecure about his self-worth compared to those he care about. You and I are involved. Link the pieces together"

 _You and I. He's important. Fuck. Harry knows that, but Zayn going for suicide for them? Lowering his self-worth?_ He exhales deeply, putting his face in his hands for a second.

"You seem pretty casual about the whole thing"

"Wasn't the first time" Louis replies, "Although I did get a heart attack. I do love him, you know?"

Harry puts his hands down, alright. Trust issues, insecurities, he can try with that ... _What can he possibly do? How is Louis handling that? Fuck. He needs Louis' help_. And it's probably why Louis is sitting across from him now, because he obviously knows that Harry is stuck, he knows he's doing everything wrong, but he's still here, helping him. _For Zayn_. And this should be craved deeply into Harry's mind. _Louis wouldn’t be here if Zayn doesn’t care_.

"It's not about positions, Harry. There's never such a thing from Zayn's perspective. He'd tell you that if you asked but you don't know him that much, and you're not supposed to take every word he says into account. Sometimes he's scared, he won’t show it because this is what we do, Harry, we act, we're used to this, we're used to hide our feelings. Push him, but not too much. He won't hate you for it, he doesn't. But if he won't say it then know he's asking for time. Eventually, Zayn does it without pressure, when he feels your trust in him, when he knows that he can give you what you want, but also" Louis raises a finger, "I'd kill you if you ever made him shut down on himself or if I ever sensed you're trying to pull a thread that you shouldn’t. Zayn might have done plenty of things before but that doesn't mean he enjoys it. Don't make him uncomfortable"

"And stop comparing yourself to me" Louis continues, "We're not alike, and Zayn won't see us alike, ever. As much as Zayn won't admit it, until his mind is settled on accepting his heart, you're present, and that's all you need to know for now"

"Hard to believe he'd be mad at you if you told me"

"He will, but he won't hate me for it, and the next day, he'll forget about it, but it won't benefit you" He smirks, "My boy is always a 'hard to get' and you'd be an idiot if you didn't win him over"

Harry huffs a laugh and nods, "Can I see him now?"

"No" Louis stands up and Harry furrows his brows, "Think about what I said first. I'm giving you only one chance, and I give zero fucks if Zayn wanted to give you more" He points a finger at Harry, "Screw up and watch your life turn to hell" He smiles again, like he knows exactly what Zayn's presence in his life means, and Harry sighs, settling on waiting again until Louis gives his permission like he's asking his fifteen year-old son out on a date.

But Louis is right, he can't go to Zayn with one answer, and Louis isn't giving him more, and he's also right about that. Because if Louis provided him with answers every time, Zayn wouldn't see him as anything more. He needs those answers by himself if he really wants to stop the cycle, and this time, for good.

=====

Zayn feels something continuously moving on the bed, nibbling softly at his fingers, then there's something furry next to his face and he groans, turning his head to press it into the pillows more.

"Lou … Stop" He mumbles sleepily and Harry smiles, waiting for Zayn to flutter his eyes open. Watching as his brows furrow in confusion and annoyance as his view becomes clearer, staring at the two rabbits trying to snuggle to him, and his first instinct is to move his hand to pet one of them before his brows are furrowing again and he's turning his head towards him.

"I believe they're probably going to win your heart before I even try to, but … I'm here to apologize if you'll hear me"

Zayn doesn't reply, he turns again, hands stroking the grey rabbit while the other slightly bigger brown rabbit tries to remove Zayn's hands and gets under them instead making a smile creep on his face.

_One chance. Harry can't mess up._

"I insulted you, more than once, and I know you're not doing it anymore, but if I'm being honest, the first time I ever saw you with Louis, I envied your bond so much. I've never experienced it, and you two are not even blood related-"

"It was never about blood" Zayn interrupts quietly.

"Right. I'm not gonna lie, Louis talked to me to get me here, but that doesn’t mean I didn't try before, he just wouldn’t let me in … I know already why, but I just wanted you to know that I did not stop thinking about us"

"He told me" Zayn replies and turns to him, "You don’t hate him anymore?"

"It's hard to when he's the one helping me to get you back" Zayn takes a deep breath and sits up slowly, the rabbits jumping in his lap almost immediately, and if Zayn isn't smiling because of him, at least he _is_ smiling. "I don't know if I'm going to ever stop trying to surpass him, but I love you, and I care deep enough to want more with you, from you, for you" He pauses, watching Zayn petting the rabbits quietly, "I was afraid of losing you to another, Zayn. Louis is a big wall in front of me that I wanted to break but … I'm sorry I didn't know it was protecting you"

"Please don't run away" He pleads and Zayn looks up, "I couldn't live with the thought of losing you but I let my frustration out, and instead of trying to pull you closer, I pushed you away. I wanted you, and I don't know if I'm able to leave you for another"

"You wouldn't let me go if I didn't want you?"

"Do you?" Harry asks, "Because I know I'm not reading the signs wrong" He pauses, "And I'm not very proud to say this but … Is Louis also wrong about this?" Zayn smiles and looks down at the rabbits in his lap again, "Zayn …" He waits until he looks up at him again, "I know I hurt you, I must've broke your heart, but trust me, I was hurting myself more with each blow I aimed towards you, and if my looks aren’t saying anything then you must be still having a blurry vision from sleeping which is something that I greatly lack" Zayn smiles slightly, avoiding his eyes and glancing down again, "I'm just saying that if you want to get your frustration out on someone then let it be me" He spreads his arms, "I don't mind. And I would never lay a hand on you, and I promise that starting from today, I'm never allowing a single crack in your heart. I'll die before that happens again. You keep my sanity and my heart and I don't want them back"

Zayn stares at him for a moment, the rabbits getting annoyed at him stopping his movements and hopping off his lap, and Harry waits. He's got this one chance and he's not sure if he's passing or not, but at least Zayn is allowing him to speak. _Isn't that a sign of acceptance?_

And Zayn moves, Harry doesn't care if he's planning to slap him, punch him if it makes him feel better, or yell at him. But he's calm, and when Harry closes his eyes, the first thing that gets attached to his body is Zayn's lips on his, and his arms fall around his waist as he feels Zayn's body weight drop on his lap, arms linking behind his neck, and it's soft and sweet like each time Zayn wants to kiss him lovingly, and Harry doesn't want words anymore. He doesn't mind waiting another three years for Zayn to fully adjust as long as they're progressing. His life made it very clear that Zayn is a center pillar in it and it would crumble down if Zayn moved out. He did not come this far to mess things up.

"Are we keeping them?" Zayn whispers against his lips when he pulls back and Harry is in a daze for a second before he realizes he's talking about the rabbits, and he knows that Zayn would probably be more excited about them if he didn't just wake up.

 _We_ rings in his ears beautifully.

"Anything you want" Zayn smiles and moves so his head is resting on Harry's chest and Harry places a kiss on the top of his head. "What are you naming them?" He looks at the rabbits, "The little grey one looks like you" He whispers, "He's a bit shy, so he's mini Zee?"

Zayn smiles wider when he sees the brown rabbit trying to cover the grey one, "And the other is mini you?" He whispers back, "He seems protective of the little one"

Harry smiles, "Always will"

Zayn shifts again to look at him, "Take me home"

 _Home_.

Harry is certain his heart is bursting right now.

"Sure"

=====

"So …" Harry looks up from his book to see a smiling Zayn approaching him, "Louis told me you helped him today"

"Sounded like he needed help" He shrugs.

"Willingly?" Zayn raises his brows.

"As much as I'm sure his eyes alone can fire laser, yes, I didn't mind"

Zayn laughs, reaching the bed and straddling his lap, picking the book slowly before he's leaning in to kiss him softly, "Thank you" He pulls back slightly, "I'm assuming you're not studying?"

"No …"

Zayn places the book to the side, "Is it irrational to say that I want to have sex with you right now?"

Harry smirks, "Not at all"

Zayn leans in again, hands cupping Harry's face as Harry's own reach to stroke the skin from his legs to his thighs, exposed because Zayn isn't wearing anything but Harry's shirt, and Harry loves it, how Zayn basically doesn't wear his own clothes unless he's going out, and even when Louis is around it doesn't matter because Louis had seen him before like this and is comfortable around him, and Harry lowers his jealousy parameter around him because it's actually ridiculous. And Louis might not be a bad person after all, not that he was but to Harry, he was unbearable.

His hands reach Zayn's ass, squeezing slightly before he's wrapping them around his waist and turning them over so he's on top of him. And he doesn't need to slide his tongue more than once over Zayn's bottom lip for him to open up, swirling it inside and feeling Zayn's body shifting beneath him, and when he pulls out, Zayn's eyes are darker.

"Rim me"

"Anything you want, Baby" Harry kisses him one more time before he's unbuttoning Zayn's shirt –or his actually– and kissing down his chest, hearing Zayn whine and he pulls at his hair when Harry kisses the inside of his thighs, already impatient, and Harry allows his head to be pulled back for Zayn to sit up, taking off the shirt completely and turning on his stomach.

"Is this position fine with you?"

"Yes" Zayn replies, shifting his hips and raising his ass in the air, and Harry takes a moment to appreciate his view that gets Zayn turning his head to look at him over his shoulder, "Are you going to stare at me all day?" Tone with a hint of annoyance, and Harry doesn't miss how his cock is laid on the sheets hard already.

"You look beautiful in every position, baby. Of course I have to take a moment to admire you" And before he gets to touch him, Zayn's hips are moving in obscene shapes that leaves Harry gaping for a moment. "I love how you beg with your body" And he doesn't want to tease Zayn more, so he takes off his own shirt, hands sliding on Zayn's thighs again, rubbing at his sides and trailing on his back, watching how it arches beautifully, before he grabs his ass cheeks and spreads them apart, hearing Zayn release a sigh of relief before Harry is licking slowly from his balls, pressing on his perineum and hearing a little moan from Zayn before his tongue is circling his hole, thumbs opening it up for it to go inside.

Zayn gasps, head falling on the pillow and hands clutching at the sheets as he feels Harry's tongue entering him slowly, in and out in slow rhythm before he's adding more pressure and going deeper, and he feels Harry's nose at his skin, lips sucking as he retreats before going in again, and when he starts swirling it inside, pushing at every part of him, a broken moan escapes him and Harry pulls out.

"Is that alright?"

"Yes, fuck, Harry. Yes, just-" He gasps again when Harry enters him again, tongue darting in and out quickly, flattening to spread him, and he never likes it too fast or too rough, but Harry is just doing it right, hitting his sweet spots every time, and he feels himself close, hole clenching on Harry, and his head burying itself more in the pillow, hips moving to get more friction on his cock between his body and the sheets, and he's about to come when Harry pulls out again leaving him a whining mess.

Harry moves so his head is next to Zayn's and watch him raise his head slowly to look at him. "Want to come from my tongue or my cock?"

 _Is this even a question?_ Zayn wants _both_. "Your tongue" He manages to get out breathlessly, and Harry kisses his cheek before he's back between his legs again, and Zayn doesn't last for more than a minute, spilling his load on the sheets beneath him, and Harry keeps his tongue inside for a few more seconds until he's pulling out slowly, his hands are the only thing keeping Zayn's hips still up until he's carefully laying him to the side.

"Fuck your wicked tongue"

Harry grins, "I'll take that as a compliment" Leaving the bed and taking off the rest of his clothes before he's sitting back on the bed, and Zayn definitely eyes his hard shaft as Harry strokes himself lazily, pulling hard and teasing his tip and Zayn pushes himself on his elbow.

"Stop" Harry turns to look at him, face flushed and breath still somewhat not normal and stops, "What are you doing? I'm right here and you're jerking yourself off?" Harry opens his mouth and furrows his brows. "Stop staring at me and get your dick inside my ass"

Harry huffs a laughs then, "You're up for a second round this fast?"

Zayn bites his lip. His hole is sensitive, he's well aware of his own body, but he wants Harry's cock too, and he knows Harry wants it too, and maybe he normally doesn't, but even though Harry's tongue is amazing, he wants that deep full feeling inside of him, and his hole clenches with that thought.

"Do I have to repeat myself?"

Harry grins, reaching next to him to grab the condom and the bottle of lube and Zayn pushes himself up on his hands and knees. Harry raises his brows again.

"I thought you don't like this position?"

Zayn blushes and avoids his gaze, "Not entirely"

Harry smiles, kissing his cheek again and trailing his hands down Zayn's abdomen, feeling his back arch again and his breathing hitching slightly, "Are you sure? Because I doubt your hands and knees can keep up with me" Zayn turns to him again, a playful glare in his eyes before he's looking down, and Harry watches his eyelashes fluttering before he's flopping on his back.

Harry kisses him quickly, trailing his lips on his jawline and neck, hands gripping his thighs again to spread them, and he pulls back to get the bottle of lube, pouring some on his fingers and pushing two inside, Zayn's hole already stretched out some from his tongue minutes ago and Zayn moans at the feeling, eyes falling shut and head tilted backwards. Hands reaching for Harry's arms to grip on when he leans forward again to suck at his neck. It's not long before Harry inserts another finger, and Zayn's body is becoming more adapting to him by now, so he pulls his fingers away, sitting up so he roll the condom on himself and Zayn watches him with hooded eyes.

"Fuck me without a condom"

Harry looks at him for a second before he's throwing the condom away and lubricating his length. Aligning it with Zayn's hole before he's pushing in slowly, loving the feeling of how Zayn's hole stretches around him, and keeps pushing inside until Zayn's back is arching off the bed again, lips parted silently and eyelashes fluttering again when he's all the way in.

He starts with a slow rhythm, just the way Zayn likes it, and the ability to feel Zayn's insides without a condom is amazing, and Zayn feels the same, feels Harry's precome deep inside of him as he thrusts slowly, and his body is accustomed to Harry, and he finds himself wanting more.

So he pulls at Harry's hair to lift his head from his neck, and Harry kisses him a couple of times before Zayn is pulling harder at his hair.

"Go faster"

Harry kisses him again, "Are you sure?" And a part of him loves the way Harry asks him this every single time. To make sure Zayn isn't in pain, to make sure he's having a good time, and Zayn clenches down on him, and watches how Harry bites his bottom lip when he does.

"And harder"

Harry kisses him again before he's pulling away, angling his hips to go for Zayn's prostates and does exactly what Zayn told him to. Thrusting his hips faster and harder, but not too hard, not a blurry movement, when he can still hear the sounds their bodies make when they contact, and he knows Zayn is enjoying it when he moan louder, face scrunched in pleasure, and he likes this more sexually comfortable Zayn, to know that he trusts him enough to go at a higher tempo, but still not wild enough, still having self-control.

"Fuck, Harry. Touch me!"

And Harry complies. Leaning in and kissing Zayn, absorbing his noises, and reaching a hand between them to stroke Zayn. Feeling Zayn's hands grip at his arms again before he's clenching tightly around him and Harry pulls out almost all the way but Zayn's legs wrap around him and he pushes him inside again.

"Baby, I'm gonna come"

"Come inside of me"

"Fuck" Harry hisses as he thrusts back in, Zayn moaning again as he reaches his orgasm, and Harry gives a couple hard thrust before he's stilling, spilling his load inside of him then moving slower through his orgasm. Zayn's legs unwrap from around him and his arms fall next to his head on the pillow, and Harry pulls out slowly before he's sitting on his heels and catching his breath, loving his view, with Zayn sprawled in front of him and his cum leaking from his hole.

"Are you alright?"

Zayn opens his eyes to look at him and smiles. Harry would never stop asking him that, and he doesn't want him to stop asking him that. "Yes. You didn't hurt me, and that … was the best sex of my life"

Harry smiles and gets up, "Good"

"You're disappointing me" Zayn pouts when Harry returns with a towel to clean him. "You're supposed to say it back"

And Harry definitely bites his tongue for this one. Zayn doesn't say anything back. But this is progress, right? He won't push him. He promised him that much, and he's willing to keep that promise. So he kisses him instead and smiles.

"You're not only the best sex in my life, Zayn. You're literally the best thing to ever happen to exist in my life"

And Zayn blushes again, giving him a shy smile. And Harry picks him up for a bath, and they splash water at each other and play with the bubbles before Zayn is straddling his lap again and they end up sharing lazy kisses. And Zayn loves wet Harry just as much as Harry loves wet Zayn. And there's another round of course because of that.

=====

Harry gets a text from Zayn asking him to meet him in five minutes, and it's the first time Zayn has ever visited his campus, and it's a bit weird for Zayn to know which room is empty at that time, but Harry doesn't ask, because if Zayn is willing to say it now he will, and if not then it's later, because he's not pushing him.

It's a small stage room, and he finds Zayn on his phone on top of the stage when he enters. He smiles at him and asks him to close the door behind him.

"What are we doing?"

"Take a seat" Zayn answers instead and Harry does, watching as Zayn connects his phone to another device. "I've recorded the instruments before a hand so I'm capable of just singing along with it"

"You're … singing?"

Zayn presses something on his phone and he holds the mic stand. "I don't do well with a crowd, so it's just you" _Harry is more than happy to be just him_. The music starts and Zayn looks at him again, a shy expression on his face with a soft smile, "I wrote this for you"

 _Some nerve you have_  
_To break up my lonely, and tell me you want me_  
_How dare you march into my heart?_  
_Oh, how rude of you_  
_To ruin my miserable, And tell me I'm beautiful_  
_'Cause I wasn't looking for love, no_  
_Nobody asked you to get me attached to you_  
_In fact you tricked me_  
_And I wasn't trying to fall in love but, boy, you pushed me_  
_So all that I'm asking, Is that you handle me with caution_  
_'Cause I don't give myself often, But I guess I'll try today_  
  
_'Cause I've had my heart, Broken before_  
_And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore_  
_But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors_  
_And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours_  
_Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours_  
_Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours_  
_But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors_  
_And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours_  
  
_I'm mad at you, For being so cute_  
_And changing my mood, And altering my route_  
_What's wrong with you?_  
_You make me sick for being so perfect_  
_What did I do? What can I do, oh?_  
_And I wasn't trying, To melt this heart of iron_  
_But the way you hold me makes the old me pass away_  
_And I would be lying, If I said I wasn't scared to fall again_  
_But if you promise me you'll catch me, Then it's okay_  
  
_'Cause I've had my heart, Broken before_  
_And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore_  
_But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors_  
_And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours_  
_Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours_  
_Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours_  
_But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors_  
_And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours_  
  
_Oh, I hate that I_  
_Spend my days just wasting time day dreaming 'til I see you again_  
_I'm not used to this_  
_Oh, I used to be so used to boys just using me_  
_For you to be you to me, Feels new to me_  
_'Cause I usually cheer for the bad side_  
_Love under a bad sign_  
_So it makes me mad I'm, Falling again, Falling again_  
  
_But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors_  
_And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours_  
_Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours_  
_Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours_  
_But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors_  
_And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours_  
_Oh, baby, I'm yours_

Zayn stops and Harry has to clap for him. The deep voice, the high notes, the falsettos. To hear it now in front of him, clearer, a song for him, it's too much to be honest. The way Zayn expresses his feelings in music instead, he doesn't mind, he really doesn’t. He's not pushing Zayn, and he knows that even if he doesn’t get to hear it everyday, and while he secretly hopes Zayn has a recorded version of this, he wants it filmed, he doesn't mind that too. He wouldn't ask if he's the first to hear it or not, he's not going to ask since when Zayn thought of it, because it's about him, and it's enough. Zayn's attempts are not going in vain. He went through all this trouble inside his college for him after all.

"What on earth are you doing wasting such talent?"

"I'm not good with a crowd" Zayn repeats.

"I'm pretty sure they're going to love you" He stands up and walks to the stage. Zayn gets his phone back and lowers himself so he's sitting at the edge.

"So you don't mind sharing me with the world?"

Harry smiles and shakes his head, "If this is what you want, I'm never stopping you. And I know at the end of the day I'm the one who gets to have you, so …" He shrugs and Zayn laughs, going for a light kick.

"I wrote it about you" He says more quietly.

"So you're going to call me pet names in your songs now? I like it"

Zayn laughs again, "I'm going to call you pet names outside my songs too, babe"

Harry raises his brows, "I'm going to miss the way you pronounce my name in your cute accent" Zayn cocks an eyebrow, "You have a cute accent, don't fight me on this" Zayn rolls his eyes and allows Harry to get him down and kisses him. "I'm proud of you. I'm with you in every step of the way. I'm never letting you go" He whispers and kisses him again and when Zayn pulls back, he can see the faint blush on his cheeks as he smiles softly at him.

"Harry-"

Harry kisses him quickly, "See? Adorable"

Zayn shoves him playfully, "Stop it"

"What? I do love the way you call my name"

"Harry-"

He gets interrupted for a second time, and even though he doesn't sound really irritated when Harry kisses him again, he still bangs his fist on Harry's chest as a protest. And if sex inside the campus wasn't such an unpleasant memory, he wouldn't have minded taking things to another level right here and now if Zayn was up for it. But Zayn looks soft as he pulls away, sexy but soft, and he has to stare as he whispers his next words.

"I wasn't kidding"

Zayn smiles again, a different spark in his eyes as he giggles, hiding his face in Harry's chest for a moment before he's pulling back again and staring up at him. And Harry loves it, he loves him, he'd say it more than ten times a day, and he'd accept Zayn's smile as an answer. And he wants to treasure this moment, to capture the spark in Zayn's beautiful eyes. Because as much as they're capable of landing a deathly arrow towards him, they're his safe place as well. And Harry is pretty sure his entire world stops just around Zayn. How his eyes are big and sparkling, around the way his lips move, and Harry isn't sure if he wants to press the play button again when Zayn actually speaks up.

"I love you"

=====

**A/N**

**IT'S FINISHED!!**

**I can't believe I finished this! You guys are so lovely! Thanks so much for everyone who's been here through the entire thing, and I'm really sorry for the long wait! I love you all <3**

**Feel free to tell me what you think here or at my[Tumblr](http://fluffypiecake.tumblr.com).**


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